I end each with with surprise at how much the year has really brought with itself- this year, came to such a smooth halt, it was only when I turned to look back that I realized how many chapters have ended and how many new ones started!

• Became an engineer, no thanks to Anna University, but to all the people who made the journey bearable- for unexpected friendship, bizzare reasons to laugh, nonsensical messages and group studying- thank you .
• Am now gainfully employed with a "salary account" and absolutely love each day of work, thank you Accenture. I have a boss who says "chal jhooti" and "don't lie" when I wish him a happy new year and tell him I'm going straight home from office and a team that sings "Shala la la la" while working on a Saturday afternoon. Did not know corporate life could be like this. I consider myself blessed everyday.
  
• Moved from Chennai, after 8 years, to Mumbai- can't help miss Chennai, but it was time to move on. There will always be a bond to that place- I "grew up" there :) I loved my surprise farewell party, it was actually a surprise. I was to leave thinking I'd had no impact on lives, only to be taught that I was loved.
  
• Met my chuddy buddy after half a decade- thank you dad for moving to Mumbai and Accenture for letting me stay in Mumbai.
• My sister made it to law school, all by herself, and totally lived up to my faith in her capabilities. Every battle we've fought together, or that I fought for you with mom and dad, has been worth it. I'm proud of you, honey.
  
• Gave GRE, gave TOEFL- did well- still can't stop being happy about the 5.5 on my essay! Wrote essays on "me", did my first "video" interview. Thanks Nav, for all your help. Words will never be enough to express my gratitude.
• Sold my first (and probably last) painting!
• Tasted champagne- belch.
  

There's a million other things, I'm sure, that have made this year just whiz past- and it's been one helluva ride. 2009 was an important year from every angle, no doubt, but 2010 will be an even more important year and I've got only three little words for it- bring it on.

Here's wishing each of you good things, happy endings and glorious new beginnings this coming year. May each of you, and the people you love, be blessed with good health and lots of laughter.

All my love.

It's been so long that words have flown as easy as they do today- and even while it takes effort to get out of bed and grab my laptop, to move around pillows so I can find a more comfortable position to recline in without setting off my cough again- I do so willingly, because this comes as a welcome relief.

Accenture has been treating me wonderfully. In spite of the long hours I put in, I absolutely love going to office, and the people I have with me on my team. There isn't a work day that goes by without a shared bout of unlimited laughter with colleagues; the bond between new friends strengthening over exchanging inconsequential details about each others lives; the rush of pleasure that an email of praise from your boss brings; the feeling of belonging you experience when someone looks hard enough to find a strained smile and does their best to turn it into a full blown laugh.

With such a hectic week, the weekends are completely and purely dedicated to sleep.

I find myself, on most days, in good place in life. I like the tiredness of a day well spent that makes you just fall into bed at night.

What I don't like is these sudden bouts of loneliness- when you miss the feel of a hand that is larger and rougher than yours quietly engulf yours underneath the table; when you miss the hands that take the liberty to sneak around your waist, to keep you from leaving. A shadow that makes you feel safe, strong and loved. A single look that can make you smile.

I realized only today that Quest for Thought turned 5 this June. It's sad that the year has almost come to an end, and even though so much has happened, I haven't made enough time to write. Five years! Half a decade. I've been able to define myself not only through my writing, but in the writing of others. To everyone who takes the time out to visit, and comment, and care- thank you.

Jayashree, you're my biggest find in this blogging world. Your writing is amazing, and I can only hope that you keep giving me things to read.

Navneet, I've found in you the brightest of minds and kindest of hearts (and correct grammar, and someone who can cut short my sentences). I can't wait to see the Nobel in your hands.

Koze, you're the reason I started writing, and you probably have a few people who can't wait to murder you for that. I love your writing, and you! A million thank yous for everything.

Anna, Adi, Abhishek, Ry- I wish you'd write more!

All my love.

