Again. Jezus, dunno if it was the nature of this past year, or if it's just me, but another year s zoomed past, and all that comes to my mind now when I think of it, is, FINALLY.

Usually, I find myself not wanting it to end... To let the good luck and happy times roll on some more, 'cuz you never know whats on the other side of 31st December... This year, I'm not doing that anymore. What makes it worse sometimes is the fact that the pain or laughter of a person, any person however indirectly connected to me, that I know of, no matter in what part of the world affects me.

More that anything, all I've done this year is, lose. Sigh. People, battles, faith, trust, my hearing capabilities, and more hair. The few black strands, mind you. Oh but what the hell! People could do worse, and what's more everyone I love is safe.

So, here's to the year that awaits us. May the fleas of a thousand camels infest the ass of whoever tries to screw your happiness and may his hands become shorter, so he can't even scratch. Wishing you all happy things and endings, and glorious beginnings.

I picked these up somewhere - and after reading them, for a long time, I sometimes wished someone had had the damn sense to say these words to me! Or cared enough to. So, here's me saying them to you, 'cuz somewhere, somehow each of us needs it :

To the you, the person with a golden heart, all you need is courage. The cowardly lion discovered he had courage all along, all he needed was a medal to remind him of it. You are hence, hereby reminded, that you are not only strong, but able, and wise and good and much loved.


- The Wicked Witch of the North.


With all my love,

Yours forever sthupitly.

I've always considered myself above hate, so far. The closest i've come to hating is, hating brinjals and silences. Brinjals, 'cuz well, they are brinjals and silences 'cuz they scare me. Other than that... I've never HATED someone.

I never thought I hated anyone. Past tense. Long passed, past.

I do. I hate the fact that I gave you the right to hurt me. I hate the fact that I told you what would hurt me. And you did. You do. And you know it. I hate me for hurting.

I hate that I shared my dreams with you, when all you could do was mock at them. I hate that it made me feel small. I hate that I let me feel small.

I hate that you made me feel like a looser, at times. That when you said it, even in anger, I let it pierce through, and hurt.

I hate you for making me cry myself to sleep every night, when you didn't shed a tear. I hate me, for being weak.

I hate you, 'cuz I can't ask you to fuck off, get lost, the way you did to me. I won't do it. I hate that I can't. Won't. 'Cuz I'm weak.

I hate you for taking me for granted. I hate me for letting you know, realise, that I'd really be there, no matter what. And you did that "what". I stayed.

I hate you for not understanding me. For never taking the effort to read in between the lines. I hate me, for expecting you to.

I hate you for knowing, and still doing it. I hate you for turning out just like another "somebody". I hate me for expecting it. Almost wanting it after a point, so that we could get it out of the way. 'Cuz more than knowing it was hurting me, I knew it wasn't good for you.

I hate that you don't realise, understand, comprehend, what I did for you... I don't want a nobel prize, but I wanted you to at least acknowledge it. I hate me for expecting something in return. Because then, that's not true friendship.

I hate you, 'cuz when I ruined myself just so your worst fears wouldn't realise, you made mine come true. I hate that now i'm left to pick the even more shattered, scattered pieces, alone... while you aren't. And don't give a damn.

Fooled ya, didn't I? Hell I f***ing fooled myself. Had to say it aloud. To accept it.

I don't know if it's really HATE, hate... I don't feel anger, towards anyone but myself. I just feel... sad at times, you know? Feel like bawling my eyes out... Crazy.. you hate something like that to? Or is it just me?

The number of "merry christmas" messages I've gotten, is amazing. Other than the social obligation people feel, there is on some level a degree of acceptance of the festival, in today's society. And that's great.

My years in Mumbai when I was younger is the reason for my feeling like bubbles bubbling. Bandra, specially the West was full of christians... I love the Mount Mary's church, and used to light candles there every evening. Still do, when I get the chance to go there. Santa, a huge real-like one , unlike the diet concious ones you see today, visited the colony, we kids got to help with the huge nativity scene and an amazingly huge tree... all the tidings of a great christmas.

The most special memories of mine of that time, other than the chirstmas delicacies I loved, was of the plays we enacted out at old-age homes a few days before christmas eve and in the church on christmas eve. I've always been an angle in the play. Sang a few carols too.

It rubbed off.

In the recent past, December makes for the not so good memories... Inspite of which, the cheer, I haven't lost. Hope, some might call it. Somehow, one makes it through. You trudge your way through a huge pile of crap, or that's what it feels like, and are ready for whatever is next thrown in your path.

Anyway, here's wishing you a very very merry chritmas.... with plum puddings and mistletoe kisses... lots of happy things and endings.

Yours forever sthupitly.

Listening to: We wish you a merry christmas by Willie Nelson.

I dunno what it is, or maybe I do, but there's something about meeting up with old friends. Mine, thankfully, aren't THAT old, as yet anyway... We don't see each other everday anymore, spend 8 hours sitting in classes together and then another 2 hours at some doggone tuition and then another few hours on the phone, jabbering about something we managed to forget to talk about. Imagine that.

Actually, there's nothing to imagine about it, each of us has most definately at least one person, with whom you'd have felt this. Or did I just get lucky? I have at least 12 of them, on last count. Did I say lucky?!!!

Whether it's just the familiar faces or the security you find in something that's known to you... Or maybe it's both. I know it's not always going to be there, in fact I was pretty sure the time I had come to finally let go, but apparently not. Sure, it's different. But it's there. Sure, it'll be even more different, but at least the memories will be there.

There was and always is a lot of letting go involved... You don't share day-to-day secrets, it's probably not easy and at sometimes the easiest to make your confessions, it's a lot of giving in to the fact that maybe they've moved on and have found better friends, it's a lot of question marks in your mind about what and who your dearest friends have become even though deep down they are essentially the same... it's the same drumming on my head, it's the same making of the movie "pen" (in which I star), it's the same teachers and their stories... Which I don't think we are going to tire of anytime soon. You'd think their effect and "funnyness" wared off after 6 years!

If I relate some of that stuff to you, you'll probably give me a weird look; ok a weirder look, happy? But with them, it's still hilarious enough to create an uproar. I think we've seen each other at our worst, through some of the toughest times, and some of the calmest and simplest and happiest times. I guess that's where the bond lies.

It was an absolute pleasure seeing everyone after ages, and right when I needed it. Just plain ol' laughter and commotion and acceptance. I dunno how that happened... the acceptance.. I was the "late entry" in the "gang"... but somehow, they let me in. And I'm forever indebted. Will be.

Anyway, that's enough of that. I hope each of us finds that solace, peace, calmness and a sense of joy and... just being with at least one friend. I hope each of my friends, you guys, always find good "better friends", if you must. May you always know, that there'll always be this grandma to come back to. And loads of happy things.

Yours forever sthupitly.

P.S : Results, are FINALLY, finally out. I cleared everything. Not that good, but managed to fit into the cream of the class. Can do better. Passed with warning.

HOTEL KERALA-FONIA - by The Yeagles

On the road to Trivandrum
Coconut oil in my hair
Warm smell of avial
Rising up through the air
Up ahead in the distance
I saw a bright pink tube-light
My tummy rumbled, I felt weak and thin
I had to stop for a bite
There he stood in the doorway
Flicked his mundu in style
And I was thinking to myself
I don't like the look of his sinister smile
Then he lit up a petromax
Muttering "No power today"
More Mallus down the corridor
I thought I heard them say

Welcome to the Hotel Kerala-fonia
Such a lousy place,
Such a lousy place (background)
Such a sad disgrace,
Plenty of bugs at the Hotel Kerala-fonia
Any time of year
Any time of year (background)
It's infested here
It's infested here

His finger's stuck up his nostril
He's got a big, thick mustache
He makes an ugly, ugly noise
But that's just his laugh
Buxom girls clad in pavada
Eating banana chips
Some roll their eyes, and
Some roll their hips
I said to the manager
My room's full of mice
He said,
Don't worry, saar, I sending you
meen karri, brandy and ice
And still those voices were crying from far away
Wake you up in the middle of the night
Just to hear them pray

Save us from the Hotel Kerala-fonia
Such a lousy place,
Such a lousy place (background)
Such a sad disgrace
Trying to live at the Hotel Kerala-fonia
It is no surprise
It is no surprise (background)
That it swarms with flies

The blind man was pouring
Stale sambar on rice
And he said
We are all just actors here
In Silk Smitha-disguise
And in the dining chamber
We gathered for the feast
We stab it with our steely knives
But we just can't cut that beef
Last thing I remember
I was writhing on the floor
That cockroach in my appam-stew was the culprit,
I am sure
Relax, said the watchman
This enema will make you well
And his friends laughed as they held me down
God's Own Country? Oh, Hell!

Another piece of treasure, I came across, ensaai. God bless the Eagles, and may the song ( the original, of course) live always :)

Yours forever sthupitly.

I hate shopping, really do. I'm not the change-"wardrobe" with every change in weather types. When I shop, which is like, once a year typically, I love doing it for people around me and my house. There's no stopping me on those two. Once in a while, I love doing it for me too.

So, most of the time, when I'm dragged from shop to shop, comaring prices and stuff, I tend to let my creative side take over. Here's a few things to do :

1) Pick up boxes of condoms and place them randomly in other shoppers shopping baskets. There's some pretty shocking "types" available.(P.S. The measure of the shockingness, can be calculated from observing your victims.)

2) Those huge mountains they make? Carefully arranged cans of cola? What if you accidently bump into one of them. Or pull one out of the center to see if it's any different from the ones outside?

3) Start weeping and crying out loudly, " Why don't they just leave me alone?" when some (unfortunate) clerk comes to you with the may-I-help-you stuff.

4) Move any and all "Caution. Wet floor." signs to not-wet/dry/ carpeted areas.

