I don't like it when my friends make new friends. Who are better than me. And can give them things that I presently can't, for reasons that are absolutely real. At least to me.

I don't.

I don't.

I DO NOT.

My hatred and frustration at being in the place that I am in, grows exponentially with each passing day. So much so, that instead of wanting to hit my head on a wall, I now am thrown into fits of laughter that don't stop until every muscle in my body is hurting. THAT's how much crazier I'm getting.

The latest bout of laughter was brought on thanks to excerpt from the newsletter of the Personality Development Association, nothing less, that I came across- which in it's "From TEAM PDA" had this to say :

It conducts yearly festivals like .... and also inter school events to elate the students into eminent personalities through the festival... You get the idea... It has also been bringing out the various hidden beauties of the students in the home magazine "PERSOPLUS" which is considered as the forum for expressing the views of the students.

The end reads- Thus, in this Silver Jubilee year we dedicate ourselves to the worthy ideals of the PDA to the betterment of the students and to make them a shining star in the Indian sky.

Best part is- this is just from the first column on the first page. I have yet to tell you about the Editorial which states, and I quote,

"Persoplus(the name of the magazine), as usual, has been kindling the hidden treasures of the students by inviting them to unlock their views on various current themes."

The pages to come, keep in line with the standard set on this first page- and there's this one article that beats anything you could have ever read in your life- I'm trying to get hold of the soft copy.

Oh and there's more to come. This, even though relates to my department- has absolutely nothing to do with me- (Haven't changed a single letter, by the by)

"Dear Friends,
The Information Technology Association of blah blah blah, the rich & the unique techfest of its kind on the 23rd Feb 2k8. We on behalf of ITA cordially invite you to be a part of blah.

... with its variety of events ranging from technical paper presentation to Programming contests for the technical geeks and from Quizzes to gaming for the Challenge loving ones will surely provide some refreshments fro the grey cells and some weights for your wallet and lots of fun and enjoyments. Just check out into blah on feb 23ed for a one to one fight with the best geeks and the adventurous ones and also challenge the world and prove yourselves through our online events which start as early as the first week of February...

Don't Miss IT! "

DON'T MISS IT.

To our seniors, while cordially (again) inviting them for the Alumini meet, we say (amongst other things), and I quote (again)-

We would like u to relish the moment with your presence.

No one's asking for high funda words. Just correct grammar!! How hard is it to get someone who does know a little more about the language than you do, to proof read what you've written? Guys can be such pains!!

Anyway, that's all from me. Had more to say, but after having had to recall all this, I'm ready to get drunk.

Toodles!

-------------------
The point of this post is NOT to poke fun or sound "holier than thou".

I know I keep coming back to this, but it's just because I have no answers. I get the whole "don't trust anyone too much" thing. I even get the "nothing lasts forever". I get that trust/ faith/ love/ blah blah are all just abstract nouns- hell I've told you what I think a million times at least.

So why am I here again? Because while I "knew" these things, "saw" these things, I did really somewhere believe that this couldn't be ALL of it. That if I believed enough, even if somewhere deep down I clung on and kept my dreams, I'd be proven wrong. That somehow, somewhere I'd "see the light". Be enlightened.

And to tell you the actual absolute truth, the whole "love of your life" thing, I really couldn't care less about; the "friends are forever" , through thick and thin and all that- I DID believe in.

Sure, I've had my share of bad luck on the way- but I'd figured that if someone could stand you/ stand with you through the worst parts of your life and still want to be around you, they knew you. And could/ would understand you. Liked you. Would stick around till the end.

It's hard enough to find a person who you weren't worried about showing your true colors to, turns out, even if they stick around after that, it's not forever.

I wonder when IT IS forever? If it ever is, that is.

-----------
Wow. That's a whole lot of "some" s !!!

If engineering degree s took even a day longer than the four years I've been slotted for, I'd commit murder.

These even semesters have to be the worst thing invented since "Bournvita- 5 star flavor"- there's hardly any time, we have to HAVE three labs- which means 3 projects, 3*3 project reviews and 3 records; we also have to have some sort of culturals on every Saturday;, Christmas and New Years holidays have to be compensated for AND there's not many holidays at this time of the year anyway. Add to that- new staff who have NO clue- and this is not me criticising, it's me stating facts- and you've got yourself one helluva ride.

