It's been so long that words have flown as easy as they do today- and even while it takes effort to get out of bed and grab my laptop, to move around pillows so I can find a more comfortable position to recline in without setting off my cough again- I do so willingly, because this comes as a welcome relief.

Accenture has been treating me wonderfully. In spite of the long hours I put in, I absolutely love going to office, and the people I have with me on my team. There isn't a work day that goes by without a shared bout of unlimited laughter with colleagues; the bond between new friends strengthening over exchanging inconsequential details about each others lives; the rush of pleasure that an email of praise from your boss brings; the feeling of belonging you experience when someone looks hard enough to find a strained smile and does their best to turn it into a full blown laugh.

With such a hectic week, the weekends are completely and purely dedicated to sleep.

I find myself, on most days, in good place in life. I like the tiredness of a day well spent that makes you just fall into bed at night.

What I don't like is these sudden bouts of loneliness- when you miss the feel of a hand that is larger and rougher than yours quietly engulf yours underneath the table; when you miss the hands that take the liberty to sneak around your waist, to keep you from leaving. A shadow that makes you feel safe, strong and loved. A single look that can make you smile.

I realized only today that Quest for Thought turned 5 this June. It's sad that the year has almost come to an end, and even though so much has happened, I haven't made enough time to write. Five years! Half a decade. I've been able to define myself not only through my writing, but in the writing of others. To everyone who takes the time out to visit, and comment, and care- thank you.

Jayashree, you're my biggest find in this blogging world. Your writing is amazing, and I can only hope that you keep giving me things to read.

Navneet, I've found in you the brightest of minds and kindest of hearts (and correct grammar, and someone who can cut short my sentences). I can't wait to see the Nobel in your hands.

Koze, you're the reason I started writing, and you probably have a few people who can't wait to murder you for that. I love your writing, and you! A million thank yous for everything.

Anna, Adi, Abhishek, Ry- I wish you'd write more!

All my love.

There are times like these when being in two minds seems almost like a relief. It means you're not in more than a dozen emotional states at one time. You're not bored and scared of excitement at the same time; you wish to "do something" and not get out of your chair at the same time as you're not bored and scared of excitement; you're not sad that you are over somebody you've loved for a major part of your adult life and miss that rush of feelings you felt every time you spoke to them at the same time as you're not bored and scared of excitement and you wish to "do something" and not get out of your chair.

You're in just two minds.

You're happy. You're happy because you spent time catching up with your best friend, even if it is on the phone. You're happy because amma had something to say about the fact that you spent half the evening on the phone with a boy she does not like, even though you're 21 and haven't spent more than 5 minutes on a phone in 2 months. It's just like old times. You feel calm, and just let go. Let things be. Let them come to you, instead of being in a rush to get to them. You no longer worry about what time it is or where you have to be next, even while still arriving at where you are now. It's a blissful feeling.

And second, you're blank. Just in the moment. There is no past and no future. Just this minute, in which ma is promising to smash the yellow bulb you are determined to
read/write, in first thing in the morning, your sister is jabbering nineteen to a dozen about how the judge in her court was so utterly cute; in which you find your dad calling you to wish you goodnight.

In some corner of your mind soon, the wheels will start churning again. There will be a million things that need to be done, a gazillion things that need to be said. But until that moment, there is this feeling, this feeling of eternal hope. This warmth, that ensconces you. This sensation of being surrounded by love. In which you can't help but feel blessed.

So, TOEFL is done!! The first speaking question, which I was quite sure I'd muff up, I did. The rest was pretty okay, I'll let the marks speak for themselves. GRE is coming up soon, and I'm getting tired already.

I'm also soon going to be a paid employee at Accenture! They've FINALLY decided to call us- I join work on the 31st of this month, at Mumbai. I can't wait.

I recently had the misfortune of picking up Pink or Black (a gift my sister received). I swear to GOD I've never read anything worse. It's 100 pages of nothingness. The concept of trying to figure oneself out is something I've thought about myself, but this chica has taken a wonderful idea and made such a terrible mess out of it, I'm at a loss of words. You can see that the writer has used a thesaurus on random words. Sudden incidents that do not fit the character, look like they've been added, just for the sake of including them.

The book made me starting working on MY book. Yes, I'm writing a book. If you want to feature in it, tell me something terrible/nice that's ever happened to you :D I'm serious. I've got three chapters written already. I'm going to have to thank Tishaa Khosla in my acknowledgments. Her book pushed me off the edge!!

