Damn. I've tried so hard to put all this into words, but it's just not happening. And it's killing me, not to.

It's there -you know, all the feelings all the emotions, I know what they are, but they just refuse to get translated into anything but the abstract.

There you go! Now you know, I really suck at writing. It was all a farce. Laugh. You win.

Ugh.

What is it with people and christmas. And even those people who have nothing whatsoever to do with the holiday?!?! Everyone goes into hyper mode, starts over analyzing, and looking at their lives with a magnifying glass. And what do you find?

You're *** many years old, alone, bills are lying about waiting to be paid and your best friend ran off with your boy friend. If not true to the hilt, close enough.

Christmas gets out of the way, and it's Valentine s day and it starts all over again... And before you know it, it's christmas again!

So, I'm not at my best, this season. *Flips hair off face in defiant gesture* So, what? No reason why I can't be a grumpy grizzly bear, is there? After all, you don't give me a reason every time you get into that state.

*Takes a calming breath*

It isn't the fact that I'm *** many years old, alone and have bills lying about waiting to be paid and my best friend ran off with my boy friend, that's making me want to stranggle someone. It's the nonsensical frenzy that people drive them selves into, come this time of the year. These times, if you may. People get all depressed and cranky and do some real crazy stuff, just 'cuz they're *** many years old, alone, have bills to pay and their best friend ran off with their boy friend. Just because. Pah.

For those of you are lucky and unlucky enough to be single or coupled(?), whichever way you want to take it, and those of you who always thought this was absolutely crazy here's me taking a bite of the humble pie, and for those of you who like me are just coming to see the light - here's some pointers and laughs, respectively.

1) You might want to not book a candlelight dinner at the hotel that's offering, as it's entertainment for the night - women bartenderes and waitresses. [as opposed to men waitresses, but of course.]

2) There's charm in red roses, chocolates and teddy bears allright - there's irratation and anger and a definite temper tantrum, in red roses, chocolates and teddy bears that your secretary ordered and you came home and worked yourself into a frenzy over until you could read the name on the cards straight and found it to sound familiar.

3) If you have a problem and want help - call the cupid helpline/ hotline - Radisson s contribution to this day and what it brings with it. And I hung on to the hope that at least the five star s won't drop their standards.

4) Taj has decided to call it's special night - the hickey night. Innovative? Impressive? Just lovvrey.

Boy/Girl: I'm taking you somewhere special tonight, sweetheart?

*bats eyelashes*

Girl/Boy: Really? Where?

Boy/Girl: Where going to The veranddah. It's going to be hickey night.

*Slap resounds*

Or maybe it's just me and my cynicism talking. You two love birds carry on.

5) Don't wear red, white, black, blue, violet, green, orange, pink or yellow colored clothes while going to college on the -day. Unless, of course, your in love and want the world to know about it. Personally, I take out my gunny bags this time of the year - even some real fadded stuff will do - no one can figure what color it is then!! *blub lights* - use Rin Advanced on some stuff you own - and then everyone will exclaim yeh naya raang kaunsa hai? Won't be troubled by what message your sending out, and... AND you get publicity!!

6) Before gifting someone with one of those things you bought at the " Buy this for your valentine, and get this1 free!! ", take off the sticker that says " But this for your valentine, and get this1 free!! " - most especially if it offers you a ticket for one to the Bahamas or a night of unlimited access to beer and the ladies of a club or a free 1 year subscription of the Playboy.

7) While on what to gift and what not to - A VLCC membership is not a good idea, no matter what your best friend told you. Also, you might want to keep this best friend away from your girl friend.

Oh get over yourselves. Stop being such big snobs. It really isn't about any of the stuff the other grumpy grizzly single people say - it's really about whats in your heart. If you do this every other day anyway, too good !! Here's another one. If you don't do this every other day, too good!! Here's your chance - bonus? Is that you have to do it only once!!

Now shhooo... Go buy someone a huge bunch of roses or candy - probiotic ice cream may be a good option too... okie okie, me will stop with the making fun. Heres hoping -

- Each of you is well loved, not only on this day, but through the year.

- Each of you finds it in yourself to thank and appreciate the people/person you love most, and make the day special enough so that it lasts till next year.

- Make plans with care. *wink*

- And most importantly, be safe!!

Not all of us are members of the Abstinence CLub in college. In fact, very few of us had the good fortune to even go to a college like the Chellamal College that HAS such a club.

Sigh. *suppresses evil grin*

Happy valentine's day!!

All my love,
SG.

Ho jao shuru what, I wanted to ask Mani sir. Throwing tomatoes? Rotten eggs? After all the 'I lovvvre it' s and the 'I lovvvre it' s from the people around me, I figured it'd be a good movie. And it HAS been getting full houses, for all of the, what? Three weeks it's been running?

