Before I say anything else, I've got to make one thing clear. I'm not a christian and I haven't really celebrated Christmas since I moved out of Bombay, but let's just say the spirit lives on. We used to do a play before the midnight mass at the church and I used to be one of the angels (wings and all) and then we spent Christmas day eating good food and re-enacting the play at these orphanages- it was awesome. I love the colors of the season, I love the hope and joy it brings, and hence the decor on my blog.

More closer to home, we've celebrated the coming up of Christmas with the bestest hot chocolate fudge ice cream. Since I can't bake any cake or cookies because my microwave died on me, we have had to make do with the wonders of chocolate cooked on a flame. Salted nuts, hot chocolate sauce and glazed red cherries on vanilla ice cream.

Dad's playing Santa on our behalf to the family up north. Being unemployed is advantageous in the sense that you can get away with hand made gifts. Luckily for the family, my work is not so shabby. I'm quite proud of the way this one came out and hence, here it is for you- gush away.




Shopping, which I enjoy only when it's for other people, has been pretty much all I've been doing all week. The perfect this for this person and the perfect that for that person. Sister dear was treated to one of those tie up hair bands, that she'd wear to sleep if she could have her way. There's just something about surprising people with stuff they've always wanted to have but just haven't been able to buy for themselves, things they've thought went unnoticed. Try it out some time. It's really fun.

Hoping you've been just the right amounts of naughty and nice- where's the fun in being nice all the time? Naughty is good, NOT being nasty. Wishing you happiness, and peace, I leave you with We Wish you a merry christmas,

All my love.

For the first time in roughly four years, I've spent an hour and a half a day actually LEARNING. There's been this international conference going on in college- I'd usually get involved with the organizing and that'd be the extent of my involvement, but since this one the staff wanted to handle, they just made attendance compulsory to make the auditoriums look more full. Not one to even attend such things, I went with my ipod loaded with two new movies and some Full House episodes. Only, to my surprise there were actually people from abroad- proper universities like Rutgers and all, even profs from IIT Bombay! I loved listening to their speeches even though ALOT of it had little to do with my course work.

So, that's reason one of the lightheartedness that I've been experiencing. Learning, I find, always make me happy. Specially after the early deaths my brain cells have been sentenced to these past four years.

Reason number two is because soon approaching is the end of this road. And the last stretch looks infinitely tolerable now that the staff allotted for my subjects and project work will be lecturers who wouldn't be bothered to even take classes. It's the least they can do.

Reason number three is that I am now officially an Accenture employee, thank you very much. The job offer has been signed sealed and delivered. I have a very nice t-shirt that came along with the offer letter- one my mom had to literally force off my back to wash :D I love the company already and I hope I won't be too disappointed.

Reason number four is that Pride and Prejudice (BBC series) that I now have the pleasure of watching thanks to Zee Studio. I would like to go on record to state that both the movies (Bollywood and Hollywood) were abominable compared to this one and the book, at the same time asking you to put previous acclaims down to temporary insanity.

Reason number five is that my birthday is coming up. And for once in my life, I've got a whole list of things I DO want, and am actually saying it out aloud instead of worrying about if I deserve them or not. Mom, dad, sis- if you're reading this, just to remind you of the decision we arrived at after today's discussion- you are to ditch the search for a perfect phone, and work on buying me the perfect car instead.

Reason number six is all the wonderful people in my life. Sis, you may leave me breathless but you're like those just perfect rays of sunshine that warm you and leave you smiling. Dish and Simrat, you guys are the like the smell after the first rains that leaves you happy and satisfied. Mom, we bug the hell out of you but then again, you leave no stone unturned in returning the favor. And you, the people of the blogging world who STILL visit, muah! You make me smile.

Reason number seven is well, there's nothing else I can put this unencumbered feeling down to. There's a right time for everything. For letting go, holding on. For wanting to just hide under the covers and not want to face the day, for liking what you see in the mirror and actually looking forward to the day. For worrying about every tiny smile you feel you have to hide, for every spontaneous hug you let yourself enjoy. You get the general idea. What I'm trying to say is, have faith. When the time is right, you'll be free and ready to believe again. Until then, eat chocolate cake and enjoy your girl friends. Don't be in a hurry to get to the other side, you'll get there when you are ready.

I leave you with Mary's Boy Child Jesus Christ- really helps singing it.

All my love!

P.S. Check out the human calendar in my side bar! Me loves.

'Twas a rainy day. Sis and me had spent the day lazing around and all we needed to top off a perfect day was a perfectly gooey chocolate cake. So, I put on my chef's hat and came up with what is my best cake recipe ever.

For those of you who have never baked a normal chocolate cake before, here's the ingredients. For those of you who know the drill skip to the last two magic ingredients.

* 1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
* 1 cup superfine sugar or just sugar.
* 1/2 teaspoon baking powder
* About 100 gm butter- salted works just fine.
* 2 large eggs
* Vanilla extract for flavor.
* 1/2 cup of curd/ milk (for if you use one egg)
* Cocoa AND drinking chocolate
* Secret (Not so secret after this, but whatever) Ingredient No1. Marie gold biscuits or (any other biscuits- I use these because they have a very mild flavor and don't complement the chocolate).
* Secret (ditto) Ingredient No2. Jam. Preferably grape/strawberry. Natural. Not Kissan and all ok?

Now, first add the butter and sugar into a food processor and beat until smooth. Next add flour in half cups interspersed by an egg- or you could just put it all in together. You could use one egg and the half cup of curd/ milk. Else, two eggs should do it.

Add about a teaspoon of vanilla extract and the baking powder.

Next, you need to add only about one large spoon of cocoa and about three-four spoons of drinking chocolate- mix the entire thing. If you want more chocolate, add more drinking chocolate, NOT cocoa, unless you like your cake bitter.

The magic bit- to about two teaspoons of the jam add about a teaspoon of milk/hot water, and whisk it into a smooth paste. Add this to your cake batter and give it one last shake.

Grease your baking dish with butter, and dust with a little bit of flour. Put the biscuits (around ten-fifteen) into a plastic bag and crush them using a rolling pin. Crush the slightly larger pieces into finer dust/ smaller pieces using your hand. Layer the baking dish with an even layer of this.

Pour your batter into this. And bake. If you use a microwave oven, bake at 160 using the forced air option for about 10- 11 mins. Bake for an extra 1-2 mins depending on how "gooey" you want it to be.

When done, dust with a little icing sugar, and serve!! Alternatively, take a fork and dig in.

I've spent the entire day sitting in front of the T.V. as probably has the rest of India. And I am emotionally drained and paralyzed. And helpless.

I do NOT understand how Mr. Advani, head of the opposition, has not failed to turn today's dastardly and horrific acts of terrorism into "how this is worse than what happened during our regime".

Actually, I can. WHICH is what upsets me more than anything.

What kind of a country is this? This country which so proudly beats its chest and asks for the world to notice her coming out, can allow for it's policemen to go into a combat situation without ANY sort of specialized equipment. THIS when the terrorists are carrying on them not only AK-47s and rocket launchers but also hi tech satellite equipment.

ATS Chief Hemant Karkare and more than fifteen other policemen lost their lives today. It is the ATT and the NSG and the local Mumbai police force along with the media who have spent the entire twenty four odd hours since the first blasts AT the site. Not a single member of the state government was found anywhere around these places. Not at the hospitals, not at the hotels. Tomorrow however they will come out to applaud the "spirit of Mumbai" and continue to question why the army men are giving the ration they are given and why they are paid so much.

Over 150 people would have lost their lives before the day ends. Scores others are lying in hospitals across the city, hurt. Each of the 1.1 billion people of this country are not only hurt too, but also angry.

I HATE that we have become a country that is run by politicians who are only worried about the "next election". I HATE that we do not have the decency and caliber to honor and immortalize these soldiers of ours. I HATE that twenty odd "boys" can hold a nation as large as ours at gun point.

I HATE that everyone will forget this happened and how ill prepared we are as a country, until something like this happens again in four months time.

I do NOT know what I can do to change things as yet. But I swear, I'm going to figure it out.

I just noticed. I go "sad sad" and "nice nice". How weird is that?

I suck at writing in active voice, so if I ever do start writing a book, it's never getting done.

The new song here, "All I want for christmas"- me loves it. It's super cheesy and all that. But I do.

Whose Line Is It Anyway is back on TV!!! All hail Star World.

It's tough to decide whether I like photos of people better or nature. Black and whites or color. People, on most days.

I'm an aunt six times over. Or actually according to Joey, three times an uncle and three times an aunt.

India is SO going to win the match.

It's really weird introducing myself by my name. I've been "pk" for half my life.

How come we Indian kids don't get "find yourself" time?

How is it possible to go from being deliriously happy one minute to being terribly depressed the next? Ugh.

I'm out of things to say.

"Peace".