Seriously, give me incidents!

All my love.

The fact that I have in fact left Chennai, is finally starting to sink in. I'm trying my hardest to not let it seep through.

The last few months over there were, quite ironically, the best in a long time. Everyone would soon be leaving to conquer cleaner shores, and the realization that it would be a while before we were all together like "this" again, got us all making that extra effort required to actually meet up. Spend time together. Even if it was just sitting at the beach. There was this huge "get together" that was planned. Everyone who was in town was given the itinerary and could drop in at whichever place to join in. A few of us, had kept the entire day free.

We all went back to school, met up with teachers who were surprised to realize that it had been four years since we had left school, that we all now had degrees in our pockets. Few of us, with longer hair, more stylish beards, new piercings, were finally starting to look "older"- the others however, still just looked like school kids. Espescially when compared to the kids you see in schools today. Sheesh.

Lunch, a movie, the beach, dinner. The only time I realize I'm 21 is when I get into a car with friends. It's quite different from using local transport because you are underage. Half of the crowd that went to the movie, got to the beach earlier than the second half. I was in the first half and hence happily spent the following half an hour/ forty five minutes complaining about guys who just had to make a detour en route for a "smoke" and/or took the longer route and got stuck in traffic, while catching up with classmates who I hadn't seen in over 5 years!

All of a sudden there's Rahul with this huge box in his hands and Kamlesh with another, leading the troops. In the next minute, the huge box was in my lap and the other being thrust in my hands. There was a big whoop of "surprise" with which my jaw dropped to the floor. "We will miss you", the cake read. Soon there was cake cutting, cake putting on my face, hugs, my mouth looked like it had a hangar stuck in it, street dogs who had smelt food, amused onlookers, around twenty five people laughing and wishing me well and my transferring the cake from my face on to a few shirts. The gift had a huge picture of me in the background, with "PK" spelt out using pictures of the entire gang over the years. People had made time to come because it was my surprise farewell. They wouldn't have missed it for the world, they told me. I was absolutely stunned.

I remained stunned till the night before I was going to leave when I was given the "second" part of my gift. A video in which everyone had recorded their message for me. All this from people who I had been scared to tell that I was leaving for the fear that their reactions of nonchalance would kill me. I hated to think that the people I had come to care for so dearly wouldn't care.

But they did. They understood the gifts I had made for them, they treasured them. They understood the significance of the surprise parties I had thrown for them, and thanked me for them. I wasn't just some "add on" to the group. I had made a difference, touched a few hearts. Made friends for life.

I continue to remain stunned till today.

I was just thinking the other day- how important it is to have someone in your life with whom you can fight. Who doesn't fight your battles for you, but let's your spirit kick in on a day when things just couldn't get any worse (but they do) and you want to give up. Who hates to see the sparkle leave your eyes, and who loves you because you are strong enough to believe.

College is almost over. It's like unfinished business- it didn't feel like closure. It hasn't felt like an accomplishment as yet either. I guess it's because they're still keeping us coming to college every which way they can.

I don't understand how teachers don't understand the responsibility that lies on their shoulders. Don't they read the books? Watch the movies? How can they not know? Didn't they have this one teacher who changed them?

Lisa Scottoline is brilliant. Have I said that before? Either way, it deserves the reiteration. One of her most famous characters- Bennie Rosatto is the face of my new role model. Surprised that I look up to a fictitious character? Are you really?

I don't judge a book by it's cover- at least not a first glance. Like a man's shoes are the indicators of his soul, a book's dedication tells you everything about it's writer. If you like the dedication, there's very little chance you won't like the book.

Scottoline, not only has bold covers that reflect the style of her writing and her characters, but also good dedications. And what's more, I've never seen Acknowledgments written the way she does them. It's not just a list of names, it's sentences and praise and credit to this whole bunch of people- who you can SEE she's actually grateful for. It's human.

Plus, her characters know their shoes :D

Yes, I have changed my template again, and moved over from the dark side. Turns out they don't have the cookies. I like this one. The look is clean, has the right amount of color, and a good proportion of style. I DID spend all night, literally, on this, and I like the results.

I had a million things to say, as usual, but turns out that just the joy of being able to write again is blinding my senses, so I shall stop for now, and be back soon with more. Cuz, like it or not, I'm back baby.

