She'd been talking to a guy in class for sometime, my friend that is- a few messages (and few here, IS few- 10 ish) in the week, a call in a fortnight. Somewhere down the line, she'd started thinking of him as her "husband" - translated- she'd developed a crush on the guy.
Obviously, she didn't go immediately and tell her "bro" (excuse me, but this word will always be in quotes here) about these new feelings. She took her time, but she did tell him.
He yelled at her for 4 hours straight- told her she was impure (exact words, mind you), breaking her parents' trust, and the likes. All she did for two days was cry. She couldn't sit without welling up- even in class. And she couldn't go to any of her hostel friends, because of the "shame". She wanted to kill herself, wash herself of this impurity and shame.
Her "brother" made her promise never to even look in the direction of that guy. Everything he wanted- she did. She didn't attend even one of the college functions, because he didn't want her to, didn't go out with her "girl" friends cuz he didn't want her to.. basically, she danced to his every tune. Every time she set foot outside the dorms, he was there. Things went on that way for a while- he was making her the good girl she had been when she came to college.
He hit her. He physically hit her. Slapped her, punched her, threw her things across the room and boxed her until she fainted.
In a classroom, in college.
Why? Because she'd finally decided to let the crush- guy talk to her about what was happening... she'd just stopped talking to him, didn't take his calls and completely ignored him. The least she could do, was tell him that she didn't ever want to talk to him again.
What'd she do? She stood there and let him hit her. When he threw water at her face to get her back to consciousness, she got up and went back to the hostel, ate, studied, took his calls and listened to his apologies and slept. She did what he wanted- he wanted her to promise she'd never even look in the direction of that guy, ever, much less talk to him.
After all, he was her brother. What but her best interests would he have in mind?
----------------
I have brothers too. And they look out for my interests, just like I do them. After all, it's easier to go to them with crushes and stuff like that than to go to your parents. In my case, I have both. But still, this is plain and simple abuse.
In this case, at least after this last incident, she's believing me when I tell her that what this guy is doing- controlling her- is plain and simple WRONG. UNHEALTHY. That if her own father ever caught on on what had happened, he'd kill him.
The thing is, even though realization and acceptance is a major step, it's not enough. She doesn't want to ruin his last two years in college, but like I pointed out to her- his ruining her last two years in college wasn't justified either.
I'm working on it, and if it's the last thing I do- I'm going to slap the guy at least once before I leave. I take him on blindfolded, by the by, he's a stick. I could probably do "boo" and he'd fall. But I swear it, if he ever lays his hand on her again, he's dead.
Don't give into such abuse. No one, not even your own parents, have the right to do this to you. It's NOT RIGHT. Please, don't. Your not helping the other person, your encouraging him. I know it's easy saying it sitting on the outside, but I'm still saying it.
For all those of you who are lucky, don't let people around you give in to such stuff. They just need to know someone is there for them, to TELL them that this is wrong. They know it is, they just need affirmation.
All my love.
Not made up, absolutely true, even though I wish with the core of my being it wasn't.
woohoo...SG is back and 'fighting' again...
i'd so want to be there with you when you slap the guy, infact i'd want to do it myself.
three cheers to you..keep it up lady, that's something really cool you're doing.
p.s: the larger question is about making the girl more independent(in thoughts)
now to go back to my books
back with a "bing"bang!
lol, i am so happy your writing "posts". posts.
k, yea true
This must be told on air.
Man, I'd like to exchange a few biff with the guys myself. Although, going by the way you described him, it wouldn't be much of an exchange, I suspect.
Anyway, glad to see you are back.
Sometimes I think we are the only ones who egg each other on to keep writing...
Cheers!
Shri.
"I'm SIGNIFICANT!!" said the dust speck... - Calvin, 6 yr old.
@ Nav: They don't call me grandma for nothing. Thank you. And I agree, about the independence in thoughts part. Problem is, and fact remains that change is a difficult concept. Specially, when you've lived the small life all along. I don't blame her, in fact she's way more open and strong and confident compared to what she was when I met her. There was a time when my teasing her with some guy in the class, got out only a blush and a giggle. Now, I get a full blown retort back!!
@ Sis: Danke.
@ Bs: He isn't. Neither of them are. Not the brother, and not the other guy. The brother needs help, serious help- and her giving in isn't the way. The other guy is just a jerk. He just ran when the brother saw them together and threatened to kill him if he didn't leave. Doesn't say much about him does it?
And I damn well know who Calvin is you dope. And darn right I'm significant. Hmph.
;)
Thanks for dropping by you guys,
All my love.
I hope you do something about it.
By the way, it is slightly confusing in the beginning... you can't tell whether there is only one guy or two. Try rephrasing.