I was just recalling how the exam I wrote on Friday went.

It was so hilarious.

Half the class went to the bathroom, one after the other, in the first forty five minutes after starting the exam.

More than half the class (thus including people who visited the loo and those who didn't) got up and went to get themselves a drink of water during the exam.

Almost everyone sharpened each pencil that was in their pencil boxes at least 4 times- it was a programming paper, did I mention?

Some people also ended up punching numbers into the calculators they were carrying to verify if the multiplication tables they'd been taught were right.

And yes, I spent the little time left, cataloging this information.

On a totally different note, sometimes all you need to right your world are your bestest friends in the whole wide world on the phone with you.

Oh and for those of you who are wondering, I am NOT christian. I love Christmas time though. And thanks to my stay in Mumbai, I've even been an actual angel in the midnight mass plays. Yes, an angel. Will wonders ever cease, eh?

I absolutely loved working on this template. Adobe Photoshop rocks. The base template isn't mine, but I've tweaked with it alot to get what I liked best. There's also an option that allows you to stop the carols from playing near the Santa who is strumming his guitar- for you Scrooges. If you have a special request, make it, I'll see what I can do.

Until then, be good and be happy.

All my love.

If you were to ever pick up Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice, I'd recommend that you don't do so when you were in the middle of exams. I FINALLY read the book. And I gotta say, I liked it.

I can't say if I'd have liked the book had I not seen Bride and Prejudice (which this is based on). Maybe I would have, maybe I wouldn't have. I think I would have, except I'd have read it more slowly. I didn't know that the movie was actually the book, so I actually couldn't put the book down until I'd finished it and couldn't wait to see what was going to happen on the next page.

Austen starts the book with, "It is a truth universally acknowledged that a single man in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a wife" and it'd be really really hard to contradict her, even in today's world.

Each of the five sisters has her own "thing". The eldest sister Jane is the beauty but more of the quite and gracious type and yet emotionally strong as you come to learn. Elizabeth the female protagonist is her fathers favorite, lively and full of wit. The famous Mr. Darcy is disgustingly rich, intelligent and an introvert. The fact that his role was played by Martin Henderson in the movie, only helped imagine his "handsomeness" more vividly. I love the father's laconic style which only brings to light the flair for drama that his wife has.

It's almost a typical love story. What made me read on were the characters. First you wanted to know how the two met, then there's the whole falling in love that is to happen which is to catch them unawares and lastly you want to know who makes the first move and how. If Lizzy actually apologies. How Darcy reacts to her playfulness even after they've married. William Collins ( a cousin who wanted to marry Elizabeth but was turned down and married her best friend instead), Lady Catherine (Darcy's widowed aunt who has her own plans for Darcy) Charles Bingley (Darcy's best friend and Jane's love) and his evil sisters, only add liveliness to the book and make it more interesting.

Anyway, if you haven't read it, do so now. If you aren't too found of English Lit you mightn't enjoy the writing style too much, so I'd suggest you watch the movie first (Bollywood or Hollywood, they're both good)- that way you can just skip through some descriptive pages and not loose the plot.

And if you HAVE read it, do so again!

All my love.

There was this huge massive big part of me that wanted to get into an IIM. NOT because of the name and the money and all that, but because I wanted to be motivated, inspired and taught. Three things that I can get from other places too- yes, Stanford and all are just waiting for me :D

With CAT out of the way, I'm just relieved. Instead of having worked for it and denying myself a lot things along the way just so I could get this, I would have done a whole lot better if I'd just walked in and written the exam. It was THAT weird. Math sucked, as I knew it would. English and DI were good. The IIMs sadly want you to have brilliantly in everything.

I know I should be sad, but all I can think of right now is how much more lighter I feel. There wasn't pressure at home, there was only pressure I'd put on myself. Anyhoo, with that out of the way, I'm all energized to work on my other options. I actually went and celebrated by stuffing myself with the best sizzlers on ze planet.

Hope you guys have been good because guess whose coming to town!! *hiccup*

Yes, a little drunk.

All my love.

So,

First: I fall asleep with my contacts on because I hadn't slept much last night and was ill.

Second: I didn't even know I'd done (First) until two hours after having woken up, I rub my eyes to find something on my hand.

Third: I finally realize what had happened, dig into my other eye to find the other lens, turn up with nothing.

Fourth: I DO find it after an hour, but it had dried up. And because it was due to be replaced, tore.

Five: After five minutes of contact lens tearing, my only pair of spectacles snap into two. Just like that.

An exam-like thing tomorrow, nothing to see with, and they weren't reading glasses so I'm practically blind.

Me thinks bad things are to happen. And this is how I won't be able to see them happen. Unless of course these bad things plan to stick themselves in my face.

Can't wait!

Diwali for mom.------------>

Buy the women in your lives flowers- they're gorgeous to look at, not expensive, and don't need an occasion to be presented on. And the joy such a simple gesture could bring, it's brill.

May the light of the lamps bring to you only good things. To the south indians, happy diwali. To the north indians, have a happy diwali.

All my love

<--- Totally my doing.

... that feeling when you just want to bend over, hug yourself hard and wail? Cry so hard breathing becomes difficult. When something that is so much larger just squeezes your insides and breaks you.

I was so sure this was it. This was the end of this whole mess I'd created. This whole mess I'd convinced myself I'd created. That this would be what could free me of the burden I carry around. That it would.

The part of me that hadn't already curled up and hidden itself away, wants to weep now. The part that hadn't already gone into self preservation mode wants to stand on the roof of the tallest building and scream- wants me to give in too, to give up.

This part of me wants me stop right here. Wants me to accept that the mistakes I made ARE really as big as they've seemed on my worst days when they really aren't. I KNOW that logically. But I need to FEEL it to believe it, to be free, to be sane again. The part that wants me to stop is a really big part.

I'll be safe, if I do. But I'll have settled for less that I deserve. Less than what I think I deserve.

So, for now I'm not. I know I should. I know I should just shut down and put up the "CLOSED" sign. I know. But I couldn't.

I just read the title I'd entered, and if you read it without pausing at the comma, or not venture further and read the post, it sounds damn funny.

For someone who hasn't hated another person ever(Yes, never), for someone whose hatred extended to only brinjals till now, this rush of anger towards her country comes as a gargantuan shock that is accompanied by uneasiness. Specially, when this "she" is so determined to only look at the upside of things.

I crumpled today mornings Hindu and stamped on it too. This was after I'd read the first para on the front page on the "support that Tamil Nadu has shown for the Sri Lankan tamils". Support, my ass.

The "youth" from my college who took part in this "human chain" formation on a day when Chennai was flooded, had been locked up in college and later hog tied into forming a part of this chain. Locked, literally not figuratively. Hog tied, literally not figuratively.

After which by the by, I spent four hours getting home from college. FOUR FUCKIN' hours. Traffic inched every half an hour, all the way from Parrys to Chrompet. Over ever fuckin' flyover. And every "back road" there exists across residential areas. On top of that an irritating female on the bus hogged my seat, so I had to stand. Wet, hungry and hence low on sugar, standing. Four hours. Hitting head on the pole helped a little. If I hadn't had my I-pod with me, I'd have considered trying to suicide myself by jumping into the river that had formed at Guindy.

He could have done this chain forming along the damn beach- we have one of the longest beaches in Asia, after all. He could have formed the damn chain after issuing a bandh of some sort. He could have done ANYTHING that did not involve making people stand in the pouring rain, blocking 75% of the city at rush hour, for over ten hours.

THIS is not how you show support for anything. By making an issue as sensitive as this a political game, is not how you put in your two cents towards resolving it. THIS is why India should come a bi-party government. THIS is why coalition governments are more dangerous than the ones that are run by one party.

All you do DO is make people like me who believed there was hope, turn into bigger cynics.

SG.

The slight drizzle we had yesterday prompted the government to take swift action and declare a holiday for schools and colleges. No sooner than it struck ten that the sky cleared up. It would to be seven o' clock in the evening before the Gods decided to weep again.

It poured cats and dogs all night leaving the city in knee deep water. It continued to pour other animals too, so much so, that knee deep soon became chest- hurting- can't-see-a-thing-umbrella-flying-drive-at-15-kmph four hours of rain that just refused to let up.

Still with smiles on our faces, wet to our bones we turned up promptly at eight thirty of the pre-placement talk at CEG ( both my college and CEG have placements together at CEG, we're one university now)- Google was coming! Sure, only a handful of us would get in, but it'd be a super cool experience. It was google after all!

They started their ppt at around ten ish- two phrases that I would take back with me from that one hour I spent with them, because of their frequent occurence as part of the "culture at google" were- "work ethic" and "do not be evil". The Professor in charge very kindly read out the names of students elligble to attend the first round of screenly- no MIT student was short listed. Criteria to attend the company- CGPA above 8. Did I have that much? Yes. I have 9.1 Did the fifteen other people with me meet with their criteria? Yes, each and every one of them did.