All my love.

I was watching Bones today, just like I do every Wednesday when they're running Bones on TV. And this last scene, they're sitting on stairs and looking at the city that lies ahead of them. She's citing clinical terminology to explain that she's realized her father really loves her, and she should have seen that- he doesn't understand a word as usual. I dunno how to explain it- he just leans on her shoulder laughing at something inane. They're just so damn cute together, it makes me smile and feel sad at the same time.

The other day, we were just sitting around- that is my friends and I. And. Ok, I dunno how to say this. She was upset, really really upset. And every once in a while she'd realize that and start thinking about whatever it was that was upsetting her, and her eyes would go down. The smile would start slipping. And just like that, He was there, cracking us all up. Pulling her out of the darkness she was drowning into. Every time. Looking into her eyes, and cooking up stuff just to see them smile.

I dunno what I was going to get at. I'm so damn iffy, I can't sit in one place.

Oh and considering how long it's been since I've written, I'm moving from Chennai. Permanently. After close to nine years.

Censorship can be loosely defined as the suppression of content in any form of communicative material that may be considered sensitive, harmful or objectionable by a censor. When talking of issues pertaining to a nations security, censorship finds a well-qualified place. However, in a society like today's, it is ludicrous to expect that censorship of improper content and language in public media by a government body or any other agency will in any way do good to mankind. Most especially when the argument being made is scattered with loosely defined words like "improper content" and "questionable language".

Censorship has in one form or the other prevailed in society over centuries. A this-is-right-and-this-is-wrong standpoint by any one particular body only serves to create feelings of unrest and consternation in one party or the other and hence should not be advocated. The ambiguity of what can or cannot be viewed only lends itself to such controversy. It is for each individual to decide for himself/herself, what content is appropriate and what is not, and in the case of a minor it is the responsibility of the concerned guardian or parent.

That the reduction in portrayal of violence in the media will somehow decrease crime rate is an argument that is flawed from the word 'that'. The causes of violence go beyond portrayals of anger and might in the media, and those are the ones that need to be researched and dealt with. An argument based on such a basis is comparable to claiming that it is the printing industry that is responsible for child abuse, that the banks are being robbed because Mr. Bachan does it in some movie, or that children have started smoking because they've heard that Mr. Khan does so.

Allowing censorship by a governing body would mean handing over a tool to certain sects of society that would not hesitate to use this to further their own propaganda, which is NOT unheard of in today's world. For example, a dictatorial regime could use such policing to suppress the spread of politically sensitive content and the rise of resistance. Or a theocratic government, as we have seen in the case of Europe, could use and has used such means to oppress the masses, thwart invention and the hinder the quest for knowledge. Governments have been known to and accused of using censorship to falsify scientific research, school- textbook material, amongst other things to abet its own interests.

Also, in the world of the world wide web it is absolutely farcical to think it is possible to try and control what content is available, what can be viewed and by whom. The problem is only compounded by the fact that the technology is only emerging and is hence more vulnerable.

Censorship not only curbs the right to freedom of expression but also prevents open debate about sensitive social and religious issues like homosexuality, prostitution, etc. An intellectually stimulating discussion of such like matter is of prime importance in not only creating awareness but also in impeding the creation and spread of fanatical sentiments.

Promotion of sensible and realistic censorship at home is a more pragmatic proposition. Yes, young minds are impressionable- but it would be fallacious to think that one could control somehow a child's perception by just removing a few scenes from a movie or beeping the bad words. It could be just an ordinary bus ride that could teach him about chain snatching, absolutely atrocious language and sexual abuse- what do you, stop him from taking the bus? Parental guidance is the need of the hour. The concerned bodies can be brought in to bring about regulation of timing of shows, after a survey and a generalization of the TV-time that children are allowed- this being the extent to which these bodies are allowed to exert power.

To conclude, it is absolutely imperative that a child/ person be aware of what is happening in and around the world he lives in and later has to face. This will facilitate the individual in equipping himself/herself to not only thrive but also prosper by making informed decisions that are based on a thorough understanding and analysis of consequences of what has happened and issues that are being created by what is happening today. Disallowing particular things in one region of the world is not going to stop people from just migrating to a place where these things are not illegal. Only prevention of the availability of "improper" content in public media does not in any way reduce the chances of a person being exposed to them, and in these cases caught unawares.