5) Use the security cameras, as mirrors to dig your noses. (Bet your wondering if I really wasn't kidding in the post earlier this week!!)

6) Hide behind a book/cloth rack and every time I person is going through stuff on the rack, shout "Pick me! Pick me!"

7) You could always, while intently looking at knives ask a clerk where the anti-depressants were...

8) Can try the same thing with rat poison too.

9) If it's a mall or something, and the personnel uses loud speakers to make announcements... when they do, cover up your ears and shout "Oh no! Not those voices in my head again!", like in agony.

10) You could light a few candles or/and start chanting some stuff and shaking and stuff - the usual "tantric" stuff, and when some ayyah bugger takes your seriously... let your creative juices flow.

11) Walk around quitely humming the Mission Impossible theme song.

12) Along the same lines of the previous one : take a call on your cell, or pretend to be talking to someone, in heated whispers, stressing on words like bomb, time left, mission accomlished, yada yada.

13) Pick up a costume, or sit behind one of the big bears in the kid section, and start moving every time a kid gets close to you!

14) Hide behind a counter at the ladies lingerie section, and every time a man turns up issue helpful warnings regarding their wives standing behind them, walking towards them, etc.

15) Open up a bottle of red paint, or a carton of tomato juice and make a trail leading to the changing rooms.

16) Write two chits with a "Meet you in the back, in 5 minutes. Switch off the lights when you enter." and pass them on to two employees/ customers. If your a handsome/beautiful person, you can pretend it's from you, else, just point at the nearest gorgeous/hunky person and say it's from them. Don't forget to see what happens!

17) Set all the clock alarms to ring at 5 minute intervals.

18) Place out-of-service signs near elevators and escalators, and watch people struggle up stairs!

19) Make sufficient noises and walk into a "opposite-sex" changing room with some "opposite-sex" clothes.

20) Call up someone, or just pretend to talk to someone on your phone, and do some dirty talking. Loudly.

21) Walk into a changing room, make funny noises and after a while, yell, "There's no toilet paper/ water in here."

Just be careful to avoid minimum possible contact with security personnel. Also, take care of the cameras and where they are placed and what area they are capturing (Specially, if you want the nose-digging to work). It'd help if your a slick talker with an adorable smile and dimple. Or have good legs.

Happy tripping,

Yours forever sthupitly.

Brought to you, courtsey of F.R.I.E.N.D.S., pogo, observation skills, some forwards on the internet and yours truly.

Disclaimer : The author takes no responsiblity for the outcome of the application of any of the above mentioned techniques.

I really hate it when I have mood swings. And lately, I've been having extreme ones. I'm not much of a dramatist, when it comes to... expressing stuff. I've got this childish idea that if people really do care they'll see beneath the surface. Read between the lines. Fill in the blanks. Whatever.

So, basically I'm just talking much more to myself. In my head. And you, my dear friend, will be better of taking it from me, that you don't ever want to end up in such a situation, no matter what.

It was so damn peaceful a while ago. Each day, instead of praying for some "spice" in my life, I was asking for tranquility. Okay, so that'd be taking things a tad too far, but I guess, just some peace and quite. Safety.

It's funny... *warning bells ringing* This post on Navneet's blog made me laugh. Another irony. Silences, was what he's written on. And very eloquently. The reason it made my smile, a sad smile, was 'cuz while I claim to hate silences with all my life, it's what I crave for most these days.

But then again, silences don't always have to imply the calm before a storm, I'm beginning to see that. I hate it when it's thrown on me. When I'm talking and people just shut up. I can understand when I'm boring them with the gory details of my life, it's one of the reasons I don't anymore, but when we're talking about them? General stuff? And they find something better to do, and then three hours later, when all the entertainment's worn off, they'll call up like nothing s ever happened.

Bullshit.

No, I'm not taking a shot at anyone, even though it might feel that way. I don't want an apology, in fact, it's the last thing I want. In fact, I don't even know what I want. What I'm supposed to want. Any clue?

I don't really hate anything or anyone. Sure, people have bullshitted me, and walked on me and out on me, but I don't really hate them. I hope I haven't done all that stuff to people, but even if I have, I really wish they didn't hate me, and knowing me, I've probably apologised. I don't think I really know how to hate... it's one of those things where I figure life's too short, and hating takes too much energy. So, I'd rather hate brinjals and too much socialising and silences.

It's very easy to make me believe it's all my fault, for some reason, and people around me take definite advantage of that. It's maddening, now that I realise it. Or maybe, it really is.

Blah. Blah person, blah life, and blah writing. Is blah and will die blah.

I finally found the ghazal I was looking for on one of my old cd's and I'm so damn glad. There was a 2 hour special on worldspace last night, so that was fantabulous.

I dunno what exactly I wanted to write about, but I guess i'll stop, this's been torture enough.

Lotsaluv.

P.S: Will blahhing really have two h's?? Or will there be one? Hmmmm...

It's official. I make a fool out of myself at least once each day. The other day, I called Tia Maria a who, and not a what. You knew it was a desert? Well, did you?

I usually don't mind it. I go a step forward and see to it, that it's done at least once every day. Not in that ( the above mentioned) way, though, but yeah, you get the point.

It usually is that way. When people pretend to know more than they really do, to save their "face" in public, it almost always backfires. It took a while for that to sink in, oh boy, did it.But it did, and now if I don't know what what is, I usually admit it.

I'll give you an example... When you have a or few holes in your socks, and they make you take off your shoes in school, for whatever reasons. It's hard to "hide" the holes, so what to do but wait to get embarassed? Tell them about it yourself. Them being your friends, and it being the hole(s). Say it aloud, with a you know... I just lovvre these socks I'm wearing so much, I hate to throw them away, 'cuz they're so soft. And that's all it'll take. You'll probably save a few more people from getting embarassed too.

People hardly ever believe you, when you say the truth. It's funny, sometimes. Specially around a person like me, whose every sentence is sarcastic and can almost always be intepreted in two ways. So, when I'm telling a person that the reason I want to hang up is 'cuz I don't want to talk to them , I'm being extremely funny. The berry bunny types. Lil do they know. (If your reading this, you know who you are, I WAS kidding, or was I ? )

When I'm saying I really do still own the soft toy I did at 10 years of age, or that I still do watch cartoons, or that on holidays I bathe only sometime in the evening, or that I used to write my name and *****'s name and draw hearts around it (Sis, if you even as much as squeak at that, you'll be the one mortified on Orkut. I've kept quite so far, just so that people know whose younger, Ahem) or that when I dig my nose I like to examine what I've found... people think your humoring them. About the later, I am, in case you didn't figure that out. I really am. I mean I guess I used to do it, back then in 2nd standard... when everyone does it, some even ate it, remember? I don't anymore. The figuring, not the eating. I never did eat, nor am I in the future, jezus! I really don't.

It takes a lot to know when I'm kidding and when I'm not. And I'm kinda proud of it, you know the whole mysterious aura thing.

Yours forever sthupitly.

P.S: It tastes kinda salty, na?

Crazy, eh? All these changes and all that, na? Blame it on boredom, and those bubbles that are bubbling. For some reason, I'm very amused with my "bubbles that bubble" concoction. I dunno where I keep coming up with such stuff. I guess, it's just a talent I'm going to have to live with. The misery of it all.

Sometimes when my sis or someone else asks me what I get out of cleaning, or deleting all the junk from my inbox or anything along those lines... I've never been able to find an adequate answer. It's pretty simple, and I guess that's why it's difficult to understand for people.

I really do believe in karma. The earth is round, and hence, what goes around, does come around. Karma, listening about it, learning about it, etc, brought me in contact with what prayers are. What the power of a prayer is. I've often wondered, not about the daffodils, but yes, about the power prayers weild. And weild, they do.

The most convincing explaination I could come up with was, that when one prayers, i.e., chants... The person creates a positive space around himself. He has positive vibes. The more you do it, the more stronger they become. You can often see and feel a person s state of being when you meet them. Those are the vibes I'm talking about. I dunno about how the "power" works, but then, there really isn't and can't be too much negative stuff around a person who has such a powerful positive space around himself. If that makes any sense at all.

It's the same with cleaning. I do it, so as to cleanse my self. My mind. To remove the clutter. To decrease the chaos. While it is impossible to totally eradicate it, because the theory of existance holds that the amount of chaos is directly proportional to the stability of ourselves and the world, and is hence very much a part of ourlives, this usless chaos needs to be taken out.

You do take your dustbins out every day, right? It's just like that. If you let it be, it'll oveflow, and make your house and life, well to put it eloquently, stink?

The same goes for useless emotions. Strong words I know, useless emotions. No, when I say that, I'm not condemning emotions. In fact, I'm just rubbishing useless emotions. Wondering about what to wear, what's "cool", lame stuff like that. True that, that they might not be lame to other people. In fact, I like them sometimes too...

It's just the excessive stuff that I'd rather do without. Rid yourself of anger, forgive yourself, so things go bad at times - laugh to keep from crying, simble, hurting sometimes is peaceful in itself, 'cuz at the end of it you know your going to heal and be great ( Not, OK, that's a horrible place to be, you know why!).

It's like... I dunno, the other template I was using, is peaceful... this one on the other hand represents my naughty self, hyper self, yada yada. I'm going to stick to this for the season, but it's still the other one that brings a sense of... homecoming? Relief? Relaxation? Sthupit example, but yes, that's the way it is.

All this cleaning, praying, bathing (To think!), walking... brings a sense of tranquility to a person s life, and hence to ones self. You should try it. I'm not talking yoga and all that, that's good if you have the time and inclination. Small stuff... Maybe sitting on the terrace with soft music, a walk after dinner with family, cleaning up, a long hot water bath after that, cooking, you get the point.

May peace be with you!

Yours forever sthupitly.

It feels kinda bad to be wanting to write about something good and happy, after the morning I had yesterday. But then, it's official without any trace of doubt, that I'm crazy. Ha.

