I have nothing to say.

Nothing... that's worth anything to anyone.

I was just thinking... Last night, I suddenly, just wanted to talk to someone. It was past eleven. And I had to keep looking into my memory, for a person I could call up at such an hour, and not be worried.

Three people called. I was up till one something... and guess what? I still hadn't found out who I could call and... and well, just talk to. Half the people I know would have been talking to their respective "better halves", the other half would either have been talking to their fiances or sleeping or would have been dialing my number to cry their hearts out. Okie, that didn't come out well.. I'm not trying to take Cruella's place.

So, who do you call? When you just want to talk.... As in, you probably have nothing to talk about speciafically, but you just want company..?

Anyway, miserable things aside.. I have ONE more exam and then I am done!! hehehahahahahaha... And then there's english and then there's two and a half months of freedom...hehhahahahaha... You know, I just noticed, I do too much of this evil laugh these days... Cruella? Who me?

Anyhow, me not go anything to say for now *ahem*... Proper post, after my exams. People start looking old during these days... nothing to do. Just sit and stare at a book. Once in a while, you might even want to flip the page :) You guys have a great day! Lotsaluv.

Yours forever sthupitly.

Oh right. Sure, people just luuvvvvvvvvrrreeeeeeeee me. Just go to any of the previous posts ka comments section and you'll know how true that one is :( or better still... check out the message leaving thing in the sidebar.. someone please remind me why it is there??



sniff.

sob.

sniff sniff.

The scoundrels just want to make you feel better.. but they try too hard.. having a bad day?? You can take the quiz here!

I got really bugged of seeing those prim and proper ladies... that just aint me.. and so we're sticking to black. Plain and simble. With a few modifications. And lots of ishtyle.

And if I have time to sit and modify and make backgrounds it obviously means that... my eckjams are going on!!!

Eckjams are what are stopping this country from further growth.

First you waste paper. For printing question papers and then we waste paper, by just trying to fill up sheets, with stuff neither you've ever read or are going to ever read.

*hugs*

sob.
sniff.

sniff.

...Let's observe two minutes ka silence. For the trees that have given up their lives. That have been MADE to give up their lives. Life isn't fair. It's cruel.

*silence*

We make scientists and nobel laureates squirm in their graves.

Second of all... you're wasting valuable time. The time which figures in "time and tide wait for none". It's such a damn waste of time. Waste time at lectures, because of attendance. Waste time pretending to study for these exams. Waste time preparing question papers, with questions that show how little teachers know about the subject. Waste time writing these exams.

Phew. That's alot of waste. It's ALOT ALOT of waste.

Sheesh.. what will this world come to??

I was watching yet another very interesting episode of The Big Fight... when I realised that the questions I had, say, two years ago, as a minor at 16 years of age.. I still have, at 18 years of age.

What is a democracy?
From what I have been taught, since I learnt how to write and walk, is that a democratic government is one that is of the people, for the people, and by the people. As of now, I understand that it is a government formed by people who are illiterate, of the people who wish to earn easy money and enjoy being in power and for no one. Basically, it is all a sham.

People who run for elections win votes by promising people land and television sets. They win too.. because the people who vote are people who can be won by such empty promises. Empty, why? A leader, here in Tamil Nadu, promised a TV set to every person in this state. 12 million families in this state. Production of television sets in India is 10 million. Ahem.

People who have little sense and actually fell for that promise might have read this. After reading this, they might have come back to their senses. After coming back to their senses, they still sit at home, while the people who have no sense go and cast their votes.

But, it's a democratic country, and we are free people.

How old ARE we?
We need people to hit us on our rears to bring us to our senses. But aren't we free people? Doesn't that mean we can do what we want, when we want and how we want?

Who are these people who can hit us and bring us on track?
The government. But there's so many people. SO many views. Infact, each person has his/her own view. How do you agree? Who do you agree with? What exactly do you agree upon?

Moral policing. What exactly is it?
From what I see around me, moral police is the police that takes care of the sexual "harassment" in this country.

Okie so lets go along with this definition.. the one we use in this country.

Leaglise prostitution. Is there something wrong in girls getting paid for their bodies? To me? Yes. To you? No, maybe. But the it depends on who the "you" is. So, who makes the law?

Ban dance bars. When you allow brothels and strip bars to exist, what's special about these dance bars?

You could tell me all these come under sexual harassment of women. Making them sex slaves. That in alot of cases husbands force their wives to do such things to earn money. That girls are bought in villages and brought here.

You could also tell me that these are poor girls who want to make easy money. Alot of easy money. So let them. God bless them.

You could say it goes against our culture. The Kamasutra indian culture, the Mughal raj indian culture... the Ashokan raj indian culture..?? Which one exactly are you talking about??