On the CAT frontier- Apparently, I didn't do as bad as I'd thought I'd done in that mock test. Out of the 10,000 people who appeared from all over the country- they ranked only the first 4000 people. I was so worried I wouldn't even make it to that list- it's a good thing I did, cuz else, I'd probably have given up already. I got a 529 all India, and my state rank was 89. So Yay me :D

Nothing much else going on. Or nothing much else I have time to write about. Hope alls good with you guys!!

All my love.

Too much happening. I'm laughing (ok, let's not got that far, smiling) and crying and hurting- all at the same time.

After a slight remark about birthdays, A realised he'd missed mine and called himself all sorts of things. I forgave of course- just a birthday. Will come again. But no, he had to go on and insist that it was "me" and that it was my 21st and that it should have been special.

It was. Of course it was. In it's own way. Family wise. Not friends wise. But that's ok, right? Real life intervenes and all that. It's just that, I'm being evil again. I've done surprises and oh-so-perfect-gifts for almost each person in my life. Maybe they mean more to me that I mean to them.

So, while on one side I'm happy someone said a "but it's you! it should be special" I'm sad, 'cuz it's got all these thoughts buzzing in my head.

Ia was just pulling P's leg, and what came out of it- was a chocolate for me. At first, I just wanted a piece (had been thinking of chocolate since morning!), but when on asking I was told that the chocolate was in fact for me, I got the entire thing! :) I did thank him, and I did do the right thing by asking him who I had to apologize to, for having taken their treat.

But he had to go and say that no, it was, in fact, actually for me.

Of course he didn't mean it in that way. Or I hope not. Because I liked it when he said that. And I DO NOT want him getting the wrong idea.

Boring lecture, plus the need to connect with someone, led me into messaging R, whom I haven't initiated a conversation with in 3 years. Ironically, he is the only person I've come across, in my entire 86 years, who really "gets" me. In every way.

Wanted to smile like a satisfied cat, because it'd been ages since I felt that at ease with someone, plus it was light- fun- banter. Stupid fellow ended up calling me pretty.

DO NOT believe him, because that is what he does. But I feel good anyway.

K (yes, you!) went ahead and told me that he did believe that I was made for better things, and made me want to cry like a baby. I'd like to believe in it too, it's just that- it's nice hearing someone say it to you.

I don't get much time to spend with S and A these days- college and boy friends and stuff. Whatever little time I do get, I spend trying to reassure myself and everything is ok, by mostly just listening and being with them.

I'm scared I'll lose them.

R and T had themselves a Baby Girl, and I couldn't be more happy. T had to go through a forced delivery in her 6th month the last time, because of some genetic complications. I dunno where they found the strength to go through with the whole pregnancy thing again, because the chances of occurence of the genetic thing increases everytime. But the Baby is perfectly alright!! And I almost went and shouted it from the roof top. Almost.

Too much. Sigh.

Hope only good things are happening with you,

All my love.

P.S.
Stupid, but again what's new in that- I start every conversation I'm afraid of with this question. Makes me sound as sthupit as sthupit can be. No?

At first this post was supposed to be about how amazed, in a good way, I was on hearing/ seeing that the award for the NDTV Indian of The Year 2007 was given to- the Indian soldier. But then, Taare Zameen Par happened.

I had taken a solemn vow to not watch the movie- considering how almost everyone who has seen it has sobbed his/ her eyes out after watching it. I wouldn’t watch it, I wouldn’t watch it. I wouldn’t. Na- uh. Didn’t need to go to a theatre to find something to cry about now, did I? Sigh.

But I did. I did watch it. Not in a theatre, but at home. If that helps with what you think of the strength of my will power. It’s super. Considering that I keep away from reviews until I’ve seen the movie, I had absolutely no idea what it was about. All I knew was that it made people cry. Hell it made Advani cry. There was a whole 200 word write up on that on the 3rd page, no less, of every national daily.

I had this extremely disturbing talk with a cousin of mine the other day. He wanted to send his 9 year old (or less) daughter to a boarding school so that she could be given the opportunity to hone the skills he knows she has. So that she’d be trained to face competition. A 9 year old.

Children are little. They're, for the lack of another word, precious. What they need is not to be taught about the whos and the whys and the wheres- they need color, exploration, stories. They have imagination that needs to be nutured. They have courage that needs to be given an outlet.