Supremely pissed off and thinking that the professors in charge had taken their partiality towards CEG students too far, I asked the guy in charge why none of our names were on the list. To quote him, "MIT students are not elligible." To make sure the decision was of the company and not the University office, I approached the HR person who'd come (I was on a roll by then)-

Me: "Excuse me ma'am, I'd like to ask you a question, if that's alright."
She: " Yes, of course."
Me: "Was it your decision to not shortlist MIT students or the colleges'?"
She: "It was ours."
Me (sweetest voice ever):" Can we please know what the reason behind this decision was?"
She: "I've discussed it at length with your professors and I would rather he explained it to you."
Me: "Sure, thank you ma'am."

Within five minutes, I was on my way to college with the rest of my friends. The university had NO bleddy right to allow a company that discriminated against a department of its just because it was located on a different campus. We have the same exams, same rules, same VC. Not an affiliated college. Not an autonomous college anymore. We are a part of the damn university.

Walked straight into my HODs room and gave her the details. Another five minutes and we were talking to the Vice Chancellor (what a day for him to be visiting our college).

We were informed some time later, that he had been in the know how. Some student from my batch had tried to approach the company directly, and they were pissed off about it and had brought it to his notice. Utter bull shit. And that's what we told our HOD. She promised us she would follow the matter up, but that it would take time, and to not worry.

Point at the end of the day was- we'd lost an opportunity. One that wasn't coming back any time soon.

Only, for probably the first time in the history of a governmental institution action was taken within hours. We were to find out in the evening, that the VC on returning to his offices, had cancelled the company.

I feel sorry for the students who had been shortlisted and were attending their interviews by that time. Our only intention was to be told why and how this need for segregation arose, and why and how it was being allowed.

I'm ecstatic also. You should have seen us. HOD in front, me and two three of us who had represented the issue next, and my entire class behind us, umbrellas out we marched across college to meet the VC. It was like leading a revolution. And in some ways it was. One that we won.

Only, I'm slightly disappointed my weapon of choice will be known as an umbrella.

------------
P.S. Two goverment officials who took prompt action and stood up for what was right. In one day. Almost too hard to believe no?

I detest people who don't know how to say thank you. If I'm having one of those happier days, I only feel sorry for such people, but on days like today- let's just say I'm not a person with violent tendencies but when you given up your seat for someone carrying a child in a crowded bus, the futility of doing a good deed angers me.

Don't get me wrong. I don't want an award or for my picture to be in the newspaper for Samaritan-Of-the-Week, but the least you could do is say thank you.

Or when people take stuff from you and return it all battered and abused, without even the slightest of acknowledgments.

For any politician that I come across in my life, I have only two words- Fuck you. vans and trucks full of hooligans drove on the streets of Chennai yesterday because supporters of some politician were gathering at Marina to celebrate his something. We, the ones not in these vans, were in turn treated to loud blaring music, rambunctious dances and cheering and traffic jams so long that most of us just abandoned our vehicles and took to walking to get to places in time.

Where these cars and vans stopped in the middle of roads, ardent fans got off and relieved themselves on the roadside. Cheering increased when a girl was in sight. Driving became rasher as the urge to compete with one another grew.

And I was ready to commit murder.

On that extremely positive note, I leave you to enjoy your Sunday.

SG.

First, I don't send the form within the stipulated time. I have to call them up to ask what can be done and they calmly tell me that it's ok and I should send it as soon as possible.

Second, I paid for admission to one program when I could have applied for two. So, I call them up to ask if I can pay extra now or something, and they say no.

Third, I lose the envelope I'm supposed to send the filled up form in. I have to call them up, again, and ask them what to do about that.

Fourth, yes, there's more. I just glance through the filled up form and find that the branch and code of the bank where the money was paid was filled up wrong. So, I have to call them up, AGAIN, and am told to write and send an apology letter with the form.

I'd better be getting in there after all this.

Photo By: Drew Tedlock

I almost gave up.

Threw my hands up in the air.

Blocked out every dream I'd ever had. It's funny how sometimes you become so numb that even the sharpest of pains can't touch you.

And then Bones and Booth sang Keep On Tryin' (by Poco).

In those two minutes, everything righted itself.

I'm not giving anything up without a fight.

SG.

After four years of blogging, some form of appreciation. Sure, it had to be wheedled out. Still, eeeek! I got a blog award.

Awarded by
astrodominie to Sthupit Girl

This post is going to be super shot. One, fathers have this way of waking their daughters up that mothers can just never do. Mornings suddenly become bearable, even Monday mornings. And even though you'll never read this, thank you dad.

Two, for the third time in one month, I've gone for CAT class only to sneak right out and back home. It's not like I don't get enough opportunity to travel by MTC, which by the way is a post long due, that T.I.M.E. is doing me a favor by giving out wrong schedules and/or rescheduling without notice.

Three, I just realized I've written fifteen mock cats already. Fifteen. That's five more than ten and five less than twenty. Which would mean there's exactly five Sundays before the D-Day.

Four, we grow up hearing about how great the Ratan Tatas and the Mittals of India are. I've read about their lives, and I read about them every time I pick up a newspapers. A new factory here, a take over there. But it's only after hearing the press conference Mr. Tata had regarding the Singur issue, did he become "real" to me. It was in that moment that I knew that I liked his dignity, and I was left inspired by his passion.

Five, I thought I was the most peculiar person in my family. Or at least one with the most peculiar peculiarities. Turns out, my sistar is slowly inching her way to first place. So- she robs dad of a an absolutely new notebook. Lies down beside me on the bed and starts flipping its pages. After a whole entire minute, her actions have my complete attention. She continues to touch each page with reverence before going to the next. She continues to touch each blank page with reverence before going to the next.

And now I must run. Have a super fun long weekend,

SG.

P.S. Dad just let me drive the car first time after the puja (yes, me the punjabi did the not-punjabi ayudha puja). Finally a sign of good things to come.

So, I spent most of this evening freaking out. Not because of lack of planning. But because of not paying attention to detail.

I opened the Stanford website- only to find out that they do NOT look for work experience as a prerequisite for admissions to the MBA course. So, I freaked out. I SHOULD have known about this. I shouldave known this so that I could have written my GMAT and TOFEL exams and applied this year.

I still can, but I don't like how rushed things will become if I do decide to do so. So, I'm not. If things don't work out here and now, then we'll make Stanford happy. But just in case there's smarter people who've already written the required exams- Harvard, Stanford & Michigan- take freshers.

On other news- let us all stand up and clap hands to wish Navneet a very happy budday. May he always have money to buy hair dye, the latest in spectacles and hearing aid and of course, dentures. Wishing you all things that are good.

On other other news, because I spent the evening I'd planned to spend studying, freaking out instead- my schedules gone for a toss. So, I'm going to stop bugging you and go and try and do something about it.

The absolutely brilliant news is- Monday is over!!

SG.

Saturday night- in PJ's and talking to myself (on my blog)- the excitement could make a more slight person dizzy. I'd be depressed, only it's great to finally have had a proper meal- the "old people" ka khanna was driving me nuts. Now that I have a whole KFC burger inside me, I'm all set to dance on the ceiling. Breathlessness or no breathlessness.

I was going through some stuff the other day, and came across this word omphaloskepsis- contemplation of one's navel as part of a mystical exercise. Have you heard of anything more bizarre?!

I'm going to be posting a little less often from now on. Or maybe more often, considering the nervousness and fear that is going to start crippling me. Either way, you have been forewarned.

I love photographs. I don't take too many of them, but I'd love to someday. The artist in me loves the use of many colors almost as much as she loves the magic that can be created using just one, and sometimes none.

Flickr found this for me. And I love it. It's called "The Kiss".



I had more to say. Only, this picture makes the words fade away and their place is taken by a small smile.

• I started writing, only to realize I was rambling, as usual. So I need to edit that post before I put it up.



• People surprise me every day. Not all of the surprises are good. A friend of mine saw a muslim guy, a student, walking towards us in college and promptly said, " I'm scared. Doesn't he look scary? What's with the beard and all? "
  

  People, educated people, can be extremely illiterate in their views.

  
  I could have strangled her. Is this how education helps? Is this what "jehad" is supposed to accomplish?



• There's some words that I just love. They don't mean "great" things or anything. I just love the drama around them or the way they sound. Like "flummoxed" and "umbrage".



• Redefining deep sleep- you don't hear your cell phone beep.



• Another not so pleasant surprise was when in college, again, the people I was sitting with commented on why this particular girl was even wearing a "dupatta"- it wasn't covering what is was supposed to.
  
  It made me sad.



• FUBAR is an absolutely brill word I found out.



• I like black and white as much as I love color.



• I found my first white hair. And I've kept it safe. Proof of my wisdomousness.