Yesterday was one roller coaster ride. Spent the morning crying and feeling terrible, and hopeful, and the evening, listening to Jagjit Singh. Live in concert. For the first time. Lucky biatch, eh? That's me for you.

3 hours with the maestro. I haven't been this happy in eons!! The man is so bleddy good, the words, the music... everything. It all makes so much sense. And yet, at times it doesn't.

I remember, there was a time when dad didn't believe I understood what they were about. I was "too young". After a hard day, he'd lie down flat on the carpet in the hall and listen to Woh Kagaaz ki kashti, and I'd do just the same. Little did he know, that it did make sense to his lil girl, always did and always will.

There's some real sad ones, some real happy ones and some awesomely romantic ones. It's amazing how a few lines, put together in the right order, can suddenly be the best way to describe your life.

He did his signature ghazals.... Hoshwalon ko khabar kya,Tera chehra, Tum ko dekha tto yeh khayal aaya, Ahista Ahista and I could go on and on and on.

Rang bhi dekha, roop bhi dekha,
rasta, manjil, sahil, mahfil, koi nahi hai aisa,
tera saath hai aisa,
Meri akho ne chuna hai tujhko duniya dekh kar,
Meri akho ne chuna hai tujhko duniya dekh kar....

Has to be the bestest of my discoveries last evening. All in all, I was happy. It's kinda sad admitting it, but I was happy after a long long time. Guess music does that to you. Ghazals do that to me.

I hardly ever admit it... that I'm scared. That I'm hurt. That it pains. There's too many people depending on me, or so I let myself believe and I care too much. There's alot of times when I've almost given up and wanted to believe that it really won't ever be all right again, that there really aren't any happy endings and that love is just and abstract noun.

It's also real hard to believe that I'm so blessed. And I don't know what I've done to deserve any of it. I know I haven't, and I guess that's what makes me want to reach out to people, do some good. Make a difference. Justify all this. I dunno how many people realise it, but I do, with every turn life takes, that I'm doubly blessed. And believe you me, some of the stuff that "hurts" seems real trivial when compared to the stuff other people are subjected to for a large part of their lives. I guess, it makes me in different on one level... But, I dunno.

And it scares the shit out of me. Wondering if such stuff happened to me, what I'd do. If I'm strong enough to deal with it. If.... Ugh. The only place I like if is when it's linked to Rudyard Kipling.

Anyway, things are almost right on this side of the world. All thanks to an awesome evening. Mwah. I could kiss the damn computer screen. Oh and the template change, is to mark the begining of a new season of hope. And promises. And... well, me. And you.

I don't believe this. I feel like those bubbles of champagne. It tickles.

Lotsaluv,

Yours forever sthupitly.

P.S: If I didn't make any sense back there, you can sleep peacefully, knowing that I'm back to normal.

P.P.S: If I did make sense back there, well, God help you.

Damn. I just sat there watching the people on TV take me through Kenya and Madagascar. I just sat there. With tears streaming down my face. I just sat there.

Commercial sex workers, orphans, no bloddy roads, no aid, no nothing. And I just sat there. People not wanting to do away with stigmas, having no other option, no food, no jobs, no nothing. And I just sat there.

It's probably a sad excuse that I'm not old enough to do something, but seriously, what about all those people who ARE? People have enough money to buy 45 million dollars of property, buy aeroplanes, and have nothing in them to do something for people like these? How can you not want to do something? I don't understand. I really don't. How, when people who actually work these commercial sex works, know what having unprotected sex can do to people, do it?

1$ for sex with a condom.
2$ for sex without a condom.

Yes, you read it right. Can you believe it? No? Well then, read it again, and keep reading it till it sinks in, 'cuz it bloddy true. And you know where they work? On the street, under a flap of plastic.

Why do people do this then, you might ask? 'Cuz there ain't no other way to earn money to keep their families alive. And I just sat and kept looking.

Why do people who work them do this? 'Cuz they're sent by the Devil, dammit. I dunno. I can't think of anything. I can't think of a single bloddy reason, as to why people would want to go around sleeping with people on the road, firstly. The reason the people on the road exist, is because people, humans, well bred humans, go around looking for it. And there is no secondly.

There are more than 1 million orphaned children in Africa, alone, today. And these orphanages, they offer the kids porridge, three times a day. Porridge. I don't even want to think about how many there are in India today. But whatever it is, nothing beats that continent. Nothing.

50,000 people died of poverty on Monday. A 2-3 year old with two sticks, called legs, took 5 minutes to gain balance, so that he could stand. He had a pot belly ( one of the signs of Kwahiorkor,, malnutrition, protein deficiency and marasmus). You could count the ridges in one's spine on his back. I could count 7. There was mud and dirt stuck everywhere. There were flies taking 'red eyes' from his leg to his face. There was no strength in his hands to ward off flies. What was the point anyway? They would only come back. Workaholic flies.

50,000 people died of poverty on Tuesday. It's a beautiful day. It's a beautiful place. The place where you can see nature in all its glory. It's the land of deserts, tropical evergreen forests and sand-covered beaches. It's home to the largest wildlife and breeding ground for the world's largest flora. A thousand ships found its coasts and brought with them merchants and colonisers. A thousand ships left its shores, years later, with everything that the land had to offer. Now these very shores serve as a source of entertainment to the living village kids and a source of income to an odd fisherman. Welcome to Asia!

50,000 people died of poverty on Wednesday. A baby lay within the protection provided by its mother against the harsh climate. He wore no clothes. There were flies all over him. I don't think what could be see on him was skin. He was hungry. Not even the liquid-protein stuff that passed as food was left. So, he bawled. Everyone in the vicinity was below 25 years. If the infants were lucky they'd live to see their 16th birthday. And then they'd die of either AIDS, an epidemic, malnutrition, or poverty. Did I say lucky?? The place where you see nature in its most cruel form. A gold mine, now suffering from poverty. Welcome to the WORLD!

50,000 people died of poverty on Thursday and Friday.

You could go on thinking
That there was nothing wrong
Whatever happened to those values of humanity
When a child is now born into this world
With no sense of skin on his bones.

50,000 people died of poverty on Saturday.

And it will happen again. Over and over and over again. And again. And again and again. In Africa, in India, in the whole damn world.

'Cuz guess what? Nobody but a few hundred people around the world really do care enough, to do something about it. Everybody is so busy getting "fucked up" with their own lives, I mean what would we do without leaders throwing furniture at each other in the Parliament, what would we do without leaders who want nothing but easy cash and to hell with the rest of the world, people who are so bothered with what's the "coolest" thing of the day that anything but "I,me, myself" is foreign?

And 'cuz of people like me, who'll just see all this stuff, and do nothing about it. Well, here's what... If I don't do everything that is within my capability at every stage in my life, about all this, sue me. And that's a promise. To myself. And to these people.

Light up. Light up.
Even if you can't hear my voice,
I'll be right beside you dear,
I swear in the days left,
We'll walk in fields of gold together.

Sometimes, you hear something or read something, and everything just fits into place. It's like... it was always there, somewhere at the back of your head, and wham one day, it comes up front and blinks like a neon sign, you couldn't NOT notice. At times it's nice stuff... a happy memory, a sthupit song, an old friend.. anything and at others it's.. just stuff, I guess.

I walked far enough to make you sit still. And just like that, in one sentence, this person had managed to describe the last two years of my life. Just like that. And true it is, to the full stop. I hate absolutely hate people who walk out, don't keep promises... and I promised myself I would never do that to anyone. I haven't so far. Anyway, back to the point. There are two reasons for me not wanting to do that to anyone.

One, the noble crap. Friends forever, will be there for you always and the likes. I see too much. And the fact that it would hurt the other person, no matter how small a part of my life he/she is, is enough to stop me. There's enough suffering in this world, without me adding to it :)

The other being, just to show the person up. Clicking two. And how true it is. Often I'd wonder why I was being so stubborn. What exactly were my reasons? What was making me stay put? Me being me just wouldn't accept it to be ONLY 'cuz it was what friends/girl friends/sisters/blah did... it kept nagging me.

Another thing that bothered me was when suddenly for certain reasons parts of who I was, why I was and why I am what I am came back. Okie that didn't make sense. It's just that sometimes (again) in other people s lives you find a part of your past. And because you don't want the other person to have it as terribly as you did, you start looking for reasons, explainations, theories and answers so that you can help. That's what I did. I tried.

Until the other day, when it all started making sense. It always did make sense, but now it was concrete. Definite. Being as human as we are, we have a lot to feel guilty for. And that makes us seek out pain. Pain, sacrifice, suffering helps us find peace. Salvation.

It's in our daily lives, in our hidden suffering, in the sacrifices we make, blaming love for the destruction of our dreams. That's why I'm telling you: dont' get used to it, because it's very easy to become habituated; it's a very powerfull drug. Pain is frightening when it shows its real face, but it's seductive when it comes disguised as sacrifice or self-denial. or cowardice. however much we may reject it, we huma beings always find a way of being with pain, of flirting with it and making it part of our lives.

True, no one wants to suffer, and yet nearly everyone seeks out pain and sacrifice, and then they feel pure, deserving of the respect of their children, husbands, neighbors, God. Don't let's think about that now, all you need to know is that what make the world go around is not the search for pleasure but the renuniciation of all that is important.

Does the soldier go to war in order to kill the enemy? No. He goes in order to die for his country. Does a wife want to show he husband she's happy? No. She wants him to see how devoted she is, how she suffers in order to make him happy. Does a working man go to work every morning to achieve satisfcation? No. He does it to sweat his butt off so that he can keep his family. And so it goes on, sons give up their dreams to please parents, parents give up their lives in order to plese their childrean, pain and suffering are used to justify the one thing that should bring only joy:love.