There'll be enough time later on for them to learn how to face the "world". Hell, they wouldn't require this so called training- because they'd have what was most important- your belief, your support, your love. And they'd have the security of having had the oppurtunity of being a child. Of having had the oppurtunity to explore. What, if not the courage to take risks and knowing what you do best, do you need to find success?

I totally support the need for all round development- I, myself, was fortunate enough to have been a part of not one school, but three schools, all of which believed in this very thing and hence, while academia was stressed on, so was what was put under “extra curricular”. I’ve also had the fortune of being blessed with parents, to whom I didn’t have to mutter a “I’m sorry” after I’d not won a competition.

But that's not what the movie is about. Or what I wanted to say. What I wanted to say was, that I had the fortune of coming across teachers, mentors, who saw beneath the surface. And sometimes, even when they didn't understand what they saw or couldn't really see- only knew that there was something underneath that was being kept hidden: they always showed faith in me. Believed in me. This movie is about exactly that.

The movie is about not blindly believing in what we see, but about trying to see and find out what lies behind- about questioning. About being convinced that the sun really doesn’t just go to bed while the moon takes on the night shift. It’s also about reading between the lines. Understanding silences. Finding the problem and tackling it, instead of just trying to eradicate the symptoms.

It’s about not telling your child what is what, but letting him find out what is well, what. About letting them find out what they’re meant to do, and giving them the courage to pursue those dreams. About giving them belief to pursue those dreams. And no, THESE things are not meant for only books and movies- I know of people who as teachers work on these principles, and I know of the results they’ve achieved.

It’s about not bearing a child down with chains.

It’s not something that will make you angry. It’s not something that will give you nightmares. It will make you sad. Or at least not for me. Because, it was an embodiment of all my beliefs. Of my dreams.

So, I can go to sleep knowing, that come one morning- I’m going to have the power and the resources to do the work I want to do. To be the change I want to see in the world.

What about you?
----------------------

'Funny that I should watch this movie, after my previous post. All things said and done, please please please DO watch the movie.

Oh and also- PAINT. No matter what you make, even if you're just splashing about with it- it's good for the soul. Either that or washing clothes. It's your choice!!


All my love.

Teachers who know nothing and take it for granted that you have nothing better in life to do other than sit and wait for them to not turn up for classes they'd arranged to suit their schedules or turn up to class and not utter a single word which relates even remotely to any of the subjects of the curriculum.

Laboratories that shouldn't be for more than 2 hours, allocated 4 hours. The very ones in which air conditioners don't work. On subjects that are to be taught only in the next semester. With teachers who won't teach anything extra either, 'cuz they aren't paid for it and expect us to not only finish the huge list of experiments that they themselves know squat about but do projects too.

Politics that keeps disgusting and depressing you with each passing day. Even on days when you think you've touched rock bottom and nothing could possibly be lower that this snake s belly, they go and find you a whole new snake and a whole new definition for lower and/or snake's belly. Or something like that.

Apparently, the whole joint exercies by the armed forces that was recently held can be looked at from another perspective than that of just being a friendly and yet awesome oppurtunity for India. The other angle being that this was supposedly an answer to Russia and China s some move. That didn't make sense. Basically, everyone thinks that Russia and China are ganging up. So, we gang up with USA and Japan and form a gang of our own to try and prove a point to the gang that Russia and China ganged up to make.

And I'm lost. Totally forgot what I wanted to say.

Just one last thing, everyone should go and look up Theory of Computation and try studying it. It's awesome. By the time you reach the end of one sentence in a theorem, you forget your name. So, by the time you reach the end of a page, you forget who the hell you are.

So, pray for me. I know I bug you, but I'm basically a very good person.

All my love.

Scared. Chocolate. Brothers. Love. Inhumane. Hunger. Infidelity. Exams. Indifference. Romance. Rain. Coffee. Terrified. Friends. Voices. Hurt. Wimper. Dance. Alone. Music. Guilt. Best friends. Enunciation. Pain. Couples. Happiness. Loneliness. Fear. Humor. Calvin. Self- defence. Sleep. Hugs. Suicide. Killings. Death. Loss. Hunger. Pennies. Freedom. Confidence. Insecurity. Apology. Empty. And again. Bad bad person. Nightmares. Silent sighs.