Kaushik
Left Right Up Down. Totally agreed.. but dont hit they guy in question.. get him killed :| I mean seriously.. abusive people deserve nothing but to die. I know what its like to be beaten to the point of fainting.. Its not fun.. That much can be said.. and yea agreed with kaushik.. its damn confusing i had to read through it like 3 times.. or was that ur purpose?
Blah
aha.There's the spiteful fighter we all know and ...erm...respect :D
Hmm.Interesting.But is this an isolated story? I mean,am at a loss when i read such stories.What am I to do? Go out and kill this 'brother' for what he is doing?
.But yes,a good mugging for this particular chap would be good.along with a few 'classified' experiments.Involving a stick and a very large hammer :D
@ Koze: Darn right, I am. I tried, but i don't think it's making much of a diff. Will see what I can do, when I have the time again.
@ Ry: Violence and me usually don't go, but when I see peopl like this... well, suffice to say that they'd better watch out.
lol. It definitely WAS the point.
@ A: helu!! Long time. Grazie. Better still, he could take up the place of one of those poor dogs in one of the many labs around the world!!
Thanks for dropping by, you guys.
All my love.
Long time no rave -- well that's probably my fault. I see you've started giving in to some of your violent tendencies. Midlife crisis?
Helu!
Somehow, I figured what was happening was reason enough to given into violence.. no reason for blaming age!
I'm good. Hope your too.
'forever sthupitly.
Dear SG,
i'm sorry for leaving a comment after so mny days even though i ahd read ur blog a few days back, but i was really busy wid my school that i couldn't get time to sit down and actually write anything.
Such people who shout at others and don't have any respect for a girls feelings are really lunatics and not do suffer from soe sort of a problem.. they should be treated.. for the same. I can undersatnd wat ur friend went thro'... its sad wen the men show off their chauvinism... they are really MCP's. And how dare he hit her... where were her friends at that time, they should have caught hold of the brother and gave him two slaps... such people should be punished .. its a crime to hit any girl.. wat did the brother want to prove that he's stronger than her and can do anything.. OH GOD!!
I don't think any brother or anyone even though its a friend or any1.. has a right to hit any1... or even abuse or blame any1.. how can they... And she still considers hima s her brother...
Its really sad that wat u r saying is absolutely true.. these MEN and specially the kind u have mentioned..
I feel if the brother felt that the boy ur friend loves is not good he could have talked to her sweetly and tried to explain to her nicely y he felt that the other guy is not nice... she would have surely understood and if she still felt she loved the person .. it would have been her destiny.. but hitting is no solution to any problem..
Its awful..
anyawys i have really writtena very very long comment..I guess i shld stop...
take care
wish u luck
Love
Ira
and the word verification says:
gkrhpxx
oh GOD now it says..
nkbiy..
i guess this ahppens wid me only.. hahaaa.. ;)
Ira,
Firstly there's no need to apologize for leaving a long comment! Pah.
Secondly, thirdly, fourthly and lastly- go back up.
I wasn't there when this happened, 'cuz she'd waited back in class to talk to the guy- the only person who could have done something was the crush-guy, other than her that is. But, he didn't. College men will be boys.
That definitely was no way to treat another person- girl or no girl. Abuse has many forms and i see it around me everyday... this was just one of the times I let it get to me.
Freedom, my dear friend, I've learnt is absolute bullshit.
Thanks for dropping by, and yes- i see the best verification words wait for you :)
All my love.
Dear SJ,
When i said where were her friends at that time.. i didn't mean particularly u.. i'm sure she had other friends.. and yes i did read that u were not there personally..but i did miss out on the fact that she was alone in the room wid him that time...
maybe I was not clear in what i wrote!!
ya u r right abuse of any sence to any gender is always wrong!
yaa u r right the best of the verification words wait for me.. hahahaa
now its
idtgr
my god i think ur page chooses the best ones and throws them towards me.. hahaa
take care..
cheers
keep writing!!
love
hahaaa
oh god i always have to type twice.. oh shucks!!
its now
mbtujpt.. oooooohh.. lol
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SG.
Sock his ballz.. simple.. lets see wat he does without his daily dose of testosterone.. I men guys like this give the rest of us a bad name.. Wtf is wrong with the girl.. I hate it wen ppl dont stand up 4 them selves.. And i hate the weak minded cowards to take advantage of that..
@Dark- You see, it's tough to stand up for yourself- cuz then before you do, you have to be 200% sure you are right in what you believe.
I hate it too, but there's both kinds of people around. I just wish, more of us, would actually help these people. And not just ignore their silent plea s of help.
She'll be fiene, or as can be- depending upon the risk she's willing to take. Given the facts about where she comes from and how she's lived till now, I don't see big things happening, but maybe the small ones will free her enough.
As for the guy, unless he see s what he s doing, no one can help him anytime soon.
@everybody- Thanks for feeling the way you guys do about this. It's nice to realize my respect wasn't misplaced.
All my love.