Somehow the movie just didn't touch me. I mean the theme was perfect - poor kid rises up and makes his dreams come true - I thought I was going in for a gut wrenching tale of how to face hardships. I never did have a choice, as you might point out.

When I sit to think of it now, I can't figure what the movie really was about. Was it about the worst spun cloth ever? There's a lot of threads that just dangle loosely - people who just disappear into thin air during the course of the movie. The brother, the police, the righteous minister and the hammer to call a court to silence.

Weaving aside, the wife just features in all the lovey dovey scenes. Neither does she know what's really going on, nor does she do anything when she does - So, it's not a women s lib film, that's for sure.

Coming to think of it - the whole movie, I think would have to be, just, aah whatstat word? Ok? In today s world, an OK just isn't good enough. And that isn't good enough with a team like this.

I'll have to admit, however grudgingly, that it does please a person with it's wry sense of humor - the way he waits for the last minute to throw the gauntlet, would satisfy any person who appreciates sarcasm. The music, me thinks it just about the only thing that lived up to it's name.

Most memorable scene - The speech in the last scene, in front of the enquiry commission, would have to go down in history, as, not one of the worst speeches every written, but as THE worst written speech ever. By the end of which, you gather that the man has confused compliance with servility and corruption with convenience.

The man isn't even remorseful about having taken to dishonest means - hoax companies, hoax imports, production that is twice of what he has license for - none of it. Apparently, the end justifies the means.

On the other hand, even though a rang de basanti it wasn't, it did highlight the fact that the only way this country is going to get anywhere in a hurry, is by becoming street savvy. There's a lot that needs to be done out there, and the only thing that's stopping us, is what constitutes the government of the country.

Personally, I agree. I think the emergency was the one time India showed maximum growth. All this unity we boast about, comes out only when there's a match coming up or an outsider lifts a finger against one of our own. Admirable that it is, it's high time scruples became the mainstay of our lives.

Else, all we'll have in our hands will be range de created rebels and guru created businessmen. Coming to think of it, it doesn't sound too bad. Rebels and street savvy business men, to the rescue of the middle and lower classes. Except maybe I'd rather every second person in my line of vision not be wearing his underwear over his pants.

I've thought of a million ways of starting a post, over the last couple of days. I've tried funny, i've tried ha-ha funny, ha-funny, boo - scary, bah -scary?, crazy, all of that!! You name it... but nothing seemed to click. Until this.

No clue what this post would come under, but whatever it is, thank the sweet lord for it. I've always wanted to play agony aunt. And here's my first formal chance!!

Q. I found white hair in my bathroom sink this morning. I don't think they are mine, so they've got to be my husband s. What should I do?!!

Well, take them out of the sink for one, or you'll have one clogged drain. You may also take them out, after a while - in case you wanted to play with them, and swirl them around. To make things more interesting, comb your hair for a few strands of black hair and throw them in the sink too. Now you can swirl around black and white hair. But don't forget - take them out, after your done. There'll be more hair my friend, don't worry.

Q. What do you think I should wear to welcome my husband home? He's coming back after ten days. And we're kinda newly weds.

Nothing?

Q. I think my husband is seeing someone else. He comes home with a smile on his face, flowers or just a plain hug most of the time these days and we almost always make love more than twice each night. What should I do?

Get over yourself woman! If he comes home nasty, read to fight, and sleep in the guest room he doesn't love you. Other wise he's seeing someone else? Enjoy it while it lasts.

And if you really want to check, even though you'll hate yourself for it later, try checking his mail or his phone. Sigh, women!


Q. I've been lusting after my teacher for the last two months. I can't sit through her lectures without getting a hard -on, just looking at her. In my defence, she wears pretty bold stuff, and she is young! The thing is, I've made excuses to meet her after hours, in her room - notes, punishment, the likes. And she's kinda come onto me too. Actually, she HAS come on to me. I know it. Do you think if I should go for it?

Let's see... Go for it on her table? Your grading will probably be based on something else. You don't sound like an amateur, so, if you think your little major can take on the enemy...

Q. I... er.. lyk.. have .. ummm.. this, ya know, lyke... ummm problem, lyk ya know? Erm... lyk.. What ummm lyke should I lyk do?

Now here's a tough one. Try using, english words more often. For assistance, try the dictionary. Or even the newspaper. Try using each word you find, and you should be on your way!

Q. I love my boy friend. I really do. We're perfect for each other. It's just that... he broke my nail the other day!!! I mean, really really broke it. Now I have proper grown nails on nine fingers. Oh god what should I do? Help!!

Get out! He did that?!! This guy has got to go. I mean, he broke your nail! Can't take stuff like that sitting down. Stiffen up that upper lip! If you just keep quite, he'll break a toe nail next. Then what'll you do?

