Extremely intriguing article I came across the other day. Writing is difficult and writing about good sex that is sexy, is impossible, or so I'm lead to believe. And you probably will too, after you've reached the end of this page. Like Martin Amis puts is, "Sex can be funny, but not sexy".

I've read my share of sex scenes. Some absolutely inappropriate/ shockingly disturbing/ right out insulting and extremely hilarious depending on which generation you belong to.

If you thought that the only way to win an award was to write/ do something outstanding, and great- well, you're in for a pleasant surprise. Apparently, there's an award for truly bad stuff that makes you noteworthy. And here's one that's most interesting- An award for the worst written sex scene every year. It's called the Bad Sex Award and was established by the Literary Review in 1993 "to draw attention to crude, tasteless, often perfunctory use of redundant passages of sexual description in the modern novel, and to discourage it."

The winners and the passages they've won these awards for makes for quite a captivating reading.

1994, The Stonebreakers, Philip Hook very disgustingly wrote, "Their jaws ground in feverish mutual mastication. Saliva and sweat. Sweat and saliva. There was a purposeful shedding of clothing" and went on to win the award. Hopefully, it provided him with the counsel he so rightly needed.

Difficult to categorize what the next two winners were trying to do- with the 1997 winner Nicholas Royle (The Matter of the Heart) writing "She made a noise somewhere between a beached seal and a police siren" and 1996 numero uno, David Huggins in The Big Kiss scribe, "Liz squeaked like wet rubber."

Being of Asian origin has never amused me more, for there is a disproportionately large number of Asians who've come close to and in some cases wining this piece of cake- From the 2003 winner of this award for Bunker 13, Aniruddha Bahal, "She is topping up your engine oil for the cross-country coming up. Your RPM is hitting a new high. To wait any longer would be to lose prime time..." AND " She's taking off her blouse. It's on the floor. Her breasts are placards for the endomorphically endowed. In spite of yourself, a soft whistle of air escapes you."

In 2004 the finalists included Siddharth Shanghvi for "Was in on the bed that she sat on him, her weasel-like loins clutching and unclutching his lovely, long, louche manhood, as though squeezing an orange for it's juice?" and Nadeem Aslam for "The smell of his armpits was on her shoulders- a flower depositing pollen on a hummingbird's forehead."

But alas, Tom Wolfe bagged this award for the following passage in his book I Am Charlotte Simmons- "Hoyt began moving his lips as if he were trying to suck the ice cream off the top of a cone without using his teeth ... Slither slither slither slither went the tongue, but the hand that was what she tried to concentrate on, the hand, since it has the entire terrain of her torso to explore and not just the otorhinolaryngological caverns ... " (an absolutely wrong choice as you can judge for yourself) Things just keep getting better don't they?

2005 had Salman Rushdie nominated for this award with his "Boonyi pulled her phiran and shirt off over her head and stood before him naked except for the little pot of fire hanging low, below her belly, heating further what was already hot."

But my most favorite read came from 2000 victor Sean Thomas for "It is time, time ... Now. Yes. She is so small and compact and yet she has all the necessary features ... Shall I compare thee to a Sony Walkman. She is his own Toshiba, his dinky little JVC, his sweet Aiwa ... Aiwa," in his book Kissing England.

What can I say but, absolutely enchanted?

Teachers who know nothing and take it for granted that you have nothing better in life to do other than sit and wait for them to not turn up for classes they'd arranged to suit their schedules or turn up to class and not utter a single word which relates even remotely to any of the subjects of the curriculum.

Laboratories that shouldn't be for more than 2 hours, allocated 4 hours. The very ones in which air conditioners don't work. On subjects that are to be taught only in the next semester. With teachers who won't teach anything extra either, 'cuz they aren't paid for it and expect us to not only finish the huge list of experiments that they themselves know squat about but do projects too.

Politics that keeps disgusting and depressing you with each passing day. Even on days when you think you've touched rock bottom and nothing could possibly be lower that this snake s belly, they go and find you a whole new snake and a whole new definition for lower and/or snake's belly. Or something like that.

Apparently, the whole joint exercies by the armed forces that was recently held can be looked at from another perspective than that of just being a friendly and yet awesome oppurtunity for India. The other angle being that this was supposedly an answer to Russia and China s some move. That didn't make sense. Basically, everyone thinks that Russia and China are ganging up. So, we gang up with USA and Japan and form a gang of our own to try and prove a point to the gang that Russia and China ganged up to make.

And I'm lost. Totally forgot what I wanted to say.

Just one last thing, everyone should go and look up Theory of Computation and try studying it. It's awesome. By the time you reach the end of one sentence in a theorem, you forget your name. So, by the time you reach the end of a page, you forget who the hell you are.

So, pray for me. I know I bug you, but I'm basically a very good person.

All my love.