I'm itching to write today, and as usual- I can come up with nothing worth saying. At ALL.

*off key singing*

Too much work always bring out my most creative side. Not in the excellent time management, I can get this done way, more in the- ooh! That's a super idea, let's paint it way. Or make it. Or draw it. Or clean it. After which, only, can I get any of the "too much work" done. Even though the time I have to do this "too much work" decreases, I get it done better. So, indirectly "too much work" does bring out my creative side in the excellent time managerial way. Wierd. Yay though.

*off key singing at a higher pitch*

There are these few times when people, without knowing, say exactly the thing you needed to hear. For me, these moments are even lesser in number because more often than not I'm on the listening and observing side. This one thing someone said stays with me- at times I wonder if it really did happen and that if it is in fact not some creation of my over imaginative mind.

We were sitting on the steps right outside our class during break time, this friend of my mine and I. I mustave been less chirpier than usual, because she and even my sir wanted to know why I was so quiet. I've been a last bencher all my life, and have never found myself at a loss of something smart to say- guess that's why the silence came as a shock.

The fact that he had even noticed that much, was pleasing in its own way. Anyway, he's the best teacher I've ever had- it was a treat sitting in his classes, because not only did he inspire you to learn but he always got my jokes and never failed to come back with one himself. And on that day,THE hardest day of my life, out of nowhere sir decided to let me know that his wife and long time girl friend (there's definitely something wrong about that sentence!) knew all about us last benchers, and that they wanted to have a daughter just like me. ME. ME!!

There's others. But somehow they fade slightly when compared to this one. What's the best thing someone s ever said to you?

I hated both of them. Couldn't stand either of them. Didn't understand what the craze was all about. He was apparently very "cute and hot"- a dangerous combination and she was "hot". To me, he looked like a kid just out of school with too large a nose and she plain and simple irritated me with her over over acting.

But, when they "jab we met"- my entire life changed! Bleddy movie changed my entire life's foundation. Made me sit down and re think all my beliefs. One second you think they're the lamest thing on that which the lamest things exist and the next you're being taught that they aren't the lamest thing on that which the lamest things exist. Instead, he's so cute and finally looks old enough and she does NOT over act- she does just the right amount. So, you can imagine why I was so shaken.

I probably sound like I'm drunk- let me start over. The she I'm talking about is Kareena and the he I'm talking about is none other than Shahid - in - spectacles - and - dancing *drool*

I was literally hog tied into watching this, and now I can't thank my cousins enough - Jab We Met is a must watch. The story line is nothing new- boy meets girl, girl likes someone else- big deal eh? Difference lies in the fact that the humor has been tactfully handled and hence one actually enjoys, the two share an amazing chemistry, the "punjabi ness" isn't over board and the music is absolutely foot tapping. Foot tapping would actually be understating it- it makes you want to stand up and dance along.

Ergo, go treat yourselves. You've been good this year, after all, ne?

All my love.

What lured me to this show was the fine print on the invitation that told guests cocktails and dinner would follow. I have a sweet tooth and a spicy tooth, need I say more?

I went prepared to be bored to death by some idiot trying to teach me the basics of banking and the share market or something equally dull. I say dull, because it was Monday evening after a long day at college: usually I love hearing/ reading about the stock market. What I got instead was 59 minutes of pure laughter.

Ash Chandler, is a name to reckon with. Don't be mislead by the weird name. I expected to find some wannabe, but got an impeccably dressed, voluble stranger, who had the ability to make me laugh. As for explaining whether his real name is Ash or not, he says in an exasperated tone. "It really is a true story. Though I wish I could say it is not! My parents met at a University in Minnesota. My dad's from Haryana, his name is Chander Sharma, which went on to become Chandler. I was born under the Ashwini star and hence the name Ash!"

He's a stand up comedian, passionate biker, absolutely fantabulous singer and a restaurateur who also does some minor roles as an actor. I, for one, hadn't heard of this guy till I saw him last evening- and that, I've realized has been my loss. For those of you who know Mumbai, the name Da Vinci's, should ring many bells.

I'd say he was a smaller version or Russell Peters, but that'd be kinda unfair. For he's milder. Or that's what I gathered. While the bases he covered- same old marriage, languages, parents, tantric sex- were common enough, his take on them was absolutely fresh and actually funny.

And he has a voice to die for. I could be biased cuz he sang all my favorites- Your Song by Elton, Crazy Little Thing Called Love- Queens (he was as good as Koze!!), Sway by Michael Bubble and What a Wonderful world- the exact Louis Armstrong version. But from the crowd's reaction, my bias couldn't have played a major role.

59 minutes. Because it was less than an hour. Because the bank didn't want to pay for "an hour or more".

If he ever visits your town- don't miss him!!! After all- laugh, cuz tomorrow s only going to be worse.

All my love.

Travelling by air in India turns into quite a trip, IF you have a sense of humor. Considering I'm not that frequent a traveller, I have the liberty to laugh at what seems to be next in line on the trip down south.

No matter how early or late you get arriving at the airport, there's bound to be extra long queue s everywhere. The check-in luggage scanning guys take their jobs extremely seriously- they sip coffee, gossip, manage to put those stickers on your bags AND keep changing, what I can only call shifts, every 3 minutes. So, at any given time, there's only 1 person working- half a person at the comp screen and the other half at the taping and locking end.

It's best not to take notice of the delay these guys cause or the over excited kids that crowd around getting onto not only your trolley but also refusing to get off it so that you can proceed.

There's hardly any point in looking for a check in counter which is not crowded. Every other person seems to be carrying a massive amount of luggage, adorable kids and mouths that don't shut. While every other counter, irrespective of the counter these days, carries an extremely irratating dimwit who will take a minimum of 15 mins per person- and that is if you have only one piece of check in luggage- so much so that I was still in the queue awaiting my turn at 5:45 for a 6:10 flight. And that's not even the best part- the person behind me was on the 5:45 flight.

Again, it's best to not let things get to you and enjoy the atmosphere. What can only be seen as the cherry on the cake is the person who cuts across the line and waves his ticket at the dimwit sitting behind the counter exclaiming that he was on the 6:30 flight.

If after all this, you're flying anything other than Jet or Kingfisher, I feel sorry for you. Those pleasant pleasan air hostesses who only take about 10 min to get you a drink of water, seats that don't recline, and great food!

That aside, if you're lucky, most of the air buses have been up graded and have touch screen video s, with a wide selection of viewing material, not to mention the in flight movie selections they provide you with. THAT only can make a 2 hr 40 min flight, which is already delayed by an hour, and waits another half an hour- because some VIP was flying in, to take off, bearable. (Wow, that's a long sentence.)

I'd sound more angry or sarcastic, only I've lost the will to fight.

All my love.

After what feels like ages, I experienced the onset of winter. And as much as I cribbed about the number of layers of clothing I had to keep on so as to not catch a chill and ruin my holiday- I had a blast.

Aunts are very important people. Or at least mine is, in my life. Even though mine won't be reading this any time in the near future- you're muchly appreciated and thanked for.

I got the break I was looking forward to- my first silver lining in 4 years. Time well spent with family! Great food and excellent company- what more could I ask for? I had such a good time. Which is good because- even though I love this time of the year- all the cheer and good will and end of the year stuff, this time of the year remains the hardest.

Only, I intend for it to be the hardest for the last time this year. 'Sounding too cryptic, eh? Let's see- I made some decisions, decisions I had no right to make and I ended up hurting a lot of people. And even after all this time has passed and the people concerned have forgiven me and others have moved on, a part of me is still stuck. Back there. All the pain and hurt.

The only way I can forgive myself, which I must, is by working hard this year and achieve the goals I've set for myself. So, I'm glad I had a good start- with family.

'Had so much to say, but seem to be at a loss of words- not that that surprises me anymore! Every time things need to be said, I suddenly find no words to express my self with.

Hope you guys have been good, and are happy! More coming up soon. Don't go giving up on me!!

All my love.

I'm picking up from where I left off in the last post. There's not much left to say, but whatever there is, needs to be said properly.

Sometimes "it" may not be something as stupid as losing a boyfriend or girlfriend or a crush or getting a boyfriend or girlfriend. At times it hurts real bad. And you try to hold on to it, because pain is the only emotion you can actually feel.

I've been down this path before, and I'm going down it again. So as to make my point clear.

As humans, we are very very inclined to actually enjoying the pain. More than we realize. It might sound sadistic but fact is- we're all guilty about something or the other. It could be having too much, or giving too little. Or having enough and still wanting more. Or anything in between too. Bottom line- we're guilty. The quantity makes the difference.

So, when the pain comes along- we enjoy it. When I say enjoy I don't mean you go out and party or... well, any of the things that you associate with the "happy" enjoying. What I mean when I say we enjoy it is that some where we believe we deserve it. It acts like a balm. It's a very neutral and numb feeling. And that's what makes it attractive.

Initially, it's best to just give in to it. Do the whole go- with- the- flow thing. Time, though, makes the pain pass. Or it's affect on you pass, at least. At this juncture- you can either think of ways to hold onto this state of numbness or let it go and embrace life and start living again.

This is when you need to go re- read my previous post- we all mess up. Sometimes things are just messed up. Sometimes things mess up real bad. But there is NOTHING, and I mean nothing that is so bad that it can't be corrected. No mistake that can't be forgiven.

Say, for example, at the very extreme, you killed someone. You're still alive aren't you? You're alive for a purpose- even if that purpose is to pay for your deeds and make things right. You could pay by crying about the fact that you did do what you did do or didn't do what you didn't do or get out there and do something about what you did do or didn't do that you shouldn't have done or should have done.