And I dunno where I'm going with this, except that, I just needed to say all this aloud. At least in my head. If you enjoy being miserable, then stop and start looking at what exactly you are doing to yourself.

Sure, you've made mistakes, big ones and small ones, sometimes they ruin lives, sometimes they ruin your life, they hurt the people you love most, but it isn't the end of the world. Forgive yourself, and make it up, not by suffering, but by loving. Yourself, the people around you, and your life.

And no matter what you do, don't do it to prove anything to anyone, do it cuz you know in your heart, that it's the right thing to do. Actually, scratch that. I'm not too sure it works. What I am sure is, that suffering is not the solution. It's temporary peace, that will lead to insanity. And cuz it's not only the tough way out, it's also the only way out.

Lotsaluv,
Yours forever sthupitly.

P.S : Project work is over, nonsense teacher didn't even look at it. Apparently, I'd said I'd done it, and that was enough. Work on the behalf of 4 people, work that was meant to be done for the entire sem, I did, alone, in 4 days. Anyway, that's me being made a fool of again, for being "sincere".

P.P.S: Yes, I'm totally, completely insane. It's been verified, attested and hence confirmed.

My life USED to revolve around the photocopying machine. My life NOW revolves around the comp doing project work. I've spent 30 hours out of 40 sitting here, working. Out of the remaining 18, I've spent 3 out of those 10 watching woh lamhe and the rest sleeping like a baby. Imagine. 30/40!!

And this is the same thing I spent a week on at the begining of this month. Now, I'm working on the behalf of 4 people, to do the whole thing again, from scratch, cuz I'm a dumbass.

It's like its bloddy written on my head or something. She's an idiot. Drop all your stuff on her, last minute and she'll do it.

Sigh.

On the brighter side, inspite of the sad ending and the crew, the movie is bloddy awesome! You just HAVE to watch it. I hated both the two of them(yes, you read that right) in Gangster. She kept screeching all through. Oh I forgot to mention! I saw that again also, a while back, and it was good. Even made me cry. But which movie doesn't.

She's really good in this. Even looks awesome at places. Even Ahuja is kinda cute at places. And the story is something you can connect with. It is true, you know. That while love is the greatest healer, it can work the other way too. It can hurt and make you mad. It did to me, at one point.

Anyway, go watch the movie. The songs are damn good too. It's what s kept me sane in the last two days. Hope your day was better than mine!

Yours forever sthupitly.

It's surprising how no one but me the great, notices how badly words can affect a person. For some reason, due to the excessive reading that I used to do I guess, I've seen and observed how people react to words. And it registered. So, now I'm doubly careful about what I say. Even when I'm angry. People've hardly seen me angry, but still.

It saddens me in a way, that I don't have the capacity to just blow off my top, and yell. Say hurtful things, just cuz the other person s said them too. To make them feel bad. Hurt them, maybe more than what they did to me. I just keep quite. I know it's all anger talking, and when they cool down, things will become clear. And then we can sort it out.

Sorting out is k, it's forgetting what the other person's said that is difficult. You may forgive a person, but what of the words that linger at the back of your head? And from then on, no matter what your fighting about, they pop up.

What I don't understand is why people, knowing how dangerous words can be, don't actually take care before they use them? I've seen people do extreme things just because they heard that someone might have said something. Might have, mind you. So, you can imagine how even more extreme things might happen, when they DO say it, and say it on your face.

It's funny... that even after all the care that I take, I end up doing the explaining for why I said something and what I really meant when I said it, and that I'm sawwy if you took it in the wrong way. I bloddy take the initiative and do it, even when the person on the other side of the fence has said more than enough to last me a few lifetimes has never once bothered. It's pathetic really. The way I am, I mean.

Get lost. Two words. I think there was even a movie, where an older brother tells his sibling to "just get lost", and the kid really does. Or was it a book? Either way, that was enough to stop me from ever using those words. That's all it really takes, for me. And it's pathetic, once again. Ain't it?

These days people use it all the time. Empty phrases, just to... I dunno just to what, but they just say it. I don't even know why the say them, if they don't mean them. It's beyond my comprehension. So, if someone has some insight, it'd be of great help.


Yours forever sthupitly.

P.S: No I'm not depressed, and neither was I trying to drive you over the edge, I was just thinking. And HAD to write.

Let's see... Thinking technically, and since I'm reading on the subject... there's three things that come into play here. One, is something called ethical relativism , the second is called descriptive relativism and the third is called relationalism.

Ethical relativism can be best summed up in the phrase : "When is Rome do as Romans do", i.e you either follow what society in whatever part of the world you belong to determines as right or you stick to what you believe in, without giving an inch. Either way, is unacceptable. The theory dictates that actions are right within a particular society when they are approved by law, custom or other conventions of society. The reason why we do away with this theory is because it implies absurdities. It would justify genocide and salvery.

Descriptive relativism is in ways true, and in ways not. While it supports the fact that customs and beliefs vary from culture to culture, it shouldn't be used to support wife-abuse, rape, etc. Ethical relationalism or contextualism on the other hand, however reminds us that moral judgements are contextual.

What doesn't change, no matter which ethical 'ism you wish to follow or believe in or deem correct, is that if it violates basic human rights, it is wrong. It, here refers to action or lack of it. So, no matter what "rule" the society has come up with, if it defies basic human rights, it's wrong. No two ways about it.

So, when I say that a collective consensus on certain view points, traditions and conventions make them definite, I do not mean to say that they are in any way correct. Or wrong for that matter. There are still people in this world who believe in sati and killing the girl child and all that. Yes, it is/was a part of their culture, but that doesn't justify the action. At least, not NOW, when we know of human rights and have what is called education and intelligence.

Coming back to the previous post, freedom of choice,is a part of these "basic human rights", as is viewed from any angle. The fact that the definition of choice, is in itself relative, is a different issue all together. Also, rape no matter what the woman is wearing or not, is wrong. There is nothing called "freedom to rape", even if only theoretically or for the sake of arguement, or so I should hope. Most especially not amongst what comprises of the educated in society. Lastly, the justification of MAKING someone dress "modestly" based on the "roving eye" is what I am against.

For a while, a while that goes back to the time I wrote my first post on this blog or maybe even to a time before that, I’ve wondered about who decides what’s right and what’s wrong. What’s moral and what is not. This semester, I’m studying a subject called Professional Ethics. It’s amazing to learn that there are various theories that can make one action seem right and wrong. Each of us has something called perception, which is formed on the basis of the community we live in, or exposure to the world, the people around us and what we see, hear and feel from experiences that may be ours or of people around us. The theories, sort of narrow down the number of ways to look at one situation.

Anyway, today, having accidentally attended a class on Ethics, I found my answer. The professor who handles this subject for me actually, is good, but is not the right thing. One needs a really really good prof to handle theoretical subjects… specially ones this based on psychology and society… You know what I mean? Anyway, today s class was taking by a different teacher. And while he spoke, I realized that such stuff IS vague. You only make it more definite when a group of people agree on the basic facts.

The reason why I was thinking about morality and stuff, on this occasion, was because I came across an interesting discussion called ‘The veil debate’. Interesting, because while we talk about a free world and individualism and human rights, we still bind ourselves to rules and conventions and society. I’m not saying its wrong, in fact it’s natural.

We call conventions and vague rules, tradition, in this country. We follow one set of rules for the male sex and another for the female sex. Hell we go even further to divide ourselves based on caste. Regions, even.

I haven’t read the Kuran, so I can’t really comment on whether muslims should adopt the veil or not. What shocked me were some comments made on the sets of the show by a group of well educated people. Girls who wear the burkha (veil) are less prone to getting raped than those who don’t; it’s about removing temptation; it’s about being dresses modestly and so on and so forth.

Do people really think this way these days? I face some amount of problem while I travel by bus, so does that mean I’m in some way inviting this attention by being a girl? Recently, when I said ‘men can be such dogs at times’ a friend very succinctly replied ‘hmmm… it’s because females make us act like that’, I was dumb founded. Was I dressed indecently? Is that why this was happening?

It’s exactly questions and reactions like these that make this society sick. Why don’t you make men roam around blind folded to remove temptation? Who are you to decide whether I’m modestly dressed or not? If I’m covered from head to toe, aren’t I actually increasing the temptation to find out what’s under? Wasn’t it… ‘more is less’?

What is ‘modest’? Who is going to define it for me with the guarantee that I won’t get raped if I live by it?

I’ve come to realize that this whole ‘choice’ thing is nonsense. It doesn’t even really exist. Because of the world we live in today, even things like what you wear, are decided the minute your born, depending on which sex you belong to and which part of the world you’ve been (un)fortunate enough to be born in.

Now we have one more place to keep flooding people's inboxes(?) with unwanted, meaningless forwards. I was a part of this, at some point of time. Like 9th standard(there you go Kaushik!). And then wham it finally got through.

If for wishes and dreams to come true, all I had to do was forward a piece of e-junk, why is the world still not a better place to live in? Why aren't people all happy? barf. That's all I have to say. Sthupit people.

Also, it sort felt better to have gotten rid of all that junk from my life. It's a small piece, but yeah. Same thing with Orkut. It's crazy. It has its advantages.. I've found friends I'd lost touch with.. from school days. What's useless is joining a few hundred communities, and not being an active participant in any of them, starting and joining communities like 'I hate India' and 'I hate Pak'.. like there wasn't enough hatred in the world already... I mean seriously, go save the world or something rather than doing this. Like I was telling my sis the other day, it clutters up your aura.

But this one was too good to resist! I want to thank all my friends and other unknown people who have forwarded chain letters to me in 2003, 2004 & 2005 and 2006.

Because of your kindness :

I stopped drinking Coca-Cola after I found out that it's good only for removing toilet stains.

I stopped going to the movies for fear of sitting on a needle infected with AIDS.