• Making "blockquotes" or pullquotes as they are sometimes called and customizing them to suit your style is really easy. They look nice and people ALWAYS read them. Will put up a post regarding them soon.



• I think the look of ones blog is very important.

  What would make me want to read your blog?

  A first time visitor either reads ahead of doesn't based on very few basic things- name of the blog and the tag line, aesthetics and the title of the post. The length of the post comes a quick fourth.
  
  Sure, for them purists, writing is all that matters. But if you really want people to read what you've written, you have to create an atmosphere that will encourage them to do so.

Me is done. Hope you guys are enjoying the day off. I certainly am, given the fact that my nasal passage has cleared and I've fought my way into being allowed to bathe. Too much detail, I know :D

Oh and by the by, the title has nothing to do with my love for bananas or lack of it. It's a song by Jack Johnson. One I'd recommend.

All my love!

*Has been edited. Please forgive lapse of judgment.

A test that I'd already flunked in once and fever that makes me actually breathe out fire and congestion and cold are not a good combination. Specially when you go blog hopping and find stuff you like and want to do yourself because you are so sad, that people won't tag you to do it. Oh and did I say breathing caused me so much pain- there isn't even a word to describe it!



Anyhow, here are the rules.

1. Type your answer to each of the questions below into Flickr Search.
2. Using only the first page, pick an image.
3. Copy and paste each of the URLs for the images into fd’s mosaic maker.

1. What is your first name?
********* (there you go)It's official.
2. What is your favorite food? Right now?
Apple pie. Doesn't really count as food, does it?
3. What high school did you go to?
BVM, Madras. Center Point School, Nagpur. Carmel Convent, Mumbai. Though I guess BVM counts as high school in every sense.
4. What is your favorite color?
Red. I love colors, full stop. Red holds a prominent place though.
5. Who is your celebrity crush?
George Clooney all the way. Muah. Can't believe I just said that. Oh wait, I have fever. So it's ok.
6. Favorite drink?
Lemonade. Not exotic, but me loves.
7. Dream vacation?
To travel everywhere. Five star plus of course. This ones Brooklyn Bridge though.
8. Favorite dessert?
Gooey chocolate cake please.
9. What do you want to be when you grow up?
Carefree. And uninhibited.
10. What do you love most in life?
Happiness & Laughter.
11. One Word to describe you.
Guarded [I liked this pic better than the one I found for "shy" ]
12. Your Flickr name.
SG. Big surprises there.

I'm tagging everyone who happens to come by. Leave me a comment when you do this pleej.

Happy Monday!

SG.

Credits for the awesome pics- 1. 0000400291.jpg, 2. apple pie, 3. bala vidya mandir, 4. rojo sobre negro (mosaico) / red on black (mosaic), 5. 5-hour-phone-conversation, 6. .relax & have some fresh squeezed legonade., 7. Brooklyn, 8. Day137 - gorgeous gooey chocolate cake slice, 9. The chase, 10. at least it started out with laughter, 11. gaurded with color, 12. sg.wang plaza@malaysia

So, I finally got my laptop- handed down it might be, but at least it's a laptop. One, I should mention was a "You get above 9.5, you get a laptop"-trying-to-push-you-harder mom talk. And for what is probably the third time, promises have not been kept.

And this is first post!! *take two minutes to pay respect*

Right. New personal property involves customization.

The iTunes 8 pink color bug has been tackled and normalcy has been restored.

Almost like a dog peeing around something, to mark it's property. Not a pretty comparison, but what the hell. Customizing involved downloading iTunes 8.0, which lead to viewing of a completely bizarre pink colored screen that made reading tough on a more intellectual level and just hurt the eyes on a more baser level.

Looks something like this->



Minimizing/ maximizing works for only about two seconds. You might also encounter a green and black color combination when you select songs.

I was all set to re- download the software, when purely by chance, I decided to comb the erstwhile web to find out if something like this was happening to anyone else. Gladly (no, not the misery-loves-company-one) it IS a bug in the software ( which is SHocking considering it's Apple)

Windows XP users need only do the following-




1. Right click on your desktop and select Properties.
2. Select the Settings tab.
3. And change the color settings from 16-bit to 32-bit.

And that's it.

Vista users need to select Personalize after right clicking on the desktop, and do the same as above.

On a totally different note, I've got a new pet- Zinnia. It's the name of a flower

Other news. Actually I'm just showing off this new pullquote thing.

and in the language of flowers means, thoughts of absent friends. And I love that.

People, who don't like it's munching and/or baahing, may turn on the mute option. Feed her, though.

I'm not sure if I like my current blank state. Oh and I joined twitter. What purpose it's supposed to solve, I'm not sure of as yet.

Pleasant Sunday,

SG.

The yellow light is so bright, that you can't look at it directly. Or look at it and not be able to see a thing. Which is surprising because the setting sun is supposed to be calm.

This feels like one of those images that a booming voice singing "And there will be light" creates.

When you stop trying to look directly at the sun, and look around instead- it's like the stadium lights have been switched on.

Only better.

All that is not metal is crimson and all that is metal, is silver.


SG.

A favicon (short for favorites icon), according to the oh-so-reliable Wikipedia, is also known as a website icon, or shortcut icon, is an icon associated with a particular website or webpage. It's the icon that appears near a page's url in the address bar.


Within Internet Explorer the Favicon is displayed on the Address line and in the Favorites menu. Mozilla users, can see this icon, in the tabs they create too. Look up and you'll see this near "Quest For Thought"

or or or or or

You could add one to your web page too. It's super easy.

I used MpP, to find an icon I liked best. There's also Delta-Tango-Bravo. And if you cannot find anything you like, you could create a brand new icon from image files you have using FavIcon from Pics. Creating a 16px by 16px image is a piece of work in itself, but for those of you who can't find ANYTHING at all, here's a good photoshop tutorial.

Once you've decided what you want to use, upload it onto a file server. Make sure the image you intend to use is either in the .gif or .png or .ico formats. I use Ripway. Add the following two lines of code in between the head tags of your template code.



Where "http://myicon.com/favicon.gif" is the url of your favicon image- Save the template, and you're all set to go!! The url of the image, as you can see, is a direct link to the image file and shouldn't include words like ".php?" or ".asp".

It doesn't work quite as smoothly with IE, so for all you not-so-enlightened ones, wake up and see the light- shift to Mozilla. If you MUST use IE-

1. Make sure the file is named favicon.ico and is placed in the root folder of your web server.
2. Add your page to the favorites list. If it already exists there, then remove it and add it again.
3. Clicking on the "e" in your browser's address bar of your webpage, and moving it towards the right slightly two or three times sometimes helps. (I swear it does)
4. Clean up your temporary internet files folder and load your page afresh.
5. Sometimes, it's imperative that you use an absolute address to the file and not a relative one. (i.e, instead of an href="//favicon.ico", you have to use a complete address- which starts with an "http" like href="http://mysite.com/ favicon.ico")

If it STILL doesn't work, take the hint, and shift!

All my love.

Three things to do today:

1. Get up.
2. Survive.
3. Go back to bed.



SG.

Everyone who is anyone, is actually DOING something. Whether it is writing columns for newspapers (I'm VERY happy for you); or acing exams they have no right doing well in specially when I'm doing terribly; or be driving around the town in cars that I've always wanted to have; or basically living the life I've always wanted to.

Sigh.

In the words of Chandler,

I mean if I die the only way people would even know I was here, would be by the ass print on this chair!

Pleasant weekend?

All my love.

• There's two things I'll always be grateful to Neet (my cousin) for. And I'm stating both on a public forum. One, for dragging me to watch Jab We Met- after ages I got to see something that could actually bring lightness to the heart. Still does, actually.



• Two, for introducing me to The O.C. I was SO against this series when it started- I mean why would I want to watch a story about some spoilt brats sleeping with each other? Sure, almost everyone s slept with everyone else, but that is NOT the story.
  
  Each life, is so complicated. And yet, so simple. I love the family. I love the strength that they give each other. I love knowing that if you really did love someone, things really would work out.



• Each love story has it's own charm. And I love the differences.



• Yes, I'm one of those who have an imaginary boyfriend in their past. His name was Aryan, and that's all you're going to get from me.



• I can't decide whether or not to just give up and run away and hide or to put up a fight and persevere.



• Turns out, yet again, that one musn't ever believe what people say. I really really don't know what we SHOULD believe in then. Words are fickle, yes. So, what's stronger?



• Mom received a dozen red roses and a box of chocolates from her brother for Rakhi. And I couldn't be more happy.



• From the moment we wake up to the moment our heads hit the bed, we ask ourselves questions. When the answers we get are totally different from the ones we'd thought of, are we really happy.



• I swear men/guys are worse than we ladies are supposed to be at this whole shopping thing. Three hours to buy ONE shirt. And that's the shirt I picked out in the first 5 minutes. Jezus.