The key is to make the payment positive. And with that, I rest my case.

-Courtesy a Digital Signal Processing exam.

Emotions totally mess you up.

Even the happy kind. They make you too happy, and then when reality sinks in, you become too miserable. If you're already too miserable, then anything that happens just makes you either too "fine" with the way things are, or more too miserable.

Basically, everything is in the extreme. Black or white. Left or right.

But we all know that there's a few hundred shades of grey in between black and white. And that there's a lot many places in between the left and right. That's real life. Not the extremes, but the few million shades of everything.

So, STOP over reacting!! Sure, you can do the whole crying- your- eyes- out- thing or the jumping- on- the- bed thing, just don't drive yourself to the jumping- off anything that is at your height or more above the ground. Or driving into stuff.

Once you're done with screaming into the pillow, or pulling your hair or pulling some one else s hair- sit down and think rationally. Set aside the negative energy and focus on how and why whatever has happened REALLY affects you and what you can do about it.

So what if the other person doesn't love you anymore? Think about it- did you really love him? Or were you just in love with being in love? Are you really ok with him digging his nose and tasting the "booty" in public? Are you really ok with the way his trousers are just on the verge of giving in to gravity?

Alternatively, are you ok with all the bitching she does? Do you really want someone who cries over a broken nail in your life?

So what if you've flunked a paper? So what if you can't cook?- if what you're upset about is not being able to cook. So what if you embarrassed yourself in public- only people who can laugh at themselves are actually secure about who the are, what they stand for.

You get the idea.

Shake yourself for me. You're only 20 odd something! You've got your entire life ahead of you. It's not the end of the world! Chill dude.

(And those of you who know me, knows how much it takes to actually get that yankee phrase out of me)

I'm not saying whatever you'd have done was right or wrong. Nor am I trying to belittle your pain or suffering. All I'm saying is, no matter how bad it might have seemed then- YOU can get over it. Make things right, and move on. You just need to set the emotions aside, and think with a clear head. And then do the "right" thing. Just remember- it's not the end, until it's the end you want it to be.

Be good to yourselves,

All my love.

So I've finally been officially given the right to wreck havoc on the streets, and in a four wheeler that too. Which also gives me the right to be the one yelling obscenities and swearing at the other "sthupit" people on the road! Yay me.

I've been running the following sentence through my mind since last evening, if some one can shed some light, please do.

So I've finally been officially given the right to wreck havoc on the streets, and in a four wheeler- nothing less?

Oh wait. I just got it. So I've finally been officially given the right to wreck havoc on the streets in nothing less than a four wheeler. Ha.

Best part is, that I don't have a two wheeler licence. The only two wheeler I can ride is a cycle. Making this a first. And I've promised ma that I'll get the two wheeler licence done some day- using influence- my name, no cash, only. And THAT will be the day that I'll know that I've made something of myself.

Sis the great, not getting the irony the first time of course exclaimed at the obvious- a two wheeler as a mark of your success? When the first car you've learnt to drive is an ikon?

Hope you guys are doing great, and not even a smidgen less than that. I'm just a week away from my finals, and hence you will be treated to more frequent posts- you are hereby warned.

All my love.

I came across a marked line while flipping through pages, re reading the parts I liked best, of this book of mine last night. I do that often, mark stuff I intend to write down and keep, in case writing then and there wasn’t an option. Just a line, a phrase, a description- anything that catches my eye.

“Your feet will bring you back to where your heart is.”

Irish, I think.

It reminded me of something that had happened to someone I knew/ I’d read/ heard about. The slashes because it’s from another era and the how s/ where s and what s are blurring.

*Mush alert*

They sat on the terrace. Her head on his shoulder. There was so much that needed to be said, but for now they were content to just be there. Together. And in love.

Or that’s what it looked like to an outsider. He could literally hear the wheels turning in her head. Every crank. ‘Almost knowing what she was going to say… he sat there wondering how he could convince her otherwise.

Gathering all the courage she had so that she could say what she was going to say, because she had to say it. Because it had to be said.

“But you’ll walk away.”

He said nothing. Didn’t deny it, didn’t even make an effort to tell her that that was utter bullshit. In stead he gently lifted her head off his shoulder, and made to stand up. She’d try to stop if, only is she believed in making people stay when they didn’t want to- him wanting to get up didn‘t seem like he wanted to. So she didn’t.

Tears threatened. She did love him. She only wished she could believe him when he said he did love her too. Wouldn’t hurt her. Would NEVER hurt her. Leave her. Refusing to watch him walk, she kept her eyes down and let him go. Heard every step. Counted them. Gave up after 13 and let the tears come. Blurring her eyes. Else she’d have seen the shoes that had come in her line of vision. Wanting for her to see, he bent down and lifted her chin so she could look into his eyes. Not once looking away, he wiped the tears spilling on her cheeks.

She said nothing. Didn’t fall into his arms. Didn’t delight in seeing him back in front of her. Not a single spark of hope in those gorgeous brown eyes. He’d known she’d been hurt before, but seeing how badly, killed him. He hated being the reason for the tears, but he’d had to do what he’d done. Gotten up and walked away. So she’d realize.

“See, babe? That was me walking away. That will always be ALL the walking away I can do.”

He saw the realization dawn. ‘Saw the light creeping back in. Felt his own heart contracting.

“I do love you brown eyes. Nothing could send me so far away that there was no way of coming back to you.”

“13 steps? I can deal with that.”

And they kissed the evening away.

Another era, like I was saying. So basically, the Irish lie.
--------------------

There you go, Me is back. Crazy as ever.

So, I finally got sucked into posting! Hope alls well with you guys,

All my love.

Extremely intriguing article I came across the other day. Writing is difficult and writing about good sex that is sexy, is impossible, or so I'm lead to believe. And you probably will too, after you've reached the end of this page. Like Martin Amis puts is, "Sex can be funny, but not sexy".

I've read my share of sex scenes. Some absolutely inappropriate/ shockingly disturbing/ right out insulting and extremely hilarious depending on which generation you belong to.

If you thought that the only way to win an award was to write/ do something outstanding, and great- well, you're in for a pleasant surprise. Apparently, there's an award for truly bad stuff that makes you noteworthy. And here's one that's most interesting- An award for the worst written sex scene every year. It's called the Bad Sex Award and was established by the Literary Review in 1993 "to draw attention to crude, tasteless, often perfunctory use of redundant passages of sexual description in the modern novel, and to discourage it."

The winners and the passages they've won these awards for makes for quite a captivating reading.

1994, The Stonebreakers, Philip Hook very disgustingly wrote, "Their jaws ground in feverish mutual mastication. Saliva and sweat. Sweat and saliva. There was a purposeful shedding of clothing" and went on to win the award. Hopefully, it provided him with the counsel he so rightly needed.

Difficult to categorize what the next two winners were trying to do- with the 1997 winner Nicholas Royle (The Matter of the Heart) writing "She made a noise somewhere between a beached seal and a police siren" and 1996 numero uno, David Huggins in The Big Kiss scribe, "Liz squeaked like wet rubber."

Being of Asian origin has never amused me more, for there is a disproportionately large number of Asians who've come close to and in some cases wining this piece of cake- From the 2003 winner of this award for Bunker 13, Aniruddha Bahal, "She is topping up your engine oil for the cross-country coming up. Your RPM is hitting a new high. To wait any longer would be to lose prime time..." AND " She's taking off her blouse. It's on the floor. Her breasts are placards for the endomorphically endowed. In spite of yourself, a soft whistle of air escapes you."

In 2004 the finalists included Siddharth Shanghvi for "Was in on the bed that she sat on him, her weasel-like loins clutching and unclutching his lovely, long, louche manhood, as though squeezing an orange for it's juice?" and Nadeem Aslam for "The smell of his armpits was on her shoulders- a flower depositing pollen on a hummingbird's forehead."

But alas, Tom Wolfe bagged this award for the following passage in his book I Am Charlotte Simmons- "Hoyt began moving his lips as if he were trying to suck the ice cream off the top of a cone without using his teeth ... Slither slither slither slither went the tongue, but the hand that was what she tried to concentrate on, the hand, since it has the entire terrain of her torso to explore and not just the otorhinolaryngological caverns ... " (an absolutely wrong choice as you can judge for yourself) Things just keep getting better don't they?

2005 had Salman Rushdie nominated for this award with his "Boonyi pulled her phiran and shirt off over her head and stood before him naked except for the little pot of fire hanging low, below her belly, heating further what was already hot."

But my most favorite read came from 2000 victor Sean Thomas for "It is time, time ... Now. Yes. She is so small and compact and yet she has all the necessary features ... Shall I compare thee to a Sony Walkman. She is his own Toshiba, his dinky little JVC, his sweet Aiwa ... Aiwa," in his book Kissing England.

What can I say but, absolutely enchanted?

Teachers who know nothing and take it for granted that you have nothing better in life to do other than sit and wait for them to not turn up for classes they'd arranged to suit their schedules or turn up to class and not utter a single word which relates even remotely to any of the subjects of the curriculum.

Laboratories that shouldn't be for more than 2 hours, allocated 4 hours. The very ones in which air conditioners don't work. On subjects that are to be taught only in the next semester. With teachers who won't teach anything extra either, 'cuz they aren't paid for it and expect us to not only finish the huge list of experiments that they themselves know squat about but do projects too.