I smell like a wet dog since I stopped using deodorants because they cause cancer.

I also stopped answering the phone for fear that they may ask me to dial a stupid number and then I get a phone bill from hell with calls to Uganda,Singapore and Tokyo.

I decided I didn't want to be a nun after all, thanks to those what guys really want/what guys are really like mails. I'm forever indebted.

I also stopped drinking water outside for fear that I will get sick from the rat shit and urine.

When I go to parties, I don't look at any girl, no matter how hot she is, for fear that she will take me to a hotel, drug me, then take my kidneys and leave me taking a nap in a bathtub full of ice.

I also donated all my savings to the Amy Bruce account. A sick girl that was about to die in the hospital about 7,000 times.
(Poor girl! she's been 7 since 1993...)

My free Nokia phone never arrived and neither did the free passes for a paid vacation to Disneyland.

Made some Hundred wishes before forwarding those Dalai Lama, Ganesh Vandana, Tirupathi Balaji pics etc..
Now most of those "Wishes" are already married (to someone else)!

If ORKUT deletes my account, it doesn't matter BUT PLEASE DON'T SEND me "Orkut is deleting accounts: Due to sudden rush..." Otherwise I'll delete my E-Mail account!

IMPORTANT NOTE:
If you do not send this e-mail to at least 913760 people in the next 10 seconds, a bird will shit on your head today at 6:30 p.m.

Heylos people. The reason I was in such a rush yesterday was cuz I was on my way to Tirupathi. Since the day my dad discovered the South, it's been his wish to visit the place, and finally, finally, it came true. I was wary of the trip after my experience with the Kancheepuram temples earlier this year. Plus, for some unknown reason I just wanted to be at home.

The temple is actually in Tirumala, which is on top of a hill. From the moment you start your climb upwards, it's hard to believe your still in India. There are no writings on rocks, no people stopping to take leaks and the roads are so damn well kept. And that's not it, even once you reach the top, you find very very little litter around. And there are toilets, clean toilets everywhere.

Thankfully, the place wasn't too crowded, cuz of diwali I guess. The darshan was at 4 something today morning. So we left our rooms at 3!! Which means we were up at 2 getting ready. That's my normal bedtime. To think. People go crazy in there. The amount of faith they had, astonished me. And the lenghts people go through. I tto went for the paid one, so I didn't stand in q s for six hours and all in the line that goes on and on and on. And on. People stand for hours together, no matter what time of the day. At stretches you even have to run. It was funny in a way.

I'm back finally. Still in a muddle. But that's k. People have it worse. I hate that sentence actually. It makes me feel guilty about feeling down. Yep, I'm still me :)

Hope you all had a wonderful and safe diwali. May the year ahead bring you all loads of luck, love and joy!

Yours forever sthupitly.

I was just on my way out.. so your in luck. Here's wishing all of you a bery bery safe and happy diwali.

Hope the lamps light up your life.

Lotsaluv and may God bless.

Yours forever sthupitly.

I got thinking today... during some boring lecture. Was a random thought, one of Frost's lines came to mind,

Poetry begins in delight and ends in wisdom

Which further got my thinking about my most favorite poems... And I've decided to post 'em here... sort of like a trip down memory lane.. except that you can relish the words too. I've already posted Rudyard Kipling's IF... there's many more... So here goes nothing. This one is by Pablo Neruda. Ensaai!

If I die, survive me with such sheer force
that you waken the furies of the pallid and the cold,
from south to south lift your indelible eyes,
from sun to sun dream through your singing mouth.
I don't want your laughter or your steps to waver,
I don't want my heritage of joy to die.
Don't call up my person. I am absent.
Live in my absence as if in a house so vast
that inside you will pass through its walls
and hang pictures on the air.
Absence is a house so transparent
that I, lifeless, will see you, living,
and if you suffer, my love, I will die again.

Beautiful or what?

Sigh.

I think I've got a writing block. Or a blabber block. Whatever you want to call it. And since a little time before my surgery to uptil now, i've been posting really senti stuff. Ugh. I'm so sawry guys!!

You know, people do such crazy stuff to first get into a relationship, then so much crazy stuff when they are in it, and then more crazy stuff when they're out of it. No wonder, this world is a crazy place. But seriously, even though, it was just a passing thought I had, I think it's chrue.

You're going to find yourself travelling around the world in the span of time it takes you to reach the last word on this page, considering you read all of it, so fasten your seat belts and get lots of tissue. Oh cry you will. In agony.

You mustave gotten one of those five forwards that've been over the internet since it was born.. those 26 things a perfect guy would do, what girls like, what guys like... blah blah blah.. you get what I mean. The funny thing is, they are chrue to alot of extent.

For example, when I say "k." It means, get the fuck out of here before I hit you for hurting me. When I say "sure, that's okay" it means I hate what your doing to me, but then, I shouldn't have expected otherwise.

The thing is, when someone else says it, it might mean something else, because they are a person in their own rights. And instead of asking your friends what the hell something means, you should ask the person. That's the problem when you start paying too much attention to the "stereotypes" that exist. And exist they do. Personally, I'd hate to be on the receiving end of "candy and flowers", when the flowers are red roses. I hate them. It's too common.

I mean sure, if they were my favorite flowers, and that would happen only if the guy had bothered enough to find out, or actually listen to our converstaions. That's when the make some difference to me. When they mean something.

The same goes for, hearing and listening and talking. Some very very wise person once said, don't marry a person you can't sit with through a 6 hour flight. At the bery least. It takes alot to get me to talk, in person. And when I do, if the only thing I'm going to get in the end, is a view of your bery tasty back side walking out on me, I'd stop with a "k.".

There's alot of examples I can come up with... I hear and see people all around me. Been there and done that. So, I know.

Anyway point I was getting to, yes there was a point, is that it's more appreciated it if you're you. It's what I tell my sis, my friends, my family, everyone... be who you are, no matter whether your the girl or the guy. Don't pretend to like something when you don't, and even if you are doing something just so that you can make the other person smile, give it a fair shot... chances are that you'll end up enjoying it too.

I don't mean to sound cliche` and I don't mean to sound any more grandmotherly, than I am, but seriously... until you can love yourself, and not feel ashamed of your choices or your preferences or anything about your life, you can't love someone else. Be it a friend, a boy friend or anybody else.

Umm... that's about all that was on my mind. Ahem. Lol... will post soon. Lotsaluv and hugs,

Yours forever sthupitly.

I guess that's what I should call it.

Making no sense? But then.. when do i ever, na?

This "year" (college year) started with putting me on a roller coaster. And I haven't been allowed to get of it, ever since. First, an awesome trip to Munnar for 10 days. The "to Munnar" involved combing all the major National Highways of the south. A day after I come back, my grandmom passes away, so I go to Delhi. Over the next two weeks I went from Patiala to Delhi to Chandigarh, i.e., combed all the major National Highways of the north. I come back just in time to make it to my NSS camp, which helped me cover some of the remotest areas of the south.

I get back, and I'm being pushed to college. One would think life becomes easier as you move up on the seniority scale. But nooooooo , we get piled on with assignments, projects, department projects and a requirement of 75% attendance per subject, per month. Maybe it's just me. Sigh. Dad leaves for two weeks to Europe.

He comes back and we go to Hyderabad for my checkup. Come back, and fly back within a week for my surgery. I miss two weeks of college and five exams. Fifteen tablets a day and everyone pestering me about eating "right". And I get to look like a mummy for ten days. Talk about having the cake and eating it too.

Get back from college and get piled on with writing re-tests, submitting assignments I'd missed and project work that doesn't seem to go anywhere without me. I haven't even been back 10 days and my grandad passes away. Day before night.

Every time I get 5 minutes of peace and even think of putting my feet up and sitting, I get thrown into a gut wrenching loop. Presently, I refuse to cry. I used to be his favorite grandchild. Whenever he'd find someone who'd sit and spend time with him, he'd bore them with stories about me. How we washed the car together and how I'd pester him for sweets when he got back from work everyday. How he used to save my from my then evil cousin. He never tired of them.

When I saw him when I went for my grandmother's funeral, he was like a lost kid. I used to sit beside him till he fell asleep. That was the last time I ever spoke to him... four months ago. I didn't even get a chance to say goodbye. I kept postponing writing my usual letters to him, cuz of all the stuff I was bogged down with. He was hard of hearing, so talking to him on the phone was difficult... Ugh.

I refuse to think. Any more than this. I refuse to think about what comes after this. I.... dunno.

Guess this is life.

Or something like it.

ellos yeverybody.

It's been one loooonng week!! And I come online to find that other than Ay, no one else has posted anything anywhere. I guess its in the air or something.

I still haven't finished my exams... have three more to go, and hopefully will be done by next week. Pray!! Have mercy.

Something happened in college the other day that got me thinking... I was just doing my senior duties and ragging a few juniors... if you just said "You? Ragging?" then get out of here, before i finish saying uncle. Now. Ragging doesn't have to be of the dirty shitty kind.. making people cry and making them feel anything lesser than what they are worth. It's about building familiarity.

Even though familiarity is the last thing I want with these dirty lil things that have joined college. Surprised? I was too... I grew out of the looking down my nose thing a while ago... but apparently, some of it is in my blood. I like being the youngest!

Anyway, this whole ragging thing... we just made them do sthupit stuff. kissing the board, making rockets, mismatched clothes and the likes. I won't go into details about the incident... but it saddens me to see that people, most people, don't understand how important humor is.

Personally, I measure the worth of a person by his sense of humor. His ability to laugh. At himself and with the world. It forms a damn huge part of whatever lil that I am. How can one not laugh??

I've learnt that life's too serious. Which is why it's important to laugh once in a while. It comes a close second to breathing on the important list. Yes, laughing at yourself is probably the last level a person can ever reach... but how about laughing, well, cuz something is funny. Or silly. Just letting loose and giving in to the moment?

