There are times like these when being in two minds seems almost like a relief. It means you're not in more than a dozen emotional states at one time. You're not bored and scared of excitement at the same time; you wish to "do something" and not get out of your chair at the same time as you're not bored and scared of excitement; you're not sad that you are over somebody you've loved for a major part of your adult life and miss that rush of feelings you felt every time you spoke to them at the same time as you're not bored and scared of excitement and you wish to "do something" and not get out of your chair.

You're in just two minds.

You're happy. You're happy because you spent time catching up with your best friend, even if it is on the phone. You're happy because amma had something to say about the fact that you spent half the evening on the phone with a boy she does not like, even though you're 21 and haven't spent more than 5 minutes on a phone in 2 months. It's just like old times. You feel calm, and just let go. Let things be. Let them come to you, instead of being in a rush to get to them. You no longer worry about what time it is or where you have to be next, even while still arriving at where you are now. It's a blissful feeling.

And second, you're blank. Just in the moment. There is no past and no future. Just this minute, in which ma is promising to smash the yellow bulb you are determined to
read/write, in first thing in the morning, your sister is jabbering nineteen to a dozen about how the judge in her court was so utterly cute; in which you find your dad calling you to wish you goodnight.

In some corner of your mind soon, the wheels will start churning again. There will be a million things that need to be done, a gazillion things that need to be said. But until that moment, there is this feeling, this feeling of eternal hope. This warmth, that ensconces you. This sensation of being surrounded by love. In which you can't help but feel blessed.

4 comments

1. Anonymous on Wed Sep 02, 12:31:00 AM GMT+5:30

   It's superb to have you back :) . I did miss the writing. A book you say? Sounds good :P.

    
2. bani on Wed Sep 02, 06:55:00 PM GMT+5:30

   Just this minute, in which ma is promising to smash the yellow bulb you are determined to
   read/write in first thing in the morning, your sister is jabbering nineteen to a dozen about how the judge in her court was so utterly cute. In which you find your dad calling you to wish you goodnight.
   
   
   
   LOUWE IT :D

    
3. Ouzymandiaz on Wed Sep 23, 08:59:00 PM GMT+5:30

   Interesting... what the years add to our lives; what the life adds to our mind and heart; and how our mind and heart reflect what we write. Good to see that you are still blogging. :)

    
4. The Illuminator on Mon Oct 26, 01:49:00 PM GMT+5:30

   I think it after times like these that you feel rejuvenated and mentally ready to go back into that circle of a gazillion things to do and think of doing. I loved the portion which Bani has highlighted..totally cool!