Politics that keeps disgusting and depressing you with each passing day. Even on days when you think you've touched rock bottom and nothing could possibly be lower that this snake s belly, they go and find you a whole new snake and a whole new definition for lower and/or snake's belly. Or something like that.

Apparently, the whole joint exercies by the armed forces that was recently held can be looked at from another perspective than that of just being a friendly and yet awesome oppurtunity for India. The other angle being that this was supposedly an answer to Russia and China s some move. That didn't make sense. Basically, everyone thinks that Russia and China are ganging up. So, we gang up with USA and Japan and form a gang of our own to try and prove a point to the gang that Russia and China ganged up to make.

And I'm lost. Totally forgot what I wanted to say.

Just one last thing, everyone should go and look up Theory of Computation and try studying it. It's awesome. By the time you reach the end of one sentence in a theorem, you forget your name. So, by the time you reach the end of a page, you forget who the hell you are.

So, pray for me. I know I bug you, but I'm basically a very good person.

All my love.

Scared. Chocolate. Brothers. Love. Inhumane. Hunger. Infidelity. Exams. Indifference. Romance. Rain. Coffee. Terrified. Friends. Voices. Hurt. Wimper. Dance. Alone. Music. Guilt. Best friends. Enunciation. Pain. Couples. Happiness. Loneliness. Fear. Humor. Calvin. Self- defence. Sleep. Hugs. Suicide. Killings. Death. Loss. Hunger. Pennies. Freedom. Confidence. Insecurity. Apology. Empty. And again. Bad bad person. Nightmares. Silent sighs.

Wanted to write. Ended up with this.

Twin blasts in Hyderabad in very public places seems to have as much importance (I'm not saying more, for the press deserve some respect even if it means lying through my teeth) as Salman Khan being sentenced to 5 years of imprisonment.

The most worrying question is not "How India will react to this act of terrorism" but what will the film industry do, having lost both Sanjay and Salman in less than a month to prison, specially considering that Aamir, Sharukh and Akshay are booked solid till 2009. What will they do!! What will they do?!

Here's how the headlines go:

Sanjay has to spend another night because his sister, who hired a helicopter to deliver his interim bail papers to the jail officers was delayed.

Salman Khan spends first night in jail!! Exclusive coverage, stay with us.

Salman Khan's father, Salim khan talks to us exclusively. Excerpts read : His mother is in some kind of shock *ohmigod* and the family is dealing with all this. What else can they do?

On other news,

Girls in a government school aren't allowed to use the only bathroom that there is in the school, and are instead asked to use the drain in open view of male teachers and students.

Shibu Soren has been acquitted, and released from jail. He expresses wishes to become minister again.

Twin blasts in Hyderabad- around 30 dead and more than 70 people injured.

Women in a small town in Maharashtra take to the streets in protest against Liquor Shops- where men drink and then harass females. The district collector (much to my surprise) listened to them and has ordered elections on this issue. The women have been threatened by the men folk with blood shed and acid.

Coming up in the entertainment news:

All ministers refrain from throwing chairs and chappals and hurling insults in the Parliament when, the Japanese PM paid them a visit.

Left warns the government about operationlization of the 123 Agreement.

... And more. Stay with us.
I'm disgusted to say the least.

I don't give a tiny rats ass about Salman Khan's first night in prison. Because in spite of all the crap about "all prisoners are treated equally in my jail" money talks. Plain and simple.

"Justice has been served" ; "Our judiciary IS in fact impartial" and anything along these lines is utter crap again. When they're putting celebs in jail to save face they're also acquitting the Shibu Soren s of the world. For which by the by, I should actually be bowing down to the CBI. My apologies to the court. Whom I shall applaud for describing the CBI s effort as "miserable". I'd add a few more colorful words, but then I'm not sitting as the judge and most definitely do not have white hair.

Something as simple as asking for a discussion of the 123 Agreement in the Parliament and asking for clarifications before the deal is operationalized has been made into "What Will Listening to the Left do to the PM s self respect?" Jezus. All is does is show that we live in a democracy.

Pah. Anyway, like you can see, it was just another week in India. Hope you guys had a louely week.

All my love.

Independence Day kinda loses it charm without having to get up at 7:00 AM to be in school by 7:15AM for the march past (read: trekking across a ground which hasn't been kept, all this is done half asleep). Then there's the added pleasure of hearing the same I-Day speeches in Tamil, Hindi and English. And best of all- the dances that are staged. Sigh, those were the days! Anyway, here's to a nation that's 60 years old!

It's kinda sad to admit but I'm going 20 and I still haven't had a proper sleep over. I mean, I've had friends over at my place, but haven't actually ever gone to someone else s. So, another new thing done before the year ends- I had my first sleep over!! It was fun.

Except the part where I was described as being martinetish. Of all the things on the planet! Apparently, it's not what she meant. Hmph. You know what the best part is? This word is the first word under "How to insult your enemies" in a book I'm reading and is used mainly on guys!!

THIS comes after I've finally gotten over her having called me "manly". Who needs enemies when you have friends like this?!

I love having random conversations with people. And there's only a handful people who can make me laugh and are well, on the same wavelength. Without letting on about the who's and the why s in too much detail, here's a snippet:

He, is a guy in love with one of my friends. She, is the friend of mine He loves. I and A had the phone and decided to play a prank.

He: I may forget my name, but I'll remember yours even at 100. *from prev conversation 'll get killed about mentioning.* *puke*

She(I and A actually, messaging as She): Pk is a martinet.

He: What's a martinet and what does that have to do with what I'm saying?

She: I brushed my teeth today!

He: My dog doesn't wear underwear.

She: Three dogs are going at it outside my window.

He: It's raining poodles in my house.

She: I want to live in a house made of chocolate.

He: I'd like the pool to be filled with beer though.

She: What if the kids get drunk?

He: Well, then we'll just be one big happy family.

'Couldn't stop laughing for ages. I'm so happy for you love!

Koze- Happy Burday! Wishing you the best that there is, because you deserve nothing less.

Nothing much else. Hope you childrens have a louely week.

All my love.

Hey! You guys are in luck this time, I'm still "running out of words", so this will be the shortest friendship day post ever.

This year has been more important than most. I've done away with a truck load of doubts and few hundred insecurities. I've made some really really great friends and I've realized that the friends I have are more awesome than I gave them credit for.

Somehow, on this day, there's always a few unexpected messages/calls that make you glad; and then there's some real good friends who forget to/don't wish because the bleddy mobile companies are changing you for every text; and not to forget at least one friend who thinks all of this is a load of crap and gives you the most I-can't-believe-you're-so-sthupit look when he sees you smile at one of those lame cliched messages. Or a post on your blog.

I don't care if you believe in this day or don't, I'm just glad that you're a part of my life and I'd like to thank you. I'd say is separately, but then this would turn out very long- we share the funniest relationships of all: most of us haven't met, don't even know for sure if the other is a guy or a girl and yet we rejoice in each other s happiness and share each other s sorrow.

Here's wishing each of you the best that there is, happy friendships day!

All my love.

Good things are happening.


Good things are happening!

And I'm down with a terrible cold.

Good things are happening!!

First off- funny word I came across the other day: callipygian. Calli meaning beautiful and pygian is derived pyge- buttocks. So, a person with great buttocks is a callipygian.

Sounds sane enough when I'm telling it to you know, depending on who you are, but it was so damn when I found this word. Still is, in fact.

Another great discovery: What is photography etymologically? "Written in light"- I thought it sounded great... written in light. Sigh(the good one).

Weather is awesome, I finally met and heard Dr. Kalam- he's a funny (in a good way) man and it was a funny episode. But he is a nice guy, and that's big coming from me. At one point he asked us to pledge to create a corruption free world, this part was very conveniently ignored by a few people present there.

That's about it. Hope you guys had a lovely day.

All my love.

I can play the guitar! I can, I can. It's bleddy tough, but my pieces are finally starting to sound like music. Yay, me.

I've always wanted to learn how to play one. Ever since I saw Zeenat Aman "strum" chura liya hai tumne jo dil ko, I just had to learn how to do that myself. Somehow, there never was any time.

You'll be surprised to know that almost every person other than Koze, of course who came to know that I was learning had only this to say- Oh! That's so nice. I've always wanted to. Koze, on the other hand thought it was a very popular instrument and that I was just being one of the crowd.

It's sad, how much time one wastes. And one shouldn't, because it's never coming back. And the going just keeps getting tougher, and NOT any better no matter how high paid a job you end up with or even your own minting press.

And dancing is so much fun! Everyone should do it. Even if in your own living rooms. Plus, I'm getting better, and love every minute of it.

Anyway, so I can get done with this year having accomplished two things I've always wanted to do. Hopefully, I'll get the third done soon too.

What've you done this year that you've always wanted to do?

Ghosts aren't nice things to live with. All that cartoon crap you've watched so far was exactly that, crap.

I'm standing on the threshold of what is to be the most important year of my life. Instead of seeing where I need to get to, of how everything I've ever wanted will soon come true, all I can see, is me standing in the very same place around 3 years ago. To the dot.

All the locked up memories, stuff I thought was a thing of the past- the good, the bad, the ugly and the most ugly- it's all back. Add to that list insecurity, major doubts, a visit by old ghosts, the damn voices in my head, you're getting the idea. That, should explain my sudden loss of words.

And I'm shit scared.

You could not know a person, and at the same time you know them. You could sit beside a person for 12 years, everyday in class, and still not know them. You could also think you knew them, and never have known them at all.

It's ironic mostly, funny too from a lot of angles (had to be) and extremely confusing when you admit to it. It takes a while to get to know me, because I make it tough for people to prod and peep. I'd know you from top to bottom, inside out, upside down and you wouldn't have scratched the surface, even.

