On the few occassions that I have surfaced in this past week, I have been thoroughly disappointed in the world, at large. It's not something new- but it's really funny (ironically funny) that even though you try to maintain an absolute "I don't expect anything" relationship, you're disappointed.

In fact, I think I've come to realize, that that is when a person is actually most hurt/demoralized/hopeless. No, I'm not talking about anything major- as in, not in relation to my personal life, I'm pointing at, or trying to considering I'm having to point out what I was trying to point at- is this whole issue about "kissing" which is going on.

Useless people. Wasting national time, judicial time and people s time. And driving me to the point, where I've decided to ditch TV channels too. I mean seriously, where s the fire! Instead of concentrating on the issue, the only issue, we're debating whether Gere has to be fined or taken into custody because he was trying to spread AIDS awareness. Is this how jobless the people of the government are?

So what if he kissed her! It wasn't even on the mouth. And it wasn't like he was testing the lastes French moves or something. People do it all the time. And if she has no objection to being pecked on the cheek, why the hell should you have any?

The media is made of bull shit. I'd rather not know what was happening in the world, than be forced to endure such utter nonsense. And best part is- it's not ONE debate, it's a series of them! If they had responsibility of any kind, they'd bleddy well refuse to waste time on nonsene like this, and deal with showing some real stuff. For a change.

Phew. Run out of steam. Still have two more papers to go before I can live again! We should start a boycott movement against the media. Now there's and idea.

All my love.


It's bleddy shameful. We'll be the joke people laugh about when they're having high tea and scones.

The other day, I don't remember why exactly though, was a general enough conversation- it struck me, and over whelmed me. It, being realization. About? Love. Marriage. Happily ever after. Forever.

I dunno if it's just me or if it's just me, I felt this sudden fear engulf me. You know that sensation you're supposed to get of a heavy boulder settling down in your stomach? It happened! Well at least, something these books talk about is true.

If I see the stuff that's happening around me, there's a pretchy good chance that others see it too, right? Atleast 10% of the "people other than me"? So, then how do they manage to center their whole existence, literaly in some cases in fact, around one single person? One emotion. One thread. How?!! These, by the by, are most often people who take hours to decide what they're going wear!

Jokes aside, seriously, how!!! Most boy-friends, love- of- my- life s , etcetra etcetra s that I've met or seen either dominate the other person- so much so that they cut themselves off from their friends and become totally dependent on the other person, or treat the other person like shit. And by shit, I mean shit.

True there is no "perfect person". But how much imperfection do you settle for? Actually, that isn't even the point- the point is how can you trust someone so much with yourself, that you give the person everything you have- mind, body and soul? Everything.

Right. You tell me how. I've forgotten everything else I wanted to say- just answer the question, someone, please!

Lv.

P.S: Four more papers to go. 'Am so damn bogged down, I think my sleep time is bordering 4-5 hours or something. Anyway, like they say "I will survive". Blah. Hope alls well!

They come from the same village, my friend and another guy. The guy is fatherless and looks up to my friend s dad. Family friends, to be slightly more specific. So he takes on my friend, and they are "brother and sister" now.

She'd been talking to a guy in class for sometime, my friend that is- a few messages (and few here, IS few- 10 ish) in the week, a call in a fortnight. Somewhere down the line, she'd started thinking of him as her "husband" - translated- she'd developed a crush on the guy.

Obviously, she didn't go immediately and tell her "bro" (excuse me, but this word will always be in quotes here) about these new feelings. She took her time, but she did tell him.

He yelled at her for 4 hours straight- told her she was impure (exact words, mind you), breaking her parents' trust, and the likes. All she did for two days was cry. She couldn't sit without welling up- even in class. And she couldn't go to any of her hostel friends, because of the "shame". She wanted to kill herself, wash herself of this impurity and shame.

Her "brother" made her promise never to even look in the direction of that guy. Everything he wanted- she did. She didn't attend even one of the college functions, because he didn't want her to, didn't go out with her "girl" friends cuz he didn't want her to.. basically, she danced to his every tune. Every time she set foot outside the dorms, he was there. Things went on that way for a while- he was making her the good girl she had been when she came to college.

He hit her. He physically hit her. Slapped her, punched her, threw her things across the room and boxed her until she fainted.

In a classroom, in college.

Why? Because she'd finally decided to let the crush- guy talk to her about what was happening... she'd just stopped talking to him, didn't take his calls and completely ignored him. The least she could do, was tell him that she didn't ever want to talk to him again.

What'd she do? She stood there and let him hit her. When he threw water at her face to get her back to consciousness, she got up and went back to the hostel, ate, studied, took his calls and listened to his apologies and slept. She did what he wanted- he wanted her to promise she'd never even look in the direction of that guy, ever, much less talk to him.

After all, he was her brother. What but her best interests would he have in mind?

----------------

I have brothers too. And they look out for my interests, just like I do them. After all, it's easier to go to them with crushes and stuff like that than to go to your parents. In my case, I have both. But still, this is plain and simple abuse.

In this case, at least after this last incident, she's believing me when I tell her that what this guy is doing- controlling her- is plain and simple WRONG. UNHEALTHY. That if her own father ever caught on on what had happened, he'd kill him.

The thing is, even though realization and acceptance is a major step, it's not enough. She doesn't want to ruin his last two years in college, but like I pointed out to her- his ruining her last two years in college wasn't justified either.

I'm working on it, and if it's the last thing I do- I'm going to slap the guy at least once before I leave. I take him on blindfolded, by the by, he's a stick. I could probably do "boo" and he'd fall. But I swear it, if he ever lays his hand on her again, he's dead.

Don't give into such abuse. No one, not even your own parents, have the right to do this to you. It's NOT RIGHT. Please, don't. Your not helping the other person, your encouraging him. I know it's easy saying it sitting on the outside, but I'm still saying it.

For all those of you who are lucky, don't let people around you give in to such stuff. They just need to know someone is there for them, to TELL them that this is wrong. They know it is, they just need affirmation.

All my love.

Not made up, absolutely true, even though I wish with the core of my being it wasn't.

Ugh.


Blah.

All my love.