So,

First: I fall asleep with my contacts on because I hadn't slept much last night and was ill.

Second: I didn't even know I'd done (First) until two hours after having woken up, I rub my eyes to find something on my hand.

Third: I finally realize what had happened, dig into my other eye to find the other lens, turn up with nothing.

Fourth: I DO find it after an hour, but it had dried up. And because it was due to be replaced, tore.

Five: After five minutes of contact lens tearing, my only pair of spectacles snap into two. Just like that.

An exam-like thing tomorrow, nothing to see with, and they weren't reading glasses so I'm practically blind.

Me thinks bad things are to happen. And this is how I won't be able to see them happen. Unless of course these bad things plan to stick themselves in my face.

Can't wait!

I just read the title I'd entered, and if you read it without pausing at the comma, or not venture further and read the post, it sounds damn funny.

For someone who hasn't hated another person ever(Yes, never), for someone whose hatred extended to only brinjals till now, this rush of anger towards her country comes as a gargantuan shock that is accompanied by uneasiness. Specially, when this "she" is so determined to only look at the upside of things.

I crumpled today mornings Hindu and stamped on it too. This was after I'd read the first para on the front page on the "support that Tamil Nadu has shown for the Sri Lankan tamils". Support, my ass.

The "youth" from my college who took part in this "human chain" formation on a day when Chennai was flooded, had been locked up in college and later hog tied into forming a part of this chain. Locked, literally not figuratively. Hog tied, literally not figuratively.

After which by the by, I spent four hours getting home from college. FOUR FUCKIN' hours. Traffic inched every half an hour, all the way from Parrys to Chrompet. Over ever fuckin' flyover. And every "back road" there exists across residential areas. On top of that an irritating female on the bus hogged my seat, so I had to stand. Wet, hungry and hence low on sugar, standing. Four hours. Hitting head on the pole helped a little. If I hadn't had my I-pod with me, I'd have considered trying to suicide myself by jumping into the river that had formed at Guindy.

He could have done this chain forming along the damn beach- we have one of the longest beaches in Asia, after all. He could have formed the damn chain after issuing a bandh of some sort. He could have done ANYTHING that did not involve making people stand in the pouring rain, blocking 75% of the city at rush hour, for over ten hours.

THIS is not how you show support for anything. By making an issue as sensitive as this a political game, is not how you put in your two cents towards resolving it. THIS is why India should come a bi-party government. THIS is why coalition governments are more dangerous than the ones that are run by one party.

All you do DO is make people like me who believed there was hope, turn into bigger cynics.

SG.

The slight drizzle we had yesterday prompted the government to take swift action and declare a holiday for schools and colleges. No sooner than it struck ten that the sky cleared up. It would to be seven o' clock in the evening before the Gods decided to weep again.

It poured cats and dogs all night leaving the city in knee deep water. It continued to pour other animals too, so much so, that knee deep soon became chest- hurting- can't-see-a-thing-umbrella-flying-drive-at-15-kmph four hours of rain that just refused to let up.

Still with smiles on our faces, wet to our bones we turned up promptly at eight thirty of the pre-placement talk at CEG ( both my college and CEG have placements together at CEG, we're one university now)- Google was coming! Sure, only a handful of us would get in, but it'd be a super cool experience. It was google after all!

They started their ppt at around ten ish- two phrases that I would take back with me from that one hour I spent with them, because of their frequent occurence as part of the "culture at google" were- "work ethic" and "do not be evil". The Professor in charge very kindly read out the names of students elligble to attend the first round of screenly- no MIT student was short listed. Criteria to attend the company- CGPA above 8. Did I have that much? Yes. I have 9.1 Did the fifteen other people with me meet with their criteria? Yes, each and every one of them did.

Supremely pissed off and thinking that the professors in charge had taken their partiality towards CEG students too far, I asked the guy in charge why none of our names were on the list. To quote him, "MIT students are not elligible." To make sure the decision was of the company and not the University office, I approached the HR person who'd come (I was on a roll by then)-

Me: "Excuse me ma'am, I'd like to ask you a question, if that's alright."
She: " Yes, of course."
Me: "Was it your decision to not shortlist MIT students or the colleges'?"
She: "It was ours."
Me (sweetest voice ever):" Can we please know what the reason behind this decision was?"
She: "I've discussed it at length with your professors and I would rather he explained it to you."
Me: "Sure, thank you ma'am."