Again, it depends on the who the "you" is.

According to me, it'd be the police who kept track of anything to do with all the moral stuff. Moral stuff being all the stuff that comes under morality. Telling lies, behaving like maniacs like the incident in Bangalore, spitting on the road, not being capable of keeping your bladders in check... and more.

So, basically..

Do we need someone to keep us in check?
Yes.

Who might that someone be?
The government.

What is a government?
A collection of people who represent the rest of the people.

Who keeps the government in check?
The people.

Who keeps the people in check?
errrrrrrr...

The ideal solution to this whole mess that has been created is education. I'll tell you why. Each of us has the right to make our own choices and to express our views and thoughts. The only way you can express your own veiws and thoughts is when you know you have the right to do so. When do you have the right to do so? When you have been given that knowledge... and that's what's education. I am not talking maths and sciences. I am talking basic stuff.

If every person were to have this, there'd be no need for moral policing. We'd be our own inspectors. But that means behaving like responsible citizens of the country. If you can't be responsible for your actions, you don't deserve to be free.

It used to be so simple when we were younger. The class monitor would report the slightest mischief. Best friend or no best friend. Now that we are older, supposedly more sensible... we cover up for the people who do the wrong stuff and we corner people who are sincere. Why? I don't understand. When you put on a uniform, you are responsible to the people who've trusted you with it. You're responsible to what the uniform stands for damnit.

Why do people want to do what is NOT right. Why is there so much dirt in our system? Why aren't people doing anything about it?

What's right what's wrong? Which is black and which is white? Or are these all just shades of grey?

*Sigh*
That was a lot of thought. On a normal day, putting my thoughts down would help me feel better. I'd find some answers. Today it just makes me feel more depressed. And angry.

She looked at me. She looked me up and down. And while I'd like to say I was shivering in my little socks, I won't because it'd sound like I really WASN'T shivering. Because I was.

"Do you want to know what I see?" She very clamly asked me.

No. I really don't. I know what you can see. I don't want to hear it. Hearing it out aloud would only make it sound real.

I guess she saw the fear in my eyes.. because she went on to answer the question she herself had asked.

"You trust people really fast. You start treating them as if they were your own... You like to think that you don't. But you do. You do stuff for them. You think you don't expect anything in return... but you do. You just never get it."

So what? What's so wrong in me expecting things from people? They expect things from me... why aint that wrong?

I guess she could read my mind because she went on to say this...

"No, there is nothing wrong.. but don't you think it's wrong to be disappointed in them because they don't live up to your expectations... don't you think it's wrong to feel bad about the fact that they weren't there for you... not because you were there for them... but because you thought they were your own."

Of course I'm wrong. I always am.. so please do go on..

'guess I'd forgotten what I'd realised a few minutes ago.. she could read my mind.

"You like people to think that you don't believe in all this love shove shindig.. why? Because you know you do... Why are you so afraid to dream... to dream without worrying. Because worry, you do."

Isn't it wrong to expect everything good in the world to happen to me...I don't know what's wrong with me. Every time I want to wish for something, I stop. And I think, "Is it worth it? Do you reallly need this to be? Does this really matter when there are people who are wishing for one meal a day? Clothes to wear? When there are people wishing that come the rainy season, they have a roof above their heads..."

Do i really need this wish to come true?
yes

Is it more important than what the others are wishing for?
no

Then why do I want God to waste his time pertaining to my wishes and needs when there are people in a worse situation than mine?

Do I want him to waste time?
no

Do I want my wish to come true?
yes

Do I want him to be answering my wish, when he could have saved a child's life, by listening to his ma's wish?
no

so what do I wish for..?? "Listen mister... you up there..yeah you! You've got one weird sense of humor! And don't smile that smile.. I don't appreciate being made to think that what I want to wish for is not worthy, when there are more selfish people on this planet.. Anyway, you always do this to me.. what a sucker I am. So, like you know, im changing my wish...I don't want anything. Just keep all my family and loved one safe. I'll be ok without what I wanted to wish for. A little sad, upset, whatever... but what's a little sadness when compared to a life? You just take care of the important stuff... keep everyone I love safe.. and I'll take care of all this small small stuff."

Am I going crazy???

"No. You aren't. You are crazy."

Well that settles things. I'm glad. Does this make me sound arrogant?

"Aah.. I see you've started believing that I do know what I am talking about... I could see you wanting to ask me this... People don't understand that this ain't arrogance. It's just that you, being you, have to believe in something fiercely enough, else you'll let other people make you think you're wrong... It ain't arrogance. Nossir. Don't worry about it.."

