I just read the title I'd entered, and if you read it without pausing at the comma, or not venture further and read the post, it sounds damn funny.

For someone who hasn't hated another person ever(Yes, never), for someone whose hatred extended to only brinjals till now, this rush of anger towards her country comes as a gargantuan shock that is accompanied by uneasiness. Specially, when this "she" is so determined to only look at the upside of things.

I crumpled today mornings Hindu and stamped on it too. This was after I'd read the first para on the front page on the "support that Tamil Nadu has shown for the Sri Lankan tamils". Support, my ass.

The "youth" from my college who took part in this "human chain" formation on a day when Chennai was flooded, had been locked up in college and later hog tied into forming a part of this chain. Locked, literally not figuratively. Hog tied, literally not figuratively.

After which by the by, I spent four hours getting home from college. FOUR FUCKIN' hours. Traffic inched every half an hour, all the way from Parrys to Chrompet. Over ever fuckin' flyover. And every "back road" there exists across residential areas. On top of that an irritating female on the bus hogged my seat, so I had to stand. Wet, hungry and hence low on sugar, standing. Four hours. Hitting head on the pole helped a little. If I hadn't had my I-pod with me, I'd have considered trying to suicide myself by jumping into the river that had formed at Guindy.

He could have done this chain forming along the damn beach- we have one of the longest beaches in Asia, after all. He could have formed the damn chain after issuing a bandh of some sort. He could have done ANYTHING that did not involve making people stand in the pouring rain, blocking 75% of the city at rush hour, for over ten hours.

THIS is not how you show support for anything. By making an issue as sensitive as this a political game, is not how you put in your two cents towards resolving it. THIS is why India should come a bi-party government. THIS is why coalition governments are more dangerous than the ones that are run by one party.

All you do DO is make people like me who believed there was hope, turn into bigger cynics.

SG.

Yes, another template change. That one was WAY too colorful and "flowery" for my tastes. Plus I think it's high time I stopped trying to "cheer things up" and accept what everyone is accepting. Sad part is that even as I say it, I don't want to give up or give in or both. I want to do it right. Get it done. Close doors to the past. Embrace the future. Fly on a cloud.

"Our lives begin to end the day we start keeping silent about things that matter."

Does it really? Begin to end that day? What about the day, when you've bled yourself dry TELLING people about things that really matter, and STILL see no sign of acknowledgement or change?

When do parents stop listening? When do they start filtering so that they hear just what they like? When even laying things down like they are, crying your heart out in front of them bring out no

I've cried.

I've yelled.

I've put into words everything YOU were supposed to have seen for yourself. That you should have gathered by reading between the lines. That you should have heard, when I was trying to talk. I made it easier for you, I spelt it out. Not once, not twice, not a hundred- but at least ten times.

And still you continue to ignore the fact that there IS something wrong. I know, that there is. I even know WHAT it is. But somehow, you seem to think that it's all a figment of my over active imagination- even after you've seen the pain written on my face.

You haven't even TRIED to change your ways. You haven't tried to lessen the burden that I carry. You haven't started talking more, snipping less. You haven't started sharing more, complaining less. You haven't started letting me live more, letting yourself live more.

Every self derogatory remark you've passed- I've considered my responsibility. I've even made it my business to see that you don't have to ever repeat it. What about the ones I've made about myself? What have you done with those?

I've had to sit and write letters to you, so that you could KNOW what I really had to say. WHY I was doing what I was doing. WHY I wasn't doing what I wasn't doing. HOW I realized what I wanted to do.

At first I thought it was all in my head. That reading too many books, had imprinted on my mind what "happily ever after" would look like. But as I've grown, I've realized that everyone has their own versions of "happily ever after". There are no definite s. And hence, when you never asked what I wanted from life, when you never asked why I wanted what I did want; what made me choose one value over another; what made me choose the design for the kitchen I wanted in my dream house- I figured it was okay. I wondered. I hoped that you would ask, yes. But I also made excuses for you.

The other day, when my aunt asked me what my house would look like, when she actually listened to it, and told me that I would not only have all of that, but more, something in me died. Another part of me died.

And still, instead of blaming you, or cursing you, I sit here hating myself for even actually putting all of this down on paper, even as I do. With every word that I type, I'm making excuses for you. Justifying your actions. Telling myself, that you are just different parents. Everyone is different.

Should I be doing that? Should I, a twenty year old, be doing that? Should I, a twenty year old, have been doing that for the better part of my life?

I don't know what an achievement feels like. I don't know what a million other feelings, that I should have felt by now, feel like. I know what they are SUPPOSED to feel like, but I haven't felt them.

Don't get me wrong. I've felt happiness, yes. But not at the usual you-bought-me-an-ipod for my birthday happiness, as you would expect a normal child to feel. I've felt happy on the odd day that you both have spoken to each other. I've felt happy and safe on the odd day that I've walked into your room in the morning, to see you two snuggled up together. On the odd occasion that I've seen you poke fun at each other.

