I hate being at the receiving end of silence. I think a million times before reaching out to people, and that makes the responding silence even worse. I hate going over the various things that I could have done wrong, that I could have said wrong. I hate wondering if maybe I've given away too much about myself; if maybe I've expected too much.
I hate not being able to feel. I hate wanting to feel. I didn't want to want to feel. But you made me want. Now that I do, there's nothing palpable left.
There's this yawning emptiness that's pulling at my insides, and threatening to swallow me. It's not my fault, and I don't want to believe that it is. This constant sadness is not what I signed up for, and I don't want it. I don't want to feel lonely and disconnected. I don't want to be on the periphery, I want to be the center. I'll be myself by myself, no issues.
Today, I'm giving in. I'm giving up.
You think too much.
Watch some TV.
P.S.
Long time no see. Used to call you my guru ages back. I hope you're doing alright. Don't let the man get you down. Oppression's something we fight everyday against, just like bad breath and sweaty armpits.
Don't give up.
Believe me you don't want to go down that road.
@Aa : Thinking is all I do, some days :) Yes, guru, imagine THAT!
@Nav : Doesn't make a difference whether I do or I don't. He did. Give up, that is.
dont ever give up :P