There are times like these when being in two minds seems almost like a relief. It means you're not in more than a dozen emotional states at one time. You're not bored and scared of excitement at the same time; you wish to "do something" and not get out of your chair at the same time as you're not bored and scared of excitement; you're not sad that you are over somebody you've loved for a major part of your adult life and miss that rush of feelings you felt every time you spoke to them at the same time as you're not bored and scared of excitement and you wish to "do something" and not get out of your chair.

You're in just two minds.

You're happy. You're happy because you spent time catching up with your best friend, even if it is on the phone. You're happy because amma had something to say about the fact that you spent half the evening on the phone with a boy she does not like, even though you're 21 and haven't spent more than 5 minutes on a phone in 2 months. It's just like old times. You feel calm, and just let go. Let things be. Let them come to you, instead of being in a rush to get to them. You no longer worry about what time it is or where you have to be next, even while still arriving at where you are now. It's a blissful feeling.

And second, you're blank. Just in the moment. There is no past and no future. Just this minute, in which ma is promising to smash the yellow bulb you are determined to
read/write, in first thing in the morning, your sister is jabbering nineteen to a dozen about how the judge in her court was so utterly cute; in which you find your dad calling you to wish you goodnight.

In some corner of your mind soon, the wheels will start churning again. There will be a million things that need to be done, a gazillion things that need to be said. But until that moment, there is this feeling, this feeling of eternal hope. This warmth, that ensconces you. This sensation of being surrounded by love. In which you can't help but feel blessed.

So, TOEFL is done!! The first speaking question, which I was quite sure I'd muff up, I did. The rest was pretty okay, I'll let the marks speak for themselves. GRE is coming up soon, and I'm getting tired already.

I'm also soon going to be a paid employee at Accenture! They've FINALLY decided to call us- I join work on the 31st of this month, at Mumbai. I can't wait.

I recently had the misfortune of picking up Pink or Black (a gift my sister received). I swear to GOD I've never read anything worse. It's 100 pages of nothingness. The concept of trying to figure oneself out is something I've thought about myself, but this chica has taken a wonderful idea and made such a terrible mess out of it, I'm at a loss of words. You can see that the writer has used a thesaurus on random words. Sudden incidents that do not fit the character, look like they've been added, just for the sake of including them.

The book made me starting working on MY book. Yes, I'm writing a book. If you want to feature in it, tell me something terrible/nice that's ever happened to you :D I'm serious. I've got three chapters written already. I'm going to have to thank Tishaa Khosla in my acknowledgments. Her book pushed me off the edge!!

Seriously, give me incidents!

All my love.

The fact that I have in fact left Chennai, is finally starting to sink in. I'm trying my hardest to not let it seep through.

The last few months over there were, quite ironically, the best in a long time. Everyone would soon be leaving to conquer cleaner shores, and the realization that it would be a while before we were all together like "this" again, got us all making that extra effort required to actually meet up. Spend time together. Even if it was just sitting at the beach. There was this huge "get together" that was planned. Everyone who was in town was given the itinerary and could drop in at whichever place to join in. A few of us, had kept the entire day free.

We all went back to school, met up with teachers who were surprised to realize that it had been four years since we had left school, that we all now had degrees in our pockets. Few of us, with longer hair, more stylish beards, new piercings, were finally starting to look "older"- the others however, still just looked like school kids. Espescially when compared to the kids you see in schools today. Sheesh.

Lunch, a movie, the beach, dinner. The only time I realize I'm 21 is when I get into a car with friends. It's quite different from using local transport because you are underage. Half of the crowd that went to the movie, got to the beach earlier than the second half. I was in the first half and hence happily spent the following half an hour/ forty five minutes complaining about guys who just had to make a detour en route for a "smoke" and/or took the longer route and got stuck in traffic, while catching up with classmates who I hadn't seen in over 5 years!