For the very same reason, while I can make every birthday special for you and remember each date that's of importance however insignificant to another. I could write you the bestest testimonial (yeah, the Orkut- effect) ever or find the perfect words to help you figure yourself/ things out.

You on the other hand, would be able to do none of this in return. You wanting to, or not wanting to- another issue entirely. And that's when, it sinks in?

"It" would be being too precise. 'cuz I have no idea what. Something does, I just don't know what.

All my love.

Here's the best way you can exact revenge and it's also THE only way to torture the ones you hate- make them sit through Jhoom Barabar Jhoom. I, personally, wouldn't suggest this to even my worst enemy.

Usually, I'm not a person who hates a movie- I watch them with a relaxed attitude, and enjoy them for what they are. But this is terrible. It's horrible. It's worse that terrible and horrible put together. It makes you go "Oh my God! What have I ever done to deserve this? Ouch my ears. Oh my eyes!" Or something along those lines. Mostly, I think only the expletives used might change.

In a 2 and a half hour movie, 2 hours is only songs. And what songs. Jezus. You remember Khushi? This is worse than that! Imagine. No don't, I like you too much. Just take my word for it. Even the title track, as foot tapping as it is on your music player, it sucks on screen.

Bobby with his I've-got-cancer-I'm-going-to-die hair, Preity with her please-send-me-a-gora-chitta-munda(white guy)-Amen, Abhishek with his let's-do-something-neither-of-us-has-done-before-a-long-kiss-in-the-middle-of-the-road, Lara Dutta with her I'm-a-prostitute-I'm-a-prostitute and oh, yes, there's more- Amitabh and his feather who start singing for no rhyme or reason every 15 minutes. This, excluding the "ticket to Hollywood" and "kiss of love" nonsense.

I've probably been cleansed of at least a year s worth of sins for having sat through the entire thing. Seriously, don't watch it. Don't. There's not only no story, there's no acting, no music, no dialogues, no humor only cheap corny lines that are put to shame by even the road side romeos.

Ugh. Damn, got side tracked. So, that's it for now folks!

All my love.

P.S Don't watch it, seriously. Really.

Gibberish.

The tears just came. The shivers that accompanied them, just came too. None of it hurt much, once she gave into to it.

Soon the tears would dry up and the words would have no power over her. It was just a matter of time. So, she kept herself busy. To be tired enough by the end of the day so as to just fall in bed.

She forgave him. Not herself. They wouldn't let her.

When they started staying away, the 100th second chance came.

She took it. Justified it. Warned him, it wouldn't be easy. It'd be tough. He wouldn't be able to take it.

He did. On his terms. He promised, he'd be the strong one. He really would.

She took it. Justified it. She didn't understand it. Didn't say too much for the fear of crossing boundaries. Didn't say too little, 'cuz silences were no longer comfortable. Didn't fight for the fear of winning. Didn't... think about it, just let it be.

She didn't have to not understand for long.

You know what, nobody can stick around you.

They always break. Promises, that is.

This time, she didn't try to fight them. She just let them come. Engulf her, drown her.

---------------
Again, all fictitious. Full of crap.

I wanted to write something funny, something that would have you falling off your chair. That would threaten to split your sides. So that you'd know, that you deserve all the happiness in the world. I tried, I really did.

I wanted to write something nice. Something sweet, something naughty. So that you'd feel that funny thing, like your heart was expanding until it filled your chest. So that you'd believe.

I wanted to tell everyone about how special you are. I wanted to sit and write about each and every moment I've spent with you. No matter what we were doing, or not doing. To inscribe onto my memory, each moment. Each smile. Each happy tear. Because, you are. Special, that is.

It doesn't matter how we met, and it seems insignificant that we live in different states, countries. While you and I go way back to when we were kids in two plaits, you- I've just made acquaintance with. For the old- it's a damn miracle we're still what we were, and then some, for the new- mwahahaa.

That was my evil laugh, by the by.

Anyway, to each of you who drops by- you're all special to me. Some of you, I've grown up with, while you others have been more fortunate. In your own crazy ways, you've endeared yourselves to me. I might meet you in person someday, I might not, but your memory shall not fade. I mean, if I can remember you when I'm 86, I can remember you till my death bed.

I Just wanted to say, you're special and good and smart and much loved.

And that I'll be gone for a week, so have a blessed time!!

All my love.

Friendship is a very very funny concept.

Probably the funniest thing I've ever encountered. And you should know how many funny things I've come across.

It makes you and it breaks you. For one instant you believe you could be anything you wanted to be. That you could do anything, achieve anything. Dreams come true, anything is possible if you just believe, yada yada. And in the very next (yeah, that was a long instant) you doubt everything you knew you were, even.

You fight over the most monstrous issues, you pull hair, yell, promise revenge and then get over it and your bond is stronger than ever. And just when you think you've somehow done something right in your life to have gotten this lucky, you fight over the most trivial of matters and let go.

It's the oddest feeling in the world, not feeling. It's kinda nice too. Blank mind and infinite possibilities, you should try it.

Who would have thought, that old age would bring out the violence in me! By nature I'm a pacifist, a peace loving person. I'm all for second chances and all that. Maybe it's all the free time in my hands or the state of the world around me, I'm thinking encounters may be the way after all.

From the movie at least, Shootout At Lokhandwala, the encounter which is much talked about? Is just the killing of 6 gundas. They were gundas- there is no doubt about that. The police had actually proof. So, then what if they were killed? But of course the courts might have settled on a lesser punishment, given that they did kill only about a few hundred people every three months.

No civilians were killed, and seriously- do you think if these people had actually been handcuffed and thrown in jail they'd be "hanged until death" or given life imprisonment? They'd be out in two days. And that's taking into consideration the laziness which is imbibed in us.

Yes, "they didn't get a chance to change" and no,"then let's just do away with the whole judicial system"- let's not. But unless there s a someone amongst us who is willing to risk his hinny and actually make these changes in the system, this is what we're going to have to do.

Then, what's the difference between us and them, you may ask? None. I can't justify myself for actually thinking that what the police did then was right, and I don't really wish to. What I do know is that we ourselves are responsible for the scenario that has been put in front of me.

At each level whether in the judicial system, or the educational system or any other system there's corruption. The reason for that is that we're uneducated and poor. So, there you go. Actually I'm thinking maybe the encounters won't be necessary. The way we're going, we should wipe out ourselves before the middle of this century.

On other news, so that you actually give in to the urge to jump in joy, Karunanidhi asks the police to not harass the people of the state. The state finally makes helmets and seat belts compulsory, 2-3 years after each and every state in the country has already done it, and the CM asks the police to harass his people.

All my love.

As humans, we're a filthy race. I'd rather be called all sorts of animal, than a human being. We're lower than the dirt that sticks to a snake s belly. Far lower than that.

Against every instinct of self preservation I picked up today s newspaper. For the 1500091 st time, I was disappointed. Again. This time, it was an article on child abuse. These abusers even have fancy names and abbreviations- TSO s. Travelling Sex Offenders.

There's also CSA s and Bastards, and Filth- Of- The- Earth. And other s too, I'm only too much of a lady to write any of them down. But believe you me, the names are all in my head. One for each of the 400,000 children that are abused each year. One for each and every piece of shit that does it, and each and every piece of shit that lets it happen- if you aren't already burning in hell, you will. Soon.

The best part of the article was where we boast of how paedophile s from countries like Thailand and Sri Lanka are "deflecting" towards India, 'cuz of the laxity of the laws here. Oh Joy!

What pisses me off to no end is the fact that we know this is happening, we even- in a LOT of cases- know WHERE it is happening and HOW; but guess what? We do nothing 'cuz there aint no laws about this in our constitution. In fact, the word paedophile is non existent. Though I find a few hours of dreamless sleep every 2nd night of the week, because I know that there are a few bills pending in the parliament on this issue. Double joy!

Damn all this corruption, and damn all that that we call "humane". Damn each and every one of the filth that runs this country and any other countrys', that is so bleddy busy in satisfying the people and the organisations that helped get them into power, that they stamp and tread on the most innocent of the world.

I'd damn all the people at the lower level who are weak enough to give into such forces, but I can't. This is where I damn the fact that we aren't just robots, and actually have feelings.

A time will come when all this will end. A time will come when all this filth will get exactly what they deserve. Anything built on such a foundation, will have to fall down. And even if I single handedly have to bring it down, I will. Fact of the matter is, I'm not going down until I drag as many people with me as possible.

It's been ages since I did this template thing, and I desperately needed something new, at least for a while. And so, here it is- all new template, done by me. 'Picked up stuff from all these templates, and put it together; and, I must say I'm pretchy pleased with myself.

Black nail polish is a very mind boggling creation. Not the nail polish part, the black part. On a hand like mine- artistic, long fingers, and naturally shaped nails (sounding poetic wasn't the intention) from one angle it looks like a teenager s hand. Punk, careless, dare devil type. Sure, technically I am one, but then again I'm not one. From another it looks, elegant, if I may. Funny stuff.

Si` I got a new guitar! It's a C70 Yamaha, and the sexiest thing after the thing that is most sexy. So, I'm getting the much needed practise, and I can play Old McDonald and Jingle Bells. Not head banging stuff, but I'll get there. Hopefully.

My bestest friend on the whole planet, and the sweetest person after me just got some bad news. News that has a chance of getting real stinky, that is. It hasn't sunk in, and I hope it never has to. Dish, I'm praying. Have faith.