Do you see where all this is wrong? Do you see a twenty year old anywhere in all of this? No, I didn't think so.

I'm NOT supposed to ACCOMODATE your feelings, YOU are supposed to accomodate MINE. I'm NOT supposed to be watching my words, YOU are supposed to be watching yours- to protect me. You are supposed to be protecting me from getting hurt, instead of the other way.

-----------------------

It seems important to get all of this down on paper once and for all- because unless I'm using my hands to key in what the voices in my head are saying, I'm suffocating. I've tried. I've tried a million times to be fair to you- and not give words to what these voices are saying- because it would seem almost like I'm disrespecting you, or what you stand for. I'm not.

But if you really are the roles that you have been given to play, then you will understand why this was necessary. I love you. I just wish I didn't have to act grown up all the time.

This seems to be another one in my series against the trash (however comical and liable to give you THE splits (only makes sense, to make that sound like a disease))(I think this is the first time I've used braces inside braces. Hmmm) that is on T.V. these days. Today's special- Splitsvilla.

Official tag- a new romance-based reality show, where Love is War. Jezus. 20 "hot" girls compete for two "hot" guys. The winner finds not only "love" but a nice 5 lac rupees AND a chance to host a show on T.V. All the bindings of true loue, wouldn't you say?

One of the guys is a skinny short shit who got thrown out of Roadies. Another can't be shot down on account of being short or skinny, but is another person who got kicked out of Roadies, and couldn't compete with a termite on account of intelligence.

Both of them, sit on their toadstools and shoot out stuff like "So-and-So you're confy, that's good. But being over confy is bad." (to which the So-and-So in question nods her head vigorously to show her assent) and to another So-and-So "You've played well. Very well. But this isn't a game to us". My pretty ass it's not.

They girls who weren't "dumped" were the ones who'd managed to win the hearts of our two lonesome bachelors by dancing on the top of a table amongst other things. True love = ability to dance on table tops. One poor lil darling who announced she enjoyed philosophy, kinda threw the axe on her own foot, because our desperately- looking- for- love guys wouldn't know how to even spell that word. Oh and by the by, guess what each of them said in their intros- we're looking for girls with a sense of humor. Which in turn obviously implies intelligence.

And MTV should obviously be revered for the great oppurtunity they're offering us people. For the stage that they have set, obviously invites nothing but the most intelligent of people. Announcing, and eagerly waiting to prove how "bold" they are. Top notch brains of the country, my friend, absolute top notch.

I can understand something along the lines of trying to find true love through television- there's something similar on Travel and Living, I forget the name. But having 20 girls fight for you? 18 girls whom you "dump" while on this quest, because they refuse to dance on table tops or don't stand on the roof and shout "I'm daring, try me". 2 girls whom you choose based on their style of dressing, and what moves(yes, plural) when they dance?

Enchanted. Absolutely enchanted.

So, television is my latest source of amusement. You don't even have to be following a particular show or season to dissolve into fits of laughter. All you have to do is flip through channels.

Today's flipping resulted in something striking- There's some reality show on MTV called TVS Scooty Ms Teen (or something along those lines). Apparently everyone likes to watch and hear crabby teenagers who are tested on their bitchiness and gossipy flair.

Anyway, they have this "voting out" round, in which, once the "safe" contestants have voted for whom they wish to "save" from the ones in the "danger zone"- the girls who were in the danger zone are made to sit on a TVS Scooty each. Guess what happens next?

The VJ who is hosting that particular episode, hands them keys. Only one of which will start a bike. And the person whose bike starts, is safe.

Beat that on the lame- meter.

It's been ages since I've actually given in to the urge to write. I've wanted to, but I haven't been able to. Being busy is only part of the excuse. The part that is not an excuse, is the fact that everything that I've had to say, would have been way too personal. And I just felt like a cheat for even having had those thoughts.

Anyway, turns out, moving around during exam time, works for me. I've ended up with a 9.6 gpa this time. I'm still living in disbelief. Coming right up are lots of mock cats and placements, so I'm supposed to be busy with getting ready for all of that.

It's way too early in the morning for me to be articulate! Hence, I shall stop. But I'm going to write more often, no matter who reads this and no matter who doesn't.

Cheerio!

P.S. This template is starting to bug me!!

My hatred and frustration at being in the place that I am in, grows exponentially with each passing day. So much so, that instead of wanting to hit my head on a wall, I now am thrown into fits of laughter that don't stop until every muscle in my body is hurting. THAT's how much crazier I'm getting.

The latest bout of laughter was brought on thanks to excerpt from the newsletter of the Personality Development Association, nothing less, that I came across- which in it's "From TEAM PDA" had this to say :

It conducts yearly festivals like .... and also inter school events to elate the students into eminent personalities through the festival... You get the idea... It has also been bringing out the various hidden beauties of the students in the home magazine "PERSOPLUS" which is considered as the forum for expressing the views of the students.

The end reads- Thus, in this Silver Jubilee year we dedicate ourselves to the worthy ideals of the PDA to the betterment of the students and to make them a shining star in the Indian sky.