I guess that's where the problem is... the letting loose. I've reached a point in my life where happy moments scare me. So, I hide behind sarcasm. It might not sound original, considering that I'm saying it about me... But, I've seen people do it. And when I look at the way I act, I see it there too. I'm starting to ramble.

Fact is, whatever it is, I do let a smile out once in a while. You should do it more often too. It makes you look younger. It's got a nice sound to it. It makes others want to smile. It brings out the twinkle in your eyes. It makes people feel safe.

Basically, life's too short to hold grudges. So, enjoy the moment. There's alot of people in worse situations than the one you might be in... *reading this is not being counted, hence, your arguement doesn't/won't hold good. So, save your breath* There's work to be done... smiles to be spread.

Do something silly or nice for yourself or someone in your life everyday... see how much of a difference it makes. Heck, seeing you guys have bisited makes me smile. Everyday. My mum thinks I'm crazy. There's a lot of terrible stuff in this world. There is a lot of hurt in our hearts, I agree. There's tension and worry and pain and anger. And numbness. Which is why, it's even more important to do this. To feel alive.

Go ahead and do it. Make my day.
*puppy dog look*

Lotsaluv and hugs to all of you,

Yours forever sthupitly.

It's one of those times, again, when there's too much thought and words are too few. But I'll try, because bugging you guys seems to be the only way I can solve things for myself.. bless ya.

• Eighteen is a pretty big number, specially when it's going to changed to a nineteen, in around 4 months.
  
  
• I'm so shit scared. I didn't think I could say it... but I've got to. Unless I admit it, I can't face it. And face it, I have to.. cuz fears are best left behind. I don't know about what. Specifically. But I am.
  
  
• At the end of the day.. it all comes down to the fact that we need to be loved. That's it. That's all there is to it. The tricky part is where you have to let down your guard and actually accept someone's love... Because that means taking the chance of having yourself stamped and stomped on. Again.
  
  
• And I'm just not ready for it.
  
  
• Can you believe what a surgery can do?? Make a bro, who doesn't remember I exist, until it's Rakhi time, call me up. Three times in ten days!! Thanks bro... hope to see you acting more like a bro!! ;)
  
  
• The Indian Airlines crew was good this time!! I actually did the Miss India and an Oh.Mi.God. The food sucked, though. Well, a girl can't have everything!!
  
  
• There's friends and then there are friends. And I'm locking myself up in that tower of mine again... to keep away from politics and all that that goes with it. Ugh.
  
  
• You know who you are, and if you ever bisit, thanks for bisiting me today. It felt.. nice. Something I haven't felt in a while..
  
  
• Happy is a very indefinite word. And elusive too. hmmmm... *stroking my beard*
  
  
• Love me when I deserve it the least.. because that's when I need it the most.
  
  
• It's been more than a year and a half... and I don't know when I'm going to be ready to stop fooling myself about things. Relationships and the muck. Schmuck. Sigh.
  
  
• There's a point after which, I don't let people in into my life. It's sad, I know. But I don't know what else to do.
  
  
• And now I'm thinking, I should write to an Agony Aunt column !!!
  
  

I'm going to stop now. I will post something better in a while... Right now, me going to sit and study.. At least, we've gotten that priority straight. Surgeries, major ones, make one want to sit back and re eval one's life. And oh I did. And me is not liking it... Sigh.

Hope your day was better than mine!! Lotsaluv and hugs... Oh and thanks for missing me!! I know you were just saying it.. Don't say it!!

Yours forever sthupitly.

hello childrens.

I am back. Sans stitches. Sans the huge head bandage.

I'm okay... a lil cranky. Glad to see my room and my fishy and my ragged stuffed toy and my blanky, even though i have tests lined up next week.

I'm so tired. I didn't shed even a single tear, and that's begining to show. The strain. Not a squeak from me in the past ten days.

Will write soon, until then, thanks for all the prayers and wishes, lotsaluv and hugs,

Yours forever sthupitly.

Pink Panther is just tooo good. I am an absolute pink panther fan... I'd sit and watch every cartoon religiously. But that made me kinda wary about the movie... as it turns out, the movie is awesome. I laughed and laughed. And even split my side. You just have to watch it, if you haven't so far.

I'm going to be missing 5 exams next week... so I spent the whole of my Friday begging and pleading teachers to have mercy and let me write them later. Some of them are so rude... they just don't see the light. I mean, I know it's a pain setting up a whole new paper.. but what the hell man, it's not like I'm going to Australia for sightseeing, that you can't comply. Anyway, in the end they all agreed. Some of the profs were really nice... telling me not to worry and take care of my health first and all that. Alls well that ends well.

So, while all me friends slog on the weekend, I've been lazing around getting pampered. You know na... you usually stuff up a chicken before the kill? Just like that.

Since I had so much free time this weekend, I decided to go through some of my previous posts... and I came across one, which I think is the last time I took the time to seriously be greatful for stuff in my life. I'm thankful I've lived to see today, for my oldest t-shirt that I wear to sleep, for the messages from my bro ( whose been behaving like a procupine for a while now) telling me that he loved me and to take care, for people who bisit and leave comments, for my ma and da, for the testimonial my sis wrote me on Orkut- it's one of the sweetest things she's said by mistake, for the people who stand by me without me even asking for it, for the Pink Panther movie which brightened my day, for sweet paan, for Cookie man cookies-specially the choco chip ones and even for the spicy pasta we had yesterday- it made me cry for an hour, it was that hot...!! What are you greatful for today?

This Calvin and Hobbes comic I read the other day got me thinking.. truly speaking the only definites in life are the things you hate, and some how even that is reassuring. I might be not sure of myself and all that but I sure as hell know that I hate brinjals. So, when in doubt, I think of the only surety in my life and that is, I hate brinjals. Hating brinjals saves the day!! Who would've thought.

Even though a day late, Koze, here's wishing you a damn good year ahead. And like I wish for everyone dear to me... may you always have stash saved up for the latest hair dyes, new dentures, cleaning up your hearing aid and the latest walking stick. Harpy Budday.

Oh and you guys are in for a treat... me not going to be bugging you for a while now, cuz me is going to Hyderbad for around ten days... I've been missing the Biryani too much. So, miss me, and lotsaluv,

Yours forever sthupitly.

P.s: Don't forget me!! :(

I hate it when this happens. Too much feeling and too many thoughts, but no words. I know i know.. there's a time. I accept it too.

What I hate is, that i seem to be the only one getting goose bumps on even an Airtel add.I was stuck to the television on the 15th, watching all, and i mean ALL, the special programs on India. I cry every time Lata ji or Sunidhi Chauhan sings Aey mere watan ke logon. My head goes up and my shoulders straighten themselves out when I hear of even the smallest addition to our honor roll. I love to see my uncles/cousins in their uniforms... it fills me with pride. I hear of stories of these brave men have to tell us, and I cry for their losses. I love and ardently watch Left Right Left for two reasons: the title song is awesome, out of the world, and I love the theme.

And all this foolishly makes me think I can one day, somehow, make a differnce. Shake up all these people who are suppose to be running the country, and show them where they are going wrong. That... well, you'd think I'd have learnt by now na?

Don't you dare be shaking your head and saying "She's nuts". Oh I might be nuts, but I'm glad I am. What worries me more than the fact that one day I am face disappointment, is that people give up without trying. I've been knocked down a million times. But thanks to these few people in my life, I'm up and ready to go all over again. Some people call it being stubborn, other's call it idiotic. Since I tread down the same path again and again, but hey... Until I get what I want, I'm not stopping. And neither should you.

Okay so, half the population is corrupt. So what? That doesn't mean you have to be one of them... They say.. it's so easy to be a part of the crowd, what takes effort is to be able to stand out. It's one of those few things that my ma's tried to drive into my head, and has succeded in. Am I glad!!

On a more serious note.. exams start timaro!!! *groan* I've reached a point in my life where my attention span is exactly 20 minutes. For a math text book, mind you.. don't go trashing my name!! Oh and about the previous post... I was just writing to share a laugh on the "funny" part of my trip to the doc, I wasn't looking for pity or anything. Thankus for all your wishes, I'm overwhelmed. Seriously. I'm okay with it... or at least am trying to be, for all the help I'm getting from people around me. And if any of you happen to be reading this, I understand where you stand!! Thankus.

Okie, me go. And though kinda belated, Happy Independence Day!!! Oh sure we have our faults... but we'll figure out our ways in the end. Proud to be an Indian.

Yours forever sthupitly.

As I sit on my chair,
In the open air,
And I let the soft breeze,
Play with my hair.
I think of uncertainity, and hurt,
Of pain, and reasons,
Of questions and asnwers,
And I think of the tales, that time has to tell.

I fear,
That all that will be left,
In the end, is me.
I fear.

There were those rockets,
And chits in one of those
Eight pockets,
Whispering and bickering,
And while we're doing the ing,
Lets not forget mimicking,
And kissing, and the game of spinning.

I fear,
That all that will be left,
In the end, is me.
I fear.

Standing up to the teacher,
Calling her screecher,
Or things milder,
Like ink on her back,
And chalk pieces that went astray,
At times, even pink hair,
Just to stir up things,
And put a sparkle in the air.

I fear,
That maybe, I hurt a few people.
That they don't know, won't know,
I didn't mean to.
And that all that will be left,
In the end, is me.
I fear.

We wrote essays on "who I want to be",
You said astronaut,
And some one else said mother teresa,
Another said Cruise,
A vet, an engineer, a teacher...
Remember?
Our minds were set,
And the future clear.
Who knew that even with Tide,
And our options so wide,
We'd wind up with doubts,
Doubts oh so many,
That even senile,
Was a word too mild.

I fear,
That maybe, I'm not meant to be.
that all that will be left,
In the end, is me.
I fear.