Oh and by the by,

BS: Really, you should pay up the fellow who writes on 42quirks.com- people are getting suspicious.

Ira: Hope you're having a lovely trip, and drop by soon.

Triya, Ay, Koze: If you guys are still bisiting, please do post and/or make your presence felt.

M: Please oh please, get a template that let s people comment. Pah.

Nav: Aren't you previously engaged? (Forgive the English, I've been reading Wodehouse)

All my love.

To Kill A Mocking Bird- If you haven't read, you should and if you have, well done you! Written in the simplest of ways, it talks of the various boundaries we inflicted on ourselves, and still do. A mocking bird does nothing but sing for you- killing it is hence a sin. Hilarious in a very elegant way (Yes weird choice of words- but they seem to say it best) Harper Lee (The author, that is; in case you were wondering) speaks of the plain and simple truths of life.

The thing that struck me most was the freedom that the children in the book are given to think, explore and in turn question. Oh sure, it's the jingle all schools sing and of course the Ministry, but is it really what we're doing? Put simply, we're told of things.

The Namesake by Jhumpa Lahiri- After all the hype I was disappointed. Terribly in fact. To be fair I guess one could account the disappointment to the fact that I didn't read about the book, before I took it up. As ordinary as the story is you have to credit the author who managed to describe every person in the guy's train compartment 25 years ago- traits, clothes, what they talked about, about each of their families and their kids characters, everything- whilst his wife is giving birth to their first born. Not every person can fit so much information, in a scene as such.

The end was what I had concluded previously- the earth is round. What goes around, comes around. There's no point in running away from anything, even the smallest things because they are going to come back and bite you hard.

Crisis by Robin Cook sucks, to put it in one word. There's hardly the excitement one expects from this author even though he's brought in a bully, terrorizes children and tried to bring an adrenalin rush by describing a car chase sequence. To be more articulate, the book is a terrible effort to mix medicine and law. A subject that I assure you is fascinating, if you may. To conclude, the book sadly was ill cooked.

Last time I looked, I wasn't too sure what prompted my need to face things, in some cases even provoke the other person because I was guilty just to get it over with while in others there was no reason to prod at all. There's a number of explainations, sure, but none that... fit?

I feel bad, yes... but I'm not ashamed. I can face what went wrong becaue of me, but I'm not hiding in some corner, no more. It's a powerful tool- shame. If you can face yourself in the morning, you're on the right track; if you can't, I'm afraid my friend you need to sort a few things out.

Having figured this out only recently, it's still sinking in. While a major factor, I'd still have to put a lot of it down to asking for a fight- you know it'll come sooner of later... the whole wheel of life, good and then bad and then good, seasons, change... so why not get it done with NOW?

Blah.

Music and Lyrics is a must watch, even if you usually avoid chick flicks. The humor and wit will keep you in your seats. Plus, there is Hugh Grant.

Million Dollar Baby- if you want to feel bad, sad and all that, sure be my guest.

Provoked on the other hand is not something I'd recommend, seeing now that I have completely stopped touching newspapers unless of course I have absoultely nothing else to read and have made it a point to not watch news channels unless in dire cirumstances.

Trageic story, yes. Shouldn't happen to anyone. Movie isn't all that great- in spite of the emotion that the story carries the movie is distant and cold. Oh sure, they've tried, but it hasn't really worked.

That's kinda all I had to say. And some more stuff, guess I'll save it for another post.

Ta.

Hear me out.

Read aloud, let it settle, process and then react. Don't assume that it's me and hence it will be one way and not another and tell me what you think.

We don't always know everything about everything, but we do know something about some things and a lot about others- sometimes we even know almost everything about some things. Some we know, others we think we know and yet others we make ourselves believe 'cuz they're being said of by others we know, or who claim to know us and us them. Point is- we lose perspective. Of who we are, what we stand for and what the other person means to us.

Whether you came across a person reading a book, browsing a magazine or watching a movie- you either like the character or don't; you pick up a few traits you wished you had, some you have and others you'd rather no one around you did.

What attracts me most, now that I sit to think about it, is the fact that I KNOW what happens to the person in the end. That there is a happily ever after, and a proper way to get there. Take for example a very typical case- man/woman is from a broken family, and has learnt to not believe in "soul mates" and "love" (you'd think I were obsessed with the issue); that's how she lives life and treats all the relationships she encounters- nothing lasts forever. But then, there comes along a woman/man who refuses to give up on them- who refutes everything they've ever believed in; and slowly they thaw, give in, realize that it was all a shield, take a risk and there's the whole walking into the sunset.

So what do I do? Make myself believe in exactly all that. I know what's to happen to such a person down the road. I know what others like about these people, I know what they don't. And I do that.

Take an approx number of the number of books I've read in say only this past year- 1000? 10,000? Something in between- whatever. Add up all the people I've read about, watched and observed and you get a rough estimate of how many traits I've incorporated and how many I've chucked. What does that make me?

One helluva patch worked quilt, that's what.

The answer doesn't bother me as much as the implications of it do. How much original? If anything at all, that is. How much fake? How much just an effort at being something I'm not?

There was a point to all this, I swear. Now if I could only remember what it was.

Serendipity is my most favoritest word in the whole wide world.

Usually the fruits of my endless aritistic pursuits is trashed, and if perfect in my eyes- gifted. So when you ask me to show you of my "art" I find limited, recent stuff.



'Made around 6 or 7 of these- I was just making use of the paint left on the brush. Anyway, those have gone off in pairs to my dearest bro and an aunt- I just hope they're deemed worthy of adorning any wall of the house.











This here sweetheart, was one of my first attempts at making stuffed toys- I ended up making a life size dog some time back, surprised myself with it too.









The next piece, finds a small place in my sis s room; those of you who've been here for the past year know of it. For those of you who haven't- this was one of those lesser known brilliant ideas. When my mum heard me shout it out, 'cuz I was in a crowded bus, she asked me to find a place and sit down. Was done in 12 hours flat. And for those still reading, she still hasn't taken it off- yay me






Like I was saying the other day- for a whole 4 years black and white was my life. Or at least the part where the thought of making something didn't nauseate me. Anyway, that period led me to be known, in my small circle, for pieces like the one shown on the right- look closely and you'll find a lot more to it than just random black lines. Almost everyone who means anything to me, owns one of these.



Guitar classes.

It's a funny thing- most of the stuff I do, write- has to be inspired. You can't ask me to sit, hand me a bursh and paints, and order me to draw and actually expect it to happen.

Boiled! The temperatures are soaring, and we've only just reached the middle of the month! Thankfully, I got done with my exams before.

I am one of those few lucky people who had(3)/has(1 + 2) grandparents who absolutely spoiled her. Spoiled her rotten, actually. A lot of it was cuz I was the first born of the best set of kids, either side had seen. And well, I was me. I hear you say when you say elder people can be a pain, but I lose you when you need me to understand that. To me they are a nice pain. I can't imagine otherwise.

I FINALLY saw Music & Lyrics. It's cute. And it's got Hugh Grant. It's made of nice stuff- good wit. Go watch! Scoot.

Have you ever felt like a chair? Or a sofa? Any piece of furniture? Which is there to just be used. Doesn't argue, doesn't retaliate, doesn't fight, doesn't ask for anything- it's purpose is to do what it's made to do. Be sat on, or moved around to suit another s whim. It's a unique feeling- you should try it some time!

Sanity teaches you, or wishes to teach one; as is in my case- that there is no soul mate no "the one", just a person who you are more compatible with than most. Or a few people, if you must. And you just choose one, or let one choose you and live the rest of your lives with them.

Insanity, which is abundant, refuses such futile justifications for being cowardly. What kind of a life will you lead, with no passion? What'll you do with compatibility when what you need is a champion; the biggest hug in the world; someone to share your joy with; a slow dance; to lie on your back and admire the skies? What happens then?

Blah.

I'm good, hope you are too.

All my love.

Phew! Finally, done. It's wover.

This vacation, I've decided is going to be about doing all the stuff that scares me, super self conscious that I am. And guess what, two days into my holidays, and I've managed to start. And once I start, I sail along just fine.

No major feats, just small stuff. It's the daring yourself stuff I keep yapping about- here's an FYI, it works! On my "things to get done before this year ends", every year was learn dance. And now I am. Sure, dance would be stretching things a bit, for now at least- I have to be the most ill coordinated person on the entire planet!! While shoes come as a major first when I need to measure a person up, the person s ability to actually laugh at himself comes a very very close second. So, if I use that to judge people (which includes me), I needed to do this, if only to just laugh.

It's going to be two years now, that I haven't done any art stuff. The last break I gave myself, was for my sis s birthday gift. Every time I look at that wall, I remember the exhilaration, the... there's just something about art and me. Two years ago, I just stopped. I couldn't even look at color, without wanting to avert my eyes. Yesterday, I attended a workshop for art and it's time I laid the past to rest.

I've always been called the granny... People come up to me and talk, and I let them talk themselves out. Sort themselves out. Stand up for yourself, believe in yourself, fight for what your believe, fight for what and whom you love... I realize now, how empty those words used to be back then- heck I have a tough time believing that people actually believed me when I said such stuff. Maybe it was the conviction, maybe it was just an echo of what they believed in and just wanted to hear it aloud from someone else, maybe. Because, it's only today, that when I say them, I can answer your skeptical look- and say been there, done exactly that.

I never will have to worry about writing about something I have no idea about- just mouthing clichè s. I finally, live up to myself.

To write well, you have to write about something you know.