• There's always this line between "personal" and staying "not personal" that I'm terrible at not crossing. I can two things- either completely involved and that means I expect the other person to totally understand who I am and what I am and why I am what I am or not am, or I keep you away.



• I HATE, abhor, being called "nice". Nice implies a very sycophantic nature.



• I do NOT judge people. Even people who've been terrible to me, I understand where they're coming from and I accept them for what they are. Sometimes, I try too hard to accept, and maybe lose sight of what people really are.
  
  That's when I'd like to hear what someone who I trust thinks about the person too.



• Crushes are funny things. They make the person who was "crushed upon" feel good. And the person who was "crushing" feel weird.
  
  I hate that YOU were told I liked you too. But I did not. Not in that way. And in a weird way I'm sorry, because that was a cruel thing for people to do.



• It's really hilarious when people who are trying to show off with big words use the words but spell them wrong. I mean, abhorr? Really?



• Ghosts are not nice things to live with. Contrary to what you might have been lead to believe after watching all those cartoons, they aren't friendly. They torture and they screech. They play with your emotions and suck up all the happiness. Like dementors, actually- suck out your soul.



• I usually don't listen to female singers. But even if you don't listen to the song, read the lyrics of this song called Unwritten by Natasha Beddingfield. They're refreshingly; not hackneyed.
  
  Thanks sis, for introducing me to it.



• Do NOT watch Singh is King. I swear it's going to go down as one of the worst movies of our times, after Jhoom Barabar Jhoom of course. The story sucks, the people suck, the songs sucks and they bleddy embarrass punjabis.



• I take time to figure out why I've said something I have or done something I have or haven't done or said something I haven't. And I look twice before I'm sure, because I hate lying. To others, yes. But more than anything to myself.
  
  It's not called making excuses.



• I think I'm just about done here. Every day brings more drama than the previous. And I know I'm better off in most respects than most people in the world, but I swear the only word that comes to mind to describe me today is "traumatized".



• Almost a P.S.- Dish, Simrat and Bhai- Thank you for calling. You guys are my silver lining.



• There's nothing like a call from friends you've grown old with. And yes, actually grown old with. I've known them since I was eleven. God bless them :D



• There's also nothing like a big brother who doesn't hesitate to offer free consultation (now that he is a doc) to the guy who has been crushing on you.

Hope you guys are having better luck,

All my love.

I could burst into tears right about now. And not the little shot gun bursts of crying, but actual, sobbing.

You know how people say that "life has to come a full circle"? I didn't have an opinion until now. Now I do- it's true. Thankfully, mine has taken 4 years to come around- bit by bit, things are turning into exactly what they were then. I'm just praying the result is happier this time around and I don't have to wait for another circle to free myself of "this".

Apparently, being nice to people is a crime.

All you have to do is say boo, and I'll have broken down into a million pieces- million, IS possible, when you are me.

Ugh.

• It's hair, not hairs. Just like it's sheep and not sheeps. Just like it's teeth not tooths.



• If you don't know what it feels like to be with a guy who isn't shy of holding your hand in front of his friends, then you haven't met a "man".



• I DID say the entire sentence with a straight face.



• Dogs are total sex fanatics, I'm telling you. Or at least the street ones. And the sickest part is not that they enjoy orgies, the sickest part is that they like to do "it" in front of an audience.



• What's the first thing that comes to mind when someone says "People have been caught in the lift" ?



• That they were doing "stuff" in the lift, no? Bleddy, I'm not THAT perverted.



• I like the shades of green Karan has used on "Coffee with Karan"- the only thing that irritates me is that while he does ask good questions, he doesn't know how to build a (or utilize the) connection with the people who come as guests.



• The "Are you smarter than a fifth grader" is WAY WAY better than SRK s "kya aap paanchvi class pass hai". There's just this way you have to do things, to make something like this show successful, and he obviously isn't doing it.



• I enjoyed today alot. And I've decided to open a coffee shop at IIT if all plans of an MBA fizzle out.



• Yes, I know it's a brill idea. And IIT is taken. So find some place else, if you must follow in my footsteps.



• Twenty questions is an awesome game. You find out all sorts of weird fun things about people. Things you wouldn't ever know of, if you hadn't asked that question.



• There's people and there's people. I'm glad you are people.



• I don't understand how the people in these "couples" around me, are weaker, now that they've found "love". I've always thought love made you stronger. What I see around me, is almost parasitic.



• I had an art teacher who tried stuff with me. I still HATE thinking about it. I wish I had been old enough to slap him.



• You know how there's people who just make you smile? There doesn't have to be a concrete reason, they just do.



• You might think it weird, but every time I say "All my love", I mean all my love. Even though I don't know most of you in person, and even though I know I won't meet most of you in real life. AND even though all I know about you is what you wish to reveal with your writing.



• I like mischief. The other day, I saw this short lil thing standing at a crowded bus stop with a glass of water in her hand. She'd very nicely take in a sip, and spit it out. Not at all perturbed by the number of people she was drenching in the process. I wish I'd had a camera!!



• I like innocence too. Contrary to what people think- I'm not some city bred chica who looks condescendingly on people who've come from a more sheltered background- I don't laugh at their "rustic" charm.
  
  I smile, because I like the simplicity. People who order two plates of the same thing and go through them one by one uncaring of what it looks like. Mismatched clothes. Not understanding every sarcastic comment or innuendo.

So, I hope you had a good Monday. Because surprisingly, I did.

All my love.

Fate, I'm telling you, that I had to watch this movie. Terrible fate, not good fate. I wouldave used exclamation marks if it were good fate, no? Pah.

Even if you get free tickets for Kismat Connection, DO NOT go for it. It is absolutely trash.

With a name like "kismat connection" I wondered if the director/ producer/ whomsoever-it-may-concern could do just that little bit more to make his piece more original and less tacky than what that the name already implies. Sadly, I was disappointed. Disappointed big time. There's no connection of kismat anywhere, except for maybe mine, and that too not for the good.

There's nothing in the movie that even remotely resembles the "feel good factor" that romantic films are supposed to have. If this can be called romantic, that is. There's like zilch chemistry between the two stars, in fact, Vidya looks like Shahid's mother.

You can predict every dialogue to the last letter; it's THAT terribly scripted. The songs suck too. They pop up in weird places and aren't even the kind you could swing to.

There's nothing different in it- Actually, if I were to make a film about the story of my life, even THAT would be better than this. I dunno how to describe it, it's just CRAP. I nodded off in between and even then wanted to bang my head on the wall when it came to an end. Oh wait, it's as bad as Jhoom Barabar Jhoom. And don't go try watching it, just so you can help me describe it better.

It's got nothing. Nada. Zilch. If I had to give it marks on a scale of ten, I'd pick up an egg and take a nice clean shot at it.

All in all, it sucks. It sucks more if you've already seen Jaane Tu. Which uses all new actors, is a love story too, and yet even though you aren't gleaning any knowledge from the two odd hours you spend watching it, you can at least have a few good laughs.

And in case you've missed the point, here's me making it again-

Yes.

It finally worked.

I hated every time that she had to give in to him. I hated every time she chose to believe he was right, over what I was telling her. I didn't hate it for the reason that she wasn't listening to me, I hated it because he was destroying her. And even if she did see it, she thought she was incapable of standing up for herself.

Ok. You have no idea who I'm talking about. Remember this friend I'd told you guys about? The one who let her brother control her life?

She's FINALLY realized what he was doing to her, was wrong. And she's FINALLY actually started standing up for herself. I realize it will be hard, and he might react badly, but I'm there for her. Everyone in college is behind her.

Finally. And I couldn't be more relieved!!

And for anyone and everyone who is reading this, please DO NOT give in to abuse of any kind. Stand up for yourself and the people you love, because no one, not even you, has the right to ill treat you.

All my love.

Everyone seems to be on the lookout for something. That "something", in almost ALL of these cases is almost always happiness. Spell it whichever way. With a 'y' or an 'i'. If it's not happiness that is on the list, then there's things that you think will bring you happiness.

But I don't get why people are searching for it. Being it is possibly the simplest thing ever. Being it, not getting it. If happiness (y or i) were something you could get, it would by default mean, that it were also something you could lose. When you "get" it, you entity-fy it. It's a thing now. No longer a feeling, an abstract noun. Which is not what happiness (y or i) (from now on, every time you read happiness, read the "y or i" with it, until you are told to not do so) is.

Say, it is an entity- that will go on to mean that you get it from some place or some person and you lose it to some person or at some place. Two people/ things participate in this relationship, thus establishing a dependency. This dualism, is in my opinion, why there's very few people who ARE actually happy.