There were days when,
All that made sense was Bad meeting Evil,
And only the noise that is Crawling,
Surrounded me.
Thoughts about When I'm Gone,
That In The End, it won't really matter.
Clouds weren't numbered 1-9,
There was not a Lemon Tree in sight,
And Every Other Time,
I'd wish you'd Wake me up when September had come to an End.

I fear,
That maybe, all that there is,
is the dust,
That all that will be left,
In the end, is me.
I fear.

But with you around,
I never gave up me dreams,
I could stay sound, as sound as sound can be,
And the sun still shone with golden beams,
I've managed to emerge,
with both my feet on the ground,
My head is held high,
Thank God for gravity.
For I still believe in pots of gold,
Of a better world,
At the end of the rainbow,
Of every deed making a difference,
No matter how small.

I fear,
That maybe,
The stars really aren't twinkling,
That all that will be left,
In the end, is me.
I fear.

There is a prince charming,
And it's okay to dream,
There will have to be candlelight,
And it's okay, if sometimes they dont come true,
There will have to be flowers, no roses though,
And it's okay to cry,
There will have to be chocolate,
As long as I have you,
And there will have to be dancing,
Because else, you have no deal.
Because else, you have no deal.

I fear,
That maybe, I am a dreamer.
And that all that will be left,
In the end, is me.
I fear.

As I sit on my chair,
In the open air,
And let the soft breeze,
play with my hair,
And bring back memories of a time,
That never fail to bring a smile,
And a laugh to accompany the tear,
That wipes away all the fear.

Now, it is time for the evil laugh........ hehahahhahaha. Lol. I know, it's a sad attempt, but I just wanted to say thank you. For everything. You guys are all crazy, for coming here again and again. For bearing with me. My laughs, my cries and my temper, which is non existant. For bearing with vague theories, and lemon cookies, and everything. Pretty much. I love you guys. And from the bottom of my heart, and for Kaushik, from the bottomest vien of this pumping organ, Shukriya.

Happy Friendhsips day.. Hope you guys have a lovely day,
Yours forever sthupitly.

If your reading this, then your great. After the torture of the previous post, you have actually dared to venture on these grounds again. I bow down to your humble self.

Came across this piece of poetry on Ay's blog,

Why can't I speak when I have so much to tell?
Why can't I write when I have so much in my mind?
Why can't I sing when there's music in my heart?
Why can't I dance when there's rythm in the air?

Too many words left unspoken
Too many things left undone
Why can't it be and why can't I?
For all I know this pain deep inside me
Took the gladness out of me.

Even Triya, when she does poetry, manages to put only sadness into her words. With all due respect, for the maximum poetry I can do is rhyming cat with hat and a bat. But me is starting to get angry at all this depressive mood. Specially amongst me friend. Pah. So, both the two of you, STOP.

You can't speak even though you have so much to tell is because you aren't ready to talk about it as yet.

You can't write even though there's so much on your mind, because you aren't ready to tell your tale to the world as yet. There are times when all I want to do is write, but nothing comes to mind. I have to give myself time, and then it comes. The words put themselves together... and I finally manage to put my thoughts into words. It takes patience. And acceptance.

You can't sing even though there's music in your heart, because sometimes, we just need to dance to it by ourselves. For some time. Before we share it. Selfish things that we are.

And you can't dance even when there's rythm in the air, because you're already swaying to the music that's there in your heart. When the time is right, you'll dance to the music that surrounds you.

Why are people in such a hurry at all times? There's a time for everything... To hurt, to cry, to laugh and to sing. Or two-step. Have confidence in yourself, to allow yourself time. Love yourself enough, to think that you're worth giving time to. It's only when your in this rush, do you leave things undone and words unspoken.

Personally, to me it's a test of character. It's a very tough test. I might have failed a few people myself. Maybe a lot of people. Though, I hope not. Because, giving time is not easy. In fact, I think it's the toughest thing to do. 'cuz it's got to be selfless.

And most of all... if you don't forgive yourself, the pain inside you will never go. It's easy to forgive people for hurting you, but it's tough to accept that you've wronged and you've hurt and you've cried. And forgive yourself for it. Because for that you need time. Which apparently, NO ONE has!!! Pah.

I'm not, dishing out random stuff that i've read somewhere. I've been there and done that. Oh!! And Ay, many many happy returns of the day. May you always have money to buy hair dye, get your hearing aid upgraded and may you always be able to buy the top notch walking sticks. Hope you have an amazing day! And the rest of the crowd that visits. And that doesn't visit. God bless you souls :)

Yours forever sthupitly!

This thing I wanted to write about... It's kinda like a theory. I'd formulated it, a while back. I've tried telling, talking about it.. But it just felt stupid. Un formulated, at times. Not well defined, at others. Shantaram, which I've been begging all of you to read, finally, did the deed for me.

I was shocked and amazed to find a piece of my thoughts, figments of my imagination, in words on pages of paper that I'd already started loving. What amazed me even more was realising that my thinking was similar to just another regular guy trying to make money buy selling made up philosophy. Not. Because it is similar to a guy, who is just telling his tale to the world. And it's not even his... if you want the specifics it's a theory, one of the Mafia dons in Mumbai believed in. A patron of sciences and philosophy. Anyway, that's for you to find out when you read the book. Which you should.

I've decided to put this into words. Even though I don't know if I should be scared, happy or plain and simple book myself a room in the Agra Mental Hospital. Because, this is something Shantaram was told, by a man who had seen the world... who'd been taught by some of the best. It's something he advised Shantaram to ask every person who pronounced himself learned and great. Some sort of a test. And to think that the right answer lay in what I thought, already, at this age... kinda freaked me out.

It's nothing complicated. Real simple in fact. It was chemistry that actually got me thinking... since you all know I detest the subject because I can't see all this stuff they talk about happening in front of me. Anyway, the thought process started in one of those boring classes.

It is an accepted theory that a big bang, literally, led to the formation of the universe. It started of in the simplest of ways... and has been moving forward ever since. These simple things have been combining with each other in various ways to form less simple, more complicated things. And that's been the way ever since the Big Bang. Moving towards more and more complexity.

Each particle that formed as a result of the big bang, had certain characteristics to it. These characteristics show when they combine with certain other particles which have their own set of characteristics. Depending on how many, what kind and how they combined, a set of characteristics was revealed and the rest didn't show up, until when it was time for them to show up.

From single celled species came multicellular and so on. The universe moved on until it reached what it is today, in all it's glory. Humans, animals, the birds and the flowers. The stars and the galaxies. And it still moves on.

Towards the ultimate complexity. That some wish to call God. It is what the whole universe it moving towards. Other "things" and parts of the universe, like us, are also moving towards. And everything that enhances, helps and aids in this movement towards the ultimate complexity is good, while everything that hinders the process is evil. The easiest way to figure out if what your doing is right or wrong, is to ask yourself: what would happen if everybody did it? And me is not talking about the stupid stuff. I'm being serious here.

Say, take fighting. If everyone were to start doing it, there'd be chaos at first, and then death and dying. Which hinders our movement towards this infinite complexity. Because then we have to start over again... But the cycle will start.. until we reach there.

This gives us a pretty good idea about if we are right or wrong. What's more important is to know why it's that way.

That's that. My thoughts and words entwined with Gregorys. There might be a few loop holes. But, this is by far the most convincing thing I've read. Oh and how does chem come here? The second law of thermodynamics says that every system tries to reach a form with maximum chaos, for that is where it is most stable. When I got thinking about this in terms of life, it somehow led to the theory that I've just laid down for you. And by the by, there is a law, that talks of this movement to the ultimate complexity. I, of course, didn't know of it, until I read about it in the book.

Anyway, happy thinking this over. Let me know what you think. Thankus for bearing with me, till the end!! lol... lotsaluv and hugs,

Yours forever sthupitly.

Time of starting? 8.30 p.m.



1. Were you named after anyone? nope.

2. Do you wish on stars? yes.

3. When did you last cry? a few weeks ago :)

4. Do you like your handwriting? i keep changing it, but keep coming back to it. I'm stuck to it whether i like it or i don't.

5. What is your favourite meat? frogs.

6. What is your most embarrassing CD on your shelf? na... i'm me. and the cd's are mine. so they're me. they all croak. ribbet.

7. If you were another person, would YOU be friends with you? no.

8. Are you a daredevil? sometimes. i can be if i want to be about things i want to be.
9. How do you release anger? walking. music. the stars.

10. Where is your second home? my toilet.

11. Do you trust others easily? no.

12. What was your favourite toy as a child? my ragged dinosaur. I still have it.

13. What class in school/college do you think is totally useless? moral science in school and a few in college. Not cuz they're boring, but because they aren't taught properly.

14. Do you use sarcasm a lot? it's my life.

15. Have you ever been in a mosh pit? ribbet.

16. What do you look for in a guy/girl? nothing. I'm not looking for anything in anyone. And if i am.. clean feet, is the first thing.

17. Would you bungee jump? yes.

18. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off? no.

19. What's your favourite ice cream? chocolate chip with chocolate sauce and nuts.

20. What are your favourite colours? black mostly. anything that aint fluorscent goes at other times.

21. What are your least favourite things? dirty feet. Liars.

22. How many people do you have a crush on right now? don't believe in them.

23. Who do you miss most right now? my best friends and my brother. And their bear hugs.

24. What are you listening to right now? Mittwa.

25. If you were a crayon, what colour would you be? Black.

26. What is the weather like right now? there's a soft breeze blowing and there's the smell of rain in the air.

27. Last person you talked to on the phone? my best friend.

28. The "first" thing you notice about the opposite sex? feet. and then up, from there.

29. Do you like the person who sent you this? yep. i guess. though i think he's forgotten he sent it, it's been that long.

