But, sometimes, it's this very family that holds you back. That keeps you from even trying to realize the image you have of yourself. And I hate that!!
From something as small as, or as big as, depending on where you're standing, say falling in love- you train yourself to think in a particular way, react to and keep away from things that would lead to it because you know it would be frowned upon. So what happens to the image you have of yourself that shows you allowing yourself to experience what you've only read about or seen?
Forget love. What about something as simple as this- you've read/ seen a million things. Say one of them showed someone at a signal and a drunk lying by the side of your car. Everyone s looking at him, pitying him, and turning their faces. You resolve that if you were to ever come across something like this, you'd get out and at the very least move the guy away from the center of the road. If you're with friends, and you really DO come across something like this there's more than a slight possibility that you might be the person you've painted yourself as, but when you're with family- it's a strict no no.
How come people are scared of telling this very family what they actually dream of? What they see themselves as? I'm not saying these parents are bad parents. Hell, no way. But it's just sad. Because families are NOT supposed to do that!!!
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I'm paying my dues. We all have to, and so am I. I don't mind paying them, as long as I know that there's something better in store for me in the future.
I want so badly to be a part of something that isn't bothered about allocating a working day for a technical fest- not a cultural fest, a technical symposium.
I want so badly to be a part of something that doesn't have to be done by only the "guys" because they're oh-so-strong.
I want so badly to be a part of something that treats everyone as equals, that aims at doing big things, setting standards.
... That inspires me, makes me look for answers- I'm a lazy bum and I've never denied it- I need to have a question asked before I go looking for answers- that makes me question, that questions my intellect.
I just hope I was made for better things.
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I had to write- the voices were getting too much.
I kinda agree with a lot of what you've said in this post. I think family is where you are molded to become whatever you are later in life.
But I wouldn't put the whole blame for a lot of things on family. I was this way too till a couple of years back and then realized I did not want to be this way and spoke to my dad about something I wanted to do and it worked. It is the fear in us about the kind of response we might get if we try to be different than our parents that stops us most of the times.
I think it is a pattern you see in most families. You may be named a rebel if you follow your heart but I am sure of one thing. No matter what the rest of the world thinks, family will try to understand why you are doing things the way you want to do them. I think you are old enough to start :)
p.s: new post on my blog... tell me what u think
couldn't agree more about the bit with parents...
come to think of it...how much of what you are is because of you? maybe not even a 0.0001% ...and like you said, there's no good or bad...it's just how it is.
about the second part...i've always wanted to do things that no one has ever done...just so that i can challenge myself...maybe that's the key...challenging yourself...you can do it a gazillion ways...
so go out and do it...anything...do it..without giving a damn...raise a storm...just do it (ala nike)
*hugs* (for giving my thoughts an escape)
@ay: I get what you're saying- and I do do it. But what I'm talking about is not a carrer decision or something as concrete as that- at least that wasn't ALL that I was talking about. I'm talking about character, following your gut, having the freedom to let out the traits you want in yourself.
If that makes any sense at all.
@nav: Lol, you're always welcome. I do the challenging myself thing too. It's just that, in this current situation- I'm doing all that I have a right to do- and it is NOT enough.
You obviously haven't studied at the University, down here. Actually, why blame the university- this college!
Thanks for taking the time out to drop by you guys,
All my love.
true. very. but not always.
@sg: you said it right there... following my gut. that is exactly what i did. i was not talking about career decisions :)
delhi univ. might seem all prissy and stuff...but the rot is always inside the apple isn't it?
i'm sure all the places are like that...especially in india that is...but like vajpayee one said about the bjp symbol..."kamal toh keechad mein hi phoolta hai"
better things...... look out for the best and miss the good ones! from your own page "give faith a fighting chance" ~ long way to go.......keep going! Cheers!
@sis: Did NOT expect you to agree.
@Ay: I'm always right!! :P
@nav: Prissy is different from down right narrow minded and archaic, which is what I'm having to live with. And whether or not I want to be a "kamal"- THIS is definitely keechad.
@simba: Looking out for the best, then. Lol, yes it is.
Thanks for dropping by you guys,
All my love.
that's why i said, not always. it's in your hands to do what you want to or not. the point of being with parents is that they need to accept you for who you are, so what if you aren't like them? do what you want to do, not what others want you to do. i have been telling you this same god damn thing since god knows when. you see..if you aren't gonna do what you want to do now, you never will. you'll mould yourself into a person who does what the society/people want you to do or claim acceptable. but then once again, i did agree because there are certain things you can't, because the people you probably love the most, can't change their mindset or simply accept what you want to do. the problem is that they know certain things aren't meant to be done, which might hurt, but the sad part is, they don't let us understand that on our own for you may say they are too scared to see us hurt. this doesn't apply when you want to do something major as in M A J OR, small things like being frank letting people know what's on your mind. common, how many of you are frank? people/society might take frankness to be rude or snobbish, but how on earth is that to bother you?? those who matter know you aren't why care about what every tom, dick and harry thinks about you? will you die knowing some bunch of losers who simply cannot accept the truth think you are a snob? small things like this, give you the power to do what YOU want to do and not others.
(this is like a tiney post in itself, sorry. didn't mean to do take so much place. just orrey flow : P)
@Sis: I agree with all of what you've said. Hell, I've said it to more than one person on more that one occasion. You've said it to me on more than one occasion. But when I tell you that you and I aren't treated the same way, I mean it.
Whether you like it or not, accept it or not- I made things easier for you, by defining certain boundaries, limits. The choice to keep within them or test them, was entirely yours. I, still have no CLUE as to what boundaries and limits I have. Or am allowed to have. So, most of the time I'm trying to toe the lines I have in my head. Lines that may not even exist.
And for things that have happened in the recent past, I carry guilt. Which makes sure that I keep within an even larger number of boundaries and punish myself for more number of things. Hence, the need to not question out aloud. Or protest.
It's just something that will be dealt with when the time comes.
My post however, was written with only the intention of asking- why don't parents ask? Why don't they see things? Realize?
Thanks for taking the time out to read and reply in if not an equal number of words, but at least half.
All my love.
I completely agree, but i think these chains that prevent your thoughts from taking flight are not only imposed by family. We are 'institutionalised' in today's world. A lot of our actions are more by 'what I should be doing' than 'what I want to do.'
As far as confiding to your parents goes, I think I am fortunate that I have been able to do whatever I wish regardless of them being arnd or no. In a few cases, nonetheless, the generation gap and the different in mindset does eventually show up.
@shadow: Thank you for agreeing- makes me feel like less of a jerk. I can't wait to do "what I want to do"!! But the time is coming. It is coming.
:)
Thanks for dropping by!
SG.
lol!
i din't mean to reply in half the number of words!!!!!!!!! stupid!
ok..carrying guilt is your biggest problem. why on earth do you do that? let things go!! don't keep chewing on age old gum. ok, you have made things easy for me. you can make them for yourself too. step out of those boundaries, i mean how extreme can you get?
try..small things at a time!
you don't have to torture yourself by not doing what you want to!