We all have choices. To stand up for yourselves and/or what/whom you believe in, or to give up. To believe, or to fool yourselves into disbelieving. To give in, or to fight. To fight, or to concede. We just need to remember that just like our choices are half chance, so are others'.

I'm not too sure about this one though. You like your cakes with eggless or without eggless? And thankfully this is one I really don't have to make, cuz there's this place here, that offers both!! What say you?

On the few occassions that I have surfaced in this past week, I have been thoroughly disappointed in the world, at large. It's not something new- but it's really funny (ironically funny) that even though you try to maintain an absolute "I don't expect anything" relationship, you're disappointed.

In fact, I think I've come to realize, that that is when a person is actually most hurt/demoralized/hopeless. No, I'm not talking about anything major- as in, not in relation to my personal life, I'm pointing at, or trying to considering I'm having to point out what I was trying to point at- is this whole issue about "kissing" which is going on.

Useless people. Wasting national time, judicial time and people s time. And driving me to the point, where I've decided to ditch TV channels too. I mean seriously, where s the fire! Instead of concentrating on the issue, the only issue, we're debating whether Gere has to be fined or taken into custody because he was trying to spread AIDS awareness. Is this how jobless the people of the government are?

So what if he kissed her! It wasn't even on the mouth. And it wasn't like he was testing the lastes French moves or something. People do it all the time. And if she has no objection to being pecked on the cheek, why the hell should you have any?

The media is made of bull shit. I'd rather not know what was happening in the world, than be forced to endure such utter nonsense. And best part is- it's not ONE debate, it's a series of them! If they had responsibility of any kind, they'd bleddy well refuse to waste time on nonsene like this, and deal with showing some real stuff. For a change.

Phew. Run out of steam. Still have two more papers to go before I can live again! We should start a boycott movement against the media. Now there's and idea.

All my love.


It's bleddy shameful. We'll be the joke people laugh about when they're having high tea and scones.

The other day, I don't remember why exactly though, was a general enough conversation- it struck me, and over whelmed me. It, being realization. About? Love. Marriage. Happily ever after. Forever.

I dunno if it's just me or if it's just me, I felt this sudden fear engulf me. You know that sensation you're supposed to get of a heavy boulder settling down in your stomach? It happened! Well at least, something these books talk about is true.

If I see the stuff that's happening around me, there's a pretchy good chance that others see it too, right? Atleast 10% of the "people other than me"? So, then how do they manage to center their whole existence, literaly in some cases in fact, around one single person? One emotion. One thread. How?!! These, by the by, are most often people who take hours to decide what they're going wear!

Jokes aside, seriously, how!!! Most boy-friends, love- of- my- life s , etcetra etcetra s that I've met or seen either dominate the other person- so much so that they cut themselves off from their friends and become totally dependent on the other person, or treat the other person like shit. And by shit, I mean shit.

True there is no "perfect person". But how much imperfection do you settle for? Actually, that isn't even the point- the point is how can you trust someone so much with yourself, that you give the person everything you have- mind, body and soul? Everything.

Right. You tell me how. I've forgotten everything else I wanted to say- just answer the question, someone, please!

Lv.

P.S: Four more papers to go. 'Am so damn bogged down, I think my sleep time is bordering 4-5 hours or something. Anyway, like they say "I will survive". Blah. Hope alls well!

They come from the same village, my friend and another guy. The guy is fatherless and looks up to my friend s dad. Family friends, to be slightly more specific. So he takes on my friend, and they are "brother and sister" now.

She'd been talking to a guy in class for sometime, my friend that is- a few messages (and few here, IS few- 10 ish) in the week, a call in a fortnight. Somewhere down the line, she'd started thinking of him as her "husband" - translated- she'd developed a crush on the guy.

Obviously, she didn't go immediately and tell her "bro" (excuse me, but this word will always be in quotes here) about these new feelings. She took her time, but she did tell him.

He yelled at her for 4 hours straight- told her she was impure (exact words, mind you), breaking her parents' trust, and the likes. All she did for two days was cry. She couldn't sit without welling up- even in class. And she couldn't go to any of her hostel friends, because of the "shame". She wanted to kill herself, wash herself of this impurity and shame.

Her "brother" made her promise never to even look in the direction of that guy. Everything he wanted- she did. She didn't attend even one of the college functions, because he didn't want her to, didn't go out with her "girl" friends cuz he didn't want her to.. basically, she danced to his every tune. Every time she set foot outside the dorms, he was there. Things went on that way for a while- he was making her the good girl she had been when she came to college.

He hit her. He physically hit her. Slapped her, punched her, threw her things across the room and boxed her until she fainted.

In a classroom, in college.

Why? Because she'd finally decided to let the crush- guy talk to her about what was happening... she'd just stopped talking to him, didn't take his calls and completely ignored him. The least she could do, was tell him that she didn't ever want to talk to him again.

What'd she do? She stood there and let him hit her. When he threw water at her face to get her back to consciousness, she got up and went back to the hostel, ate, studied, took his calls and listened to his apologies and slept. She did what he wanted- he wanted her to promise she'd never even look in the direction of that guy, ever, much less talk to him.

After all, he was her brother. What but her best interests would he have in mind?

----------------

I have brothers too. And they look out for my interests, just like I do them. After all, it's easier to go to them with crushes and stuff like that than to go to your parents. In my case, I have both. But still, this is plain and simple abuse.

In this case, at least after this last incident, she's believing me when I tell her that what this guy is doing- controlling her- is plain and simple WRONG. UNHEALTHY. That if her own father ever caught on on what had happened, he'd kill him.

The thing is, even though realization and acceptance is a major step, it's not enough. She doesn't want to ruin his last two years in college, but like I pointed out to her- his ruining her last two years in college wasn't justified either.

I'm working on it, and if it's the last thing I do- I'm going to slap the guy at least once before I leave. I take him on blindfolded, by the by, he's a stick. I could probably do "boo" and he'd fall. But I swear it, if he ever lays his hand on her again, he's dead.

Don't give into such abuse. No one, not even your own parents, have the right to do this to you. It's NOT RIGHT. Please, don't. Your not helping the other person, your encouraging him. I know it's easy saying it sitting on the outside, but I'm still saying it.

For all those of you who are lucky, don't let people around you give in to such stuff. They just need to know someone is there for them, to TELL them that this is wrong. They know it is, they just need affirmation.

All my love.

Not made up, absolutely true, even though I wish with the core of my being it wasn't.

Ugh.


Blah.

All my love.

'always thought it'd be tough to sit in a restaurant and eat alone. Self conscious that I am, I figured it was high time I got over at least that one part. So, I did exactly that. In a five star no less. Shoo ed my dad to go eat with his colleagues, and not feel obliged to give me company, and ate all by myself. Was pretty amused with myself. And hell! I AM good company.

You know that thing they say about becoming clumsy the minute you see someone cute? It's true. So what if the guy you think is a hunk is married and probably at least 6 years elder than you?!! And he WAS cute. You don't hear me say that too often, so believe you me. He was.

Only, the plane as a VT and hence, small. And therefore I had to fall in his seat before I could get to mine- and darn it, but he wasn't sitting in it. Sigh. I'm usually well coordinated, I swear! But my sis wanted cake from Hydbd and hence I had this massive bag in my hand, and that's why I fell. But whatever, he was cute.

To say the least this sudden trip to Hyderabad was, eventful. I guess I just needed to get out, get called "one of the hardest cases I've ever handled" (Yes yes, as hard as it is to believe I'm absolutely fiene- need only one more check up in 8 months) and get awesome yummy chocolate cake and eat lunch by myself.

My world's almost righted itself. Almost. And yeah, I let the car just whiz past me. Weak moment, got tired of fighting.

All my love.

It was nearing. I kept my eye on it as it made it's way through the traffic.

They don't get it. None of them. I give it my very best... 'Try to be the person whose thought will bring nothing but happy smiles to your face.

I never intended for you to swear at me. To hate me.

I just wanted a few nice words. Like I was important.


Bright red, and going at 120kmph.

I get great grades. I'm right up there in the top 5. I don't lie to you.

I've always only wanted to make you proud.

Still, all you see are my faults. I was telling you what I happened at college today, and you just looked through me. When I was done, you filled the silence by telling me to find some hobby. Do something. Like all my cousins were.

It'd be great to be under it.

I so wish you'd feel what I feel for you. You know that surging feeling that threatens to envolope you, and you want it to? Because it's a happy feeling? And you just know, that that's what you want to feel everyday of your life. So, you give your best, each day?


I'd probably hear my bones crunch, before the pain would make me numb.

Maybe seeing me suffering, you'd feel it. Maybe this is how I'll have paid for every wrong I've done. Finally.


This was it. I could see the number plate.It was now or never.

It's just respect you know. I don't want to be better than her, more important than her, lesser than her or less important than her.

I don't want to be the person you call only when she isn't talking to you. I don't want to be the person whose left to stare at the phone willing it to ring, because she's now back in your life.

I just want to be me, and want that to be just perfecto.


Crunch.

I think twice before I speak. I think twice before I act. I stuff down food, 'cuz I know else it'll worry you. I eat up happy words when I know you've had a bad day, and stand by you while you deal with it. I eat up sad words when I know you've had an awesome day, and smile with you. I think ten times before I smile.

And still, I'm pleaded with to eat because it was made specially for me.

Comfortably numb.

Finally.

----------------
Absolutely fictitious. Any resemblance to people living or dead and instances is purely coincidental.

If you didn't understand a word, your fiene. If you did, you're visiting too often, it's getting to you.

He liked it! He liked it! He liked it!