30. How are you today? sad.

31. Favourite non-alcoholic drink? Fresh lime soda.Sweet and Sour mixed.

32. Favourite alcoholic drink? Haven't had one as yet.

33. Natural hair colour? brown.

34. Eye colour? brown.

35. Wear contacts? yep. now i do. but prefer my specs.

36. Siblings? yep. younger sis (read: pain).

37. Favourite month? ribbet. I love it all year around.

38. Favourite food? Chinese. Spicy.

39. Favourite day of the year? Each day baba...

40. Have you ever been too shy to ask someone out? Yep. And I like it better that way.

41. Scary movies or happy endings? happy endings, mostly. but sometimes i'm all for scary.

42. Summer or winter? monsoon, if you must.

43. Do you want your friends to write back? yes

44. Who is most likely to respond? i dunno

45. What book/magazine are you reading? shantaram

46. What's on your mouse pad? i don't have one

47. What did you watch on TV last night? The suite Life of Zack and Cody: Disney channel.

48. Favourite Smell? Rain on the ground.

49. Have you ever regretted breaking up with someone? i've never done the deed.

50. Most tiresome thing you’ve ever experienced/done? If your expecting me to say this, then your going to be disappointed. I think it's... ummm.. nothing. I love everything I've done. Else I don't do it.

i tag... lemme see... Koze, Sykora, Anjan, Viewer, Triya, Ry, Feelix, and whoever else is visiting. yes, I am jobless. yes, I have better stuff to write about.. but it's still forming. And it's too important to just write about haphazardly. Enjoy.

Lotsaluv,
yours forever sthupitly.

Greetings.

A lot has been going on. And it will go on and on. And on. So, me thought, why not stop, look around and appreciate :) So, let's join hands and... kidding. This whole "blocking" by the government to deal with people using blogs as a means to convey distasteful information, according to me, is Okie. Meaning... I don't think it's effective and i also don't see why there is such a big fuss. Yeah, I can't see some pics on my blog and all right now... but then, hell, your talking about national security. I'd also like to point out here *ahem clears throat* that with freedom comes responsibilty. Responsibilty to express your thoughts and whatever but also to not cause harm to others who might not or might agree with you. So, all this freedom of expression is mumbo jumbo. However, I'd like to have my blog back.

I went for a play the other day. I've been out every evening since last friday!! It's a record for someone like me.... all this travelling to college and my trip around the country that i've done in two months, usually gives me a craving for my night t-shirts and my books and music in my room. But keeping busy is the key right now :) The play was done by the theatre society of my school.

Seeing these little kiddos go up there and trying their damnest possible to keep you falling off your chair with laughter... made me feel older than usual :) It was amazing... I mean, there was a time when these very same brats reached my waist.. and now they tower over me and have the capacity to keep me glued for two hours!! They got The Pied Piper of Hamelin to India, Chennai to be exact....was bi lingual.

Oh!! And guess what? I finally managed to gather up courage and go ask my HOD if I could start a newsletter in college... and guess what he said??!! YeS!!! yay for me. hehahahhaha.. So, that gives me work to do. Wish me luck. But I'm thinking with Kaushik on my side, I'll do good. But still... wish me loads of luck.

Me is going to stop, before I blabble on and on and on and on and on. Just wanted to write. Loads of love and hugs with the hope that you had a lovely day,

Yours forever sthupitly.

It's kinda funny.. I was reading a piece in the newspaper today.. in the magazine section, that I nearly puked on. It was on love and how we should let go of all the "hurt" and leave ourselves open to new oppurtunities.. and how love is what keeps the world going. Utter bullshit. And it's bery surprising that people still talk in such cliche`s and believe in them.

I do agree and believe that love is what makes the world go around but then love aint just what you share with the opposite sex. It's what you share with your mum, dad, neighbor, dog, neighbor's dog.. and the other people who play the smallest roles in your life too. But somehow I've seen how we, as "teenagers" somehow seem to neglect all this love and stick to the "love" and the "special someone" we spend half our lives looking for.

Ruin ourselves, looking for. Like Aytida put it the other day, I mean the chances are one in six million. And that is, if your lucky. Instead of giving this love and giving appreciation and accepting appreciation from these people, who at the end of the day are the only ones who stick around for you, we end up sobbing for strangers. Giving up our ideals for them. Self respect and self esteem for them.

The list is endless.. the stuff I've seen my friends do, friends of friends do, for this so called "special person".Who might I remind you, will only walk out on you, at the end of the day. Month. Year. But he/she will. Makes no difference if your the guy or the girl or the girl who plays the man for the guy who plays the woman in the relationship.

I probably sound like I'm just ranting because I've just had a fight or something... It is said that Hell hath no fury like that of a woman spurned... I am pissed. Bloddy pissed. Yep, that's a bloddy with a single 'o' and a double 'd', so sue me. Why? Because these days even friends walk out on you. People you've trusted for 6 long years. Had faith in. Had faith in to have faith in you even when you didn't have no faith in you, just so that something would keep you going.

I'm not trying to sound crannky. At least not anymore crannkier than usual.. I'm just looking for an answer to a very simple question, if you can't trust someone you've known for a lifetime to be there for you, then who can you trust? I actually spelt bery with a 'v'. So, now you know I'm serious.

Tantrums, tears, happiness, sorrow.. anything and everything. To deal with all of it just like you did for them? I'm starting to reach to a conclusion. And that is, that all this is just a myth. It's just a waste of time and energy and emotion. You'll probably get more out of feeding a stray dog. I know it sounds... mean, crazy, whatever.. But, I'm serious.

According to the article, you're suppose to take what you've learnt and move on. Sure, like to L.A? THAT would be simpler. And more practical. People aren't taps, that can just be switched off. Well, at least I am not. And from the looks of it, I'm one of a kind.

If friends walk out, what am I suppose to expect from others? Ha. Anyway, before I introduce the 50th line of thought, I'd like to say one thing. There is no "moving on" that anyone can do. There is giving in. And forgiving. To yourself, and yourself, in that order. And when your done forgiving, your ready to take on the world again.

Does that make me sound cold hearted? It does na? Yep, that's what it is.. Ice princess, at your service. But seriously.. I've reached a place where I try to push out emotional entanglements from my life. Have been at this place for a while. Yuck. But I like it simple. All this stuff people waste time on... boy friends, and crushes and drugs and what's in and what's not and gossip... it IS a waste of time. I'm not trying to put anyone down or anything.. I'm just saying. Okie, that was the 51st line of thought.

I just wanted to write.. because.. well, Because. Eggs and tomatoes are welcome.

A long long time ago, feels like eternity already... I think we're talking something around 14 odd years or so something dropped into my life, and it's never been the same. Hellish, heavenly and a downright pain all together in a matter of few minutes... that's me sis for you.

Yesterday while on the bus, I was still wondering what to give this young lady for her birthday and then it struck me... her room's blue, and blue is water... water meant fishes in awesome colors, green, purples, oranges.. and loads more. And I haven't touched my paint brush in ages.. haven't done anything on a large scale.. So I thought, what the hell? Called up ma, and told her what was on my mind.. she told me to get a seat as fast as I could and sit.

I started at 6:00 PM last evening.. worked into the night, attended a full day at college.. Till 4:30 PM, gave up my seat to an old lady.. which meant standing up for an hour, walking the rest one kimi home... and then again worked my ass off till 9:00 PM.. when finally, things were just like I wanted them. For my sis. This is what I did...



It ain't yellow.. that's the light talking. Lighting, I mean.

Hope you have a lovely day... May God bless you with the best that there is... Loads of love, and a million thankus.

Hugs,

Yours forever sthupitly.

P.S: I haven't done any painting work since.. well, since.Because? well, Because. Just worked with black and white.. No color. Na-huh. So, this ain't THAT good, but yeah.

Sigh.

lol... today was one hectic day. But was one of the best... 'cuz we had lectures only in the morning. This noon I had to host a debate session in class. Did pick up a few topics, some really really good... but then, since attendance wasn't really really important alot of people didn't turn up. And with whatever was left, I had to make do. And that's what I did... I chucked the hi funda topics and stuck to the popular easy and "in" topics. One being reservation and the whole hoobaloo and the other being the misuse of tv and interent. Real easy, I know. But you can't do much with the others I'd picked up, without prior preperation.

So they yelled, and fought and I moderated.

Gets a person thinking.. this debate stuff. Na.. no thinking stuff for today.. just spent an hour and a half working out a program for tomorrows class, don't think I really have the patience to do any more thinking and typing.

The weather is really good... yep, it's raining. And I absolutely love the smell of rain on the earth... plus, there's a bery bery nice breeze too. I almost typed breeze blowing :) It's one of those nights, when you snuggle into your bed and catch up with the latest on your phone or dim the lights and pick up your favoritest book and read... oooh and don't forget the music. I'm thinking Phil Collins, Rod Stewart, Keating.... :)

Okie me is going to stop before I spoil everyone's mood and then no one can enjoy the rain.... Have yourselves a lovely day.

Sweetdreams.

Munchkin: It's nice to have you around.. just to talk. Specially, at times like these when I can't figure out what's creating those butterflies in my stomach. Thankus.


Pumpkin: yeah, that's k... you know I'm always there..

Pumpkin: what i don't understand is how come your still around... after everything I've done to you. I've insulted you, your relationship with a certain someone even though I know how much it meant to you... and on and on.

Munchkin: So? you've apologised... and you didn't actually mean all of that. So, what if we fight? I'm still here, because I want to be... between friends, if you can't forgive and forget, then it ain't worth it. And what's more, I love you just the way you are... they don't make friends, better than you.

Pumpkin: Yeah. But, I'm sorry.

Munchking: Hey.. that's okie.. I don't hold any of that against you.

Pumpkin: No, your not understanding.. I'm sorry.

silence

silence

silence

Munchkin: So your leaving?

Pumpkin: For your own good.

Munchkin: Uh-huh. Sure.