Within five minutes, I was on my way to college with the rest of my friends. The university had NO bleddy right to allow a company that discriminated against a department of its just because it was located on a different campus. We have the same exams, same rules, same VC. Not an affiliated college. Not an autonomous college anymore. We are a part of the damn university.

Walked straight into my HODs room and gave her the details. Another five minutes and we were talking to the Vice Chancellor (what a day for him to be visiting our college).

We were informed some time later, that he had been in the know how. Some student from my batch had tried to approach the company directly, and they were pissed off about it and had brought it to his notice. Utter bull shit. And that's what we told our HOD. She promised us she would follow the matter up, but that it would take time, and to not worry.

Point at the end of the day was- we'd lost an opportunity. One that wasn't coming back any time soon.

Only, for probably the first time in the history of a governmental institution action was taken within hours. We were to find out in the evening, that the VC on returning to his offices, had cancelled the company.

I feel sorry for the students who had been shortlisted and were attending their interviews by that time. Our only intention was to be told why and how this need for segregation arose, and why and how it was being allowed.

I'm ecstatic also. You should have seen us. HOD in front, me and two three of us who had represented the issue next, and my entire class behind us, umbrellas out we marched across college to meet the VC. It was like leading a revolution. And in some ways it was. One that we won.

Only, I'm slightly disappointed my weapon of choice will be known as an umbrella.

------------
P.S. Two goverment officials who took prompt action and stood up for what was right. In one day. Almost too hard to believe no?

I detest people who don't know how to say thank you. If I'm having one of those happier days, I only feel sorry for such people, but on days like today- let's just say I'm not a person with violent tendencies but when you given up your seat for someone carrying a child in a crowded bus, the futility of doing a good deed angers me.

Don't get me wrong. I don't want an award or for my picture to be in the newspaper for Samaritan-Of-the-Week, but the least you could do is say thank you.

Or when people take stuff from you and return it all battered and abused, without even the slightest of acknowledgments.

For any politician that I come across in my life, I have only two words- Fuck you. vans and trucks full of hooligans drove on the streets of Chennai yesterday because supporters of some politician were gathering at Marina to celebrate his something. We, the ones not in these vans, were in turn treated to loud blaring music, rambunctious dances and cheering and traffic jams so long that most of us just abandoned our vehicles and took to walking to get to places in time.

Where these cars and vans stopped in the middle of roads, ardent fans got off and relieved themselves on the roadside. Cheering increased when a girl was in sight. Driving became rasher as the urge to compete with one another grew.

And I was ready to commit murder.

On that extremely positive note, I leave you to enjoy your Sunday.

SG.

First, I don't send the form within the stipulated time. I have to call them up to ask what can be done and they calmly tell me that it's ok and I should send it as soon as possible.

Second, I paid for admission to one program when I could have applied for two. So, I call them up to ask if I can pay extra now or something, and they say no.

Third, I lose the envelope I'm supposed to send the filled up form in. I have to call them up, again, and ask them what to do about that.

Fourth, yes, there's more. I just glance through the filled up form and find that the branch and code of the bank where the money was paid was filled up wrong. So, I have to call them up, AGAIN, and am told to write and send an apology letter with the form.

I'd better be getting in there after all this.

Photo By: Drew Tedlock

I almost gave up.

Threw my hands up in the air.

Blocked out every dream I'd ever had. It's funny how sometimes you become so numb that even the sharpest of pains can't touch you.

And then Bones and Booth sang Keep On Tryin' (by Poco).

In those two minutes, everything righted itself.

I'm not giving anything up without a fight.

SG.

So, I have exactly three days to go before I sit for my "placements". Three days and an hour to be precise. Which, I find comfort in being, considering that it adds a whole hour to the time I have left before the biggest debacle of this year, in my life.

Sigh.