Q. I've sending this female so many more friend requests. I want to make friendship with her. She is keeps me up at night. She talks dirty talk and I love it. But she refuses to adding me. What should I do?

Aah. Orkut. For all you know, she's a big hairy guy. Get out of the virtual world, and find someone who actually exists.

Q. I saw this old man on a bike the other day. He was wearing a lungi. And nothing, really nothing underneath. And.. umm.. I don't think I like what I saw. Does this mean, I'm a lesbian?

Awww sweetheart! That's a terrible thing to happen. Always makes you feel sick. No I don't think that means your a lesbian, I think the man was just old. And old. Don't condemn the whole breed!!


Q. This guy in college, is soooo cute! But he doesn't know I exist! I've tried everything from parading past him to laughing real loud when he's around. But in vain. What should I do?

Maybe THAT'S why he's glad not knowing you. Jezus, where's your attitude, woman? Get on the high horse, ignore him, and definately do NOT parade around or do that shrill laugh. And he'll come and talk to you. Guys can't take being ignored.

Q. I just lost my job. I never really liked it, and I'm glad I can finally look into and decide what I really want to do. Then why am I feeling restless? Not happy?

Don't worry about it. You'll be fine once you find something to do with your time. I understand though... it can't be fun stealing pens from your own house, can it?

Q. I feel guilty about having gotten together with my boy friend after listening to a friend of mine, who gave me 10 ways to get a guy. What should I do?

Oh stop with the mind games, will ya? How about just telling the guy about it, and seeing how he reacts? You can go on from there. Take a deep breath, and charge, horns first.

Q. I think my girl friend's faking it. She makes all the right noises and stuff... but, it's just something she said the other day, that made me think. How do I find out?

There's no way you can. *evil grin*


Yours forever sthupitly.
If you have any questions or need advice, write in to sthupit girl!!

Thanks to the silence around me, I can hear the voices in my head again! Yay! It's great to have them back. Only, that sometimes it isn't.

I've always admonished people, for doing things out of only duty. Even my parents, at times. I hate, really really hate - even more than brinjals, if you may - when people say they're doing things 'cuz it's their duty. Parents go to office everyday to keep food on the table, not for satisfaction. Sometimes they even love, only because it's their duty to, not because they do love you.

It's really one of my greatest fears. And is, I think the biggest force that holds me back. Duty. Doing things out of a sense of duty. Point is, these voices in my head have finally cleaned my ears of all the wax and cobwebs that there were and MADE me face the fact that the very thing in life that I'd decided was needed to make life worthwhile was, in fact, what I was keeping away from.

I am not quite doing anything out of duty, presently. But then, I'm also not quite doing anything, at all. And that's the sad part. For all the times I've barked, literally, at people and made them gather their wits about them and get on with life, I really am just not doing anything. Not now, at least.

Holding me back was also coming so close in contact with death. Death, up until now had been something that happened to people you didn't know. What happens after it? One option, like some wise person said would be you stealing my identity, robbing me off all my money and running a drug ring from my house. Another one would have to be - nothing. You just turn into dust. Yet another would be- just existing. I could go on - point is : It all happens in a matter of seconds. All of the stuff you've done, lived for, feel for - all gone. Just like that. And then, what?

It's an abstract state of mind. I don't know how to explain it without sounding crazier than I am.

Blah.

But then I think to myself, we'll deal with it when it comes. Why worry about something you have no idea about? And can't have an idea about? Sure, it's scary. But on some level, even that's good. Helps keep your feet on the ground.

What it is that I think really determines if your living or just existing?
It's the simple zing you feel zip through you. If doing something, being with someone doesn't give you that zing, then you really aren't doing what you want to. Your doing that duty thing again. And hence, wasting life.

The voices in my head are also telling me that if a person comments on this post at least twice he/she will get a call from the person they've been secretly crushing on. And that it's time for me to go feed ourselves with chocolate ice cream.

Nuff said.

Yours forever sthupitly.

Fiene. Sentences put together, to convey something. They don't have to rhyme!! I love reading them, and can absolutely not write any. Totally suck at it. Ergo-

Bunny rabbit PJs
Chocolate chip ice cream
Fresh out of tissue paper.

One minute your here
The next you aren't
Just like that?


Slinky black dress
Stiletto s on my feet
Swaying to the music
You hold me from behind
Oh sweet heaven.


Crime and injustice
Miles away
Tear slips out anyway.


Twinkling stars fill my vision
The black night surrounds me
It's going to be mornin soon.


Theatre
Throwing popcorn on couples
Definately a blockbuster.


Conversations
Confessions
Alot is happening over coffee.


Everything in technicolor
Senses heightened
It's got to be lust.



