If I had to go and count the number of drafts I've crafted in the last couple of months, but not dared to share, you'd believe that I was keeping to my promise of writing daily. Okay, weekly. But I wrote.

For a person like me who writes to make sense of the voices in her head, its difficult to write when I'm in the middle of something. I need to be able to detach myself from the situation and be able to write about it.

When I came to the states to work and then to study, I wanted to capture everything. All the firsts, all the lasts. But the way this year has shaped up, its been difficult to write. It's been difficult to, in a way, face my thoughts. But with the year ending, I want to. Write it all down. Face all of it. Move on. So I won't start from the start, but from where it's the easiest to start talking again.

Going to school (Yes, I call it 'school' too now that I am in amreeka), is a completely different experience here. The campus is sprawling. This being the first time I've stayed away from home, the luxury to go for a walk at any time I please, is awesome!! The yellow lights against a pure limestone landscape are breathtaking. Should you decide to walk past the music school, even in the wee hours of the morning, you'll find yourself wanting to pause and sit - because there'll be that one artist who is still practicing.

The one thing that I was really worried about when applying to schools here was that I'd end up having a crush on all my professors. Kinda became a reality :) I came for inspiration, and I found it. One guy, gives out free candy!!

There's free movie screenings on campus, basketball and football games, "downtown" to explore, starbucks around every corner, and an awesome recreational sports facility. There's a 13 floor library (no calvin and hobbes though, I checked), a "graduate lounge" where us grad-students can study/sleep, university fight songs to learn, and so much more.

It's only December, but I'm already excited for my parents and sister to visit me around graduation in May! More coming up soon.

Be good you guys.

I sent it back today. All of it. I gave my Detroit address instead of my actual apartment address because I do not want it shipped back. I hope he doesn't do something like ship it back.

The tears will come. They'll come when the sun has set completely and no one can see them. When its just me, in bed. When the reality of a persons absence will hit with full force and knock me over. I didn't get a chance to say goodbye. I didn't get a chance to try to hold on. For once in my life, I would have tried, and I wasn't given the chance. I don't know why - I wasn't told. Nothing was explained, there were no apologies. Just one single statement of "fact". And the rest of it is left up to me. Assumptions. Presumptions. Whatever will tire you enough to put you to sleep.

I miss Novato. I miss the people. They were nice people. Can you believe that talk about "parallel parking" can make you smile and then extremely sad? Parallel parking? Parallel parking! Parallel parking. Proof enough that I am holding it together by a thread, I guess.

I think too much. You think you think too much, but don't realize how much until your mom tells you at least TEN times before seeing you off at the airport, to "chill and relax and have fun". That's when you realize how much you think.

Watch Friends with Benefits. It's awesome-o. Might make you smile.

I hate this helpless feeling. This horrible horrible feeling that makes you look at the phone every 5 minutes to check if there's a message/email. This terrible feeling when you realize it was the trick of light on the screen of the phone, and not an attempt by someone to get in touch with you.

They're walking in the rain together- he doesn't let go of her hand even though its becoming difficult to hold on to the umbrella. It's impractical but he hadn't seen her in a week- and the feeling of having her hand in his was nothing compared to the slight inconvenience of getting slightly wet. Normal. Regular.

There's a weird sense of freedom that comes from knowing I want to write again. Not sure how long this will last - or if I'm really back - or if this post will be longer than just a couple of sentences: but for now its gooood!!