Wanted to write. Ended up with this.

Independence Day kinda loses it charm without having to get up at 7:00 AM to be in school by 7:15AM for the march past (read: trekking across a ground which hasn't been kept, all this is done half asleep). Then there's the added pleasure of hearing the same I-Day speeches in Tamil, Hindi and English. And best of all- the dances that are staged. Sigh, those were the days! Anyway, here's to a nation that's 60 years old!

It's kinda sad to admit but I'm going 20 and I still haven't had a proper sleep over. I mean, I've had friends over at my place, but haven't actually ever gone to someone else s. So, another new thing done before the year ends- I had my first sleep over!! It was fun.

Except the part where I was described as being martinetish. Of all the things on the planet! Apparently, it's not what she meant. Hmph. You know what the best part is? This word is the first word under "How to insult your enemies" in a book I'm reading and is used mainly on guys!!

THIS comes after I've finally gotten over her having called me "manly". Who needs enemies when you have friends like this?!

I love having random conversations with people. And there's only a handful people who can make me laugh and are well, on the same wavelength. Without letting on about the who's and the why s in too much detail, here's a snippet:

He, is a guy in love with one of my friends. She, is the friend of mine He loves. I and A had the phone and decided to play a prank.

He: I may forget my name, but I'll remember yours even at 100. *from prev conversation 'll get killed about mentioning.* *puke*

She(I and A actually, messaging as She): Pk is a martinet.

He: What's a martinet and what does that have to do with what I'm saying?

She: I brushed my teeth today!

He: My dog doesn't wear underwear.

She: Three dogs are going at it outside my window.

He: It's raining poodles in my house.

She: I want to live in a house made of chocolate.

He: I'd like the pool to be filled with beer though.

She: What if the kids get drunk?

He: Well, then we'll just be one big happy family.

'Couldn't stop laughing for ages. I'm so happy for you love!

Koze- Happy Burday! Wishing you the best that there is, because you deserve nothing less.

Nothing much else. Hope you childrens have a louely week.

All my love.

It's been ages since I did this template thing, and I desperately needed something new, at least for a while. And so, here it is- all new template, done by me. 'Picked up stuff from all these templates, and put it together; and, I must say I'm pretchy pleased with myself.

Black nail polish is a very mind boggling creation. Not the nail polish part, the black part. On a hand like mine- artistic, long fingers, and naturally shaped nails (sounding poetic wasn't the intention) from one angle it looks like a teenager s hand. Punk, careless, dare devil type. Sure, technically I am one, but then again I'm not one. From another it looks, elegant, if I may. Funny stuff.

Si` I got a new guitar! It's a C70 Yamaha, and the sexiest thing after the thing that is most sexy. So, I'm getting the much needed practise, and I can play Old McDonald and Jingle Bells. Not head banging stuff, but I'll get there. Hopefully.

My bestest friend on the whole planet, and the sweetest person after me just got some bad news. News that has a chance of getting real stinky, that is. It hasn't sunk in, and I hope it never has to. Dish, I'm praying. Have faith.

Oh and by the by,

BS: Really, you should pay up the fellow who writes on 42quirks.com- people are getting suspicious.

Ira: Hope you're having a lovely trip, and drop by soon.

Triya, Ay, Koze: If you guys are still bisiting, please do post and/or make your presence felt.

M: Please oh please, get a template that let s people comment. Pah.

Nav: Aren't you previously engaged? (Forgive the English, I've been reading Wodehouse)

All my love.

To Kill A Mocking Bird- If you haven't read, you should and if you have, well done you! Written in the simplest of ways, it talks of the various boundaries we inflicted on ourselves, and still do. A mocking bird does nothing but sing for you- killing it is hence a sin. Hilarious in a very elegant way (Yes weird choice of words- but they seem to say it best) Harper Lee (The author, that is; in case you were wondering) speaks of the plain and simple truths of life.

The thing that struck me most was the freedom that the children in the book are given to think, explore and in turn question. Oh sure, it's the jingle all schools sing and of course the Ministry, but is it really what we're doing? Put simply, we're told of things.

