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" By three methods we may learn wisdom: First, by reflection, which is noblest; Second, by imitation, which is easiest; and third by experience, which is the bitterest."

I don't like blue ink!

My latest craze for hummus only matches my love for Ethiopian food. I think. I love the curries that the food is made in! I can never sleep well after all the eating I do, but I crave for it once every week st the least.

Made excuses to not be happy today too. Sitting in the park and reading was definitely more important than the gym, because who knows when the weather will go bad? Thought shut being happy and chirpy when Abhi called, but just couldn't because the network kept acting up and the call dropped after each hello and what-were-you-saying. Tossed and turned between acknowledging the situation we are in and  pretending that this was all normal and we were both okay.

I have realized that work wise I can on.y be happy when I sm bush, being challenged and my efforts re being acknowledged by all people involved. When these three don't align rven work fails to completely occupy my day and provide the satisfaction that I am dependent on it for. To grow I have realized I need to be less emtotional, but I am not sure of how to balance this ith actually being r,optional enough to work sound the clock because I "care".

It's weird how I have ever felt the pressure of my social likability since I was in college until now. Aren't we supposed to grow more self-assured wirh each passing day? There was a phase when I had just started blogging and I really wanted comments. I would check every 5 minutes to see if someone had reade what I had written, I had to update my Facebook status only if something would be guaranteed at least 4 comments and 5 likes. Somewhere along the line I grew up, got bored of Facebook, and started writing awkward posts that I knew would get no comments. However off late I seek the likability again. I wonder if I should put wedding photos on Facebook to seek the wows. Is that only because of the effort that went into the wedding? I do not like questioning myself on the amount i do care about such things or should care.

But at least I am writing today. Small wins?

Read More 3 comments | Posted by Sthupit Girl

Am I a snob or just a subject of bad customer service?

Incidents over the last few weeks has lead me to introspect. Introspection has lead to unraveling a number of facets of "the new me". One of which is this.

The new job entails travel every week, and that has been the story for the last year now. While I love the travel, I realize how reliant I am on airline personnel, hotel management and car companies on my "happiness" when travelling.

I must admit that all this travel as in some parts made me a snob. I know expect to be seated in nothing less than Economy Comfort seating for free, receive the cars that I like whenever possible and be put in rooms that have air conditioning that works and internet works across the room and not just when I sit facing the bathroom in the center of my bed.

Since I think I'm being snobbish, I sat and forced myself to think objectively. And turns out that even though I am snobbish, I am also reasonable.

The car industry....

I have been renting cars with Avis since my 25th birthday, and am a Preferred member. In the last six months I have had 3 flat tires. In all instances, I have been asked to go to the nearest Avis Location & exchange my car. Not once has anyone apologized or offered to SEND a replacement car. Not once has anyone said "Oh we are sorry for your bad experience, let us give you a nicer car." And they charged me for it.

I rent a car Mon-Thursday every week. I have been for a year now. So I expect that I do not have to wait 30 minutes to get a car at 5 AM, after having taking the red eye. I expect that I am not given cars that have the maintenance light blinking. I expect that I do not have to spend another 45 minutes to get a regular car after that. Maybe I expect too much.

The airline industry....
I switched from Delta to United when I moved coasts. In the past three months, I have yet to be on United flight that takes off and lands on time. When it takes off, either there is no WiFi (4.5 hours flight), or no entertainment (4.5 hours flight), no blankets and/or snobbish and snooty personnel. When you land you'll be lucky if your baggage made it on the same flight as you. Priority on not.

My travel time in a week is 1 hr (to airport) + 4.5 hr (flight) + 1.5 hr (mix of all delays) + 1 hr (drive to final destination) = 16 hours in 5 days.

So yes, I expect that after having frequent flying status I am treated nicely, offered the opportunity to buy WiFi and be allowed to ask for a blanket that I do not have to pay for. Maybe I expect too much.

The hotel industry....
I must say, most of my stay in the last few months has been with Starwood; and they have lived up to their hospitality. I've had to complaint about the shower/WiFi/etc., but they've responded and understood that I spend more time at the hotel than at home. And have made every effort to make the stay pleasant. Except update their menu. But I'll pick my battles.

To summarize - not snobbish, but instead reasonable, and therefore a subject to bad customer service.
Read More 0 comments | Posted by Sthupit Girl

The return of the bitter and the guilty


Abhi has been insisting for a while now that I admit to the truth. I fear that admitting to it might kill me. But at this point not admitting to it is definitely killing me.

So I'm an effort to get my life back on track, after a weekend of lying in bed and feeling sorry for myself I have decided to admit to a truth every day. And I'm going to start big.

I think we married too soon. Not exactly what you would like to hear from someone who just celebrated their 3 month wedding anniversary. In two different parts of the world. Or maybe you would if you knew what the last year had looked like.

  • Abhi's brother in law could have focused on getting their medical tests sooner rather than later had there not been a wedding to stress about.
  • Had we known about his illness, he could have started medication on time and we would not have spent the first three weeks of our married life at the in-laws place making them feel guilty abut us being there and us well, truthfully speaking, being there. They would not have been relocating at the same time as discovering Abhi's brother in laws disease. Learning the scope of it, the impact to their lives. And would have definitely prevented the selfish selfish selfish feelings that I have felt.
  • I would not have had to single handedly manage all the wedding preparations had we waited for another year.
  • The wedding preparations tired me out. They made me hard and practical in an effort to get things done instead of crying about the stress and the work and the travel. It's difficult to be emotional again. As much as I loved getting my way, there were parts where I hated working within the constraints that we had to.
  • Abhi needing to leave for India, barely 2 months into "living together", has left me out of sorts. I got used to being with someone, then not being with someone, then being with someone and now I have to deal with being alone again. I don't mind it. It takes getting used to for me. And I'm scared if I let myself get used to this, I won't know how to behave when he is back.
  • If you know me, you know what it takes for me to be okay with being emotional/dependent; in the see saw that has been the last few months, I feel like I have been on a roller coaster.
  • I'm guilty for feeling the way I do when there is hunger in the world, people fighting diseases and my husband stuck in "the middle of nowhere" (his words).
  • I do not want to admit to or think about what we need to do if his VISA is rejected. So I worry about and hate about things that are in my control. Like the fact that I will not be able to go to Europe till 2015.
  • I have been waiting forever to be carefree and careless. I do not understand when or if my time will ever come.
I am guilty all the time, or angry, or sad, or guilty or angry. All the time.

I don't know how to fix this. Logically I know, life hasn't ended. I have all my limbs and all my senses and can breathe. So can Abhi. And the rest of my family. We can afford food and shelter about our heads. But I cannot stop being a turmoil of negative emotions.

I am hoping that admitting to these feelings is the first step towards letting them go.
Read More 2 comments | Posted by Sthupit Girl
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