Ok I'm here and I'm writing. There's no one to talk to. And I really need to talk to someone, or I'm going to go crazy. Talk about what? I have no idea..

Ha so much for using the words never ever. Don't ever use these words. Life always tries to prove you wrong.

I was the good girl. Who could do nothing wrong. Who would never disappoint anyone. Who would rather hurt herself than someone else.

I did do wrong. I did disappoint. I did hurt others. Too many people. I wronged the people I loved. I wronged myself.

And then life was going amazingly well again.It was safe. I wasn't hurting anyone. Everyone was happy. Going on with their lives... loving because they could, laughing because they could and wanted to, crying because they were hurting and then healing because they wanted to live again.

I don't want to love, because I don't think I can.

I don't want to throw back my head and laugh, really laugh, because if I laugh.. it means it's time for the bad times to start. And end to the bad times.

I don't want to cry. I've cried enough. It leads you nowhere. Unless you count the shop down the road, to buy a fresh pack of tissues.

I don't want to heal. Because that means.. that means having to go through everything all over again.

I want to laugh. Laugh without a care in the world.

I want to be able to love again... love without hurting people around me.

I want to go somewhere. I want to cry. Really cry. Get it done with. To know that I can feel.

I want to heal. I want to be whole again. I want to live again. I want to let myself go.

But how to? How to do so without hurting people? Without...

4 comments

1. Kaushik on Sun Mar 12, 02:08:00 PM GMT+5:30

   I'm truly sorry to say this, especially because you think if anyone gives you bad critique they hate you.
   
   Note: I don't hate you.
   
   Having said that,
   
   The content of your last 5-10 posts has been so repetitive and similar in form that I'm tempted to spoof your blog again. I miss the old Quest for Thought; not the forward-posting but you actually addressing issues and starting intelligent discussions.
   
   Happy 100th.
   
   Kaushik

    
2. Sthupit Girl on Sun Mar 12, 02:36:00 PM GMT+5:30

   i know what you're saying. im not even talking abt hating me.
   
   im jst stuck.

    
3. Anonymous on Sun Mar 12, 02:52:00 PM GMT+5:30

   hey why the depressed post? i come here coz i am fed of reading my depressing blog, don't turn this one into a replica of mine.
   
   you've got to heal, coz a wounded tiger isn't good at hunting, or a lesion in the gut doesn't make for good eating.
   
   -nav

    
4. Sthupit Girl on Sun Mar 19, 10:25:00 AM GMT+5:30

   lol..
   
   thanks for coming by nav