I've often used lines like that's it I'm going to go jump off the first floor or something like that. I've never gone right out and said that's that. I don't want to live anymore. I don't claim to have seen the world, but I've seen more than what some have seen. Not all of it through personal experience, but i've seen it all the same.
I understand if you say this when your pregnant at 18 and the guy you thought really loved you, left you. Or when your so into drugs that even you know what a pathetic excuse for existence you are. Or when your raped or your parents die and you have to live off the streets or something equally horrible. And mind you, people in these situations might SAY they want to die, but it's like a cry for help. With the right support and the right words and people, they make it big in life. I'm not saying its easy. I'm also not telling you it's not tough.
I have been shaken up about a million and one times and shown that there are no GOOD people in this world. That everyone just wants something out of you, and they'll use everything possible to get it. I might fall, and have a little fun rolling in the mud, but at the end of the shaking, I look up to whoever the shaker is and say, So what? I know it sounds like I probably live on Mars or something... but seriously, I, at least as yet, have held onto what I believe. And that's primarily: There's good in every person. And that's what lands me up in trouble. Not the fairy tales and happy endings. Na-huh. Just the fact that I think there's good in every body.
What I hate most is when people use this line to blackmail. I, for one, HATE, absolutely hate what it does hearing such a thing from a friend. It's worse than hating chemistry. Or silences. It's the worst thing anyone can say to me. It's worse that calling me a dirty bitch or a slut or a sadist or a cheap and shameless person. Way worse. Because me, being me, will hold my self responsible for it. The minute those words leave your mouth, my mind is already reeling with what I could have done wrong to have led you to a place where... where you'd say something like that.
I'd spend half the night trying to talk you out of it, because to me even the mention of such a thing is scary... and at the end of the conversation you'd tell me you were only kidding. I know that. I damn well know you were kidding. So, why was I wasting time talking to you? Because... what if you weren't kidding? What if you'd really meant it? Mean it? Would I wake up to you not being there tomorrow?
Ugh.
Sigh.
Okie.. I'm going quit while I'm still in control of all my senses. Because what I'd really like to do is kick every person who said this, without reason, in the butt. Really hard. And unless your really in need of a statement like that, I'd really like to give you all the hugs in the world, till you were feeling at least a little better.
Latest on the NSS chapter... I have to carry a bucket and a mug with me. Yipppee. Oh by the by, I'm gone tomorrow... for 10 days. Sad, huh? Ugh. I dunno... I'm kinda scared about the whole thing... but then me being me, am all for the challenge. A new experience. So, while I get set to leave, apprehension tags along. And some more apprehension tags along.
Sigh.
And some more tags along, for free.
Lotsaluv.. and miss me?
Well, some people actually mean it when they say that. These people are suicidal and have an inner tendency towards self destruction.
You could kick their butts nonetheless, and then theyd find a new reason to say that. :)
i for once know exactly what you wish to say...and i absolutely empathise with it...true its not easy to forgive anyone for something as nasty as this, but this is what i've found out and it is that...its easier and less energy consuming to forgive than to carry ahead with the bitterness inside.
so cheer up and enjoy your NSS...thank god i changed my midn before enlisting for it...could i have some pics from the camp so that i can bloat?
lol i guess my comment to 2 posts back brought up the thought... : ph3ar : me for i am the all knowing god :P anyway kidding again.. wats up with the suicide thingy? so vehement against it eh? i mean the ppl who comit suicide are those who are too weak to live.. no courage or as i wud put it " lack da balls to live " >>
@ sujay : disagreed abt the part of self destruction...
i mean im hooked to smoking and i kno its bad... i do feel suicidal at times but its not coz of my drug situation.. u should be sensitive to people who say they gonna kill themselves.. its a plea of help... and preetika its not only those situations that bring out the suicidal thoughts into mind.. The people who commit suicide may be well doing in mind body and life.. but there are certain factors above those that people try to put away by killing themselves.. you cant exactly blame those people.. the thought pattern of any 1 comes frm the society and their surroundings.. i mean y be mean to ppl who are suicidal by nature? they are just grollsy overacting their plea or rather cry for help.. ( sorry if im repeating myself )
There are manythings in this world that people go through that they are not happy with this.. so they try to take the cowards way out.. actually its even wrong of me to say that they are cowards.. the people who try to comit suicide... its their way and their life they choose what happens..
My mom everyday asks me to shave off the goatee ive been growng... but she never forces me coz she knows its my wish.. Brings to mind the proverb..
" Live and Let Live " << lol although that could starkly contradict the topic at hand here.. xD
Audios
Rythwin
hmm.. this is one crazy person.. playing with someone's feelings isnt the nicest way to pull a prank.. especially somethin like this.. and ur gone 10 DAYS?? WAT AM I GONNA DO?? :'(.. me shal prob be off to college by then..
ohh btw.. enjoy.. we went on a service trip in april last year from school.. it was amazing fun.. cleaned temple.. planted trees in the compound and stuff.. awesome fun.. so have a blast!!
Kick their butts, eh? I remember a certain someone who did something very similar to me online one night.
Kaushik
Oh yea,
Btw i just added my second post to my blog..
i call this free advertising :P actually thanks to u preetika i got the inspiration needed to write. People interested in emotions and other peoples views about it are welcome to read it..
Http://www.damnedtemple.blogspot.com
gal wht happened to ur template ... the darn thing (ur blogs) looks naked yaar
@ss: that's there. wish it weren't though.
@nav: tell me about it... I've started shutting up, just to not tire myself. And I loved it at the camp, though i'm glad it's a once-in a life time thing :)
@Ry: na... not exactly. But, yeah. And do NOT, absolutely DO NOT call them weak in front of me.. or call them scaredy cats. They're strong enough to have borne with more than what some of us experience in our entire lifetimes.
And your're the one who is weak... if you don't like me saying it, well too bad. Because your one of the lucky guys, and yet you wish to spoil your own life.
@vishal & vishal : your the bestest person... thankus for missing me.. no one has apparently. :(
@Koze: you know I was kidding. I'm sorry.
@anjan: your the best. thankus.
@Ry: sure. no problemo. join the gang.
@viewer: refresh the page love, and you'll find yourself in heaven ;)
Thankus for bisiting guys... may God bless... Lotsaluv,
Yours forever sthupitly.
oh.. you thinking that i calling the people who go through that stuff weak?? omg u got me all wrong... i was talking about the people who have everything in life and yet throw it away... jeez
Rythwin
am i glad to hear it