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Sentences you've GOT to use at least once in your lifetime

1. It was neither the lack of acuity nor that of acumen that actuated her drop into an abyss of academic abasement and her climb to the acme of acerbity ever seen in a lady.

2. The hirsute hoary filled with hubris of his hortatory talent failed to see how humdrum his homilies actually were.

Just because she comes off strong doesn't mean she didn't fall asleep crying and even though she acts like everything is fine, maybe, just maybe, she's really good at lying.

As Sri Lankan players click away with their cameras at the air lift they're getting from the cricket ground, and I totally completely understand their excitement, be as it may that the air lift was necessary because of the attack on 6 of their players- Modi shoots out at Sonia Gandhi for being a "foreigner" and for selling out the Indian farmer.

Gen. Qureshi takes on a defensive stance and tells India that we don't really want peace with their country while at the same time, answering each question with a question of his own- why does the world point a finger at the Pakistani government or the ISI the minute there's a terror attack anywhere in the world. Speculation on our parts, is accusation and finger-pointing to Gen. Qureshi today.

The Ambedkar issue along with the ever green Ayodhya ticket are ALL the BJP have on their side, to even be able to get a few news reporters to gather around. Hindus, muslims, tamilians, farmers, foreigner- where the hell do these divides come from but such like assholes.

The ordinary Indian student sits in his college canteen picking up the news on the radio and shakes his head in defeat, remembering that India is actually the flavor of the month amongst the terrorists, and wondering what the week is yet to bring.

It's been bleddy long since I've written. But I've got a valid reason- my template got lost and every time I visited my blog- the white background with black text on it shoved me into a spiral of abyss. NOT the fact that the number of people who visit here has dwindled down to a count I need only one hand to well, count on. It's just the template that upset me enough to go speech less.

My final year project just sucks. Everything I've done up to now or downloaded and called my own (which it actually should be considering it took more than a month to get that code to work), is turning out to be useless. If I really want to be able to SHOW something, I'm going to have to start from scratch, which even if I wanted to do, I couldn't do. So to say the least, this semester does not look too good.

I've had a couple of sleepless nights since after my dad has decreed that he shall be trying to get me married at 23 because it's the "right age for girls". And I use the word "trying", because it is SO not going to happen.

I've finally gotten a new phone. Nokia- 6500-> It's black and it slides! Sadly today it's also malfunctioning so it might be getting replaced soon. Pictures will come up soon.

I started writing this in the morning, and now it's around 10:10 PM, so you can imagine where I started and where this could go- which you shouldn't really make yourself do for health reasons and just take my word. Good news though is that it isn't going anywhere right this minute, maybe in another post soon.

Oh and by the by, I hope we get home an Oscar this year. Slumdog isn't THAT great a movie, sure the picturization is good, but I think something like TZP was WAY more brill.

Anyhoo, pleasant dreams or good day, depending on when you are here.

All my love.

If you haven't been there these past few days, get your asses there pronto, you can always come back and read this.

I FINALLY went for one of the much much much talked about professional shows at IIT-M. Yes, it's sad that I've been here for practically a decade and NOW is when I've finally gotten a chance. Somehow or the other Saarang came between some exam or the other, and well, I had things to prove.

I did NOT think Sonu Niigaam would be fun. I mean it was seriously cool- and you know how hesitatingly I use that word. But it was SOO COOL. We did the whole cell phone waving in the darkness, and the loud singing when the music is cut out and dancing. He made ME dance, would you believe it? Hell, I STILL can't believe it.

The band was brilliant too. They started with two Rock On songs, which got the crowd yelling way before Sonu even came onto stage. Gunjan, who I have never heard of before, did a couple of songs while we waited for the star to appear- but she was awesome too. And then came the man of the hour. I swear people were cheering for 5 minutes flat before he could get a word in.

He kept us on our feet with all the more punjabi-dancing-numbers, including a very very old "mera rang de basanti joda". I did NOT know we had so many Bollywood lovers in town! A new song for Saarang which as lyrics had "Aaloo... bhindi... mooli ... mattar paneer" was created right then. Terribl terible, but still SOO COOL.

Have I said how COOL?

You absolutely had to be there. I have always wanted to do the singing and the cell phone thing. Always always. And now I have. It was SOO COOL.