The Namesake by Jhumpa Lahiri- After all the hype I was disappointed. Terribly in fact. To be fair I guess one could account the disappointment to the fact that I didn't read about the book, before I took it up. As ordinary as the story is you have to credit the author who managed to describe every person in the guy's train compartment 25 years ago- traits, clothes, what they talked about, about each of their families and their kids characters, everything- whilst his wife is giving birth to their first born. Not every person can fit so much information, in a scene as such.

The end was what I had concluded previously- the earth is round. What goes around, comes around. There's no point in running away from anything, even the smallest things because they are going to come back and bite you hard.

Crisis by Robin Cook sucks, to put it in one word. There's hardly the excitement one expects from this author even though he's brought in a bully, terrorizes children and tried to bring an adrenalin rush by describing a car chase sequence. To be more articulate, the book is a terrible effort to mix medicine and law. A subject that I assure you is fascinating, if you may. To conclude, the book sadly was ill cooked.

Last time I looked, I wasn't too sure what prompted my need to face things, in some cases even provoke the other person because I was guilty just to get it over with while in others there was no reason to prod at all. There's a number of explainations, sure, but none that... fit?

I feel bad, yes... but I'm not ashamed. I can face what went wrong becaue of me, but I'm not hiding in some corner, no more. It's a powerful tool- shame. If you can face yourself in the morning, you're on the right track; if you can't, I'm afraid my friend you need to sort a few things out.

Having figured this out only recently, it's still sinking in. While a major factor, I'd still have to put a lot of it down to asking for a fight- you know it'll come sooner of later... the whole wheel of life, good and then bad and then good, seasons, change... so why not get it done with NOW?

Blah.

Music and Lyrics is a must watch, even if you usually avoid chick flicks. The humor and wit will keep you in your seats. Plus, there is Hugh Grant.

Million Dollar Baby- if you want to feel bad, sad and all that, sure be my guest.

Provoked on the other hand is not something I'd recommend, seeing now that I have completely stopped touching newspapers unless of course I have absoultely nothing else to read and have made it a point to not watch news channels unless in dire cirumstances.

Trageic story, yes. Shouldn't happen to anyone. Movie isn't all that great- in spite of the emotion that the story carries the movie is distant and cold. Oh sure, they've tried, but it hasn't really worked.

That's kinda all I had to say. And some more stuff, guess I'll save it for another post.

Ta.

It's funny, you know... People do their worst, and you let them. They can hurt you in every possible way, and you go on letting them do so. What breaks you down, or breaks you free, isn't the biggest insult in the world or the sharpest knife - it's the sthupidest of things!!

It's like clock work... every birthday (only) I see the cutest guy I've seen all year long. Dunno what it is, that's there in that date, but I do. It's been happening for a few years now to be passed off as just a mere coincidence. Lol. It's hard to find someone who impresses me. No men, I'm not a pompous ass... The thing you learn after reading alot and living to the age I have is that no matter what I think of myself, I'm not going to settle for anything less than what I dream of.

Don't give up on your dreams... Somehow, somewhere at sometime, they'll come true.

Oh and guess who just turned eighty six?!! Correct, yours truly. You won't believe the number of people who remembered, and called and wished. And no, it's not up on Orkut. It was crazy. But felt good. I had an awesome day (thanks sis!) touch wood - the cant stop smiling and don't want to think types. Perfecto.

Just wanted to write, had some stuff to say, dunno how to. It's come when it has to, or I hope at least. Sigh (the pleasant types).

Hope you had a lovely day!

All my love,

Yours forever sthupitly.

P.S : Nooo, I'm not going to write about the bullshit that's happening in the world, and get myself worked up. Not now, at least.

I've always considered myself above hate, so far. The closest i've come to hating is, hating brinjals and silences. Brinjals, 'cuz well, they are brinjals and silences 'cuz they scare me. Other than that... I've never HATED someone.

I never thought I hated anyone. Past tense. Long passed, past.

I do. I hate the fact that I gave you the right to hurt me. I hate the fact that I told you what would hurt me. And you did. You do. And you know it. I hate me for hurting.

I hate that I shared my dreams with you, when all you could do was mock at them. I hate that it made me feel small. I hate that I let me feel small.

I hate that you made me feel like a looser, at times. That when you said it, even in anger, I let it pierce through, and hurt.

I hate you for making me cry myself to sleep every night, when you didn't shed a tear. I hate me, for being weak.