Yes, like you can see, I'm freaking out. And this is when I'm sitting for a job, that I don't even want. I mean, I want it in the sense that I want to get accepted. I don't want it in the sense that I don't intend on ever joining there unless of course CAT is the second biggest debacle of my life (not this year) and I have to write GMAT which won't turn out to be the third biggest debacle of my life (and the third of the year) which would require me to have worked for at least two years before applying for an MBA. Which would be worth anything only if my score meant getting into the top 5 universities.

Which, I'm sure, you all know, how capable and deserving I consider myself to be of. Bad things come in three's right? Well, here's the perfect opportunity. I think I'll palpitate to death before Monday even comes.

Fact is, even while I love the subjects that I've put under my "Areas of Interest", I remember surprisingly little of the minute details, WHICH is what the interviewer will ask of me. IF I get to the interview round, which looks nice and tough because the written has its set of technical questions too. And best part is, section wise cut offs. Yay me, if I haven't said it before.

Which is followed by a GD (this is where they throw out like 60% of the short listed candidates), after which will come two rounds of interviews. And while the technical part is scaring me, the HR is scaring me even more!

*deep breath*

*deep breath*

*deep breath*

I've got to get back to my books. Have yourselves a pleasant weekend!

All my love.

I so have a death wish.

First, I get flung off a bus- as***** started moving while I still climbing. Only to be told, that the bus was going to the depot- If it's not on duty, take the bleddy board off!! I almost cracked my wrist. But that's ok. I've cursed him so that his thingy turns green.

Second, on my way back home? The bus I was in got hit by another bus that was trying to over take it- and guess who all the glass fell on? That's right. Yours truly. I just hope I've gotten all of the glass out of my hair- it's almost 9:00 PM and I just found another small shred. I'm scared.

Next, my sister decided to box my nose- and I DIDN'T even do anything today! I swear. She was sleeping when I got home, and THIS when she got up.

And the best part is, the day isn't over yet.

Sigh.

Damn. I've tried so hard to put all this into words, but it's just not happening. And it's killing me, not to.

It's there -you know, all the feelings all the emotions, I know what they are, but they just refuse to get translated into anything but the abstract.

There you go! Now you know, I really suck at writing. It was all a farce. Laugh. You win.

I really hate it when I have mood swings. And lately, I've been having extreme ones. I'm not much of a dramatist, when it comes to... expressing stuff. I've got this childish idea that if people really do care they'll see beneath the surface. Read between the lines. Fill in the blanks. Whatever.

So, basically I'm just talking much more to myself. In my head. And you, my dear friend, will be better of taking it from me, that you don't ever want to end up in such a situation, no matter what.

It was so damn peaceful a while ago. Each day, instead of praying for some "spice" in my life, I was asking for tranquility. Okay, so that'd be taking things a tad too far, but I guess, just some peace and quite. Safety.

It's funny... *warning bells ringing* This post on Navneet's blog made me laugh. Another irony. Silences, was what he's written on. And very eloquently. The reason it made my smile, a sad smile, was 'cuz while I claim to hate silences with all my life, it's what I crave for most these days.

But then again, silences don't always have to imply the calm before a storm, I'm beginning to see that. I hate it when it's thrown on me. When I'm talking and people just shut up. I can understand when I'm boring them with the gory details of my life, it's one of the reasons I don't anymore, but when we're talking about them? General stuff? And they find something better to do, and then three hours later, when all the entertainment's worn off, they'll call up like nothing s ever happened.

Bullshit.

No, I'm not taking a shot at anyone, even though it might feel that way. I don't want an apology, in fact, it's the last thing I want. In fact, I don't even know what I want. What I'm supposed to want. Any clue?

I don't really hate anything or anyone. Sure, people have bullshitted me, and walked on me and out on me, but I don't really hate them. I hope I haven't done all that stuff to people, but even if I have, I really wish they didn't hate me, and knowing me, I've probably apologised. I don't think I really know how to hate... it's one of those things where I figure life's too short, and hating takes too much energy. So, I'd rather hate brinjals and too much socialising and silences.

It's very easy to make me believe it's all my fault, for some reason, and people around me take definite advantage of that. It's maddening, now that I realise it. Or maybe, it really is.

Blah. Blah person, blah life, and blah writing. Is blah and will die blah.