*takes a bow*
*gracefully avoids tomatoe shelling*

Ha.

Previously - Hugh was many a times granted a scholarship or such like things, 'cuz the head prof (a he) or the lady-in-charge (a she) were in love with him.

Q : So what did you do as a member of these clubs ( at Cambridge ) ?
Hugh Grant : Oh we drank.

Q : You mean, it was drinking club? You guys just drank?
Grant : No no... well, we drank. And we... ummm.. there was drinking, and there was fornicating. Yes, that's what we did.

*silence*
*applause*

*more applause*

Q : Were women allowed in these sessions?

-------

Talking about a well rehearsed speech...

I am glad to be here tonight, representing this amazing brand. I am honoured to have been chosen as a brand ambassador for this lovely brand name. They are such lovely people, and it's a pleasure to be representing them. They aren't only lovely people, they're also amazing business men. It's an honour to be here tonight representing these lovely people and amazing business men. What's more, they are known for their quality. It's an absolute pleasure to be here tonight, standing as a presentative for these lovely people, amazing business men and quality perfectionists.... You get the point, right? You DO get the point, don't you?? *pained expression*

-------

Professors and the art of articulation -

*blah blah blah* Yes, that's what we are looking for - satisfiction. You are the very very bad developer if you can't gives your customer satisfiction. Satisfiction is very very more importance. It is in every field of lives. I satisfy my wife. And in the same way developer should gives the satisfiction to the customer. *absolutely no idea what came after this*

P.S. Yeah, that's how he spelt it. This is one of the few words, I don't have to worry about about spelling incorrectly.

-------

Something s just leave you speechless. English is that kind of a language. You oft come across stuff, that makes you stop. Pause. And think.

- Another word for thesaurus, please?

- The flattening of underwear with pleasure, is the job of the chambersmaid.

- Ad for donkey rides : Wouldn't you like to ride your own ass?

- A laundry advertises : Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a great time.

After giving such things some thought, go ahead with your life. With a sense of having been given something priceless (I almost said worthless, for a second there ; )).

The biggest smile.

Great day and all that!

Aah yes, debates on how to take India to whole new level. How to bring it to the fore front. How to increase the gdp, cash flow, blah blah blah. Why whatever is happening is happening. How to correct it. Nation wide debates, mind you. All the big people.

There seems to be so much... evil? around these days. You flip to a news channel, and if it's not the advertisements that are hitting you in the face, it's some serial killer or rapist or some other sick doug. Otherwise they're doing these special reports on how doctors cheat, ration shops charging thrice the amount they should, the unemployed, the cheated - jezus! If you know where things are going wrong, why isn't someone doing anything to correct it!!??

What use are these debates and shows, really, if the people like the PM and the president are too busy to watch them and try and implement the ideas put forward. 'Cuz most often than not, we the people, have it all figured out. So, where does the distance narrow?

You know what's funny? No you don't know what's funny, which is why I'm going to tell you whats funny. Only, it's not the ha-ha type funny, it's more the ha! type funny. All these big people, multinational CEO's, general secretaries and some more multinational CEO's come together and talk with such passion about what they're doing. How they're helping the nation, in more ways than one. They're so smart - they stand straight or they sit upright and they talk so well. They talk with such passion. It's like a dream come true watching them - they like what they're doing. And they're doing what they are doing, the right way. And they really are, believe you me. Fun part is, that they all hold non governmental posts.

The 500 MLA s or so who run this country - wear white lungi s, bathe in their underwear in the Ganga on national television, spit pan on the roads even in front of the cameras, talk only when they bullshit the opposition, and take turns to appear in the national dailies for some sort of a scandal EVERY DAY.

I'm not saying that you need to be wearing a 5000 bucks suit or use grammatically correct english to be able to run the country well or do some good, but seriously - the people doing all this, seem to be doing more than all these "countrymen" all put together are.

The saying used to be If not you, then someone else! I've reached a point where, pompous as it might seem, it's If not me, then who the fuck else?!

Blah.

It's THAT time of the year again. To get all misty eyed when you hear the strains of aye mere wattan ke logon. To feel goosebumps on your arms when you see the parade. To feel your chest broaden with pride, the involuntary squaring of your shoulders and the sudden realization of the presence of a back bone. A vertebral column. To feel the butterflies in your stomach take flight, as you see a ray of hope. A silver lining.

And to reinforce the feeling, to capture it, you attempt to exercise those rusty vocal chords. Not letting the intial croak stop you, owing to the new found sense of belief and hope, with full fervor you join in, giving ...pura hai vishwaas, hum honge kamiyaab ek din... an absolutely new dimension.

To the start of another era of this republic, I ask you all to join me and raise your glasses.

Orange juice but of course.