I'm no saint. I haven't given up materialistic things. I still derive joy from small things. But this fleeting feeling of pleasure or pain is not what I refer to as happiness. Happiness is a sense of being, to me. It is something that I am. It isn't something that I'm looking for from another person. It isn't something that depends on whether it rains today or not. Or on whether or not I receive an unexpected call. It is something that runs in my blood. So much so that, it makes me feel lighter. A bigger person. At peace. Free of entrapment.

I'm probably making little sense, as usual. But I'll take an example.

Most people of my generation, have already been through a multitude of love- relationships by the time they get to my age. I've been through one. It lasted a couple of months only for a varied number of reasons. Point was, for the first time in my life I was head over heals in love- butterflies-in-the-stomach, when-you're-holding-me-you-drown-out-the-crowd, smile-stuck-on-face-love.. When it came to an end, for a lot of time, there was no emotion. Which gave way to a total loss of self. Which in turn faded into this gut wrenching pain that just refused to go away.

What I kept questioning was how come I was suffering so much when "being in love" is supposed to be one of the best things people ever experience. How come I'd given up smiling, let alone living. Introspection lead to the realization that for some reason I had been denying the fact that I was/ had been in love. I'd been trying to convince myself that it had just been something I'd had to go through. Blocking thoughts. That the guy in concern, was just somebody. I'd get over him. It.

Question was/is, how do you get over something you won't even acknowledge? Enlightenment didn't come to me under no tree. But come it did. I was in love. Where was I going denying it? Loving someone did not entail being loved in return. Loving someone did not entail well, anything. Loving someone, was just, loving someone. Being in love.

When it had to go, it would go. If it wasn't meant to go, then it wouldn't. With him, I've known what are the best days of my life, so far. I've actually gotten "love letters". I've smiled and still do at the barest thought of this person. I've gotten up with the biggest of smiles on my face for weeks. I've felt the tingle, the butterflies. I felt gorgeous every time he called me that. It's been three years, and I still feel the same when I think of him.

It's all still there. So deep rooted, that there IS no point trying to deny it. When I give myself up to these pleasures, these feelings, I am free. I am no longer bound with the need to reject, get over, cry or worry. I am no longer bound. I just am.

Being in love is just who I am now. It's not something I can surgically remove. It's not a thing. It's not an entity. It's just me.

I understand that maybe this wasn't "it". He wasn't "the one". I understand that there will be better times. But until then, why deny myself? Why try to go against what I'm feeling? Why question? Why judge. Why not "just be"? This isn't an exam I have to work for!!

Which brings me to the point of putting you through these excruciating details- just like love, happiness just is. You are happiness. However, you won't realize it, feel it, experience it until you've shaken off the chains that bind you. The conditions you've set. The dualism you bring in only strengthens the mental prison.

Happiness in knowledge. It's knowing yourself. Like when you fall in love- the other person doesn't complete you in the way you think he or she does. You weren't "half" before they came along. You just didn't know alot about the person you are. Being with this person lets you get in touch with you. Be more of you. THAT is the completeness you feel.

Happiness is when you stop looking for "it" in things or people. It's something that you carry in yourself. A state of being you will achieve, only when you know yourself. A place in which things happen because they happen. Nothing you can do or could have done can change things. The outcome of an event has no bearing on you. It's a state of innocence that is free of the "I".

It's a sense of celebration that comes from the freedom of being you!

Simple.

Yep.

I'm in.

So, tomorrow is D day.

Everyone around me seems to be more confident than I ever will be about this whole thing.

Good thing with me is, I start freaking out around a week before things are to actually happen- which means I've gotten it all "out of my system" by then.

True, that doesn't guarantee a good nights sleep today considering nothing I've spent the past week studying is going to be asked tomorrow and everything that I haven't spent time practicing will.

Will not go down without a fight however.

Wish me luck!

All my love.

So, I have exactly three days to go before I sit for my "placements". Three days and an hour to be precise. Which, I find comfort in being, considering that it adds a whole hour to the time I have left before the biggest debacle of this year, in my life.

Sigh.

Yes, like you can see, I'm freaking out. And this is when I'm sitting for a job, that I don't even want. I mean, I want it in the sense that I want to get accepted. I don't want it in the sense that I don't intend on ever joining there unless of course CAT is the second biggest debacle of my life (not this year) and I have to write GMAT which won't turn out to be the third biggest debacle of my life (and the third of the year) which would require me to have worked for at least two years before applying for an MBA. Which would be worth anything only if my score meant getting into the top 5 universities.

Which, I'm sure, you all know, how capable and deserving I consider myself to be of. Bad things come in three's right? Well, here's the perfect opportunity. I think I'll palpitate to death before Monday even comes.

Fact is, even while I love the subjects that I've put under my "Areas of Interest", I remember surprisingly little of the minute details, WHICH is what the interviewer will ask of me. IF I get to the interview round, which looks nice and tough because the written has its set of technical questions too. And best part is, section wise cut offs. Yay me, if I haven't said it before.

Which is followed by a GD (this is where they throw out like 60% of the short listed candidates), after which will come two rounds of interviews. And while the technical part is scaring me, the HR is scaring me even more!

*deep breath*

*deep breath*

*deep breath*

I've got to get back to my books. Have yourselves a pleasant weekend!

All my love.

This is what I end up doing when I REALLY REALLY have to study.

From the moment we get up to the time our heads hit the pillow at night- we ask ourselves questions. Some questions we're too scared to ask. We know the answers to others, and ask them anyway- because we need to hear the words. The thing we don't realize is, is that when the answers are different from the ones we expect, even the ones with good answers, THAT is the moment that brings us happiness.

Right.

Way too much thought into that. I wish I could put it better, but I'm feeling too much levity.

Reason?

If one must pin point, then I'd have to say, it was a trip back to school that's brought a smile on this face. Funny thing though, it wasn't one that included friends and sitting in my old classroom and just being kids again. Ok, so you can take off the "again" in that sentence, but you get the idea.

This one was just me. Involved judging (third time in a row). It's amazing to see how people still remember you. I'm so proud of my sister. Because more than just being remembered for me, I think I'm remembered because of her for me.

It was so funny. I was in the classroom where the competition was taking place (the one that I had to judge) just fooling around the my sis and her friends and this kid from the back of the class looks at me and signals asking who the judges were and when they would come!!

I got to school early and so went and sat in the auditorium with some of my sister's other friends who were compering for the event that was going on. This guy, also an ex student of some other school, around my age, went onto stage to announce the winners of the event he had being called to judge and he says, "Before I announce the results, I've got only one thing to say - KALANJALI ROCKS". And you will not believe, but it was like I was back at school, an organizer myself, because you wouldn't have found me sitting all prim and proper clapping my hands at this comment- I was right THERE with the others yelling and cheering.

Everyone started cheering when my bio was being read! When I had to go up on stage to announce the results of the event I had come for, and told them current BVMites how they had outdone themselves this year, there was even more cheering. And the judges of the event that we had to disturb to make these announcements sat with puzzled faces wondering who this new celebrity was. Only to find out that the cheering was because I was one an ex student, and two because I was a sister.

I realize how "old" I've become only on occasions like these, when I go back to school, and I'm NOT in my school uniform. Thankfully, my teachers still look on me as "not old" and don't "thank me for taking out time to come back to school" with the mementos, and in fact admonish me for not coming unless invited! The mementos in haven't changed in the three years that I've been out, and I have three cups with "BVM" on them, to prove just that :D

I wish everyone had been there with me. It would have made for an even more perfect memory!! There will be other times, I tell myself. There will be other times.

Hope your day was as good as mine,

All my love.

-------------------
Singing-

I´m gonna organize some changes in my life
I´m going to exorcise the demons of my past
I´m gonna take your car and hit the open road
I´m feeling levity just open up and go

I just feel like I can do anything
But all my life I´ve wished to be
I´m going to decide just what I wanna be
Make my wildest dreams come true

I FINALLY managed to sit down and study today!! And not for five minutes, but a whole two and a half to three hours!! And I intend to put in the same amount in the night. It's a change to not being able to call myself a laggard.

Laggard, comes from "lag" and hence is hence what Joey calls a "freebie". It refers to a person who is lazy. 'Could also be used to call someone a slowpoke or a loafer. (Which is NOT how I used it when I was refering to me :D) In share markets, it's used to refer to a stock which is underperforming.

Which also means that holidays are officially over for me. I had a month, which is more than I had planned to spend- and hence, now it is time to make up for it. I really don't sound as excited as I am at the prospect. Really. Pinky swear. Oh wait, I can't lie then! *takes it back, takes it all back*

It IS a different sort of excitement. Which I really will describe when verbosity is not an issue. The reason of the "excitement" though, is pretchy simple- An excellent CAT score, and ultimately an admission into one of the IIMs, which for me will mark the start of halcyon times.

Halcyon derives from Latin (h)alcyon, from Greek halkuon, "a mythical bird, kingfisher." This bird is one that is fabled to nest at sea about the time of the winter solstice and calm the waves during incubation.