I hate you, 'cuz I can't ask you to fuck off, get lost, the way you did to me. I won't do it. I hate that I can't. Won't. 'Cuz I'm weak.

I hate you for taking me for granted. I hate me for letting you know, realise, that I'd really be there, no matter what. And you did that "what". I stayed.

I hate you for not understanding me. For never taking the effort to read in between the lines. I hate me, for expecting you to.

I hate you for knowing, and still doing it. I hate you for turning out just like another "somebody". I hate me for expecting it. Almost wanting it after a point, so that we could get it out of the way. 'Cuz more than knowing it was hurting me, I knew it wasn't good for you.

I hate that you don't realise, understand, comprehend, what I did for you... I don't want a nobel prize, but I wanted you to at least acknowledge it. I hate me for expecting something in return. Because then, that's not true friendship.

I hate you, 'cuz when I ruined myself just so your worst fears wouldn't realise, you made mine come true. I hate that now i'm left to pick the even more shattered, scattered pieces, alone... while you aren't. And don't give a damn.

Fooled ya, didn't I? Hell I f***ing fooled myself. Had to say it aloud. To accept it.

I don't know if it's really HATE, hate... I don't feel anger, towards anyone but myself. I just feel... sad at times, you know? Feel like bawling my eyes out... Crazy.. you hate something like that to? Or is it just me?

I've got to ask. What makes a person want to use the line "You know.. I think I'm going to kill myself" so easily? What person uses it as a weapon to make the other person feel guilty and what person means it and why?

I've often used lines like that's it I'm going to go jump off the first floor or something like that. I've never gone right out and said that's that. I don't want to live anymore. I don't claim to have seen the world, but I've seen more than what some have seen. Not all of it through personal experience, but i've seen it all the same.

I understand if you say this when your pregnant at 18 and the guy you thought really loved you, left you. Or when your so into drugs that even you know what a pathetic excuse for existence you are. Or when your raped or your parents die and you have to live off the streets or something equally horrible. And mind you, people in these situations might SAY they want to die, but it's like a cry for help. With the right support and the right words and people, they make it big in life. I'm not saying its easy. I'm also not telling you it's not tough.

I have been shaken up about a million and one times and shown that there are no GOOD people in this world. That everyone just wants something out of you, and they'll use everything possible to get it. I might fall, and have a little fun rolling in the mud, but at the end of the shaking, I look up to whoever the shaker is and say, So what? I know it sounds like I probably live on Mars or something... but seriously, I, at least as yet, have held onto what I believe. And that's primarily: There's good in every person. And that's what lands me up in trouble. Not the fairy tales and happy endings. Na-huh. Just the fact that I think there's good in every body.

What I hate most is when people use this line to blackmail. I, for one, HATE, absolutely hate what it does hearing such a thing from a friend. It's worse than hating chemistry. Or silences. It's the worst thing anyone can say to me. It's worse that calling me a dirty bitch or a slut or a sadist or a cheap and shameless person. Way worse. Because me, being me, will hold my self responsible for it. The minute those words leave your mouth, my mind is already reeling with what I could have done wrong to have led you to a place where... where you'd say something like that.

I'd spend half the night trying to talk you out of it, because to me even the mention of such a thing is scary... and at the end of the conversation you'd tell me you were only kidding. I know that. I damn well know you were kidding. So, why was I wasting time talking to you? Because... what if you weren't kidding? What if you'd really meant it? Mean it? Would I wake up to you not being there tomorrow?

Ugh.

Sigh.

Okie.. I'm going quit while I'm still in control of all my senses. Because what I'd really like to do is kick every person who said this, without reason, in the butt. Really hard. And unless your really in need of a statement like that, I'd really like to give you all the hugs in the world, till you were feeling at least a little better.

Latest on the NSS chapter... I have to carry a bucket and a mug with me. Yipppee. Oh by the by, I'm gone tomorrow... for 10 days. Sad, huh? Ugh. I dunno... I'm kinda scared about the whole thing... but then me being me, am all for the challenge. A new experience. So, while I get set to leave, apprehension tags along. And some more apprehension tags along.

Sigh.

And some more tags along, for free.

Lotsaluv.. and miss me?

I was just thinking... Last night, I suddenly, just wanted to talk to someone. It was past eleven. And I had to keep looking into my memory, for a person I could call up at such an hour, and not be worried.

