hello childrens.

I am back. Sans stitches. Sans the huge head bandage.

I'm okay... a lil cranky. Glad to see my room and my fishy and my ragged stuffed toy and my blanky, even though i have tests lined up next week.

I'm so tired. I didn't shed even a single tear, and that's begining to show. The strain. Not a squeak from me in the past ten days.

Will write soon, until then, thanks for all the prayers and wishes, lotsaluv and hugs,

Yours forever sthupitly.

Pink Panther is just tooo good. I am an absolute pink panther fan... I'd sit and watch every cartoon religiously. But that made me kinda wary about the movie... as it turns out, the movie is awesome. I laughed and laughed. And even split my side. You just have to watch it, if you haven't so far.

I'm going to be missing 5 exams next week... so I spent the whole of my Friday begging and pleading teachers to have mercy and let me write them later. Some of them are so rude... they just don't see the light. I mean, I know it's a pain setting up a whole new paper.. but what the hell man, it's not like I'm going to Australia for sightseeing, that you can't comply. Anyway, in the end they all agreed. Some of the profs were really nice... telling me not to worry and take care of my health first and all that. Alls well that ends well.

So, while all me friends slog on the weekend, I've been lazing around getting pampered. You know na... you usually stuff up a chicken before the kill? Just like that.

Since I had so much free time this weekend, I decided to go through some of my previous posts... and I came across one, which I think is the last time I took the time to seriously be greatful for stuff in my life. I'm thankful I've lived to see today, for my oldest t-shirt that I wear to sleep, for the messages from my bro ( whose been behaving like a procupine for a while now) telling me that he loved me and to take care, for people who bisit and leave comments, for my ma and da, for the testimonial my sis wrote me on Orkut- it's one of the sweetest things she's said by mistake, for the people who stand by me without me even asking for it, for the Pink Panther movie which brightened my day, for sweet paan, for Cookie man cookies-specially the choco chip ones and even for the spicy pasta we had yesterday- it made me cry for an hour, it was that hot...!! What are you greatful for today?

This Calvin and Hobbes comic I read the other day got me thinking.. truly speaking the only definites in life are the things you hate, and some how even that is reassuring. I might be not sure of myself and all that but I sure as hell know that I hate brinjals. So, when in doubt, I think of the only surety in my life and that is, I hate brinjals. Hating brinjals saves the day!! Who would've thought.

Even though a day late, Koze, here's wishing you a damn good year ahead. And like I wish for everyone dear to me... may you always have stash saved up for the latest hair dyes, new dentures, cleaning up your hearing aid and the latest walking stick. Harpy Budday.

Oh and you guys are in for a treat... me not going to be bugging you for a while now, cuz me is going to Hyderbad for around ten days... I've been missing the Biryani too much. So, miss me, and lotsaluv,

Yours forever sthupitly.

P.s: Don't forget me!! :(

I hate it when this happens. Too much feeling and too many thoughts, but no words. I know i know.. there's a time. I accept it too.

What I hate is, that i seem to be the only one getting goose bumps on even an Airtel add.I was stuck to the television on the 15th, watching all, and i mean ALL, the special programs on India. I cry every time Lata ji or Sunidhi Chauhan sings Aey mere watan ke logon. My head goes up and my shoulders straighten themselves out when I hear of even the smallest addition to our honor roll. I love to see my uncles/cousins in their uniforms... it fills me with pride. I hear of stories of these brave men have to tell us, and I cry for their losses. I love and ardently watch Left Right Left for two reasons: the title song is awesome, out of the world, and I love the theme.

And all this foolishly makes me think I can one day, somehow, make a differnce. Shake up all these people who are suppose to be running the country, and show them where they are going wrong. That... well, you'd think I'd have learnt by now na?

Don't you dare be shaking your head and saying "She's nuts". Oh I might be nuts, but I'm glad I am. What worries me more than the fact that one day I am face disappointment, is that people give up without trying. I've been knocked down a million times. But thanks to these few people in my life, I'm up and ready to go all over again. Some people call it being stubborn, other's call it idiotic. Since I tread down the same path again and again, but hey... Until I get what I want, I'm not stopping. And neither should you.

Okay so, half the population is corrupt. So what? That doesn't mean you have to be one of them... They say.. it's so easy to be a part of the crowd, what takes effort is to be able to stand out. It's one of those few things that my ma's tried to drive into my head, and has succeded in. Am I glad!!

On a more serious note.. exams start timaro!!! *groan* I've reached a point in my life where my attention span is exactly 20 minutes. For a math text book, mind you.. don't go trashing my name!! Oh and about the previous post... I was just writing to share a laugh on the "funny" part of my trip to the doc, I wasn't looking for pity or anything. Thankus for all your wishes, I'm overwhelmed. Seriously. I'm okay with it... or at least am trying to be, for all the help I'm getting from people around me. And if any of you happen to be reading this, I understand where you stand!! Thankus.

Okie, me go. And though kinda belated, Happy Independence Day!!! Oh sure we have our faults... but we'll figure out our ways in the end. Proud to be an Indian.

Yours forever sthupitly.

As I sit on my chair,
In the open air,
And I let the soft breeze,
Play with my hair.
I think of uncertainity, and hurt,
Of pain, and reasons,
Of questions and asnwers,
And I think of the tales, that time has to tell.

I fear,
That all that will be left,
In the end, is me.
I fear.

There were those rockets,
And chits in one of those
Eight pockets,
Whispering and bickering,
And while we're doing the ing,
Lets not forget mimicking,
And kissing, and the game of spinning.