We use the word as an adjective to mean "serene, calm, peaceful, undisturbed" in "deep halcyon repose". Or to mark "peace and prosperity" as in "halcyon years" which is how I have used it.

We're probably the funniest family on the planet- we write emails to talk to each other. And it's not like we reside at opposite ends of the planet- we live under the very same roof. Whatever the means, I've said what I had to say. And am finally, pleasantly, relieved.

"This dark, opprobrious den of shame," states Milton. Opprobrium>,the noun form of the word, hence, refers to reproach or disgrace that is caused by something outrageously shameful.

F.D.Roosevelt uses a synonymous word infamy to mark a date as, "a date which will live in infamy". The opposite of which when used with respect to people means roughly translates to celebrity.

Speaking of shamefulness an obloquy is the usage of abusive/ slanderous/ censorious language used to defame a person. It's easier to remember than opprobrious because it derives from two very simple roots- ob which means "against" + loqui "to speak" .

Addison uses it in the same way when he asks "Shall names that made your city the glory of the earth be mentioned with obloquy and detraction?"

And with that, me childrens, good night.

Turns out, having too many songs at your disposal, isn't ALL that great. Because by the time you find just the "right" song, you're ready to move on. You get a Ben E. King "Stand by me" when you want to pound on something, and a Beatles "All you Need is Love" when THAT emotion is the last thing you want to even think about. You get the idea. I'm telling you, I spend most of my time just pressing the next button. Even with a shuffle on!

Also, The Happening, IS not all that you're hoping it will be. Here's a brilliant review on the same.

Words for the day?

1. I might refer to the general conviction and the common sense of society that such an investment cannot be treated as absolutely idle and nugatory.
Nugatory therefore refers to something that is trivial, ineffective, futile, something trifling.


2. Rannygazzo- is an awesome word I found in one of the Wodehouse s I was recently reading. It refers to "nonsense". For example, let's not pay attention to all that rannygazzo.

3. Picaresque is something that is of or pertaining to rogues or adventurers. Just like an article is picturesque when it talks about a beautiful scenery or to be precise describes a painting, picaresque comes from Spanish picaresco, from picaro, that means rogues and hence, the book on Robinhood is picaresque novel.

Hope you had a happy Monday!!

So, I've finally gotten my first "perfume", and feel all grown up and lady like- a statement which prompted my mom to admit that the other day when I'd gotten all dressed up to go out, she thought I still looked eight. And THIS is when I'm dressed up.

Sigh. I think it's the smile and the dimples. Whatever. Point is, I got me perfume! Playboy nonetheless. My sis seems to have some sort of a fascination with "playboy"- not that I am complaining, because I love it. So, thank you.

And mom, in case you're reading this- a perfume is NOT a substitute for the laptop you promised me if I ever made it across the 9.5 mark- which I did, by a whole 1.625 if I may point out.

Today, there are no words. Because, it's SUNDAY!! And also, because I happened to read the newspaper today- front and back. And guess what I found? Another one of those articles on the Law and Rape Victims- what I think can be summarised into the following points:

1. THESE articles should be in the MAIN PAPER and not in some supplement to be used as space fillers. Because, some power- hungry-wanting-to-win-the-peoples-vote politician might just read one of these, and want to do something about how the law deals with such cases.

2. On second thought, maybe THAT's why the newspaper guys put it in the supplement. So that, some power- hungry-wanting-to-win-the-peoples-vote politician might just read one of these. Or have it read to him. I haven't been giving the newspaper guys their dues.

3. Yes, I know the word for newspaper guys is journalist. No, I didn't have to look google up to figure that out. I just didn't think they deserved the title.

4. Moving on, to all you ladies out there (DO NOT tell me if your reaction to that was "out where?!" and a cheesy grin) BE CAREFUL.

I've grown up around family that mostly advocates "don't talk to strangers", and so have probably the youngsters of more than half of the world. But point is, "don't talk to strangers" is just not feasible. Hence, don't talk to people two types of people- people who sound too smooth and those who make you uncomfortable.

That should narrow things down a bit. But then again, these days the bad guys know THIS, and hence the wolves will actually be the "sweet lil baccha type" things. Or not, since they're figured out that you might have figured all of that out, and hence will be one of the two types that I formerly mentioned.

Ok, I'll stop. You see where I was going with that. Moral of the story- Be smart. Not, like my friend on Splitsvilla Varun says, over smart.

Hope you had a pleasant weekend, and have a not horrible Monday (like those exist). I, WILL have one that IS not horrible, though I don't think holidays count when you debate the whole horrible Monday thing.

All my love.

It's Friday the 13th, and I feel like writing.

Why is that a problem?

It's not a problem, it's just spooky.

*is singing How to Save A Life*

There's exactly one reason why I'd love to visit the states, other than "seeing the world"- it's to raid all the art shops they have. The fabric, the paper, the other tiny little accessories that make all the difference!!!

If you happen to be a member of any of these blog communities, you really should take the time to stop by the ones which are tagged with "Scrap booking" and if you're not, then you really should join one. People live such wholesome lives, and I keep thinking mine will be that way one day too. Only, I wonder why it can't be that way today?

I surprised myself with more wrong answers than right in a recent mock CAT, which is why henceforth, even if I have nothing to write- you will find a post on "word of the day", every day, at the very least. Verbal was supposed to be my strongest part!! Anyway, today's are actually very simple and appear in the newspapers alot-

1. The author has established the nexus between politicians and bureaucrats.
Nexus comes from nectere or to bind. It's mostly used to define a connection based on money between two or more parties.

2. The paperwork got lost in a quagmire of bureaucracy.
A quagmire hence represents a tangle (here) or a predicament of sorts.

3. Cassandra is used to refer to somebody who makes predictions which are never believed but turn out to be true.

According to Greek Mythology, Cassandra was the daughter of King Priam of Troy and his queen Hecuba, who captured the eye of Apollo and was granted the ability to see the future,as a gift from him. Love turned sour, and since he couldn't take the gift back he "extended" his gift so as to see to it that she would be destined to never be believed.

Moral of the story, my teacher informs me us, *wagging a suggesting finger towards the guys* is to be careful with what you give to your girl friends.

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As can be seen, I'm almost back to normal. So, be nice, and visit more often and let me know what you think!!

Lotsaluv always.

Yes, another template change. That one was WAY too colorful and "flowery" for my tastes. Plus I think it's high time I stopped trying to "cheer things up" and accept what everyone is accepting. Sad part is that even as I say it, I don't want to give up or give in or both. I want to do it right. Get it done. Close doors to the past. Embrace the future. Fly on a cloud.

"Our lives begin to end the day we start keeping silent about things that matter."

Does it really? Begin to end that day? What about the day, when you've bled yourself dry TELLING people about things that really matter, and STILL see no sign of acknowledgement or change?

When do parents stop listening? When do they start filtering so that they hear just what they like? When even laying things down like they are, crying your heart out in front of them bring out no

I've cried.

I've yelled.

I've put into words everything YOU were supposed to have seen for yourself. That you should have gathered by reading between the lines. That you should have heard, when I was trying to talk. I made it easier for you, I spelt it out. Not once, not twice, not a hundred- but at least ten times.

And still you continue to ignore the fact that there IS something wrong. I know, that there is. I even know WHAT it is. But somehow, you seem to think that it's all a figment of my over active imagination- even after you've seen the pain written on my face.

You haven't even TRIED to change your ways. You haven't tried to lessen the burden that I carry. You haven't started talking more, snipping less. You haven't started sharing more, complaining less. You haven't started letting me live more, letting yourself live more.

Every self derogatory remark you've passed- I've considered my responsibility. I've even made it my business to see that you don't have to ever repeat it. What about the ones I've made about myself? What have you done with those?

I've had to sit and write letters to you, so that you could KNOW what I really had to say. WHY I was doing what I was doing. WHY I wasn't doing what I wasn't doing. HOW I realized what I wanted to do.

At first I thought it was all in my head. That reading too many books, had imprinted on my mind what "happily ever after" would look like. But as I've grown, I've realized that everyone has their own versions of "happily ever after". There are no definite s. And hence, when you never asked what I wanted from life, when you never asked why I wanted what I did want; what made me choose one value over another; what made me choose the design for the kitchen I wanted in my dream house- I figured it was okay. I wondered. I hoped that you would ask, yes. But I also made excuses for you.

The other day, when my aunt asked me what my house would look like, when she actually listened to it, and told me that I would not only have all of that, but more, something in me died. Another part of me died.

And still, instead of blaming you, or cursing you, I sit here hating myself for even actually putting all of this down on paper, even as I do. With every word that I type, I'm making excuses for you. Justifying your actions. Telling myself, that you are just different parents. Everyone is different.