Three people called. I was up till one something... and guess what? I still hadn't found out who I could call and... and well, just talk to. Half the people I know would have been talking to their respective "better halves", the other half would either have been talking to their fiances or sleeping or would have been dialing my number to cry their hearts out. Okie, that didn't come out well.. I'm not trying to take Cruella's place.

So, who do you call? When you just want to talk.... As in, you probably have nothing to talk about speciafically, but you just want company..?

Anyway, miserable things aside.. I have ONE more exam and then I am done!! hehehahahahahaha... And then there's english and then there's two and a half months of freedom...hehhahahahaha... You know, I just noticed, I do too much of this evil laugh these days... Cruella? Who me?

Anyhow, me not go anything to say for now *ahem*... Proper post, after my exams. People start looking old during these days... nothing to do. Just sit and stare at a book. Once in a while, you might even want to flip the page :) You guys have a great day! Lotsaluv.

Yours forever sthupitly.

Gregory David Roberts.

I had no idea who this guy was either. And then I came across his interview on television and heard him talk about his life. What hit me first, while I listened to him, was a that a very very simple policy in life that I followed and believed, wasn't just another castle in the air built by someone as dumb as me, was reality.

Everyone deserves a second chance.

The story of his life caught up with me when he talked about his marriage break-up. The court trial that followed a while later for the custody of his baby girl was won by his wife who had walked out on father and child for another man when the baby was 3 and a half. 5 years, at the time the court handed custody to the mother, she clung to her father's leg outside the court wailing that she wanted to go home with him, she moved everyone's hearts including the policemen!

Gregory, went home and sat. Night fell around him. And marked the beginning of an end , the start of his heroin addiction. Having spent all the money he had drowning his grief in heroin, he started robbing. Banks, homes. He says he was called the Gentle bandit... 'cuz he looted banks with a toy gun he used to take his heroin, wore a three piece suit and talked calmly to the people, took only how much money was required, and never harmed anyone.

Soon, he was on Australia's Most Wanted list. He was captured and imprisoned in 1978. Was chained,beaten, tortured and not fed. He'd lost half his weight when he escaped the most tightly secured prison with the help of a motorcycle gang, BLF Union, & revolutionaries to escape to New Zealand in 1980.

I'm going to cut the story short here and quote him describe his life...

"I was a revolutionary who lost his ideals in heroin, a philosopher who lost his integrity in crime, and a poet who lost his soul in a maximum-security prison. When I escaped from that prison, over the front wall, between two gun-towers, I became my country's most wanted man.

Luck ran with me and flew with me across the world to India, where I set up and ran a free clinic in a crowded Bombay slum. I joined the Bombay Mafia, and worked as a gunrunner, a smuggler, and a counterfeiter. I was chained on three continents, beaten, stabbed, and starved. I went to war. I ran into the enemy guns. And when those wilderness years of hunted exile came to an end, when I changed my life, when I stopped running onto the knives and started running into the light of love instead, I wrote the novel, Shantaram, that was based on my wild and wicked life."

Now,Gregory David Roberts, once known as Public Enemy Number One and Australia's Most Wanted Man, lectures on literature and art at universities, and teaches his philosophy and cosmosophy to students from every walk of life, including business leaders and creative artists in the fields of movies, writing, music, and drama.

While on the show, he was asked how different the under-world and the Mafia are today, when compared to the olden days when he was a part of it. He replies by saying, " There was integrity then. Yes, even among the gangsters. There were boundaries and lines which were never to be crossed."

When you see this man today, no one can ever think he is/was anything but what he looks like. Respectable and a man of integrity. When you hear him talk about how Bombay (now Mumbai), as he calls it, adopted him, you think of him as a man with passion. You cannot second guess the life he has been through until he tells you about it. And when he's told you his tale... You can see the scars that have been left behind. But you also see how they have turned him onto the right path, made him who he is today.You also see that your worst fears about everything and anything are true and not fiction. You also see that there are people who love and care about others, because they don't want it any other way,even today. After you've heard him talk it's hard to not let his experiences thaw at the cynic in you. Instead of losing faith in him and society, you find it. Faith in the world. Faith in him and in you.

THAT is all I have to say.

P.S: if u want to read up in detail about his "adventures"... I've mentioned a link. And read the book...!!