Do you know what it's like to have someone in your life who "gets" you? Who stimulates you? Your wit. Mind. Intelligence. Has the ability to make you laugh, and you can do the same for them?

Have you ever loved so fiercely that when that person is no longer in your life, all that is left is this huge open wound- that hurts like crazy. That the thought of them still makes fuzzy things happen in your tummy? Their voice makes your toes curl? And at the same time there's this invisible fist that's squeezing that wound and it hurts like hell- cuz you know you can't have them?

Just, wondering. Nothing more to say. Wishing you only things that are good,

SG.

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Just got done with my first MOCK CAT, and it's NOT looking good. Sigh.

Too much happening. I'm laughing (ok, let's not got that far, smiling) and crying and hurting- all at the same time.

After a slight remark about birthdays, A realised he'd missed mine and called himself all sorts of things. I forgave of course- just a birthday. Will come again. But no, he had to go on and insist that it was "me" and that it was my 21st and that it should have been special.

It was. Of course it was. In it's own way. Family wise. Not friends wise. But that's ok, right? Real life intervenes and all that. It's just that, I'm being evil again. I've done surprises and oh-so-perfect-gifts for almost each person in my life. Maybe they mean more to me that I mean to them.

So, while on one side I'm happy someone said a "but it's you! it should be special" I'm sad, 'cuz it's got all these thoughts buzzing in my head.

Ia was just pulling P's leg, and what came out of it- was a chocolate for me. At first, I just wanted a piece (had been thinking of chocolate since morning!), but when on asking I was told that the chocolate was in fact for me, I got the entire thing! :) I did thank him, and I did do the right thing by asking him who I had to apologize to, for having taken their treat.

But he had to go and say that no, it was, in fact, actually for me.

Of course he didn't mean it in that way. Or I hope not. Because I liked it when he said that. And I DO NOT want him getting the wrong idea.

Boring lecture, plus the need to connect with someone, led me into messaging R, whom I haven't initiated a conversation with in 3 years. Ironically, he is the only person I've come across, in my entire 86 years, who really "gets" me. In every way.

Wanted to smile like a satisfied cat, because it'd been ages since I felt that at ease with someone, plus it was light- fun- banter. Stupid fellow ended up calling me pretty.

DO NOT believe him, because that is what he does. But I feel good anyway.

K (yes, you!) went ahead and told me that he did believe that I was made for better things, and made me want to cry like a baby. I'd like to believe in it too, it's just that- it's nice hearing someone say it to you.

I don't get much time to spend with S and A these days- college and boy friends and stuff. Whatever little time I do get, I spend trying to reassure myself and everything is ok, by mostly just listening and being with them.

I'm scared I'll lose them.

R and T had themselves a Baby Girl, and I couldn't be more happy. T had to go through a forced delivery in her 6th month the last time, because of some genetic complications. I dunno where they found the strength to go through with the whole pregnancy thing again, because the chances of occurence of the genetic thing increases everytime. But the Baby is perfectly alright!! And I almost went and shouted it from the roof top. Almost.

Too much. Sigh.

Hope only good things are happening with you,

All my love.

P.S.
Stupid, but again what's new in that- I start every conversation I'm afraid of with this question. Makes me sound as sthupit as sthupit can be. No?