I finally found the ghazal I was looking for on one of my old cd's and I'm so damn glad. There was a 2 hour special on worldspace last night, so that was fantabulous.

I dunno what exactly I wanted to write about, but I guess i'll stop, this's been torture enough.

Lotsaluv.

P.S: Will blahhing really have two h's?? Or will there be one? Hmmmm...

It's surprising how no one but me the great, notices how badly words can affect a person. For some reason, due to the excessive reading that I used to do I guess, I've seen and observed how people react to words. And it registered. So, now I'm doubly careful about what I say. Even when I'm angry. People've hardly seen me angry, but still.

It saddens me in a way, that I don't have the capacity to just blow off my top, and yell. Say hurtful things, just cuz the other person s said them too. To make them feel bad. Hurt them, maybe more than what they did to me. I just keep quite. I know it's all anger talking, and when they cool down, things will become clear. And then we can sort it out.

Sorting out is k, it's forgetting what the other person's said that is difficult. You may forgive a person, but what of the words that linger at the back of your head? And from then on, no matter what your fighting about, they pop up.

What I don't understand is why people, knowing how dangerous words can be, don't actually take care before they use them? I've seen people do extreme things just because they heard that someone might have said something. Might have, mind you. So, you can imagine how even more extreme things might happen, when they DO say it, and say it on your face.

It's funny... that even after all the care that I take, I end up doing the explaining for why I said something and what I really meant when I said it, and that I'm sawwy if you took it in the wrong way. I bloddy take the initiative and do it, even when the person on the other side of the fence has said more than enough to last me a few lifetimes has never once bothered. It's pathetic really. The way I am, I mean.

Get lost. Two words. I think there was even a movie, where an older brother tells his sibling to "just get lost", and the kid really does. Or was it a book? Either way, that was enough to stop me from ever using those words. That's all it really takes, for me. And it's pathetic, once again. Ain't it?

These days people use it all the time. Empty phrases, just to... I dunno just to what, but they just say it. I don't even know why the say them, if they don't mean them. It's beyond my comprehension. So, if someone has some insight, it'd be of great help.


Yours forever sthupitly.

P.S: No I'm not depressed, and neither was I trying to drive you over the edge, I was just thinking. And HAD to write.

Highlights of my day:

1. My alarm took a holiday today. I rose not to the shining sun, but to a bada-bong and a bada-bing on my head. In simpler words, I fell off the bloddy bed in the morning.

2. I got up late.

3. I had to reach college early. ( the 2nd and 3rd usually come together... something to do with fate!!)

4. I flunked my math paper.

5. A dog wanted to eat my clothes for breakfast.

6. The bathroom cleaner(male) seems to have taken a liking to me. (that seriously freaked me out!!)

7. I forgot to take my wallet with me. So, I had no cash on me.

8. The cafeteria lunch sucked. I had to beg and borrow to buy it!!

9. None of my physics experiments resulted in desired results. (Yay!! that's the first thing that's happened correctly in the day!).. and now i've forgotten english.

10. I lost my bus pass. And remember I had no cash.

11. While I wait at the bus stop and search my bag (read:dump) for my pass, 3 empty busses go past. On a normal day, during that particular hour, only ONE bus is suppose to cross that area.

12. Once I find my pass, and see a bus coming my way, I place my foot into cow-dung.

13. When its time to change buses, the 2nd bus conductor decides my bus pass in not valid. Remember I do not know Tamil, the language they speak... I mean, I know all the bad words, but those aren't exactly what I'd want to call him, specially when I want him to allow me to travel. You might want to recollect that I had no cash on me.

14. Also, I want to add... the reason for no cash in MY BAG, is because I gave all the change (around 20 bucks) to beggars and hungry children.. during the week.

.......... and the day ain't over as yet!!! Hahahha!! no such luck. I have 4 records to complete. Physics experiment values to manipulate and finalise, 3 engineering drawing charts to complete... and oh yeah?? A chemistry paper tomorrow!!

hahahahahhahahahahahahhaha!!!! hehehehhe!! hahahahhahahahahahahahhahahhahahahhah!!!

Hope your day was better than mine.