All of a sudden there's Rahul with this huge box in his hands and Kamlesh with another, leading the troops. In the next minute, the huge box was in my lap and the other being thrust in my hands. There was a big whoop of "surprise" with which my jaw dropped to the floor. "We will miss you", the cake read. Soon there was cake cutting, cake putting on my face, hugs, my mouth looked like it had a hangar stuck in it, street dogs who had smelt food, amused onlookers, around twenty five people laughing and wishing me well and my transferring the cake from my face on to a few shirts. The gift had a huge picture of me in the background, with "PK" spelt out using pictures of the entire gang over the years. People had made time to come because it was my surprise farewell. They wouldn't have missed it for the world, they told me. I was absolutely stunned.

I remained stunned till the night before I was going to leave when I was given the "second" part of my gift. A video in which everyone had recorded their message for me. All this from people who I had been scared to tell that I was leaving for the fear that their reactions of nonchalance would kill me. I hated to think that the people I had come to care for so dearly wouldn't care.

But they did. They understood the gifts I had made for them, they treasured them. They understood the significance of the surprise parties I had thrown for them, and thanked me for them. I wasn't just some "add on" to the group. I had made a difference, touched a few hearts. Made friends for life.

I continue to remain stunned till today.

I was just thinking the other day- how important it is to have someone in your life with whom you can fight. Who doesn't fight your battles for you, but let's your spirit kick in on a day when things just couldn't get any worse (but they do) and you want to give up. Who hates to see the sparkle leave your eyes, and who loves you because you are strong enough to believe.

College is almost over. It's like unfinished business- it didn't feel like closure. It hasn't felt like an accomplishment as yet either. I guess it's because they're still keeping us coming to college every which way they can.

I don't understand how teachers don't understand the responsibility that lies on their shoulders. Don't they read the books? Watch the movies? How can they not know? Didn't they have this one teacher who changed them?

Lisa Scottoline is brilliant. Have I said that before? Either way, it deserves the reiteration. One of her most famous characters- Bennie Rosatto is the face of my new role model. Surprised that I look up to a fictitious character? Are you really?

I don't judge a book by it's cover- at least not a first glance. Like a man's shoes are the indicators of his soul, a book's dedication tells you everything about it's writer. If you like the dedication, there's very little chance you won't like the book.

Scottoline, not only has bold covers that reflect the style of her writing and her characters, but also good dedications. And what's more, I've never seen Acknowledgments written the way she does them. It's not just a list of names, it's sentences and praise and credit to this whole bunch of people- who you can SEE she's actually grateful for. It's human.

Plus, her characters know their shoes :D

Yes, I have changed my template again, and moved over from the dark side. Turns out they don't have the cookies. I like this one. The look is clean, has the right amount of color, and a good proportion of style. I DID spend all night, literally, on this, and I like the results.

I had a million things to say, as usual, but turns out that just the joy of being able to write again is blinding my senses, so I shall stop for now, and be back soon with more. Cuz, like it or not, I'm back baby.

All my love.

I was watching Bones today, just like I do every Wednesday when they're running Bones on TV. And this last scene, they're sitting on stairs and looking at the city that lies ahead of them. She's citing clinical terminology to explain that she's realized her father really loves her, and she should have seen that- he doesn't understand a word as usual. I dunno how to explain it- he just leans on her shoulder laughing at something inane. They're just so damn cute together, it makes me smile and feel sad at the same time.

The other day, we were just sitting around- that is my friends and I. And. Ok, I dunno how to say this. She was upset, really really upset. And every once in a while she'd realize that and start thinking about whatever it was that was upsetting her, and her eyes would go down. The smile would start slipping. And just like that, He was there, cracking us all up. Pulling her out of the darkness she was drowning into. Every time. Looking into her eyes, and cooking up stuff just to see them smile.

I dunno what I was going to get at. I'm so damn iffy, I can't sit in one place.

Oh and considering how long it's been since I've written, I'm moving from Chennai. Permanently. After close to nine years.