I shall say tata-bye-bye before I bug you with more of the "soo cool", oh crap I just did that again. But it was just SOO COOL. Like Koze says, when your kids ask you why you didn't go for Saarang 2009, you can weep.

On other news, I have finally started doing "social service"- I'm doing reading for the blind twice a week. And it feels so so so good. I'm telling you, if someone asks you what do you do with your time and all you have to say for yourself is "I watch TV for more than 5 hours a day, or sit in front of my laptop for the same", then you my friend, need to get off your arse and make yourself useful.

Hope you guys have a lovely weekend yourselves,

All my love.

Another death. I'm not quite sure what to make of it. At first, I was untouched by this "phenomenon". I lost two of my grandparents within a few months of each other and remember crying my heart out- I remember crying, I just don't recollect WHY I was crying. You could say it's because they just passed away you dud. But it STILL hasn't registered that they're not here anymore.

There's times when it does feel real. When knowing that I'm never going to see them again makes my soul scream, literally. But most of the time, I'm just, just. Ugh.

This friend of mine lost her mom, watched her die, doesn't have a dad already and now it's just her and her sister. I've spent two days with her.

I CANNOT even begin to imagine what they're going through. I refuse to, maybe. But I cannot. I just can't.

Hello childrens!

I've been riding on like a three day high or something, and the need to go onto the rooftop and yell my heart out still hasn't gone. Not too many things, just a few small ones that make me happy.

One, for the first time in 3 and a half years I finally liked my college for a weekend. Liked liked it. Did you know it's 60 bledddy years old? That the first convocation ceremony saw Jawaharlal Nehru give the welcome address? That even the IIT's are only 50 years old? That students of the first batch actually flew in from across the globe to attend the diamond jubilee celebrations at their Alma mater- and to see these people so excited and animated to be back, to be a part of something that's so rich, so old (?)... I dunno, it just felt brilliant.

Two, a couple of days before the inauguration I had a brainwave- since this is going to be so big and there's like at least 5000 people expected, why not take the opportunity to do something good? So, we decided to get permission from the Dean that would allow us to raise funds for a charity. Zeroed in on The Banyan, received permission 24 hours in advance.

So, we made drop boxes which were so so cool by the way- wrapped up boxes in plain colored paper, made banyan trees (with the hanging roots and everything) and made paper cutouts of little ladies holding hands to stick around the box. Did I say how cool it was?

Anyway, so all that was done. The first day didn't see us collecting too much. Actually, nothing at all. Because no one really knew what was happening- we didn't have time to advertise about this or anything. So the next day I gathered up a troop and we all went scouting on foot- to each and every person on the campus and made them contribute, even if it was just one rupee.

Guess how much we made!! Guess guess!! Eight freakin' grand. In two days.

Three, my exams are finally over! Sure, I don't care about any of them now- I used to. But that was because I thought I still had something to prove. But I don't! I really really don't. I'm free. I guess it's weird hearing someone say that, but it's true.

Four, now that I'm free from all the emotional burden I was carrying around, I can finally make time for the things I wanted to do. Last year I actually kept 5/6 resolutions. I worked my ass off for CAT, I went for dance class, learnt how to play the guitar and even wrote an exam (which I have passed with merit by the by), let all the people in my life know that they are important to me and much loved (this is like an every year resolution) AND got an excellent job.

This year, I completed one I made four years ago- have made the most of my time in college and actually reached the final semester with only a slight heart burn. The main stuff for this year includes making time out for my friends and doing all the stuff I've denied myself.

Now, before I ramble on and on and on, I shall sign off. Hope you guys have a good week(I have the entire week off. Ha.)!

All my love.

So, first set back of the year has been received. After all the good things that had been happening, I guess I should have expected it. It's not too big, considering I didn't want it to happen too much in the first place, but still.

Anyhoo, Happy New Year peoples! I forgot to put up that senti post I usually do- so seriously, HAPPY new year.

I'm tonty one!!! The exclamations have got to stop. I got my nose pierced to mark my entry into actual adulthood. And it looks good- I tested it for about a week before making it public knowledge. Yay.

I figured out the weirdest thing the other day. People can out grow people. Like clothes. But it's true. And sad. There's a whole part of you that belongs to them, a whole entire part. And yet somehow, there is now this large huge distance between you now. And because of the old age and wisdomness, instead of hurting, it just leaves you sad.

Right then, I have to rush. How likes you the new template?

All my love.

I need to update.