"Before you pass one of those smartypants remarks, hear me out. This once. There is nothing wrong in wanting to be loved. You think it's something that needs to come automatically from the other person.. and it is. But there's nothing wrong in you wanting it. It's okay to be vulnerable..."

No it isn't. There are enough vulnerable people in the world, without me adding to the list. People have their own troubles. They have no time for mine. I can take care of me. Now go away... enough

"You're thinking this way only makes them think that you think they aren't worth a dime. And that isn't the way things are. So, work on it."

This whole bending myself and taking a good look at me thing is starting to get out of hands... my neck is going to be in my hand if it goes on any longer.. So far, you've crucified everything but my little toe..

"Give the love you give. And unless you aren't happy with you.. no one else will ever be.. you won't let them.."

And with that she was gone. Vamoose. Kapesht. Gone. Someone had turned the light off in my room, and all I could see, standing in front of the mirror, was a faint light.. from the streets.

Well, at least she left my little toe. Or did she??

Note: There is a small part, which is an abstract from a post I've written before, I still believe in it.. and hence its reference.. my apologies, for making you go through it again.. I just wanted to put it up again..

It wasn't a pimple.

:)

Today has been a much needed "rest day". You know, the healthy kind? Hey! Everyone needs a break now and then. And I have so much coming up, I just had to take this small break before charging ahead :)

So, got up late. Read a book. One of those cute romantic ones. Munched on the goodies ma got with her from Delhi last night. You have got to go to Wenger's in Delhi and have their marshmellows, patties, tikkas, pasteries, toffees.. well EVERYTHING. Until you do that, you haven't lived. Sigh. It's all over now, though.

Got out of bed at 1:00ish to catch a movie. Watched Alot Like Love. Finally. It's too good. A must watch. And currently on the top on my most fav list. They play music by Greenday too. It's about... well, go watch it. I don't want to spoil it.

Today was great because my friends finally came to the realisation that being "cool" wasn't everything. I mean everyone is "cool" in their own ways. Dressing well and speaking in English don't make you cool, and others uncool. I hate the word, itself. Like there weren't enough standards one is willing to live up to just so that they can be accepted. Worst part is.. I thought people out grow this in High School. People should. It hurts enough people then.

That's what I told myself when I was half way through 9th grade. What was the point of trying to please a few people, who thought of themselves as popular? I mean, I have nothing to be ashamed of... If I believe in something, I do. I don't need you to tell me if its right or wrong or that I shouldn't believe in it. People still come up to me and tell me that there are these small things that I stand by. Don't give and inch for.

Looking down on people. That's one thing I just cannot take. I aint the Queen of England. So what gives me the right to look down this small nose of mine? Nothing. And you aren't the Queen either. So, you don't have the right to too.

And what's more is.. that it is too much of an effort. Too much trouble. Some people are cool because they can wear flowers in their hair to college, some are cool because they walk around barefoot, some are cool because they don't give a damn about all this and study... others because they don't know english and still make and effort to converse with me... Some because they are from villages and know what really matters in life, others because they live in the fast lane... But the coolest people are those who don't use the damn word!!

Plus, I've joined this orkut thing. It's kinda fun... well I had fun writing my profile. I have 2 kids, I smoke and drink, and I'm studying. I've piereced my navel and you can find everything in my room... evrything from screw drivers to dirty socks.. No condoms, though. My seniors at college, are going to scream scandal. hahahaha... :)

Also, I am back on track. As most of you can see. I'm blabbering. Talking hokum... for some reason I really like that word. Basically, it was another day well spent. Today I can stand in front of my mirror, at the end of the day and say... oh damn! Is that a pimple??

It's nice to do things for others. It's a very effective means for forgetting the misery, that your life is. That my life is :)

Na.. no more sob stories. It's too much of an effort ;) I'm one lazy bum and you guys are just plain lucky.. hehe..

It works, you know. The doing something for others part. Today, I went out with my friends, because they wanted to. I wanted to too. But, was scared. You know.. I didn't want to mop around and spoil their treat too. But then my not going would have made them cancel the damn plan or feel bad. So, I went.

We stood at the entrance of the train for half the journey. I always do that. Get off at every station and then get back on. Sthupit girl. The other half of the journey, a friend and me sat on the entrance, with our legs out. I know it was dangerous and all.. But it was just something I had to do to prove things to myself. Very dumb,I know. But, then what's new in that??

We laughed and cheered for India, we sang on the top of our voices, and cheered some more.

We banged on the table with our spoons and forks and knives, to show the Pizza Hut guys we were very very very hungry. And guess what? The pizzas arrived in 20 seconds :)

It was a naice break. It was a very productive use of the 2 hours I would have wasted in class.

Sigh.

This blog is turning into a bery bery big waste of taime for all those who visit.

Sigh.

I'm sorry.