Should I be doing that? Should I, a twenty year old, be doing that? Should I, a twenty year old, have been doing that for the better part of my life?

I don't know what an achievement feels like. I don't know what a million other feelings, that I should have felt by now, feel like. I know what they are SUPPOSED to feel like, but I haven't felt them.

Don't get me wrong. I've felt happiness, yes. But not at the usual you-bought-me-an-ipod for my birthday happiness, as you would expect a normal child to feel. I've felt happy on the odd day that you both have spoken to each other. I've felt happy and safe on the odd day that I've walked into your room in the morning, to see you two snuggled up together. On the odd occasion that I've seen you poke fun at each other.

Do you see where all this is wrong? Do you see a twenty year old anywhere in all of this? No, I didn't think so.

I'm NOT supposed to ACCOMODATE your feelings, YOU are supposed to accomodate MINE. I'm NOT supposed to be watching my words, YOU are supposed to be watching yours- to protect me. You are supposed to be protecting me from getting hurt, instead of the other way.

-----------------------

It seems important to get all of this down on paper once and for all- because unless I'm using my hands to key in what the voices in my head are saying, I'm suffocating. I've tried. I've tried a million times to be fair to you- and not give words to what these voices are saying- because it would seem almost like I'm disrespecting you, or what you stand for. I'm not.

But if you really are the roles that you have been given to play, then you will understand why this was necessary. I love you. I just wish I didn't have to act grown up all the time.

This seems to be another one in my series against the trash (however comical and liable to give you THE splits (only makes sense, to make that sound like a disease))(I think this is the first time I've used braces inside braces. Hmmm) that is on T.V. these days. Today's special- Splitsvilla.

Official tag- a new romance-based reality show, where Love is War. Jezus. 20 "hot" girls compete for two "hot" guys. The winner finds not only "love" but a nice 5 lac rupees AND a chance to host a show on T.V. All the bindings of true loue, wouldn't you say?

One of the guys is a skinny short shit who got thrown out of Roadies. Another can't be shot down on account of being short or skinny, but is another person who got kicked out of Roadies, and couldn't compete with a termite on account of intelligence.

Both of them, sit on their toadstools and shoot out stuff like "So-and-So you're confy, that's good. But being over confy is bad." (to which the So-and-So in question nods her head vigorously to show her assent) and to another So-and-So "You've played well. Very well. But this isn't a game to us". My pretty ass it's not.

They girls who weren't "dumped" were the ones who'd managed to win the hearts of our two lonesome bachelors by dancing on the top of a table amongst other things. True love = ability to dance on table tops. One poor lil darling who announced she enjoyed philosophy, kinda threw the axe on her own foot, because our desperately- looking- for- love guys wouldn't know how to even spell that word. Oh and by the by, guess what each of them said in their intros- we're looking for girls with a sense of humor. Which in turn obviously implies intelligence.

And MTV should obviously be revered for the great oppurtunity they're offering us people. For the stage that they have set, obviously invites nothing but the most intelligent of people. Announcing, and eagerly waiting to prove how "bold" they are. Top notch brains of the country, my friend, absolute top notch.

I can understand something along the lines of trying to find true love through television- there's something similar on Travel and Living, I forget the name. But having 20 girls fight for you? 18 girls whom you "dump" while on this quest, because they refuse to dance on table tops or don't stand on the roof and shout "I'm daring, try me". 2 girls whom you choose based on their style of dressing, and what moves(yes, plural) when they dance?

Enchanted. Absolutely enchanted.

So, television is my latest source of amusement. You don't even have to be following a particular show or season to dissolve into fits of laughter. All you have to do is flip through channels.

Today's flipping resulted in something striking- There's some reality show on MTV called TVS Scooty Ms Teen (or something along those lines). Apparently everyone likes to watch and hear crabby teenagers who are tested on their bitchiness and gossipy flair.

Anyway, they have this "voting out" round, in which, once the "safe" contestants have voted for whom they wish to "save" from the ones in the "danger zone"- the girls who were in the danger zone are made to sit on a TVS Scooty each. Guess what happens next?

The VJ who is hosting that particular episode, hands them keys. Only one of which will start a bike. And the person whose bike starts, is safe.

Beat that on the lame- meter.

It's been ages since I've actually given in to the urge to write. I've wanted to, but I haven't been able to. Being busy is only part of the excuse. The part that is not an excuse, is the fact that everything that I've had to say, would have been way too personal. And I just felt like a cheat for even having had those thoughts.

Anyway, turns out, moving around during exam time, works for me. I've ended up with a 9.6 gpa this time. I'm still living in disbelief. Coming right up are lots of mock cats and placements, so I'm supposed to be busy with getting ready for all of that.

It's way too early in the morning for me to be articulate! Hence, I shall stop. But I'm going to write more often, no matter who reads this and no matter who doesn't.

Cheerio!

P.S. This template is starting to bug me!!

Ohmigod. You guys who have free access to T.V. must have seen this advertisement- and I just CANNOT believe no one has told me about it before!! And if you haven't, you've just GOT to see it. It's THE most unbelievable thing on the entire planet. And when I say entire planet, I mean the entire planet. And you know how badly I do exageration. And if you don't know how badly I do exageration, then go see it.

Help comes to those who seek it, no? Well, apparently the person you're suppose to go to for help regarding your under garments is this person called "Laxmi Chachi"- she really has got all the answers, plus she's really got all the answers. Anything you want to know- elastics that give away, fabrics that don't last- any of it. All you have to do is ask. On T.V. And don't think people don't ask. They do. On T.V. About underwear that tears to fast and stuff.

Go on, switch on your televisions, and watch it for yourselves. You know you want to.

Surprisingly enough, this time exam time is making my posts shorter in lenght than ever. Lucky you! For those of you in the same boat as me, may the forces be with you.

All my love.

They packed the toaster, with the toast in it! Lol. Crazy buggers. Not make sense? Let's take it from the top.

I'm shifting houses. And the packer guys, they packed the toaster, along with the toast in it. Yeah, it is exactly like it sounds.

There's something in the wind that tells me that this year not a day (other than yesterday and today) will go silent. Uneventful would be more accurate when speaking of days, because days really can't go silent, unless you're the type who thinks that days can talk- then they can go by in silence.

This month, or what's left of it- I'm going to be shifting houses again, which ordinarily is super fun. Only this time, it's right in between my final exams. Once that is done, I have my placements starting- for which I need to start studying. I know how much Microsoft and Yahoo want me, but we all need to keep our images.

THAT done, I have my guitar exam scheduled for. After which, I have CAT to write. In between all of that I have final year project work which needs to be flagged off- and I'm like the only person in my team who is going to have to do everything, plus I'm the only person in my team who is going to have to do everything.

*breathe*

It's going to be ALOT, but who doesn't like to be busy? Specially when at the end of it all the person concerned is going to be placed at Microsoft, get calls from all the IIM's, and Microsoft not wanting to lose the person will offer to pay for the person's MBA, and the person is going to pass with merit in her guitar exam and is going to ( going to, going to, going to!) get through college.

Facebook is so addictive. There's like a million things to do. Even if you're too lazy to do all million of them, it's super fun browsing through just what they can do. People however, don't utilize whatever security such sites do offer. And maintaining privacy is very very very important. I'm not being a paranoid freak when I say this- but really really don't just trust anyone who sends you a friend request. And even if you must, there's ways of making really personal details not available to everyone you add. For example, with the photographs thingy- there's means of blocking certain people from seeing your pics, even people on your friend list. Point is, don't be foolish. Socialize, but don't be foolish.

I've also realized and I must digress, if digressing is what this is called, that the Internet (facebook in particular) is so for people who don't have a social life. I'm totally one of them, and those of you who are saying Pshaw, she doesn't know what she's talking about- I always know what I'm talking about.

It's awesome when people you left behind over 7 years ago, remember you. I've been "keeping up with them" because my best friends are still there, where I left the ones who I haven't been in touch with still remember me. But it's a supah feeling when you realize that they didn't forget you after all.

Oh and happy nu year! Mine was super happy- considering sis and me spent all our drives on that day singing songs on the top of our voices. It was like old times again. Sigh. We've growing up. And in like a year, we're going to be in different parts of the country all together! You're a pain the arse, but me loves you.

Oh and I won that Really Tough Movie Quiz of TV!! Yeah baby. I never ever win. I think the last time I ever won something before this was Rs.30 in tambola a couple of years ago. But I so totally won this time. I now pronounce you chuck and larry- 500 bucks worth dvd. Too bad my home theatre needs to go for service, but I won baby.

Oh and while we're doing the "baby" thing, guess who can play Stairway to Heaven on the guitar! Sure, it's not as good as my sisters, and needs a lil bit of tweaking, but stairway to heaven baby.

I'm going to stop now, before I go and trip over myself. Don't worry, be happy!

All my love.