Best part is- this is just from the first column on the first page. I have yet to tell you about the Editorial which states, and I quote,

"Persoplus(the name of the magazine), as usual, has been kindling the hidden treasures of the students by inviting them to unlock their views on various current themes."

The pages to come, keep in line with the standard set on this first page- and there's this one article that beats anything you could have ever read in your life- I'm trying to get hold of the soft copy.

Oh and there's more to come. This, even though relates to my department- has absolutely nothing to do with me- (Haven't changed a single letter, by the by)

"Dear Friends,
The Information Technology Association of blah blah blah, the rich & the unique techfest of its kind on the 23rd Feb 2k8. We on behalf of ITA cordially invite you to be a part of blah.

... with its variety of events ranging from technical paper presentation to Programming contests for the technical geeks and from Quizzes to gaming for the Challenge loving ones will surely provide some refreshments fro the grey cells and some weights for your wallet and lots of fun and enjoyments. Just check out into blah on feb 23ed for a one to one fight with the best geeks and the adventurous ones and also challenge the world and prove yourselves through our online events which start as early as the first week of February...

Don't Miss IT! "

DON'T MISS IT.

To our seniors, while cordially (again) inviting them for the Alumini meet, we say (amongst other things), and I quote (again)-

We would like u to relish the moment with your presence.

No one's asking for high funda words. Just correct grammar!! How hard is it to get someone who does know a little more about the language than you do, to proof read what you've written? Guys can be such pains!!

Anyway, that's all from me. Had more to say, but after having had to recall all this, I'm ready to get drunk.

Toodles!

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The point of this post is NOT to poke fun or sound "holier than thou".

I know.. I know.. twice in a week.. But I just HAD to. I'm going to start putting this up every week.. :) Enjoy!

"We are getting over populated in one area"...hmmm... NAICE.

"At one spot of time humans itself can't survive" ...ah. The spot. Yes, of course.

"Current age people are less healthy than more age people"...shameful, ain't it?

"At that particular time of moment"... Why am I glad I wasn't present at that time of moment??

"Consider this particular thing..ok..ok..apply this to it, ok? Now..so.. ok.. what will happen is.. so.. ok... this thing.. ok.. this thing is being applied with to this particular thing.. ok? Any doubts?".. No, siry. No way. I'm ALL CLEAR.

"Substances which causes you the pollution are called pollutants"..umm.. great!

"Major destroyment of the air is being doing by the human being." Shoot the dogs! They're causing destroyment ya.

"Your smell is also one odor" .. oh damn! It's that obvious??

"The gas is flowing.." Yes, yes. The water is blowing too.

"Certain invisible products are produced in the result to see"... lemme see.. hey!! she means we can see the invisible! yay!!

"What kind of disease is getting affected on the human being?".. how about forgetting-english-itis?

"Proper procedural sequence of actions"...I don't know why, but I was lost by the time she finished this sentence.

"Age of your category don't use helmets.." Huh???

"Gets entered into this part.."yeah? Oh. Aaha.

"Suspend yourself from coming to class" ...Rules like these are meant to be followed.

That's it from me today... Hope you had a lovely day! Lotsaluv.

I was going through this note book of mine when I noticed some bulbs drawn... When I took the time to read these highlighted lines, I just had to put them up here. These aren't MAJOR errors. Just a few slips of the tongue.. Some made by some very very intelligent profs of mine.. Enjoy!!

"Land cannot perform cultivation" bravo!!

"Not causing any use"..As opposed to?

"Human rate is increasing day by day" ...jeez thanks for clearing that one out!

"I am going to suicide myself." Oh please don't sweetie..

"It is going to produce you something" How will I ever thank you??

"Humans are building buildings." I wonder what's wrong with this one?

"No more human generation will take place." WHAT?? why?? HOW?? They can't do such a thing!!

"Do you have a group family attitude?" You don't have it dude... how about joint family attitude?? no?? Ushlesh.

"What type of consumers do they consume?" I really do wonder... it's been keeping me up for nights..

"It can be a flora or a fauna." Oh yeah???!! Well, there you go..!!

"It is a question mark of whether the human being will survive or not." What? No exclaimation mark?

"We have both kinds of two deserts." Is that like saying, "I have two daughters, both are girls?"

"A slope is called a slope because it is sloping." Eureka!!

"The angle between two perpendicular lines is 90 degrees." And the Noble Prize goes to..??

"That's how long I've been doing IT" Mistar, I hate to break this to you.. but I really don't wanna know what 'IT' you've been doing.

"The rate of change is changing along this part." Am I glad!!

"It is not an easy joke." Oh dear! What a shame.

You look at the question and you think ,"How do I do here is.." eeerr.. errr...

And what comes to mind is :

Lives of great men all remind us,
We can make our lives sublime,
And departing, leave behind us,
Footprints on the sands of time.

You're doing an awesome job without even trying!! Keep it up :) Lotsaluv!