I fear,
That all that will be left,
In the end, is me.
I fear.

Standing up to the teacher,
Calling her screecher,
Or things milder,
Like ink on her back,
And chalk pieces that went astray,
At times, even pink hair,
Just to stir up things,
And put a sparkle in the air.

I fear,
That maybe, I hurt a few people.
That they don't know, won't know,
I didn't mean to.
And that all that will be left,
In the end, is me.
I fear.

We wrote essays on "who I want to be",
You said astronaut,
And some one else said mother teresa,
Another said Cruise,
A vet, an engineer, a teacher...
Remember?
Our minds were set,
And the future clear.
Who knew that even with Tide,
And our options so wide,
We'd wind up with doubts,
Doubts oh so many,
That even senile,
Was a word too mild.

I fear,
That maybe, I'm not meant to be.
that all that will be left,
In the end, is me.
I fear.

There were days when,
All that made sense was Bad meeting Evil,
And only the noise that is Crawling,
Surrounded me.
Thoughts about When I'm Gone,
That In The End, it won't really matter.
Clouds weren't numbered 1-9,
There was not a Lemon Tree in sight,
And Every Other Time,
I'd wish you'd Wake me up when September had come to an End.

I fear,
That maybe, all that there is,
is the dust,
That all that will be left,
In the end, is me.
I fear.

But with you around,
I never gave up me dreams,
I could stay sound, as sound as sound can be,
And the sun still shone with golden beams,
I've managed to emerge,
with both my feet on the ground,
My head is held high,
Thank God for gravity.
For I still believe in pots of gold,
Of a better world,
At the end of the rainbow,
Of every deed making a difference,
No matter how small.

I fear,
That maybe,
The stars really aren't twinkling,
That all that will be left,
In the end, is me.
I fear.

There is a prince charming,
And it's okay to dream,
There will have to be candlelight,
And it's okay, if sometimes they dont come true,
There will have to be flowers, no roses though,
And it's okay to cry,
There will have to be chocolate,
As long as I have you,
And there will have to be dancing,
Because else, you have no deal.
Because else, you have no deal.

I fear,
That maybe, I am a dreamer.
And that all that will be left,
In the end, is me.
I fear.

As I sit on my chair,
In the open air,
And let the soft breeze,
play with my hair,
And bring back memories of a time,
That never fail to bring a smile,
And a laugh to accompany the tear,
That wipes away all the fear.

Now, it is time for the evil laugh........ hehahahhahaha. Lol. I know, it's a sad attempt, but I just wanted to say thank you. For everything. You guys are all crazy, for coming here again and again. For bearing with me. My laughs, my cries and my temper, which is non existant. For bearing with vague theories, and lemon cookies, and everything. Pretty much. I love you guys. And from the bottom of my heart, and for Kaushik, from the bottomest vien of this pumping organ, Shukriya.

Happy Friendhsips day.. Hope you guys have a lovely day,
Yours forever sthupitly.

If your reading this, then your great. After the torture of the previous post, you have actually dared to venture on these grounds again. I bow down to your humble self.

Came across this piece of poetry on Ay's blog,

Why can't I speak when I have so much to tell?
Why can't I write when I have so much in my mind?
Why can't I sing when there's music in my heart?
Why can't I dance when there's rythm in the air?

Too many words left unspoken
Too many things left undone
Why can't it be and why can't I?
For all I know this pain deep inside me
Took the gladness out of me.

Even Triya, when she does poetry, manages to put only sadness into her words. With all due respect, for the maximum poetry I can do is rhyming cat with hat and a bat. But me is starting to get angry at all this depressive mood. Specially amongst me friend. Pah. So, both the two of you, STOP.

You can't speak even though you have so much to tell is because you aren't ready to talk about it as yet.

You can't write even though there's so much on your mind, because you aren't ready to tell your tale to the world as yet. There are times when all I want to do is write, but nothing comes to mind. I have to give myself time, and then it comes. The words put themselves together... and I finally manage to put my thoughts into words. It takes patience. And acceptance.

You can't sing even though there's music in your heart, because sometimes, we just need to dance to it by ourselves. For some time. Before we share it. Selfish things that we are.

And you can't dance even when there's rythm in the air, because you're already swaying to the music that's there in your heart. When the time is right, you'll dance to the music that surrounds you.

Why are people in such a hurry at all times? There's a time for everything... To hurt, to cry, to laugh and to sing. Or two-step. Have confidence in yourself, to allow yourself time. Love yourself enough, to think that you're worth giving time to. It's only when your in this rush, do you leave things undone and words unspoken.

Personally, to me it's a test of character. It's a very tough test. I might have failed a few people myself. Maybe a lot of people. Though, I hope not. Because, giving time is not easy. In fact, I think it's the toughest thing to do. 'cuz it's got to be selfless.

And most of all... if you don't forgive yourself, the pain inside you will never go. It's easy to forgive people for hurting you, but it's tough to accept that you've wronged and you've hurt and you've cried. And forgive yourself for it. Because for that you need time. Which apparently, NO ONE has!!! Pah.

I'm not, dishing out random stuff that i've read somewhere. I've been there and done that. Oh!! And Ay, many many happy returns of the day. May you always have money to buy hair dye, get your hearing aid upgraded and may you always be able to buy the top notch walking sticks. Hope you have an amazing day! And the rest of the crowd that visits. And that doesn't visit. God bless you souls :)

Yours forever sthupitly!