I used to complain of her over protectiveness. I used to smile and reassure her, everytime she got worried 'cuz I hadn't gotten home on time.
And now she's going to be gone. I loved having my grandma at home. She kept my dad in check :) We'd all indulgently listen to her relate the same incident a million times.
But, I've seen the way her eyes used to light up everytime the phone rang. I've heard the hope in her voice everytime she wanted to know who'd been on the phone. And then, I'd seen the light fade away... when she realised it wasn't for her. It wasn't one of her children calling to talk to her... to ask for her. About her. It happened all the time.
And then for some insane reason my grandparents decided my parents had done their duty, and it was another childs turn to take care of them. Duty, my ass. The only reason they were with us was because we all loved having them around. It so turns out, not everyone thinks this way.
I have never seen, I could never imagine... my parents becoming a burden. I could never imagine throwing them away in one corner of the house, because they were becoming a nuisance. It shames me and angers me. How can you do such a thing?
They're your parents for heavensake. Tomorrow, you're going to be in the same position. And don't give me that bull about "I'm never going to be a burden on my kids." Nobody wants to be a burden. They don't do it and love every minute of it. It's the worst feeling in the world... feeling helpless. And instead of helping them through dealing with this new feeling.. you crib.
How can you crib about having to do something for them? Is that what they did when you kept them up with your howling when you were 2 months old? Is that what they did when you thought you'd seen a monster in your cupboard? When you'd hurt yourself.. when you were down with fever... broken a leg.. had a broken heart? Is that what they did??
They bought you everything you ever needed... and you thanked them by never saying "thank you". They provided you with the best education... and you thanked them by leaving home. They bought you your first car, and you thanked them by driving it drunk. They bought you and your wife a new home and you thanked them by kicking them out. They baby-sat your kids and you thanked them by yelling and shouting at them.
Well, I have news for you mister. They didn't do all this and more because it was their DUTY. They did it because they loved you. And all you can do for them, is... You know, I'd rather you did nothing, than do stuff grudgingly. I'd rather you never told them how much you loved them, than keep reminding them of how much you were giving up, just for their sake.
How can you crib, when no matter what you do or say, they'll always wish the best for you... They're going to be gone one day... they're going to be gone for good. And their last thoughts would only be of regret for not having done better by you. Of having failed you somewhere.
Old age is called second childhood. Please don't give me that pathetic line.. that "old people are a burden". Yes, I've seen the nasty versions of old people too. Learn to forgive. Learn patience. But please don't ill treat your own parents. Don't treat them well, because it's your duty. Treat them well, and with respect, because you love them. I'm not preaching Kaushik. I'm begging.
And what's the best part?... they won't think wrong of YOU. They'll think they've gone wrong somewhere... can you live with that for the rest of your life?
Hey... I've a grandmother who's being moved around like a ball on a throwball court, as well... feel bad for her all the time... wish i was working...
And just fyi, my blog's name's been changed.. so you might want to change the name on your blog roll...
and you thought i wrote good?
i'd second all those thoughts, but then i've come to terms that people rape minors, kill the innocent and cheat the meek and do a million other incoherent acts.
i don't know whether there's a god, but i pray that your grandma's soul rest in peace and may you and the whole family derive strength from her undying love.
take care
hey..im really sorry bout ur gran.. nearly lost a childhood friend of mine this week .. lost my grandfather two years ago.. changed my life that did.. like navneet said its a world that just isnt fair.. one must move on however difficult it seems
call me a prick But i dont believe in this "After life" and rubbish like that... once your gone your gone for good buddy..there's no way around.. You might be a soul but i dont believe in "heaven" or "hell".. a soul is everywhere thats all.. and comin to the old age.. i do love my grandmothers.. since i dont have any grandfathers... but they do tend to get annoying.. i know they care.. but i want to be left alone and have some privacy... Your parents?.. i can tell you i do respect my mom but i dont think their perfect angels either... i mean i hate it when some one takes their shit out on me and especially when my mom does it... their only human and all of us are not gonna drive drunk and do all thso things Peek's remember that...
I kinda half agree with Ninju and half agree with Preetika...I'm like really close to one set of grandparents and really detatched to the other...My one granma succombed to hernia 5 yrs ago, and since then grandpa's been flitting between his three childrens' homes (pune, chennai, phoenix) so we have him here for three-four months to half a year. It's not much of a problem, really. The only things we have to sacrifice are keeping the volume a little low (the comp is in his room) and some little things. Kinda enjoy him being here...except sometimes he gets a little over-bearing with his demands that everything be prim and proper, but you can't help that - there's only this much you can expect a 76 year old man whose mind dwells in the 'good ole days' to adapt to this increasingly confusing modern lifestyle.
@anna: i'll change it. thanks for the update. i tooo wish I were working already..
@navneet:I was jst in a vague mood and really wanted to write. and the result is what you're reading. Thanks for your wishes, I'm really needing them. I've lost too many people in a year.
@vishal: I'm sorry for your loss.. yep, life ain't fair. it ain't fair at all.
@ninju: one might not do the stuff I've mentioned, but you migth hurt them in some other way. I know they use us to vent out their anger at times.. but then we do the same too. that's what families are meant for.
@aash: It's all just small stuff.. stuff you could do without. I'd rather not do such small stuff than not have my grandparents around.
Thanks for visitng guys.. And for taking the time to work your way through this one.. I'm in a crazy state :)
Lotsaluv and hugs,
Yours truly.
that was quite a heartfelt post...you're right, it can never be a burden...man, i wish I knew how to react better to such posts...
hey no need to thank me for it...you take care and if you need some ears, i've got three of them :)
ugh. I hate the duty thing as well.
Most of your posts more or less an open letter to Kaushik?
;-)
oh, forgot,
*hug*
@the monk: you're doing great. i jst needed to knw i wasnt being too obvious about being stark crazy :)
@nav: thankus. sniff sniff.
@amelie: that guy will pick through this one too.. dnt worry.. and plus, he's done with his boards... thanks for the hugs, im needing them.
thanks for visiting guys and for all your support.
lotsaluv,
yours truly.
thnk u "monk" for saying tht!!
i dunno wat to say either
all i can say parents r NO burden on kids