Phew.

That was a whole week of holding my breath. And that's what's been keeping me soo busy. One of my bestest friends- Rahul - cutest guy in the whole world ( Even all the lady teachers had a crush on him! Oh who am I kidding, the men folk too). He's got the softest hair, the best smile and he's an awesome person. Anyway, as I was saying, he had to undergo surgery around this time last year and the months after that just kept making things tougher... chemo, medicines, he lost a full year at college, weighed only thirty five something.

I was scared speechless. It was like someone had cut off my oxygen supply - till I found out he was out of the woods. Even then, it refused to register that he was ill. Rahul. Raghul. Gulgul. Ill. Sick.

And I'm so proud of him, when I look at him today. He's been so brave, so strong, it's amazing. And that's what I wanted my gift to him to symbolize. And that's when I got one of those brainwaves I have- and I decided to make him a scrap book. Damn I wish I'd taken a pic before I gave it to him, but I was so darn busy making sure it was perfect.

Anyway what I did was this- I burnt paper to make it look all yellow and weathered. Dug mine and all my friend s photo albums for the most embarassing pictures of all of us, scanned them, printed them, cut and stuck them. Then I got everyone I could get hold of, no matter in which state, got them to give me a message to write for Rahul and wrote all of it in my best handwriting. The guys who are here, in town - I hounded, got hold of and held at gun point till they'd written ( Then they held me at gun point, 'cuz of all the pics I'd put only to realize that the gun wasn't loaded *evil laugh*).

And that was that. I didn't think a guy would like such a senti gift- according to my ma whose borne with many such attacks to be bothered by my wanting to trash the thing I've made, start all over, crib, fish, etc it's a regular thing. So now they just ignore me. Sigh. Anyway, he liked it! I'd say love it, but then me is me. Me won't change. Me will always doubt.

But, he liked it!

So that's what I've been so busy with. I haven't had time to breathe. It's one of those murphy's things- I had three EXAMs, 4 assignments -all that cropped up on Monday, to be done by Friday. Lol, it was fun. Anyway, will write sense soon,

Much love.

I doubt you'll ever read this. At least not until I leave it as a part of my "will and last testament" to be given to you. And that's very well. Your ego don't need no more bloating.

We aren't the type of friends who talk each day, share secrets or cling. We meet up to talk about mundane stuff, drink coffee and make fun of Hrimesh. You were the daring and outspoken to my shy and introvert. The dynamic to my simple. You were the yin to my yang. Dark to my white. Tall to my not-so-tall. You get the idea.

Yet, each time I got kicked, you were there to pick me up. Every time I got bitten, you held my hand while the wound was cleaned. And then crushed my hand with every injection. When I needed strength you were there, 6 pack and all. When a fight was what I needed, you gave as good as you got. When I needed assurance, you hugged. When I needed the truth, you gave it without even a moment's hesitation. And when I needed silence, you took me to a sound proof room, no questions asked. I never had to ask you, you just understood.

You called me lady, because you knew I loved it. You replied to every message, returned every call. Ate every lunch of mine. Treated me as an equal player even when I was the only girl on the court. I was always in your team first. Never forgot to give a compliment. Never forgot to give a smile.

But you are like that. To an outsider you're the basketball champ, the "cool dude", the dangerous. To people who know you better, your the guy whose fair and just. Who can coax a smile even from the most shy. Who can make even a sofa blush.

Your the type of person I'd expect to give me fairy dust if I came to you asking you if you thought that magic didn't exist either, because that's what the others were saying. You'd look deep into my eyes, never once faltering and in a steady voice tell me " Of course they do!!" And do some serious damage to the other people s faces.

I sat each day, for a long time, wondering if miracles and angels did exist. I'd read about them, I wanted to believe in them, I just didn't know if it was the right thing to do. If they were just things people used to pin all their hopes on, just because they needed something to? Or did they really exist?

Today, even though it's for something very small, I know you are mine. Miracle and angel.

Fiene, Gabriel if you must.

Technicalities. Men! Sigh.

There's no way to say it, and hence I'll resort to the simplest. Thank you.

All my love.

So, I don't take compliments well. More often than not you'll find me brow beating you into admiting you were just sweet talking me, instead of being gracious. Do NOT barf, I could be gracious.

It's a hang up thing with me. Once bitten, twice shy kinda thing. It's like champagne bubbles bubbling. It's like the joy a full moon night gives you. Or the sound of the first rain drops. Or like the smell after the rain. Hot coffee. Chocolate. That's what a compliment does to me.

But I tell myself to cut it out, and not believe in it. 'Cuz more often than not, the person will get angry and throw it all back on your face.

Yes, I know, jeez, woman. But nonetheless, I love it. You can't make the bubbles stop. And hell, even if you could, the whole bravado thing is a facade. Fooling yourself, really never works, so why try over something this nice?

Who wouldn't like a compliment, tell me? No sane person. And no insane person either. Everyone loves to be appreciated. Whether you outwardly agree with me, or don't is another issue.

Artist, that I am, I hardly ever find something/one "ugly". And I don't hesitate to let the other person know. The trick is in, saying it like you mean it. And more than that, saying it only when you mean it. It's a mean thing to lie about such a thing. Really.

Don't lose patience with a person who reacts the way I do. Don't give up. It's like dealing with a frightened animal. Sounds crazy talking about myself like a third person, but whoever promised you otherwise?

Point I'm making is, that I've been there, done that. With a frightened animal. When it's my turn to be like that, everyone has their days buster, an impatient person is not on the prescription.

Courtsey the chai shop opposite The Taj.

I rose to the smell of water in the air… with a smile on my face. It’s a rarity, you know…after working 6 days in a week from 7 in the morning to 5 in the evening? And then not getting home before 6. But yesterday, not even the thought of my first lecture being E.Mech, succeeded in dampening my spirits.

There were clouds in the sky… and a cool breeze blew. It was an absolutely delightful change to the scorching heat. And anyone who knows me, knows I love the rain. I love getting wet in the rain.

With a skip in my step, and a smile still stuck on my face, I set off for college. It was going to rain!!

And rain it did. I think I surprised a few people by almost dancing on the road J… it was going to be an absolutely superb day.

I sent my daily dose of “gumorning, have a lovely day” messages to my friends while on the bus. I have to use the local buses to travel to college everyday.

It’s a constant adventure to me. I love observing people. At times when the bus is crowded, you find these ladies grumbling and pushing and you can’t help but smile…and looking at your smile, they realize that everyone was in the same position as them. On their toes, and making space for more people. And then you watch a smile creep onto their faces. If I’m traveling with a friend, I’m a constant amusement to people around me, ‘cuz I’ll usually be trying to learn Tamil. And then of course there are those times when I have to try and talk to someone who knows only Tamil…Not to forget the poor conductors who are totally whacked out by the end of the day… they over use that damn whistle of theirs. I think it’s a conspiracy to make you deaf… and mind you, I’ve never been accused of being paranoid.

Anyway, as luck might have it. I was running late, on the very day, I HAD to be on time.

Finally my connecting bus came… Over crowded, as luck might have it (again). But, even that didn’t spoil my mood that day. After all, I had just gotten wet in the rain. The smell of rain water on the ground has a way of creeping on to you. It’s as good as getting drunk and wanting to let go. Of making you think of all the good. Of making you want to sing and snuggle. Of pakodas and garam chai.

I was waiting to get to college… My friends and I would ultimately end up bunking the first lecture and sitting in the canteen, enjoying the rain… whatever little there was of it. We’d have sat and talked about our dreams… Of how things weren’t that bad, after all. That there was hope, after all.. About that special someone we could have cuddled up with ;)

I was brought out of my fantasy when I felt your breath on my neck. So close. I had been through this before. And all I could think of was Oh God. Not again, please.

I felt you push into me from behind. I felt you try to get closer. And I felt the nausea build up.

The smell of cheap liquor and sweat surrounded me. Please, NO! I wanted to yell, at you.

I turned to look… and I saw you looking straight ahead, as if nothing was wrong. I wanted to slap you, I wanted to yell. But, nothing came out…

And then you tried to get even closer.

I pushed ahead, as far as I could. I tried to get away from your touch. From your presence. Nothing helped.

When you got off the bus… I felt myself relax a little. And then you turned and looked. I had to make and effort to steady myself. To not let myself be affected by the dirt in your eyes.

By the time I got off the bus, I felt dirty. The rain didn’t help. All I wanted to do was go home and have a bath. I was disgusted. And dirty.

----------------


Eve teasing is an offence. Please discourage it. Ignore the technicalities if you must, it's offensive and disgusting.

I don’t expect anyone to think of me as their sister or mother, but to really look at women as citizens who have every right to be out on the streets, without any explanation. Sometimes we just love to walk, stand around, hang around, without looking ‘avaliable.’

P.S: I wrote this some time last year, but I'm republishing it as a part of the Blank Noise Project s (a cause I support) Women's Day Celebrations. Feel free to comment, and do bisit their blog site. It's a cause worth supporting.

Wondering if he is the man for you or not? If you’re a man or a woman? If your in love or not? Are you questioning yourself? Want to understand yourself better?

Well, not anymore. Here's a list of questions that have been carefully framed the study the human psyche better.

Instructions: Get a paper and pencil. Switch off cell phones. No chewing gum. And no calculators allowed. There are no correct answers!!

1) A man can expect to reach out into the refrigerator for milk when…

a. The cat is hungry.
b. It’s starting to get sour? Just the way you like it.
c. The toast is too dry.
d. ESP.

2) Where do you read the newspaper?

a. In bed.
b. In the toilet. Like da.
c. On red signals while driving.
d. Breakfast table.

3) Which side of the bed do you take?

a. The one that faces Mecca.
b. The “other” side.
c. The one that speaks to me.
d. North east in the day time and south west at night.

4) What does the word relationship represent to you?

a. Hot and sexy dates. Every night. Till you stay for breakfast one day. And then you move on.
b. Love, respect and admiration for the other person. Something that is based on trust and faith. c. A symbiotic relationship. Full freedom. Mutual satisfaction.
d. Huh?

5) You’re in the park, sitting on the bench… having just finished your walk, when you see a kid fall down and start howling. What do you do?

a. Dote on him with love and kisses and affection until he forgets how to deal with injuries.
b. Pick him up and make him stand on his feet, and give him a whack for being such a sissy.
c. Find the kids parents and ask to represent them after suggesting they sue the park authorities.
d. Increase the volume of your i-pod.

6) What would you name your German shepherd?

a. Noodle.
b. King Kong.
c. Doggie-po.
d. Bananahammock.


7) Your fairy tale would take place in -

a. In the land I rule. There'd be no hunger and starvation and only good people. (you get the idea)
b. Paris!
c. Take the last left on the street I live on, go straight down till you reach the barbers shop, take the right opposite it and the immediate left. Go straight down till you reach a dead end. You see that dark corner? That's where my dog does his business every day.
d. An enchanted land.

8) What does the line “candle in the wind” mean to you?

a. Someone is trying to light a candle in the wind.
b. It represents a person s vulnerability. The wind represents the relationship the person is in.
c. There’s a candle in the wind.
d. I think the person was a genius. It refers to the science experiment which was started by Hargobind Khorana. The aim of this exercise was to find out if each person in the country would light a candle on the day of the World Cup, the chances of India winning are way higher than if they just sit in front of the television and watch. The follow up of this experiment is what we see today as the “Jup for the Cup.”

9) Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker.

a. *embarrassed look* Aww shucks.
b. Totally.
c. Shameful. I decline this question.
d. No comments.

10) Why does a toast always fall buttered side down?

a. It’s been proven. I have statistics. A group of scientists, buttered different kinds and sizes of toast and let them fall from various heights. Finding – it never lands on it’s edge.
b. Serves you right for buttering both sides.
c. Butter? All those calories? Have you looked at yourself lately!!
d. Fate. Life. Karma. Kismet.

11) Which place would you like to visit?

a. Donkey s fair.
b. Timbuktu.
c. El Colorado.
d. St. Kittis and Nevis.

12) What do you do after making love?

a. Bathe, like da.
b. Get on the phone!!
c. Snore.
d. Blow raspberry s on his/her tummy. Cuddle up and talk.

13) The “Last Supper” refers to:

a. Before Bhagat Singh was to be hung to death, he was given a feast. All the inmates of the jail, saved their food and drinks. This is what we call the last supper.

b. It’s that movie which stars Hugh Grant and that bitch of a woman. Hugh is just so adorable in it though! You must see it.

c. The dinner Joseph and Mary threw as a welcoming party in Bethlehem for the Three Wise Men without a caterer!!

d. Dinner?

14) What is your favorite color?

a. #CC1000
b. #FFF109
c. #C10C00
d. #F90C20

15) What do you do when you’ve been driving around for hours and get lost in a strange city?

a. Stop and ask for directions.
b. Take actual readings of your location with respect to longitude and latitude based on the stars. c. Keep insisting that your fine, and on the right track.
d. Enjoy the city you are in!!

16) “Down Stay” is most commonly used in reference to –

a. Something to do with football?
b. Dogs. It’s a command to keep dogs stationary for long periods of time.
c. Hitler stood in the balcony of the tallest tower in Germany and looked upon his people, and uttered these words for the first time. They later came to be included in the country s national anthem.
d. Francoise Martin was working in the laboratory one morning. In fact, this was the day he was to discover sapionism, and re write the history of mankind. The combination he had was bubbling furiously and threatened to flow out of the burette. Martin uttered these words with a huff and puff as a final measure. And it worked!!

17)When is it the best time to throw away your underwear?

a. Elastic gets loose.
b. Throw? But why!!
c. Every two weeks and ten days.
d. *slap*

18) How many friends do you have on Orkut?

a. 500
b. 104
c. One, ha.
d. None. Whatever.

19) You have two friends A and B. Suddenly, A likes B and after a while B likes A back. When A is upset, he calls you up and asks for advice, but your call keeps getting interrupted because your friend B is on the other line. So you have to alternate between them, trying to solve things. The situation really starts to get on your nerves after a point of time. What do you do?

a. Introduce friend A to friend C and friend B to friend D.
b. Change your phone number.
c. Put them on conference, without them knowing and ensaai.
d. Kill both of them.

20) Your sweetie is-

a. My better half.
b. My better half.
c. My ball and chain.
d. He's half.

Quickly, totally up all those A's, B's, C's and D's.

More A’s – Hmmm. Interesting. The Sahara really was not always a desert. Multiply the number of b's you have with 103, the two most significant numbers indicate your luckiest day of every month. The person in your life is very lucky for you. If you think you want the person to stay in your life forever, take a picture of the Last Supper and super impose it with a picture of the Three Wise Men. Now, host a dinner party, without caterer s and give each person who comes, this superimposed photo as a give away. Also, stick to unflavored condoms and do not buy yourself or your dearest a dog. Keep away from them!

More B’s- Aha. So you're the more-b's type, eh? Let's see... Every few days you might feel like your surrounded by negative vibes, bad air and all that- cut down your potato in take. Also, mow your neighbor s lawn twice a week, kiss their (or any) dog, three times a day for the next one month and get your head shaved in a random style. If the farts still don't stop, go to a doc damnit. To improve your love life, paint your toe nails neon green if your a girl, and if you're a guy do the same and otherwise also, do the same. You might not want to venture into anything that is flavored. In fact, glow in the darks are the best option!

More C's- Stay away from dogs. They hate you. They even have a community on Orkut, beware of them. If you don't really want to live with this for the rest of your life, put a pot on the fire and add the following-

Three strands of genital hair.
3.5/4 cup of Heinz Tomato Ketchup.
2.115/6 cup of your best wine.
A fist full of the apogaiali, picked by you at the foot of the Himalayas.
Your neighbor s underwear- One piece.

Stir till broth comes to a boil. Now take two spoons of this and drink it.

The dogs will love you! You don't seem to have a problem with your love life. Just don't forget, that the minute you start doing in this real world, dropping your clothes off the minute you see a girl is really a turn-on. However, she'll only do everything you say if you have more than 100,000 scraps and at least 554.3 friends on Orkut.

D's, like da- D's are good. Only they symbolise you have a tendency of putting on weight very easily. To avoid this eat a lettuce leaf and the peel of an apple for lunch, three days a week. Streak your hair with the colors of the rainbow and don't wash them for at least a month at a stretch. This will help make your personality more colorful. If you're a guy, start wearing suspenders, they help in the control your lacking on yourself. If you're a female, yoga and meditation are good options. And to ensure that you find the love of your life, don't participate in any type of sexual activity on Mondays and Fridays between 9:01 PM to 10:53 PM. If you can do it and get yourself into a herbal bath by 10:57 PM, your increasing your chances by more than 50%.

Glad to be of help,

All my love.

The sun was setting. Finally. Soon it would be dark all around. Safe. Familiar. The only time in the day the noises seemed to almost cease, were at this time. For the barest of minutes. But they did. When the sky was changing colors from glaringly bright to something that enveloped you gladly. Something that settled around you, surrounded you. So much so that, it almost contained you. And you it.

She could hear the breeze. The birds going back to their nests. The traffic. She could hear all of it. But they’d be back again. The peace lasted for only a while. The voices would be back to torment soon.

Really? What makes you think your good? You think they really like you? Hahahahaha, your so naïve.

Think. The horn honking below on the street. The ice cream vendors bell. The aeroplane flying above. What else, what else? Think of something quick. Keep them away. Think of something good, anything…

Have you looked at yourself? I never liked you for your looks. No chance.

Something. Please, oh please. Not already. Anything. Anythi…

What bullshit. Remember that thing you were going to start this summer? That social service thing? What happened to that? I was supposed to help you, na?

It was back. His voice. She’d done the best she could by him. Everything she could. But the words he’d said were back. He'd said sorry later on. She’d listened. Just shut up and listened. From begining to end. To every word. Or so it seemed. They seemed to be etched to memory. The scorn, the anger… etched to the heart.

You know what she is? She is perfect. She’s beautiful, she respects me and she is the best. The only reason I’m talking to you, is because she wants me to.

No no no. Make them stop. Please… Not already. Think. Think harder. Sheep. Stars. Something. Coffee. Mom. Dad.… There were tears sliding down her cheeks by now.

You think your popular? That that guy really liked you? Are you nuts?

It was over. The silence. The peace. There was no point fighting. Nothing would come of pleading. There wasn’t anyone to listen her, was there?

You’re a terrible person. You’re a loser. I felt sorry for you. That’s why I stayed.

She looked up, as if expecting an answer… There were stars sprinkled across the sky now… a sight that would make even the most defeated person feel a slight tinge of what she’d always thought could only be called magic.

It only lasted for a moment. It was an illusion. ‘Didn’t even last long enough to lull a person into false security. Something was trying to squeezing her insides… the pain was unbearable.

She felt a shiver pass through her. It made her shake even harder.

God save people from best friend s like you.

She let it.